It was a time to be me....

 I did enjoy so much my time out for breakfast yesterday.  My oldest son got me laughing and I listened to what he had to say.  It was a much needed, good time with him.  I love these times when I'm out 1:1 with my children and get to be a part of their life.  No, I'm not calling out anyone; I am just saying some day we will look back on these times and remember.... 

Yesterday was a good day, albeit lazy somewhat.  After breakfast I did get home in time to put the deviled eggs together and take to the HOA potluck.  There were perhaps 15 or more that showed up.  I knew very few of them, which is ok. I probably won't see them until the NEXT potluck, whenever that may be.  Lots of good food, and I ate too much.  We didn't eat dinner last night but blew the diets by snacking on nuts and I don't remember what else I ate.  Oh yeah.  Girl Scout cookies.  Three of them, at least.  My scales showed me up 2 pounds this morning.  Weight is a horrible thing.  I need to get a walk or two in today.  I hope. Even if it is just walking on the treadmill.  Well, that is what I have it for, right?

After the potluck we didn't do much; took a nap.  I don't know if I actually slept or not, but I'm sure it wasn't deep.  Ms. Diane called and thanked me for the 'delicious' meal I brought over to her the other night when I visited.  She is a hoot.  Found out during the HOA gathering that Ms. Vicky had spent 4 days in the hospital last week with gallbladder surgery.  Yes, I did text her that I couldn't believe she didn't let me know.  She responded but I didn't after that.  We watched a couple movies on tv before heading to bed.  I wasn't really tired nor sleepy, which is probably why I don't feel I slept well.  I was wide awake at 11:30PM.  I tossed and turned the rest of the night.  

Had a really odd dream.  Not sure why. Not sure what it could possibly mean.  I can't even say it was a 'bad' dream.  But I was searching for my first husband and found him in a factory or a shop working. It was so strange, this dream.  I went to him and told him I was sorry how things ended up, and that I had not put him down or said anything bad about him to the kids..... he gathered me into his arms and just held me.  I can't explain what I felt. People walked by us as we were outside. Then I 'woke up' again and once again started the tossing and turning, and finally getting up about 5:45AM - so obviously slept some during that time.  

I have been reading my Bible before going to bed at night and forgot last night as we had watched two movies. Both romantic ones, of course, from Up Faith and Family, and I forgot to read my Bible as it was about 9:30PM.  I know, that is way early for some of you.  I should have read my Bible for I probably could have had a good night's sleep.  But then, would I have had that dream if I had?  It was a good dream.

I feel like crying this morning and am not sure why.  I want to hide all day.  Can I bury myself in a cocoon and not come out until I'm ready? 

I need to call the bride this afternoon and review her desires for the wedding.  I have the words I will say typed out and the service is ready to go. I just need to find out if they are going to write their own vows or just have the usual 'will you take...' vows.  The call shouldn't take long.

I also need to work on our taxes today.  My part of it anyway.  I have barely started on it, and it will take me a couple hours to pull it all together and give to hubby.  I'm not confident in what he does with the numbers, that we give to the CPA, but I just let it go.  Control is a horrible, horrible, thing and sometimes it is easier to give in to the demands and let it go.  It's stupid really.  For example, the checkbook.  If he let me have the checkbook back, I would have paid off his car a year ago.  I know how to pay the bills - he does the minimum and stretches it out.  I prefer to pay them off.  That's how I got my car paid off so quickly.

Which reminds me. Our neighbor told me yesterday that they were looking at getting a new car.  They just bought a new one a couple months ago.  He wants to get a Tesla.  She's afraid to with people scratching them and destroying them.  She wants to get another Lincoln.  She doesn't like their new car and told me two things she didn't like.  1) It doesn't have a place to put her sunglasses on the inside 'roof'.  (I have one in my car. :-))  2) If you push the button to take the window down part way, you can just barely touch the button.  But to take it up, you have to hold the button.  Now these are real reasons to get a new car, right?  I guess people who have money and it's no object have quirky issues.  LOL  Only thing that surprised me was that she made a comment about car payments.  None of my business though.  I prefer NO car payments, which is why I'm in no hurry to get rid of my car.  Just turned 50k on it a week ago.

James 1:12 (NKJV):  Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

Sometimes temptations are hard to resist.  You know that is a true statement.  Especially when we want to say something to someone and our conscience is just telling us to 'let it go' and not speak it, before we know it, we have found a way to blurt out what our thought was.  Right or wrong.  Is that a correct statement?  Sometimes it is hard to squash the comment that brews in your mind like a pot of coffee, just waiting for the opportunity to pop out.

Or something that you want to do, yet you know you shouldn't, and even yet, talk yourself into doing it 'just one more time'... not accepting the argument going on within your mind telling you not to do it, that you are stronger than that. You don't need a crutch. You can get by without doing whatever it is.  And if you do wait, you will find that you can overcome that desire.

I have that issue with food I shouldn't eat.  Just one cookie, I will tell myself.  Two cookies may be 27g of carbs - but if I only eat one... it's only 14g at most, right?  Doesn't matter that I'm trying to keep myself at 30g of carbs a day - thereabout - and it would be about half of what I am allowing myself.  So what do I do?  Like I did last night... I not only ate one, or two, but I really think I managed to get 3 down before I made myself walk away. And that doesn't count for the nuts I ate.  I think 1 ounce is 7g - which isn't bad at all.  I just don't think three handfuls of nuts is going to stay at 7g, although it may be 7g each time I grabbed a handful. And I wonder why I gained two pounds?  Could it have been the potato chips and pistachio pudding as well?  Sigh.  

