Say Yes to Everything

 I read an article within the past few days - don't remember where - in which a man's wife had died and he was in mourning, and had been for awhile.  He had dropped out of some activities.  He had backed out of socializing as much.  I get it. And I'm sure some of you do as well.  We always tend to withdraw when we are in pain.

But this article shared that he found some papers written by his wife as he was cleaning out (finally) some drawers, and one thing she said in her diary after she had become sick, was Say Yes to Everything.  He never would have read her diary had she still been alive.  But he read this, and he realized she was telling him, via her diary, to quit withdrawing from life and start saying 'yes' to doing things.  Ah, yes, now I remember the story.  The guy was on a grueling bike ride with his brother that he said 'yes' to after reading the diary.  He was wondering if he should have said 'no'.  He had paused to rest, and a woman stopped beside him and chatted for a few moments before heading off on down the path.  They connected a few times and got acquainted, she was divorced. He was a widow. No, they didn't get together, they live in two different states.  But he realized that by saying 'yes' to doing something, he was living life again, meeting new friends, and although he isn't ready for a relationship, he was alive.

That story really stuck with me, well, the meaning behind it. I often say 'no' to things.  Not because deep down I don't want to do them.  Some because I don't want to deal with others who won't do them and doesn't want me to (think hot air balloon ride).  But what if I started saying 'yes' to things I 'think' I don't want to do..... and find out I enjoy it?  What if I quit letting my thoughts of 'not being allowed or agreed with' to do... what if I quit imagining a battle... what if I decided to DO SOMETHING? What would that look like? What would that be?  

Well, I HAVE dared go on trips with my girls for the past ten years... haven't gotten flack about that.  We just can't go out of the state. And right now, it's not worth THAT battle.  Years ago I used to fly to Indiana for a week to hang out with my sister and visit my mom and family.  One year, feeling guilty, I let hubby go with me so he could see his brother.  I still remember turning to him in the airport and getting in his face and telling him that if he ........ well, you don't need to know what I said..... that I would never 'take' him with me ever again.  I think that was the first time I was adamant that he not screw up.  But after that time, I was never 'allowed' to fly back by myself.  My sister and I both lament that decision.  Although I will admit, there are years I would NOT want to go back.  And even now, because people have 'shown' themselves, going back causes me stress because of jealousy of how much time I am spending with siblings versus them.  Not going there.  It's sad, really.

Ok- getting off topic.  Say Yes to Everything.  What is it that you have said 'No' to for so long, even thought you wanted to do it, but have put it off?  Is it a trip somewhere? Is it getting away by yourself to process and think?  Is it a ..... whatever it is..... what is it in life that you have said 'No' to for so long that you don't even think about it anymore?  I've sat here a few seconds, trying to figure out where I am going with this.... and heck if I know!  I know I am not living the life I would like to live.  Perhaps I am not supposed to live that life.  But if I'm not, why hasn't God removed that longing in me?  Why do I get sad when I think about it?  No, not going to share... keep you in suspense.  For years I have felt that I have lost my life.... yes, I have gotten to do a lot of things, but there is a part of my heart that still has a longing, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.  What dream are you holding back on saying 'yes' to?

Interesting..... I get a text from Messenger each morning (John Bevere's website) and this morning it says:  Guard your heart. Not everyone should get full access to your life - even Jesus set boundaries.  I could ponder that for awhile, couldn't you?

I had a good day yesterday.  Breakfast with Sue, Dr. K and Nancy.... left there at 10:30a and headed to church for the women's luncheon of BBQ pork, potato salad, fruit, etc.  Came home and took a short nap (hubby did too) and then we picked up a grandson to take out to dinner.  We were told one place, but when we picked him up, he said he wanted chicken strips. He had eaten steak lately and didn't want anymore.  We ended up at Chili's for dinner and (I think) we had a nice visit with him.  Took him home and we came home and of course we watched movies.  We will run over there real quick after church to hopefully see him one more time before he leaves for the recruiter's office. I think my son is taking him at 2p.  It will be a quick hug and goodbye, but we are doing it.

For some reason I am reminded of when we went to Tucson to U of A to visit our granddaughter in college; a short visit, and when we left, how hard it was to leave her. She told me later she cried in the parking lot as we left.  That still breaks my heart.  She was lonely, I'm sure. And I still miss her all these years later.  We've got to go on a 'road trip' down there some weekend.  I mention hotel and hubby is for it.  I just need to pick a weekend and get a hotel and we go.  I just don't want to disrupt their schedule with their family, so will need to schedule with them.  Soon, I hope.  

I John 2:15-17 (ESV):  Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world - the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life - is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

 Jentezen Franklin has talked about these a lot - the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, the pride of life.  These three things can keep us out of heaven.  When we give in to the things the flesh wants.... when we give in to the things our eyes see.... and we puff ourselves up with the pride of life .... we are worldly.  We may receive things as blessings, but if we flaunt them before others, it becomes pride.  And I quickly think back to the times I have talked about pride and how I have to often root it out of me.  

All we have is a gift from God.  What we do with that gift, is our gift back to Him.

