and start making their own plans. The hurt never goes away, but it does get easier. And it isn't anyone's 'fault', it is just we need to let them go and let them fly.
I had to remind my daughter of this last night. My daughter, my granddaughter, and I were in a three-way conversation about Christmas. For the past 2-3 years, my granddaughter and her 'spousal equivalent' would come over for dinner two evenings before Christmas and we would have our Christmas with them. Their Christmas Eve was spent with his family, and Christmas day with my daughter and family.
Then baby came a few weeks ago.
The granddaughter asked in our 3-way conversation if it was ok if they came Christmas Eve with my daughter, son-in-law and grandson to our house for dinner instead of two nights before. Sure, that was fine. It wasn't a big deal to me and it would mean one less meal I had to cook. Then the granddaughter lowered the bombshell.
"Mom, can you bring our gifts from you and dad to Grandma's Christmas Eve and we'll do our Christmas with you there? We then plan to go to his family's on Christmas Day in the afternoon and evening; we'll stay home Christmas morning." (my interpretation) My daughter's response was 'you won't be coming over Christmas morning (as has always been done!). Pause. For several minutes there was no response. Finally I put my two cents in. "It only hurts really bad the first time."
Men don't get it. Or they hide what they feel. But that first time the child doesn't want to have Christmas morning with you.... it is hard. A mother's heart breaks. And it breaks a little every year, but we learn to live with it. Once I was able to make arrangements for WHEN I could see my children and their families over the holidays, my heart began to heal. You never know how much you want and need them in your lives, until they choose NOT to be a part of it. For various reasons, yes, but ... another time for my dream.
Anyway, they have to work that out between them. And it will hurt really bad. It will be awkward because Grandpa always insists Christmas be done his way. I've learned to understand why. Because he doesn't buy ANY of the gifts for others, he doesn't contribute even a comment or suggestion, he has no clue what is bought until it is unwrapped. He may ask me what I bought and I tell him, but he doesn't grasp what it is and who it is for until that person unwraps it - and thanks him for it. He has no clue. I've always resented his "control" over Christmas and the pain and distress I get over his behavior and attitude, which sometimes ruins Christmas for me. But I have finally understood his reasoning. He doesn't know what "WE" bought, until they unwrap the gift. But anyway, the awkwardness is mom and dad giving their daughter her gifts at grandma's house.... and they open their gifts from them... it takes something special away from family. I get it. I understand it. It's been 'their' family time, and now it is being ripped away from them and shared. Oh they don't mind sharing with us, it isn't that. My heart breaks for my daughter for I get it. Totally. After all, we have had to separate their family for a few years now.
I'm not sure what this year will look like. I keep trying to focus on the REASON we are having Christmas, but with COVID it is hard for we haven't gotten back to attending church. We watch online and that's fine. But I miss the community. I have been 'quarantined' for so long, that the few times I do get out, I'm either alone or with hubby. Except when I can meet up with daughter for crocheting. I did go to Needles of Hope last Saturday morning and it was different. I didn't feel the closeness I usually felt. Hopefully, over time, that will change.
Speaking of COVID, the daughter, son-in-law and grandson are on lockdown until the end of the week. All three were sick last week; grandson running a fever, son-in-law with gastro issues, daughter with catching a cold... and all were tired. Grandson got tested and they got the results yesterday; he is positive for COVID. All three are feeling somewhat better, still sleeping a lot and laying around. Instructions are that they are still quarantined until Thursday. I'm grateful they will be out before Christmas! We are assuming all three had it since all three have been not feeling well at the same time. Grateful that whenever the exposure happened, it was after Thanksgiving since we were together then. I think I saw them once after that, but I wasn't close to them. So far hubby and I have 'survived'. Which is surprising as hubby has his men's groups he meets with weekly and will meet for lunch if one wants. I've been out a couple times to go to the grocery. Had to stop at Michael's yesterday to get more yarn of a color I needed that I can only get that brand there... only to buy the wrong shade. UGH. If I don't get back over there tonight to see if I can find the right shade, I may put this project away until after Christmas and resume it.
I shared with hubby last night that I look at COVID like I do the plague that God sent upon the Israelites when they were disobedient to Him. Think about it. In the Old Testament, God got angry with the Israelites for their sinfulness and sent a plague amongst them. The people were dying and Moses cried out to God... and God had him put a snake on a pole and when people would look at it, they would be healed. (BTW, that the emblem of the medical field now) I believe that God has allowed this plague, if you will, upon all the nations because of their sinfulness, especially the United States. If people would humble themselves, and turn to Him, He will not only heal them, but He will heal our land. His Word says so. But we are a stiff-necked people and have disassociated from God. Many do not know OF Him, let alone KNOW Him. Oh may we turn back to Him so that our land will be healed!
The devil has separated us, has closed our churches, and is doing all he can to kill us off. Only God can redeem us from the evil one. Oh that we will turn from our wickedness and turn to Jesus! It doesn't matter what we've done, Jesus is our Redeemer, and our Redeemer LIVES.
I've read the end of The Book. We win! Stand Firm. And when all falls around you, continue to Stand Firm.
God's got this!
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