Sunday morning thoughts....

 My right leg bone woke me up about my usual 'get up time.  I still didn't want to get up, but I was definitely awake.  For some reason, I'm thinking of my older sister, Jackie, this morning, and the rheumatoid arthritis she had through out her body and how she would complain about the pain in her legs especially.... I still say it was the bug bites/scorpion bites, or whatever it was that had a meal on the inside of my left a few years back.  I never had any pain in hip nor legs until I got bit.  The dermatologist wouldn't listen to me, the urgent care doctor wouldn't listen to me, and I couldn't get in to see the PCP I had a that time.  So... here I am, occasionally being awakened by severe hip and leg bone pains infrequently.  I will discuss with Dr. Mark when I have my physical in September or October; whenever it gets scheduled. I will insist he send me to a specialist - either testing for RA or ... well, we will wait it out and see.  It's never any fun to be awakened in sharp and severe pain.  My legs are still 'on fire', but not painful, if you know what I mean.  I'm debating on if I want to dress up to go to church this morning, or watch on TV at 10:30a.  Yeah, it's that distracting at this moment, anyway.

Yesterday was a very quiet day for us.  We didn't leave the house.  I made eggs ole for breakfast (without cottage cheese cause we were out again.  Still real good.)  Since it was about 10-10:30a then, we moved right on past lunch.  About 4p I fried (yes, I used my electric skillet) up some pork chops, steamed some red potatoes, opened a can of green beans and heated them up with onions, and sliced a tomato.  That was dinner.  Wasn't fancy, but still good.  Left over eggs ole today, I'm thinking.  At least for breakfast.  

Anyway, off the topic of food and back to the day yesterday..... TV stayed off until about 4p (hallelujah!).  It was quiet.  We read some; I took a short nap.  I worked on some diamond art coasters I had gotten a couple years ago for Christmas. One down, three to go.  Hubby turned on the TV and started watching the 250 celebration and the news... when I was finished with the diamond art, he offered to find a movie. I said no, that was fine (I wasn't watching it anyway).  So he asked if he could switch to the Diamondbacks game; again, I wasn't watching so I didn't care.  He watched the game; I scrolled facebook (I know better; I lose all track of time!!) and then when the game was over, I read some in my Bible before we headed off to bed.  That was our exciting July 4th!  A granddaughter was sending me photos of their little ones, so that made my day complete.

Today is church, if we end up going.  Nothing is planned but hubby will probably have the TV on for something... and of course around 4p NCIS starts their reruns on ION.  I heard Gibbs is coming back for Season 24.  He certainly made the show.  Sad that Director Vance got killed... heard that McGee made Director.  I don't know... don't really follow it, but love the show.  It does keep my interest.  I really need to do some visiting... but sometimes I just don't wanna, ya know?

I do want to do a quick trip to Michael's (since Hobby Lobby isn't open on Sundays) as I need to pick up an embroidery hoop.  I found some Christmas material that I used to make my Christmas quilts out of... kind of makes me want to take a break from crochet and get back to my sewing.  I do have one crib size already put together and ready to stitch... I gave away my hoops as I wasn't using them and didn't know that I would.  I need to check one more place; if I don't have, that is something I need. :-)  Of course I need it.  Right?  But, it still isn't a requirement.... or a real necessity.  I think I have two-three rows yet to do on this one baby blanket I'm working on.  Crochet, that is.  Maybe I will finish it today. But then what?  I have to keep busy!  

My devotionals both spoke to me today.  Sometimes it is other people's thoughts that break through my thinking and cause me to look at things differently.  Well, more differently than I was, I guess.  Isn't my way the best?  I guess it isn't always.  I'm not as smart as I think I am, I'm reckoning.

One devotional was talking about envy.  Now, I don't think I envy anyone.  But I am sure that I compare myself, or what we have, to others at times. You know you do it too.  I don't think I struggle in this area, but I know I get wistful when I go to someone's house and it is decorated so nicely and has minimal 'stuff' all around... and I begin to wish I could get rid of things.... you know I do that - I share so many times I need to 'declutter'!  The author began to say to herself that "I am not equipped to handle what they have, both good and bad."  Sometimes we don't know how good we have it, right?  This author was saying she was envious of another girl's legs.  This was at a Children's Theater in her hometown and both were budding child actors cast in a Christmas play..  The author is 'chunky'; the other girl had long, lean legs and could do all the moves easily.  She was so envious of those legs.  She kept comparing herself to this girl.  Then one day, this girl had left leg pain that turned into a doctor's appointment, that turned into a battery of tests that turned into a hospital stay that turned into a cancer diagnosis that turned into surgery to remove a tumor that turned into amputation, that turned into a complete life change.   In a moment's time, a life was turned around completely.  "I am not equipped to handle what they have, both good and bad." 