I think I will end this here.  I've rambled on enough this morning.  In my prayers this morning for one of my boys, I found myself praying "Lord, please give him a liver that has not been touched by human hands."  I have prayed for restoration; I've prayed for a transplant.  I haven't ever prayed it like that before.  Something to think about.

Have an amazing day - and be kind to someone. You don't know what they are going through.

Blessings!

It's Saturday -

 and normally a day that I can take my time in here, for the most part.  Today is not one of those Saturdays.  I need to stop around 7-7:30-ish and get dressed and cleaned up.... heading to Wildflower to meet my friends - Sue, Dr. K and Nancy.  We meet up about every 6 months it seems.  This one just got pushed out to today. I checked the other day and all were still coming.  We are to meet at 9a, but I can only stay until 10:30-ish as I need to head over to our church. The women's group is meeting and I still never got the cups over to the leader... which means I need to get to the church to drop off the cups... and I think it starts at 11:30a.  I'm giving myself plenty of time to get there (I hope).  After that, will come home for a short while (probably a nap) and then we will pick up a grandson who leaves tomorrow for the Army.  We are taking him out to dinner just to spend a little time with him before he leaves.   A busy Saturday for me, for sure!

I did a thing. Well, another thing. You know that I do those on occasion.  I 'bought into' one of the food services. Again.  We've done 3-4 of them over the years, I'd guess.  For the past year I have gotten information on this one - Tovala - where they give you a free 'oven' to cook the food in.  I decided to finally do it. Not that we needed the oven.  It's a toaster oven/oven/air fryer and I don't know what else all in one.  Anyway - I went with the 'best', of course.  It arrived yesterday.  It's bigger than I thought, and I do not have counter space - even where the current toaster oven is.  So I set it aside until I can figure out what to do. I think I know where I'll put it, but I need to clean off the counters anyway.  I need to declutter a lot of places - maybe the kitchen is the first place to start?  Anyway - I've ordered six meals a week - 3 each - and we will see how it works out.  We liked Nutrisystem, but it felt like it got expensive over time, but that may be because we ordered several meals?  Factor we did not care for at all.... Home Chef was good, but it got to where we were 'out' all the time and I didn't have time to prepare the meals.  Home Chef they send you all the ingredients and you actually create the dish.  Fun - and good.  But I ended up throwing some away cause I couldn't get to them.  That's on me.  So I cancelled it some time ago.  Trying Tovala with only 3 meals each.  Considering if we go out to eat at sit-down restaurants we can easily drop $50 with a tip - maybe this will save us money.  Oh we'll still go out to eat.... sigh.  

In fact, I thought about going out to eat last night, but I kept thinking about spending the money, and I just didn't want to. So hubby got a hamburger and green bean casserole. Talk about making something very easy and simple!  And he was happy.  He always eats whatever I fix.... I need to live forever or he will die from starvation as he just will not cook.  Or hasn't, let's put it that way.  He'd rather spend the money and go out to eat.  I'd rather save (for the most part) the money and eat at home.  As a last resort, he could have a protein shake, right?  Not putting him down; a lot of men don't cook.  A lot of times I just don't want to 'clean up' to go out to eat.  I'm not one of those women who wear makeup all the time.  Especially with working from home now. But I will this morning!  LOL

I'm getting used to the liners now that the 'fillers' are in place.  It still cuts into my inner lips, but, it's only for a short while. So I tell myself.  I'm not putting them back in until after the women's thing today as I eat with my friends, and although I don't plan to eat with the women (hopefully won't be hungry), I may eat dessert... just saying.  It's difficult to take in and out (I now have to use a tool, rather than my fingernails to grab hold and pull.  I'm getting used to it.  When I change out these liners next Thursday, I think it is, I will need to deal with 'new' liners that will fit tighter.  Not looking forward to that.  But, I'm in it for the 'long haul', I guess.  Better than biting my inside jaw all the time.

I need to make a run to Staples at some point too; I have a prayer shawl to send to a friend I used to support at work as her mother passed away.  I don't have anything here to mail it in and I think I can find a bag or something there.  Just haven't made it over to look. Hope to get it in the mail by Monday.

Reading in 2 Peter this morning and as I read the introduction to the book, which was Peter's last letter to the Christians in Asia Minor to encourage them, under an explanation for 2 Peter 1:5, it has this.. well, let me give you the verse first.

2 Peter 1:5 (ESV):  For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue and virtue with knowledge,

When Peter urges us to "make every effort," he does not teach salvation by works; he means we should make Christ and His kingdom our focus, putting all our efforts into running the race He has set before us.  Bishop J. C. Ryle wrote: "I would just as soon expect a farmer to prosper in his business who contented himself with sowing his fields and never looking at them until the harvest as to expect a believer to gain much holiness who has not been diligent about his Bible reading... his prayers, and... the use of his Sundays."

