Yesterday was another overwhelming day at work - well, up until about the last half hour or so and things calmed down, but when it's that close to ending the workday, I don't want to start anything knew, just review what needs to be completed. After work I decided to go to the grocery store. Now mind you, I haven't really bought groceries is some time. Seriously. Not even online. I have been getting home chef and have been using things from the freezer and of course lots of fruit and veggies from the everybody fruit warehouse. So much fruit and stuff I have started throwing some things away as they are spoiling, but there isn't enough to give away. Anyway.... I haven't bought fruit for a couple weeks now so that has helped. I haven't really bought groceries - oh yeah, I did go to Safeway last Sunday and picked up a few things. I think. Anyway, I went last night to Fry's. I knew I was going to 'walk the aisles', so hubby didn't want to go. Probably a good thing.
As I walked the store I had this extreme exhaustion and heaviness hit me hard. So much so that by aisle 3 I had tears starting to fall. I withdrew into myself and tried to sort out what is going on. I felt so down, so depressed, so tired. And yes, I did just have a full, overwhelming, day at work, but this was different. I mean, I have felt many times that I wanted to just curl up in a corner and bury my head and cry... I've been there, but usually it doesn't happen in a grocery store (and no, I don't go sit in the corner, although I want to at times). I continued to walk through the store, picking up things here and there. Looked at cakes and cookies and cheez-its (my fav) and left them alone. I actually picked up some meat last night; a couple roasts, some ribs, lunchmeat. Interestingly I noticed some things too - or perhaps I just couldn't find it. I could not find my stewed tomatoes. What's up with that? I looked at all the tomatoes, diced, roasted, whole, paste, puree, sauce, etc... but no stewed. Did I miss them? I also was unable to find ....I forget what it was now, but I couldn't find it. The mind is the first thing to go, right? I did buy enough groceries that it came up to over $200. Don't ask me how I managed to do that, but on the way home I was thinking of things I didn't have to buy but did, and how much that was. Oh well I walked out of the store with it so it's ours now. And no, I didn't buy chocolate, nor cookies, nor cakes, nor ice cream (and I did look for Tin Roof - hubby's fav, but couldn't find it either). I think I spent almost two hours just walking up and down the aisle. Still, I probably saved by not going to Sam's club, right? I even bought boxed pizza - Kroger brand, mind you (and it wasn't bad) - to have for dinner. I just didn't want to think about cooking.
Hubby startled me this morning - I'm sitting here (probably half asleep) and I hear something hitting the house. I jumped up and opened the shutters enough to see that he is out watering the plants. I do need to get artificial plants for the pots on the posts - they just die way too quickly. The real plants, not the pots. I guess he is getting a few things done - he came in and took a shower and is getting ready to head to the hospital this morning - he has to get a EKG done for this new doctor. He still hasn't received his right prescription to take for 30 days; I wonder what the hold up is. His insurance? Ah - he just walked in here to get his clothes. And he sees me typing. Uh oh.
All four of those I support are in an all day meeting today so I hope to finish up the termination contracts I've been working on. Legal asked me yesterday about how many I had left to complete. I have about 20, and once I get through all the emails that came in after I shut the computer off, I will start on them and hopefully get them all completed today. I am so over getting them done and out of my way.
Matthew 16:25 (NKJV): For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, will find it.
In this one verse, Jesus gives perhaps the clearest presentation of discipleship found in the Bible. It's cost is exceeded only by its reward. When we give up our desires and wants and our own head-strong ideas, and follow Jesus and walk in His steps, we save our life. If we choose the world and all the glitter and glamour it offers, we lose our life.
This thought occurred to me. Could it be used as an example? And of course I use food, because I love food (and it loves me so much it sticks to me like a glove). If we eat everything we want, chocolate, cakes, ice cream, lots of breads and carbs, lots of meats dipped in sauces, lots of - whatever (I'm getting hungry!!) - most of us will get fat(ter). So fat, in fact, that it will mess with our health. It changes us. Food becomes an obsession. We find we 'have to have it' because we crave it. We lose our health, and eventually we lose our life.
BUT. When we moderate our food intake - regardless of what it is (yes, even chocolate, ice cream, etc.) and eat it sparingly, and watch how much of the saucy gravy carby things we eat, and perhaps get our body to move a little more, we gain our health and live a longer life. Yes, we eventually die, but we live longer and healthy and able to do things.
It's like following Jesus. When we don't follow Jesus but do things our way, when we die, we go to hell. But when we follow Jesus, and deny ourselves the things of the world that are not of Him, when we die, we will have eternal life with Him in heaven.
It's a choice. What choice will you make? Is the pull of the world so strong that you refuse to let it go? Have we all become addicted to the world and the things that we crave that we will chose death over life? Perhaps that is something to think about.
Jesus says we are to deny ourselves, take up the cross, and follow Him. Are you willing to do that today? It's a choice we all must make daily. Deny ourselves, take up His cross, and follow Him.
Blessings!
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