Can we resist temptation?  Yes.  No one is immune from temptation.  But yes, each of us has something inside of us that says 'don't do it'.  Doesn't matter what it is.  If we give in to the temptation, it is a choice we make to do so.  And each time that we give in, the next time the temptation arises, it is much easier to get past our conscience.  Unfortunately, sometimes not only our bodies bear the results, as does our mind, but our families deal with the fallout of our temptations as well.   

My past was full of temptations that I caved in to with my stupidity of not having maturity to deal with situations.  I failed in many ways to teach my children not to fall into the same temptations I did.  Sometimes those temptations bury us so deep that we have to fight to get out.  The temptation becomes addiction.  And addictions destroy families.  

I'm lost in memories - and 'what if' possibilities in my mind this morning, because of my dream.  I don't know why things happen the way they do..... but if they hadn't, would it have made a difference?   My heart says ......   

Need to get off here ... maybe I'll go down memory lane for a bit before coming out of my room.  Once I'm out, the day becomes busy.  Can I just stay in here?  

Hope you remember good times and precious memories of when you felt good about yourself, was happy, felt loved, and most of all, felt free.  Be safe out there.

Blessings!

Don't stop praying....

 Most days I start my day with prayer during my quiet time, and many times during that day I find myself sending up 'minute/sentence' prayers.  Prayers of help for someone.  Prayers to help me through something.  Whatever, whenever God brings someone to mind or reminds me of something, it is easy to 'run to Him' and just send up a quick prayer to Him.  Yesterday was definitely one of those days with the situation that is going on right now.  Even after I went to bed, a couple hours later than usual, I could not sleep for all the information I had received throughout the day was running through my mind.  Did it happen this way?  Could she have done this?  Did he? What is going to happen.  How is the effect going to cause problems in the future?  So many questions... and today I have no answers.  Hopefully later today more answers will come as decisions on some things will be made today.  Lord, please bring good from all of this.  Thank you, Jesus.  Give us all peace in all of this.

Psalm 46:10 (NKJV):  "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"

Of one thing I am certain, He is God, and I am not.  I trust in You, Lord, no matter what.

Hubby has gone to his first 'men's group' breakfast at the new church we have chosen to attend.  I am praying that he will feel accepted and have a good time and make new friends.  Our group leader is head of the men's group so he at least knows one person.  I was to have lunch today with my boss, a former CFO friend, and a doctor friend (who delivered two of my grandchildren!) but - when I sent out a quick reminder late yesterday afternoon, my boss and the doctor both realized they had forgotten and had made other plans - so I cancelled the lunch and will reschedule it for some time next month.  So today I am 'free' - well, at least for a little while.  I need to drop something off to be shipped back to Amazon at our local Kohls so I may have do do a little browing there.  Hopefully I will go alone and will be able to just have some space and time by myself.  Depends on when hubby gets back from the breakfast - and I'm in no hurry to get out of here.  After all, I have the house to myself at the moment.  And a cup of coffee that is still half full.

I'm sitting here thinking of how God works.  My little sister went to her church last week and the topic was on suicide.  She learned some things about it, and how she can get out of her 'pit' when she feels so alone and empty.  And I'm thinking of a situation right now which it may very well be applied to.  She has been given the tools that she can share them and perhaps help someone else that may need that informaiton.  I hope she takes advantage of the situation - whether or not she likes that person - that she will share and perhaps give that person 'HOPE'.  You know, that word we discussed yesterday.  One has to have HOPE in whatever is before them.

And because I do have hope, I do not quit praying.  I may struggle sometimes within the prayer itself; how do I pray for.... , what about..... , is this something I want, Lord, or is it something YOU want and I am your instrument?  Oh so many things to pray for and so many things to let go of.  Sometimes we are NOT to pray for things.  Ever come across something like that?  Sometimes I want to pray a certain way and God says, "nope! not in My will, pray this way!"  One needs to be sensitive to what God wants us to pray about.  Sometimes is isn't for us to pray.  But sometimes it is, so never stop praying for what God has laid on your heart, or showed you in a dream.

Joseph had dreams, remember?  And he shared them with his father and his brothers, and they didn't like them at all!  How dare Joseph tell them that his father and brothers would bow down to him!  The brothers were so angry that when they had the opportunity they sold him into slavery and told their father he had been killed by a wild animal.  Jospeh never gave up but continued to serve the God he knew.  He kept true to Him in every way, even when he was thrown into prison and forgotten, for something that he did not do.  When the cupbearer finally remembered that Joseph had given him the meaning of his dream, Joseph was brought out of the prison, gave the translation of what the dream the ruler had, and was made second in command of all the land of Egypt.  And the dream he had had many years before and had shared with his father and brothers, came true.  They did come to Egypt and bow down before him.  

Joseph never gave up on God, and neither should we.  Let us keep our eyes on the prize before us, which is being with Jesus when our life is over.  Keep praying, keep seeking, keep believing.

Blessings!