I think COVID restrictions really screwed up a lot of us - us included.  People were sent home and couldn't go to church or any church fellowship activities.  Yes, some churches then turned to online services - and that's great.  But, as I have mentioned before, it leaves a void because of not having the fellowship with other believers.  And after a few years, many of us got into the 'habit' of just watching 'church' on TV and not going at all... or only once in awhile.  I admit, it was hard for us to get back into going every week.  And, at times, we do not feel guilty about staying home to watch.  But we enjoy the fellowship of other believers and greeting people and being hugged and talked to.  It's a great feeling to be recognized when you walk in the door of the church, because you have been present - in person.  Sitting at home watching does not make you NOT a Christian, but we are told to have fellowship with other believers.  Sometimes we need them as much as they need us.  

So many people quit going to church completely during this time. And they never went back. I probably could say that many slipped back into their 'old ways' of living life.  There was no accountability.  Unless they were rooted in the Word, and continued in the Word, and worked around not meeting in person - i.e., Zoom or Teams calls; I admit, it is hard to maintain living in close fellowship with Jesus.  We need each other.  And, that's why I am going to the women's luncheon today, although I don't know but one or two of those that will probably attend.

Yes, this is the group of the 'over 55' women.  I've said it before, and I've said it to even the leader of this group - I don't want to go because I don't want to feel OLD.  Yes, I'm over 55.  Yes, I sometimes act like it.  But I don't want to be 'one of those' 55 + women who ACT like they are 55+.  Does that make sense?  Yet, I probably do act like it because I cannot do the things, the activities, I'd really like to be doing. And yeah, I better just hush on that cause I always get myself riled up.  Moving along....

Back to the scripture, we need to do all we can to keep growing in the Lord, to keep reading, to keep going to church, to keep (or try to be) in fellowship with other believers.  I want to get more involved in the church.  Even to the point I'm thinking of getting a few women together here at the house.  I want to find a woman that I can trust with my innermost secrets and be held accountable in my walk.  It is so easy to let things slide, and I'm being honest here.  We all need someone to hold us accountable in our walk.  Some things we may question.  Some things we may wonder about.  We are all here to lift up each other in our walk with Jesus.  I am not perfect, by any means. I fall on my face and beg for forgiveness more than you know.  It could be a word. It could be an action. It could be anything. We will never be perfect for only Jesus is perfect.  But He is our perfect example.  I wanna be Jesus to this world.  Does that make sense?

Ok - need to get off here and start getting ready for my brunch.  It's hot here, so be careful going out.  Find a good book to read and settle in.  Grab that Bible and read about grace in Romans, love in John, instructions in Paul's letters.  There are so many jewels in the Bible that in our daily readings, many times we skim over them and miss them.  Dig deep.  You won't regret it.

Have an amazing day - and be kind to someone; you don't know what they are going through.

Blessings!

My mouth hurts!

 No, no one hit me in the mouth.  Didn't see the dentist and have anything done.  BUT, I did go to the orthodontist yesterday.  If I had known ... would I have started this 'thing' that I am doing with the invisalign?  Those of you who have had braces probably know all about this stuff, and the pain involved, but me, I had no clue.  I go yesterday, thinking just getting some new liners.... but no.  Now my liners had places on them, not sure how to explain it, and I wondered about it, but they have like, for lack of knowledge, 'bubbles' on the 'teeth' outline in different places.  Well, yesterday they filled in four of those 'bubbles' with a hard solution, like glue, right on my teeth.  NOW I get to tug and pull even more to get these liners on and off.  And I tell you what - it hurts!  When they are off, the filler on the bottom front teeth cut into the inside of my lower lip.  When they are on, it's not a problem.  Except getting them on and off and going over that glued on bump.  I tell you what, I will be losing weight over this.  How? Because I am NOT going to take them off to snack!  In fact, I debated on giving up my coffee in the mornings so that I don't have to take them off (I am not to drink anything but water with them in; it could discolor the liners).  But I did get them off this morning and had my coffee.  And I will leave them off until I decide about breakfast, brush my teeth, and make sure I've had my tea BEFORE putting them back on.  Once the liners are on, it's no problem.  It's the putting on, taking off, and while off, dealing with the glued parts scraping on the inside of my lip.  Ok, enough complaining. I knew you needed to know all that - even if how I put it doesn't make sense. However, I'm sure that those who have worn braces can somewhat sympathize with me.

We made it down to the dental lab in record time yesterday - went in, sat down, and hubby was called back.  Nice place too.  Five minutes later he came back out.  His appointment was at 11a; he was done at 11:08a.  Coming back I decided I was hungry so we swung by Mr. Goodcents.  I love their sandwiches - usually get the #5 Ultimate.  Yesterday I got the 8" instead of the 6" cause I was hungry!  Hubby, of course, got the same thing.  I meant to get and bring home, but hubby makes himself at home at a table. I tried to explain I am still working.... sigh.... but gave up and we ate there before heading back home.  Filled up at the Chevron by there @ $4.59/gallon.  We got good mileage coming back from Heber... and although I hadn't filled up until now, when I checked the mileage, it was down to 29.3 mpg.  Still not bad. Street driving I usually get 23.

Hubby has headed to his bible study, stopping to get gas on the way.  He will be going to visit his friend Chuck.  Joyce, Chuck's wife, told him that he isn't doing well.  This will be a tough one for hubby, when the time comes.  We've known them for over 40 years.  

