and I did change some things this morning. Hubby and I talked last night and I shared my thoughts about what I mentioned earlier this week, about sleeping a little later, for one. He agreed and commented that he usually tries to be still and not wake me if he should awaken before me. So this morning when I woke up on my own at 4AM, I said "NOPE!" and went back to sleep. I woke up at 5AM and again I allowed myself to turn over to sleep, although I knew I should get up. I was being lazy. But I did fall back to sleep until 6:10AM - unheard of for me! (without falling back to sleep here in my chair, that is), and I got up and came in to my room. I heard hubby get up a few minutes later. It.feels.good to not have an agenda or any place to run to today and just 'chill'. In fact, hubby and I discussed last night that we had nothing going on this morning. And really, it is a good thing.
For my children, I have already shared the news we got from the doctor's office yesterday when we visited for hubby. It was not the news we expected at all. We both truly believed that God had removed this issue and 'freedom' from it would be voiced. It was not. But, with that being said, there is no 'doom and gloom' either. Hubby is strong and he is healthy and active and will continue to be so. He is in no pain, and unless they have been told, no one will know what is going on. The issue has only gone to a couple places in the lymph nodes in that general area, and is not in the bones. In fact, if he had not been having regular check ups year after year, one would never know there was a problem. In fact, the doctor reminded us that he has been 'watched' for the last ten years. But, I will admit, hubby has told me of his doctor visits, and I truly believe he left out a lot of information, and with my not going with him, I wasn't aware of the seriousness of what was going on. Last month at the other doctor visit I went to gave me some insight, but it wasn't until this doctor visit that I understood what all was happening and how serious it was. Your prayers for complete and total healing are appreciated.
My thoughts this morning have been on a ladies tea that I will be attending in Gilbert with my friend next Saturday. She has asked me to share with her Bible study ladies and I imagine there will be 7-10 ladies there. I have no idea what to share - and yet, I do. As I started re-reading a couple books this morning, I was drawn to things I could share to encourage them, but also to things that I need to change in my own life. Yeah, I am far from perfect, and 'me' gets in the way all the time.
I want to be a woman after God's own heart, and that is my goal in life. In fact, when I am 'introduced' at the RV parks, one of them state that about me. I have this fire burning inside of me that I need to change some things in my life. I need to give up my personal attitudes and thoughts and make them His. I need to be respectful of my husband, even when I don't agree with him. I need to watch what I say about others, even in here. You know how hard it is for me to be silent about some people - even hubby! - when I am riled. But I must. I need to change my thoughts, my words.
Psalm 19:14 (NKJV): Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.
Proverbs 3:6 (NKJV): In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.
More than anything, I want my children and their families to know how much I love Jesus and follow Him, all the days of my life. They know the bad side of me..... I want them to know how Jesus changed my life completely. I want my legacy to be known as a woman who loved God and served Him with all her heart, mind, soul, and strength. Will I fail at times? I'm sure I will, but God's grace is greater than all my sins. I can't tell you how many times that God has forgiven me, when I have truly repented.
Truly repenting means more than just saying "I'm sorry, Lord" for something I said or did. Truly repenting means turning FROM what I did and not doing it again. So many times I have come to where I am right now, and I cry out to God to help me, and He does...... but then I allow my own 'self' to get in the way of submitting to His Lordship, and instead, ignoring that prompting and do whatever it is my way. I still hold grudges and unforgiveness, and sometimes that is hard to overcome, especially when it is someone close to you.
The devil will constantly remind you of the wrong against you, or against a family member, and he will stir up the strife all over again. And in those times I must remind myself that I gave that situation to God and asked Him to heal me of the anger, the bitterness, the unloveliness, and ask Him once again to remove the pain, remove the anger, remove the unforgiveness that still will rise to the surface at times. I may not bring up something that happened in the past verbally, but I can assure you that the devil will do all he can to bring up things that happened 50 years ago and remind me of them, and if he will do it for 50 years ago, he will do it for something that happened this morning. (no, nothing happened this morning, just using it as an example)
God is good. All the time God is good. He is faithful, and just, and He alone is worthy to be praised. All we have, all we are, all we will be - is a gift from Him. What will we do with His gift? Will we have our hand out continually to just say 'gimme gimme gimme'? We should not. We should hold out unclenched hands and say "Lord, thank You for all that You have given me. I take it all, Lord, and I give it back to You. Take it and bless it, and use it all for Your glory." It all belongs to Him, and He can give, and He can take away. Blessed by the name of the Lord.
What are you holding on to today? What is keeping you from being the man or woman of God that He created you to be? With Father's Day tomorrow, I am reminded, as I sit here, of a saying I have heard in the past..... let's see if I can remember it.... "be careful of where you place your feet, for you don't know who is following in your footsteps."
I pray that your footsteps will lead you and those who follow you, straight to the arms of Jesus.
Blessings!
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