Shouldn't a work week start on Tuesday? Why is it that Monday mornings are such a dread? Yes, I'm back to work today and have things I need to do. Besides, if I didn't work, what else would I get done? Only those who really know me understand my dilemma... and it is something I allowed to be put on myself years ago. I don't want questions. I don't want to be watched. I don't want anyone saying anything about what I choose to do. So I do nothing. Some of you understand that. Oh, I'm not feeling sorry for myself; I did it to myself long ago. I'm not going to blame anyone, although I could. I never had enough confidence in myself to stand up for myself. And, when we do things, or allow things.... we end up reaping the consequences, right? No, not going into any details... I've just been doing a lot of thinking this morning.
I started reading the workbook You Are Called by John Bevere this morning. I haven't gotten completely through the first section yet because of my time constraints. I wanted to write in here before the day began with work. It has made me think about some things. Perhaps I can share as I go along, but the first story in the book was about a man who had been very successful in business and his net worth was around $15M. Ready to retire, right? He was asking John Bevere if it was ok he slack off his work. Well, he didn't, and ten years later his net work was $35M and he went into business with two other men and ten years later sold it for $555M. Not a bad day's work, right? But what does that have to do with the story? I'm not real sure, but I'm thinking it is because he was such a giving man, that his calling was to continue to work so he could continue to give. That gave me a lot of thought about myself working; I am able to help others in need; I give to our church; if I feel led to donate to things, I do that; and I love to be able to buy way too many Girl Scout cookies when a great-granddaughter has them for sale, or trinklets another great-granddaughter sells to earn her way for a school trip; or sponsor another great-granddaughter in sports (obviously my great-granddaughters are older than the great-grandsons!). I love being able to do that without thinking it is taking away from the groceries or whatever. And I can only do that with working.
The first video in this new study was very thought-provoking. I watched it yesterday morning. 'God' called out a man as 'Evangelist' and the man replied - "oh no, I'm not an evangelist, I'm an accountant.' And God told him that he was called to be an evangelist and would have impacted thousands of people for the kingdom. Another call out was to an 'Accountant', and the man replied "oh no, I'm not an accountant, I'm a pastor, and I have 750 members in my church." But God replied that he had been called to be an accountant and could have touched two men's lives who would go on to save so many thousands of souls. And the third example, God called 'Sister'... and she replied, "I'm sorry, I have tried to raise my three children to serve You, I have been so busy with that, I haven't been able to go out into the world and do things for you." And God replied.... "I didn't call you to be anyone else. I called you to raise your three children to know me, and they will impact thousands of lives for my kingdom."
Sometimes we aren't called to be involved in the world where we think our habits or abilities lie; sometimes we are called to a higher position that we perhaps do not even see. It has given me a lot to think about.
And I watched a video this morning from my friend Lori Maldonado and Wild Women of God. I have been in tears this morning. She quoted from this scripture and it is one of my favorites....
Lamentations 3:21-24 (ESV): But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion", says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."
His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. Oh how I often fall on my face and cry out to Him for His mercy, which He freely gives each and every morning. Great is His faithfulness to me! Things that I thought I could not endure, He guides me through them. Situations that are beyond my control, He gives me strength and wisdom to know what to do. My hope is in Him alone, for without Him, without the mercies of the Lord, without knowing His faithfulness to me.... I am without hope, without life. The Lord sustains me. So many times I have wanted to give up, and yet, the Lord says 'walk this way, and I will walk with you.' and when I follow His instructions, He guides me. He is my source of strength. Is He yours?
When was the last time you cried out to God for mercy? Have you ever? Or do you just think you don't need Him at all? Honestly, when I think back to when I thought I could do everything in my own power, my own thinking, my own way.... I can see nothing but failure and shame. But when I turned to Jesus and asked Him to be Lord of my life, only then, did I find freedom. Yes, even though I always (so it seems) complain about being smothered, being withheld from my dreams, I know that God is in control of me, in control of my life. There is nothing that happens that He didn't already know about it. There is nothing in the past that He wasn't already aware of. He knows my heart's dreams, but perhaps that is not what He is calling me to. Perhaps my dreams are not His plans for me. Yes, that can happen as well.
So I sit here and ask Him, "what am I called to do; to be?" I don't know what His answer is, yet. For now, I will dive more into learning about Him; spending time with Him. I need to give Him first place always; not just when I can spare the time. Which is why I do my quiet time in the morning; I want to give him the 'first fruits' of my day. Some mornings it is so very hard to get up ... but my body generally wakes up between 4-4:30a and I just want to go back to sleep. I come in here and curl up in my chair, hoping that sleep will come... but it does not. And then I beat myself up for wasting my time in here when I could be spending it with Him. These 10p nights on Sunday watch NCIS reruns may not be the best use of my time, right? Something to think about.
Yipes - just glanced at the clock and it is 6:54a and I need to get the work computer on and begin my work day.
Do you realize how much mercy God gives you on a daily basis? His mercies never cease; they are new every morning. When the Lord is your portion, you can have HOPE. And therefore, I will have hope in Him. I truly am lost without Jesus in my life. I'm not where I want to be in Him, so I will keep learning, keep seeking. I don't need to 'strive' for it's not love if I'm striving.... I just want to be with Jesus, every day. What about you? Where is your hope?
Have an amazing day! Remember how loved you are. Love others as you are loved by Jesus. You are His hands and feet.
Blessings!
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