I reached out to two couples in our life group last night. I've tried to touch base periodically just to keep in touch.  Our life group broke up for the summer.  It will be interesting if it continues after a month or so this fall as I know the lead couple have a trip to Europe planned in December, I think it is.  They travel all the time.  Anyway, the two couples I checked with have a lot of issues going on in their families, and even themselves.  I'm hoping to connect with one wife over dessert this next week.  When one is going through struggles, many times they just need an outsider to sit with them.  I can't fix anything; but I can pray.  I can be a listening ear.  I will wait for her to reach out; but will check back on the health of the family later next week too.  I reached out to them as a friend, not as a member of the life group. Does that make sense?  I didn't do it on our group chat, although I have in the past, and then everyone chimes in with comments.  Sometimes we need to share in private. Does that make sense? 

Hubby tells me last night that he can drive to Dr. Mark's by himself to get a blood draw next week.  And you know what?  I'm going to let him.  It's not a doctor visit.  I am concerned about the driving, but until something happens, or we can convince him to quit driving, he isn't going to quit. It takes a minimum of 1.5 hours away from work... and that's just driving time.  Sue doesn't give me any problems about being out, but when they hire a new boss, will they be as kind?  I usually do not mind driving him, but when I have work to do, it does make me a bit anxious, although I do manage to get things done.  

Romans 6:1-2 (ESV):  What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace can abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?

Have you ever noticed all the rules and commands listed in the bible?  Some seem demanding, some difficult, some even guilt-producing.  These laws are God's perfect standard of holiness for us, and they show us how far we miss miss that standard.  The law was added so that the sin, and our awareness of it might increase.  And where sin is increased, grace increased even more.   In other words, the more we are aware of our sinfulness, the more we will be aware of God's grace for us.  

Some people may think they don't sin much, therefore they are 'good'.   They don't have the appreciation for the forgiveness and kindness of God.  But those of us who are very much aware of the dark parts of our hearts, and lives, we are very thankful for God's grace.  

Paul asked the question in Romans 6:1-2.  But he continued in verse 3 to say "By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer!"    Paul's comment is very similar to Jesus's statement when the woman caught in adultery was brought before Him.  When we are gripped with the grace of God, we won't take forgiveness, and His grace, for granted.  As Jesus told the woman caught in adultery, "go and leave your life of sin."  Or, in other words, "Go, and sin no more." (depends on what version you are reading.

No matter what you have done... and I truly believe this with all my heart.... God's grace is greater.  No matter how big or how bad your sin may be, God's grace provides forgiveness, hope, and restoration.  His grace is unlimited.  And for that, I am very grateful.  

Reminds me of a book by Kyle Idleman.  If you have not read 'not a fan', you need to.  It's funny, but a great book to help you find your way.  But Kyle Idleman also wrote a book titled 'Grace is Greater'.  It's interesting that this last book came out in 2012, I think it was, right when my sister went into one of her meltdowns against me.  I read the book, and when she decided to 'forgive me'... for whatever it was... I was able to respond to her 'God's Grace is Greater'.  Interestingly, that became her motto.  I never understood all that happened, but God took care of it so that I didn't have to.  I was made stronger in standing up for myself.  But, that's in another lifetime ago.  Anyway, I love Kyle Idleman's books and we have several of them.  Think I may reread Grace is Greater.   

And with that ...  I need to jump off here and get the work computer turned on.  What is a fun thing you plan to do today; tomorrow?  Take sometime to thank God for His grace towards you.  Never become ungrateful.... His grace is unforgetable.  You never want to let it go.

Have an amazing day!  Be kind to others; you don't know what they are going through.

Blessings!

She made me sweat!

 I had HIIT yesterday morning and Morgan didn't even take her clipboard - she made it up as we went along!  That is always dangerous when you have Morgan as a trainer!  Let's see, what did I do?  Oh - yeah, we started with the ropes.  Bend knees, move arms in and out, moving the ropes.  Two sets.  30 seconds each.  Oh, then, let's do 10 jumping jacks. She knows I hate them. I hated jumping jacks in PE in high school.  I still don't like them.  Now let's move on to the 25# ball that you squat, pick up, and roll over one shoulder, then squat, pick up, and roll over the other shoulder.  Then let's move on to the 10# flat ball in which you squat, pick up the ball, raise above your head, and slam it to the ground.  (that has helped when I have been angry at 'someone' and needed to get it out of my system!)  From there let's move on to a 16 lb kettlebell in each hand, and walking the length of the hall and when I get to the end, continuing to hold the kettlebells, squat for 30 seconds, then continue walking back.  And lastly, there is the step.  Holding the 10# ball out in front, step on with both feet, then step off with both feet.  30 seconds.  And then, let's start with the ropes and do it again!!  I was dripping sweat - and I don't sweat!!  My hair was wet!  And Morgan laughed and said she was doing her job.  But she did say that with two sets of all these that my stamina has increased greatly.  I certainly hope something has increased!  It was a good HIIT.

