Hubby came in a few minutes ago and said that he wasn't going to his bible study this morning as he didn't feel well. He said he got up, took a shower, and just didn't feel like driving; that he just felt nauseated and stomach upset. Ok then. I shot an email off to my son who had planned to come over this morning.... he is still more than welcome to come over... and he can still sit in here with me, if he wants. But wanted him to know that hubby would be home as well. So that also kind of throws me off of things I get done while hubby is gone. Oh well; at least I got my laundry done on Tuesday evening!
I started reading a 'new' book last night. It has already started off making me think and confessing. Yep. That too. It is Mark Rutland's book Courage to be Healed: Finding hope to restore your soul. Looks like I bought it from Thriftbooks at some time but haven't read it. I'm finding it thought-provoking and bringing me to a time of reflection and confession. Yeah, me too. I haven't got past the first chapter yet but read the introduction and it really got me thinking. What was that all about? Holding offenses. Ouch. Yeah, Ouch. Holding offenses is the same as unforgiveness. We can say we 'forgive' someone, but if we still hold an 'offense' against them, we haven't really forgiven them. I've had to confess some offenses last night to God, and again this morning as I wrote in my journal, I again brought up offenses I needed to confess.
So I have confessed my offense at someone to God. Now what? Most of them don't know I held and offense, and most of them 'don't care' that I did! Some I never see any more and have no contact with. Some I have to deal with frequently, whether I want to or not. So I have had to confess and ask forgiveness for holding an offense (even when they haven't asked for forgiveness and don't plan to) against someone who doesn't even care I have an offense against them. So why do I have to confess it to God and ask forgiveness from Him? Because I want nothing between me and my God. I want nothing to keep me out of heaven when Jesus draws those who have died to him, and of those when He returns to draw others to the sky. I want to be in that group!! I don't want to be left here, crying my eyes out because I didn't make it into heaven because someone had offended me years ago and I hung on to it because they hurt my feelings or made me mad. I have to forgive them, in order for God to forgive me for NOT forgiving them. Does that make sense? If you are like me, if you want to follow Jesus... if He can forgive those who spoke against Him, if He can forgive those who nailed His body to the cross..... if He can forgive someone like me.... how can I not forgive others? There is no measuring stick on who gets forgiven and who doesn't. It is all or.... nothing. I may like being warm, but not hot. I like being free, not held captive. How about you?
Are you holding on to any offenses? I will hopefully get to read more in this book over the weekend. To my knowledge we don't have much planned. The only thing I'm aware of tonight is hubby wants to take me out for a 'real dinner' - and we decided on JiMichaels. Tomorrow I can't think of anything on the calendar... and Sunday is church of course.
Did I tell you that our church, at the end of October, is going to 4 services? Surprisingly this 4th service isn't on Saturday night - but on Sunday @ 5p. Maybe that will be a time I can take Ms. Vicky. I've offered to take her, but she has never said. And I know she says she gets so lonely on Sunday evenings - what better way to be un-lonely than to go to church and be with God and worship Him? Our church is still looking for a larger location up in this area - but currently nothing affordable is available. I hope they don't go too far away - we're about 6-8 minutes away right now and I love its convenience.
I have a dental cleaning appointment at 8a this morning - ugh. I don't like those either. I've already taken my retainers out so that I can drink my coffee so will leave them out until I get back. I had them out last night to eat and daggone it - bit my lip twice! These retainers fit so much better than the last ones did. I don't mind the stretching, but I do mind when the plastic retainer digs into my gums!
Another good book that I nearly started to reread last night was PYTHON by Jentezen Franklin. I'm sure I have written about it before when I read it the first and probably the second or third time. What is it about? You don't remember? LOL It helps you identify people who literally suck the life out of you. Yeah, have some of those in my life as well. As I was looking for a book to read off the bookshelf last night I thought of it and looked for it. But then I found Mark Rutland's book and decided to read it. Why did PYTHON come to mind? I don't know... perhaps it is because at times I do feel life sucked out of me? Hence the cause of offenses at times? I don't know. I just know I can not hold on to offenses any more... it's been called out and I know it. Does that mean I can't get angry once in a while? No, it doesn't - not even if it is the same slanderous acts people do. Narcistic people just can't let things go and every time things die down, they have to bring up THEIR offenses once again and let everyone know how badly they were treated. Or think they were. But I have to continue to forgive even when they put their slander in my face. Even if it isn't about me. I can not allow offense to shadow me. Pray pray pray - right?
I John 2:1 (ESV): My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.
Wow, does that scripture not fall in with my confession of offenses?
Jesus Christ is our Advocate, our 'lawyer' when we are accused unjustly. When we accept Him as Lord, He puts on us His righteousness, and our robes of righteousness are white. We are covered by His blood, shed on the cross. What is that saying - "sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words can never hurt me?" That's not true, words DO hurt. But it is what we do with those words. Do we return words? Do we fight? Do we slander others? Those type of people just show who they are on the inside. They hold offenses. Do we? Hate is an awful thing.
I also read this morning that when we confess and remove our held offenses, we heap burning coals on their heads because it reflect to them who they have become and what they are. So if you want to heap burning coals on someone's head, pray for them! LOL Sorry - that's always something I have thought about - I am sincere in praying for others, but if they did something to me, I knew burning coals were heaped on their head. And some are piled pretty high! Or not.
So where did that saying come from? Well, it IS in Proverbs 25:21-22 - and in reading my study bible, it says "probably refers to an ancient Egyptian custom whereby a person publicly demonstrated contrition for wrongdoing by carrying on his head a pan of burning coals to represent the burning pain of his same and guilt. The point of the illustration is that when we love our enemies, we become the burning pan of coals on their heads. Our love and good works toward our enemies are painful reminders to them of their evil deeds and (hopefully) shame them into waiting to correct their ways."
And with that, I'm off here and need to get things ready with work and dressed to head to the dentist. Oh joy. I like cleanings about as much as I like him working on my teeth! NOT!
Have an amazing day and remember to pray for others. Lord knows we need it!
Blessings!
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