The other book I'm reading shared about their love for food, and wanting to break that addiction to food. Now you know how much I love food.  I love making food. I love eating food. I.Love.Food.  Is it an addiction?  Maybe. Maybe not.  Am I addicted to chocolate?  I LIKE chocolate, but as much as I act like it could be an addiction, I think I could say no, it isn't.  Now cookies.  That is a hard one.  Hubby was hungry after dinner still so got a peach of out of the refrigerator.  So what did I do?  I knew there were a few Trefoils left in the freezer.  The very last of the girl scout cookies.  And I got them and I ate all five of them!  Yes!  I did.  And I enjoyed every bite. There were five bites, cause they are small enough I can fit the entire cookie in my mouth at one time and devour them.  I think it is the carbs that draw me to cookies.  Sigh.  But you see what I mean?  Actually, it is any kind of food, not even only junk food.  Except lettuce.  I won't go to the refrigerator and get a piece of lettuce to munch on. Although that would be much better for me, would it not?  Cookies... or lettuce.  Which would you choose?  Sigh. I think my addiction IS food.  I love to cook it, and I love to eat it.  Even when I determine I won't eat certain foods, and even when I think I can do without food for a certain time... without even thinking about it, I can devour something. Whether in the kitchen alone, or sneaking it into the bathroom so that I can enjoy it without sharing it or being watched.   Am I really so bad?

So how do we break these addictions?  Or let me rephrase.... what was suggested to break any addiction?  Memorize scriptures that pertain to what your addiction is.  For me it is food. And I should have memorized these years ago... but although I knew the scriptures, I did not. And I probably won't now, because I am in denial that I have a food addiction.  I just love food.  Is that so bad?  What triggers do I have that cause me to do things I shouldn't do? That I know better than do? That I 'just do it' without even thinking about it?

"Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."

"You say, "I am allowed to do anything" - but not everything is good for you. And even though "I am allowed to do anything, I must not become a slave to anything."

"They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth. But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for Him to return as our Savior."

I need to change my mindset to 'I can't, but God can, so I give this area of my life to His will.'

So is there something you need to let go of?  We always hear the 'Let go and Let God' saying.  It's easy for some people, but for others it isn't that easy.  I think in changing my mindset to 'I can't, but God can, so I give this area of my life to His will' is a better thought, don't you?

Oh great. Just noticed I chipped my thumbnail. Now how did I do that?  I've been sitting here in my chair for the past three hours - and it wasn't chipped before I started typing!  See how distracting things come to me?  I don't have to even look for them, they just pop up in front of me!

So with that - I'm going to wish you a blessed Sunday, have a wonderful, amazing day in the Lord. Pray blessings over others, you don't know what they are going through. Be grateful for what God has given you, both good and bad, for He has equipped you for such a task.  He will strengthen you; He will encourage you; He will walk with you through that journey. Trust Him.

Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine!  That song just popped into my mind....

1. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
   Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
   Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
   Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
   • Refrain:
     This is my story, this is my song,
     Praising my Savior all the day long;
     This is my story, this is my song,
     Praising my Savior all the day long.
2. Perfect submission, perfect delight,
   Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
   Angels, descending, bring from above
   Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
3. Perfect submission, all is at rest,
   I in my Savior am happy and blest,
   Watching and waiting, looking above,
   Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

May you find your day full of His blessed assurance....

Blessings!

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It was a time to be me....

 I did enjoy so much my time out for breakfast yesterday.  My oldest son got me laughing and I listened to what he had to say.  It was a much needed, good time with him.  I love these times when I'm out 1:1 with my children and get to be a part of their life.  No, I'm not calling out anyone; I am just saying some day we will look back on these times and remember.... 

Yesterday was a good day, albeit lazy somewhat.  After breakfast I did get home in time to put the deviled eggs together and take to the HOA potluck.  There were perhaps 15 or more that showed up.  I knew very few of them, which is ok. I probably won't see them until the NEXT potluck, whenever that may be.  Lots of good food, and I ate too much.  We didn't eat dinner last night but blew the diets by snacking on nuts and I don't remember what else I ate.  Oh yeah.  Girl Scout cookies.  Three of them, at least.  My scales showed me up 2 pounds this morning.  Weight is a horrible thing.  I need to get a walk or two in today.  I hope. Even if it is just walking on the treadmill.  Well, that is what I have it for, right?

After the potluck we didn't do much; took a nap.  I don't know if I actually slept or not, but I'm sure it wasn't deep.  Ms. Diane called and thanked me for the 'delicious' meal I brought over to her the other night when I visited.  She is a hoot.  Found out during the HOA gathering that Ms. Vicky had spent 4 days in the hospital last week with gallbladder surgery.  Yes, I did text her that I couldn't believe she didn't let me know.  She responded but I didn't after that.  We watched a couple movies on tv before heading to bed.  I wasn't really tired nor sleepy, which is probably why I don't feel I slept well.  I was wide awake at 11:30PM.  I tossed and turned the rest of the night.  