I should have taken a shower when I got home, but did not cause I needed to get on the work computer. Now I have to jump in the shower this morning as today will be a busy day - at least this morning.  I have an orthodontist appointment to get new liners and see how these did the first two weeks of wearing them. I know they gave me a lot of headaches so they have to be moving my teeth. It has kept me from snacking so much.  I can't wear them while drinking anything other than water (which means I take them out every morning to drink my coffee and brush my teeth before putting them back on)  Then out for any meal.  I can't even drink my tea without taking them out. It's a nuisance, but I'm obeying the instructions as best I can.  Drink only water with them in.  Wear 24x7 as much as possible.  Any food or any other drink, take them out.  If I understand correctly, today I should get enough liners for a month or so, changing out every two weeks, then go back for them to check ... I don't know for sure, obviously; I've only worn these liners two weeks. 

Once I get back home, it will be to check messages on the computer then at 10a head out with hubby to Tempe to take him to the dental lab. I'm hoping it will only take a few minutes and they aren't running behind or anything.  I didn't take the day off as I thought I might.  Just didn't want to waste (in my opinion) my day driving him to appointments if I'd only be gone a couple hours.  I rarely eat lunch away from the desk so technically, I have made up my time many times over.  Now I do consider taking the day off to have lunch with my son.... don't think I will, but am considering it, even now.  I need to see if there are other things I need to do and if so, I'll make that decision.  I want to not watch the clock... but it will also depend if I have things for work that need to be done.  I have time to make that decision.  

Did you realize how powerful prayer is?  Sometimes we take prayer for granted and just blurt out a few words and consider it 'done'.  I've been beating myself up for some time now.  For years I would go into my quiet time and fall on my knees and spend hours (yes, literally hours) praying.  Never worried about falling back to sleep.  Over the years, one of the mentors I had shared that she wrote out her prayers and how it was good to look back and see how God has answered those prayers.  I understood that, so I started writing out my prayers, versus getting on my knees.  And I have regretted it ever sine.  Why? Not because God doesn't answer when I write them out, He does still answer my prayers.  BUT.... I feel I have lost the closeness I always felt when on my face before Him.  I'm being honest here, but does that make sense?  

That is one reason I want to teach Discipleship or another class.  I pray the most when I need His help in doing things.  Teaching a class forces me to focus, to seek Jesus's hand, to seek His face.  I am totally dependent upon Jesus to get through a class - or preaching for that matter.  Some books will grab me and I get on my face to talk with Jesus.... but the next day or so, here I am back in my chair, a shawl over my shoulders, a blanket over my legs, cup of coffee on the table, and I'm snuggled in..... comfortable.  Why would I want to get up?

Yes, I know I'm rambling... but continuing on....I have no medical condition that keeps me off my knees.  The only condition I have is laziness.  I know part of my 'issue' is the waiting for hubby to get up and bring in my coffee.  He has insisted on doing that for years and it's easier not to 'argue' with him that I can get my own coffee, if I want it.  But I've noticed in the past year or so... like this morning, as I sat here writing out my prayer for today, (it's usually about that time when he comes in), he comes in and starts talking to me. How did I sleep? He didn't sleep well. Did he keep me awake? He's sorry if he did. I don't really have to respond to him. He will continue to tell me how he tossed and turned, how many times he got up, and what time did we want to leave for.... and then he will walk out. I've lost my train of thought in my prayers.  Even in writing them out.  I've tried doing prayers first, but I'm still sleepy and I do tend to want to keep the eyes closed and go back to sleep.  And have.  So I do my reading first. Then write out my prayers.  Hubby will sometimes get up right after I do, and other times he will sleep in another 30-60 minutes.   Why am I telling you all this?  I don't know.

I guess I need to figure out how I can get on my knees for my prayers and quit writing... and feel like I won't be interrupted.  Oftentimes I think I will wait until after I get the coffee, and hubby leaves the room, then I can truly focus... but if I don't start doing something, I don't have time to write in here, and since I've been writing daily versus years ago I'd do it on occasion... maybe I should just pray about it and ask Jesus what I should do?  

Matthew 6:6 (ESV)  But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

Yes, I come into this room and shut the door.  And I pray, always.  But I'm missing that 'closeness' that I have always felt. Is there sin in my life?  Not that I haven't confessed and repented of.  I don't know... I just want to go back to when I first fell in love with Jesus and devoted all my time to Him.  And back then, I didn't write in this blog. I didn't get on the computer at all.  I read scripture, meditated on it, wrote down what I got out of it as a prayer to God.  Yes, I learned that from Discipleship.

Sometimes it is worth going back to the beginning of your walk so that you can fall in love with Jesus all over again.  Not that I have ever stopped loving Jesus, I haven't.  But I want more of Him.  I don't want to be complacent with where I am with Him.  I want more of Jesus.  I have heard His voice.  I have heard Him speak my name. When you have had that experience, nothing else matters and you want more.  Always more.

Lord Jesus, Your Word says that if I draw near to God, He will draw near to me.  I believe Your Word. Help me find what I am looking for in my heart. Total surrender. Emotions, will, desires.  Everything. I seek after You with all my heart.  I long to hear Your voice.  Speak Lord, for Your servant is listening.

A bit personal, perhaps, but honestly is always the best policy, right?  Are you desiring to hear His voice? Sometimes we just need to sit and be quiet.  This is why I always long for my time without distractions....  I remember that Susanna Wesley (John Wesley wife) - they had numerous children, and every day she would sit in her rocking chair and put her apron over her head (back then, women wore aprons all the time, they needed to!) and the children knew not to disturb her, that was her prayer time. She shut her eyes from distraction (by putting the apron over her face), and focused on God.  Oh that we all would do the same!

I pray that you find the time, the space, the opportunity to just sit with Jesus and tell Him all that you desire.  And then just sit there and listen.  May you hear His voice; it is the best thing ever.  We get so rushed to get on with our day, we forget to listen.  Take time to just sit before Him.  Listen... you just may hear the answer you are seeking.

Blessings!

A nice quiet evening....

 As hubby had his meeting with his friend last night, I was alone.  I had debated on doing some errands, then didn't want to. Watch a chick flick?  Naw, didn't want to do that either.  I finally put on a DVD of The Chosen and watched part of season 3.  We never have watched it all the way through so I've been trying to on my DVD player.  We have never figured out how to set up the TV with the DVD player so I had bought a separate one some time ago. We still have so many DVDs that I've stored out in the garage; hopefully the heat has not melted them out there!  Anyway - I have through Season 5 of the Chosen, still waiting for Season 6 to come out.  Yes, a lot of it is fiction, but although I resisted for quite some time to even watching it (because it WAS fiction in the story, although parts of the Bible)... my sister raved about it all the time, and you know how that is an annoyance for me at times.  So I refused to watch it.  We've watched several of the episodes, but never all the way through.  Hubby generally does not want to watch because, well, he just doesn't, who knows the real reason.  Anyway, I decided some time ago to watch all the seasons in order.  (We both watched Season 5 at the show when it first came out).  I'm on Season 3, and I think I am at the end of that disc.  I generally watch them when hubby is gone on Tuesday nights, unless I have something else I need to do. Otherwise, like last night, I put the disc in the DVD player, and grab my crochet.  And it was a good evening.

I have another 8a training this morning.  Morgan could only do mornings this week as her husband works days this week 7a-7p and well, I don't know all the reasons.  None of my business, but she was able to get hubby and I both in twice, and she said that some of her clients she could only get in once.  But she considers us 'nearly family'.  Yesterday we did chest; today I have a HIIT in front of me.  At 8a.  Not sure this body is up to that, but I will give it my best shot.  The relaxation I had last week is quickly fading.  My BP shot back up this morning - actually higher than it's been since before vacation.  I've got to work on getting it back down; I do not want to be prescribed medication.  I take three medications and I do all I can to keep from getting others.  Unfortunately, between work and hubby, I don't know if I can keep the BP down, but why punish me because they both are stressful?  Right?

Yesterday wasn't a bad day.  I did get the last set of minutes completed that I needed to do.  I think today I will work on the decks so that when the prep for the board meetings come, they will be all set.  Sue is down to less than two weeks before retirement.  I really am happy for her; a bit envious, but that's ok. I got the sweetest note from her yesterday in a thank you for the retirement gift I gave her.  We still plan to meet occasionally, and she already has told me to submit PTO for the first Friday in December - we have gone to the Christmas Ideas House for about 10 years now, I'd guess, if not longer.  She always buys our tickets, which are quite expensive to me.  But we meet up and have brunch together, then shop through the house. Always a joy to be with her.  I guess as long as I feel I can drive to Mesa and meet up, we will still go together.

The disc I watched last night on The Chosen - part of it was about Eden, Peter's wife (yes, in the Bible it doesn't talk about her) and she miscarried their baby while Peter was out in the 'two being sent out to preach the gospel) and when Eden finally told him, Peter was furious with Jesus, saying He could have prevented it, after all, Peter was in that 'inner circle' and wasn't there, why didn't Jesus heal Eden that caused this, why why why?  And Peter was angry.  Then the scene went to the feeding of the 5,000 + and Peter was 'rude'; after they brought the 12 full baskets of fish and bread back, he literally threw his down and walked away.  Peter got a boat so the disciples could go across the sea while Jesus went up the mountain to pray.  

And the storm came.  The disciples were doing all they could to stay afloat, and then they thought they saw a ghost walking across the water!  You remember the story, I'm sure.  When Jesus got closer, Peter called out, "Jesus, if it is You, tell me to come to You!"  Well, he used a lot more words in the movie.  Jesus, of course, told Peter to come to him.  The other disciples were telling Peter not to do it, afraid he would drown in the storm.  But Peter got out of the boat and started to walk towards Jesus.... and as we all know the story, Peter took his eyes off Jesus and fell into the water.  

Jesus reached out his hand and rescued Peter, and Peter clung to Jesus and just cried and I can't remember all that he said in the movie, but it was over and over - something like 'don't leave me' or something like that.  I think I want to go back and watch that part again.  Why?  Because that is us, many times.

We have our eyes on Jesus and then something distracts us.... and we fall into the water.  As we flounder about, Jesus has His hand out, reaching for us.  Can you picture it?  Will you grab Jesus' hand and let Him pull you out of the water that threatens to drown you?  