Had a really odd dream.  Not sure why. Not sure what it could possibly mean.  I can't even say it was a 'bad' dream.  But I was searching for my first husband and found him in a factory or a shop working. It was so strange, this dream.  I went to him and told him I was sorry how things ended up, and that I had not put him down or said anything bad about him to the kids..... he gathered me into his arms and just held me.  I can't explain what I felt. People walked by us as we were outside. Then I 'woke up' again and once again started the tossing and turning, and finally getting up about 5:45AM - so obviously slept some during that time.  

I have been reading my Bible before going to bed at night and forgot last night as we had watched two movies. Both romantic ones, of course, from Up Faith and Family, and I forgot to read my Bible as it was about 9:30PM.  I know, that is way early for some of you.  I should have read my Bible for I probably could have had a good night's sleep.  But then, would I have had that dream if I had?  It was a good dream.

I feel like crying this morning and am not sure why.  I want to hide all day.  Can I bury myself in a cocoon and not come out until I'm ready? 

I need to call the bride this afternoon and review her desires for the wedding.  I have the words I will say typed out and the service is ready to go. I just need to find out if they are going to write their own vows or just have the usual 'will you take...' vows.  The call shouldn't take long.

I also need to work on our taxes today.  My part of it anyway.  I have barely started on it, and it will take me a couple hours to pull it all together and give to hubby.  I'm not confident in what he does with the numbers, that we give to the CPA, but I just let it go.  Control is a horrible, horrible, thing and sometimes it is easier to give in to the demands and let it go.  It's stupid really.  For example, the checkbook.  If he let me have the checkbook back, I would have paid off his car a year ago.  I know how to pay the bills - he does the minimum and stretches it out.  I prefer to pay them off.  That's how I got my car paid off so quickly.

Which reminds me. Our neighbor told me yesterday that they were looking at getting a new car.  They just bought a new one a couple months ago.  He wants to get a Tesla.  She's afraid to with people scratching them and destroying them.  She wants to get another Lincoln.  She doesn't like their new car and told me two things she didn't like.  1) It doesn't have a place to put her sunglasses on the inside 'roof'.  (I have one in my car. :-))  2) If you push the button to take the window down part way, you can just barely touch the button.  But to take it up, you have to hold the button.  Now these are real reasons to get a new car, right?  I guess people who have money and it's no object have quirky issues.  LOL  Only thing that surprised me was that she made a comment about car payments.  None of my business though.  I prefer NO car payments, which is why I'm in no hurry to get rid of my car.  Just turned 50k on it a week ago.

James 1:12 (NKJV):  Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

Sometimes temptations are hard to resist.  You know that is a true statement.  Especially when we want to say something to someone and our conscience is just telling us to 'let it go' and not speak it, before we know it, we have found a way to blurt out what our thought was.  Right or wrong.  Is that a correct statement?  Sometimes it is hard to squash the comment that brews in your mind like a pot of coffee, just waiting for the opportunity to pop out.

Or something that you want to do, yet you know you shouldn't, and even yet, talk yourself into doing it 'just one more time'... not accepting the argument going on within your mind telling you not to do it, that you are stronger than that. You don't need a crutch. You can get by without doing whatever it is.  And if you do wait, you will find that you can overcome that desire.

I have that issue with food I shouldn't eat.  Just one cookie, I will tell myself.  Two cookies may be 27g of carbs - but if I only eat one... it's only 14g at most, right?  Doesn't matter that I'm trying to keep myself at 30g of carbs a day - thereabout - and it would be about half of what I am allowing myself.  So what do I do?  Like I did last night... I not only ate one, or two, but I really think I managed to get 3 down before I made myself walk away. And that doesn't count for the nuts I ate.  I think 1 ounce is 7g - which isn't bad at all.  I just don't think three handfuls of nuts is going to stay at 7g, although it may be 7g each time I grabbed a handful. And I wonder why I gained two pounds?  Could it have been the potato chips and pistachio pudding as well?  Sigh.  

Can we resist temptation?  Yes.  No one is immune from temptation.  But yes, each of us has something inside of us that says 'don't do it'.  Doesn't matter what it is.  If we give in to the temptation, it is a choice we make to do so.  And each time that we give in, the next time the temptation arises, it is much easier to get past our conscience.  Unfortunately, sometimes not only our bodies bear the results, as does our mind, but our families deal with the fallout of our temptations as well.   

My past was full of temptations that I caved in to with my stupidity of not having maturity to deal with situations.  I failed in many ways to teach my children not to fall into the same temptations I did.  Sometimes those temptations bury us so deep that we have to fight to get out.  The temptation becomes addiction.  And addictions destroy families.  

I'm lost in memories - and 'what if' possibilities in my mind this morning, because of my dream.  I don't know why things happen the way they do..... but if they hadn't, would it have made a difference?   My heart says ......   

Need to get off here ... maybe I'll go down memory lane for a bit before coming out of my room.  Once I'm out, the day becomes busy.  Can I just stay in here?  

Hope you remember good times and precious memories of when you felt good about yourself, was happy, felt loved, and most of all, felt free.  Be safe out there.

Blessings!