And then Jesus speaks "Peace! Be still!" and the water calms and the boat is now still.  And Peter is still clinging to Jesus, repeating words over and over again.  Broken.  So hurt by life.  So much like us at times.   (Matthew 14:31 "And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?")

Where is our faith when we are hurting, when things don't go the way that we think they should?  Where is our faith when we think we have faith enough to believe... and what we just knew Jesus would do - He doesn't?  All we can say in those moments is "Increase my faith, O Lord.  Help me to believe."

I've shared in the past when I thought my faith was strong and I believed that Jesus would take care of the situation I was praying about.  But sometimes, that isn't in His Plan.  It does leave us broken, unsure of what we do believe.  But this is what I will tell you.  Even with what faith you have, pray for increase in faith.  Keep your eyes on Jesus, no matter what.  Hardship may come. Pain may come. Sickness and disease may come.  But Keep your eyes on Jesus, for He is the Author and Perfector of your faith.  Jesus is our All in All.  Without Him, we have nothing.  Cling to Him.  Reach for Him.  Hang on for dear life - no matter what comes against you.  Jesus is always there, and He is always for you.  He walks every journey in this life with you.  You are never alone.

And for that I am grateful.  Life is hard at times.  Some of us don't have the 'easy' life others have had. We were all brought up differently.  Pain exists.  But Joy comes in the morning.

Praise Jesus!  He is the only way.  Who are you reaching a hand out to?  With your other hand, reach up for Jesus.

Have a blessed day!

Blessings!

Can I leave again?

 Work yesterday wasn't too bad; I think I have one meeting left to create.  My boss, Sue, and I chatted some. I got caught up on emails.  I visited Ms. Vicky last night. And I'm tired.  All my get up and go I gained from resting, has run away.  Sigh.  

Can anyone tell me why once again I was awake at 1:40a and then only tossed and turned until I finally arose at 4:30a?  I should have gotten up.  But I kept hoping I'd fall asleep.  Different thoughts, and a song, kept coming to my mind.  Never mind about my thoughts; God and I talked about those.... but the song?  Another Forrest Frank song.  His songs are so catchy I find myself running different verses through my mind all throughout the day.  This song?  Your Way's Better.  It has a verse that goes "Your way's better, Jesus, Your way's better!"  And that verse keeps running through my head.  I'm guessing I need to remember that!

https://youtu.be/T1LRsp8qBY0?si=mCt7Vs_MJkIc3Tah

I hope that takes you to it.  I love this song - and many of the songs that Forrest Frank has put out there. I think I've shared that before.  Still true.  

I have an 8a training with Morgan this morning; hubby goes at 8:30a.  Haven't worked out since last Tuesday so I'm guessing that this body is going to resist some.  I have done some push ups, some squats and a few other exercises, but it's not the same.  Need to do more every day to keep my body strong and moving.

Need to straighten things up in here and throughout the house this morning as well.  Our house cleaners are coming today at noon, I think it is scheduled.  I still have gifts and books on the bed in here, not that they do anything with the bed.  Need to make sure everything is up off the floor though so that it can done. Dusting in here? Not much; I have clutter everywhere on the tables.  He does straighten up my table by my chair. But then there is the bathroom I need to clean off, the couch (where all my yarn is), and then the kitchen.  Hubby takes care of his office and his bathroom.  The rest is my responsibility, I guess. Oh well, at least the house smells good afterwards and its clean.

Hubby let me know last night that he doesn't want to lead a life group (that I think I've mentioned previously) because he doesn't want to miss out on our current life group. And I get it. I just want to get back in teaching a class.  I have been toying with getting 4-6 women to meet here on Tuesday evenings (since it's my 'free' night) and do a class.  I mentioned that to hubby so of course he jumped on it that 'Yeah, you should do that!'  That's why I don't share my thoughts with him very often. Well, one of the reasons.  If I mention I want to do it, and he's ok with it, he will 'nag' at me to do it, and then I don't want to do it because he is telling me to do it, even though I wanted to do it in the first place!  Did you follow that line of thinking?  I do like my Tuesday evenings alone.... but I also long to teach a class because it forces me to dive deep into the Word and study, which I have gotten very lazy in (in my opinion) over the past years.  I just feel so isolated and I do want to make new friends.  I long to have someone I can go walking with, go to the gym with, and share with.  I think we all need at least one person we can open up and share our innermost thoughts and give them permission to speak into us.  Hubby has his friend on Tuesday night and this men's group on Friday mornings.  I have Sue, and we will still talk, but it just won't be as often.  I have friends at work, but none that I can really share with, if you know what I mean.  And I'm rambling about this, so I'll hush.  Work just keeps interfering with my life.  But I know that there are some women out there who are also like me, who want to do a short bible study and have women friends and are willing to meet for a couple hours on a Tuesday evening.  I've always shied away from doing just women, but maybe God is moving me in that direction at this time.  We have a women's ministry at church so that is not in my thinking.  I just want to have women who will walk life with me.  Does that make sense?  I think there are women out there who also long for companionship to walk through life. Perhaps they also have to work, kids are grown and gone, and they want to find themselves again.  I'm there, and I'm sure others are too.  Something to pray about, anyway.

And, this will be short today cause it is nearly 7a and I need to get dressed and out the door at 7:30a to head to the gym. Lucky me, in with all the morning traffic.  I've got to get my life straightened out!  

Have an amazing day - be kind to someone; you don't know what they are going through.

Blessings!

Home Sweet Home

 As much as I enjoyed - and needed - the time away from work, from here, from life - it is good to be back. I feel rested and yet, I could have slept more this morning. LOL  Actually, my sleep patterns have not changed much this past week - and would you believe, I slept the entire night without waking up - at least not fully awake as I have in the past.  Got up at 4:30a, and been trying to get back into my routine.  Hubby got up about 5:30a and brought my coffee, which tastes much better than any of the coffee we had elsewhere while we were gone.  Even the coffee I made at the Airbnb.  I guess we are just used to the k-cups and since I told hubby to quit making mine 10 ounces and leave it at 8 ounces, they are perfect.  It's good to be home.

We actually left much earlier than we meant to yesterday, but stopped for breakfast on our way out of town. Had to make a stop in Payson cause those three cups of coffee and water told me I'd never go another hour to get home.   We stopped at a Burger King and I ran in to use the restroom, and because Heloise (remember her?) wrote back in my mama's day, (and I always say 'Mama says') that if we stop to use a restroom, we need to buy something.  So I went to the register to get two value-size drinks.  The young man at the register, bless his heart, said "I'll give you the senior price cause they are the same size".  Should I have been offended?  I just said "thank you" and got the drinks.  It was a safe trip down and I opted not to stop at White Castle... for some reason, they just didn't sound good. Imagine that.  Maybe I was just in a hurry to get home.  We got home and I unpacked.... while hubby immediately turned on the Diamondbacks ballgame for awhile then over to NCIS.   Four days without a TV was more than he could handle, I guess. Around 4-ish we headed over to the youngest son's for a couple birthday parties.  It was good seeing the great-grandchildren and we didn't know they were fixing dinner. We figured it would be pizza or subs, but she fixed spaghetti with meat sauce and it was pretty good.  After cake and a couple hours, we decided to head home. Surprisingly, the TV stayed off.   Hubby was on his phone (and I was for a short while) and I crochet'd some.  8:30 it was time to head to bed as usual.

Back to work this morning.... first thing to do is approve timecards, that I know. I have pretty much kept my emails cleaned up while gone cause I can see them on my phone.  Didn't answer any, but deleted some. I think there are about 28 that I need to look at this morning.  I'll talk to Sue as she will be messaging me about my trip.  All in all it was a good trip and we enjoyed it. It is definitely much hotter here.

Oh - one thing I did notice - on the way UP, we used up nearly 3/4 a tank of gas.  Coming home, we used only 1/4 tank of gas.  It was 34.4 MPH on the way back; I didn't look on the way there.  Interesting, right? We wondered if 1) coming down more than going up and 2) I left the air off until we ran into 94 degree temperature about an hour or so on the way back.  Both probably paid a factor, and a noticeable one. 

I think my computer missed me. I've been fighting it for the last 30 minutes, trying to get it to come up. At first my internet wouldn't connect (thanks, Cox), and got it connected. Then the web page wouldn't come up, my microsoft for work wasn't recognizing me.... finally got it up, had to restart a couple times. Finally was able to get in and approve timecards (very important) and now I can finish this before finishing reviewing the 26 emails that are still showing in my in-box.  I'll get messages soon from some of the admins that I chat with on a fairly regular basis, asking how my vacation was.  

So at the risk of repeating myself to you... vacation was good.  In fact, it was very restful, as it should have been. Boring in some respect as hubby didn't want to go anywhere except out to eat. We discussed it on the way back... NOW he says he would have gone if I had wanted to (thrift shop, antiques, lavendar farm, etc.) but at the time, every time I commented on stopping, he grumbled. Was that a sign he wanted to go with me?  Not if I wanted to enjoy it and hurry through the store!   But all in all, it was a good trip, a good time, restful, and my BP, which I took before we left which was like 137/81 or thereabouts, this morning it was 114/71.  What does that tell you about a few days rest?

2 Corinthians 10:17-18 (ESV):  "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord."  For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.

We all know 'those people' who constantly brag about themselves or what they have been doing.  Sometimes we roll our eyes, because we have our doubts of what they believe is true and what we see is true. Right?  So if we must boast about ourselves, boast about what the Lord has done, not about what  we in our own power have done.  Many times that will backfire on us, right?

I choose to boast in how God takes care of us.  It isn't anything I do, for sure.  God kept my plants alive while we were gone (yes, I do need to get out there and water them today!). He provides every need we have - and even lets us have some of our wants.  He is such a good, good Father!

I know this is short, but I am behind on work this morning and need to start getting through these messages and caught up.  But the good news is, I'm back home, safe and sound.  Got a good night's sleep, feel rested (will see how long that lasts!) and am already thinking of when I can take another day off work!  

Have an amazing day - and be kind to each other.  It might be a blessing to them - and to you - in disguise.

Blessings!