And sleeping in your own bed. Right? The rain held off until we got almost to my house yesterday and it started to come down steadily. We got my things out of the car and as my daughter drove off, the rain continued to fall - and I think it has continued since then. Although at this moment it seems to have stopped. I slept so good last night - deep sleep - and although I woke at midnight (well, I DID go to bed around 8PM - I was tired! (or bored)) I went back to sleep and when my alarm went off at 4AM, I did not want to get up and hit snooze a couple times before finally arising. By then I was getting in the 'wait for the alarm to go off' - in my case, my watch buzzing me. But here I am, back home, somewhat rested from a good night's sleep - and still not ready to face another work day.
Hubby brought my coffee in about 5AM and asked me how did I manage making my own coffee the past four days. It was brutal, I'm telling you! Plus I used INSTANT coffee. Well, the first morning I didn't have coffee at the start of the day as we hadn't gone to the store yet. When we stopped for breakfast, I think I had 2 full cups plus a couple 'top of off' cups. It was decent coffee. And I imagine I'm about due to go pick up more coffee for us. There was coffee at the house - coffee BEANS - and I didn't want to grind and make a pot of coffee for just me. The daughter doesn't drink coffee; the granddaughter drinks decaf. It doesn't matter to me - hot coffee that is strong is coffee to me - whether decaf or regular. I definitely enjoy a good cup of coffee and it is rare to find anymore. I don't usually go to Starbucks for coffee (I'm cheap) and not Dutch Brothers either. I've seen these off brands like Black Rock or something like that - tempted to try it sometime, but I haven't. I've ordered mushroom coffee (we've been using it; it's different and hard to get used to, but we are drinking it as a 2nd cup). I've ordered coffee from Javvy and it should arrive any day now. I'm curious what it will taste like. If I can find a good strong coffee, I'll stick to it. I've been getting Starbucks Sumatra at Sam's Club, but after awhile, I need to switch to another brand. Peets dark roast is good, but like Starbucks, it's a rip off to pay MORE for 72 k-cups versus a brand that may not be as good and you get 100 cups. We go through at least two k-cups a day - and sometimes more - so I do like quantity as well as quality. Enough about coffee.
It was good to get home although I am back to work today. I have that dreaded new board meeting this week for which I have to get online at 6AM on Thursday because it is for the Colorado group who are an hour ahead of us. The doctors can only do 7AM there. I am convincing my male boss, who is president of this board as well, to change it to quarterly if we have to do 6AM instead of every other month. Besides, I don't want to do it. Period. I've cleaned out a bunch of emails but last night it was back to 72 and I left it alone. Most aren't mine anyway. Today I will be clearing those off and catching up on those meetings I do need to create. My favorite boss is still off today. She went to North Carolina last week for a nephew's wedding. We meet up for our 'admin meeting' on Friday morning this week so we will be catching up on each other's trips.
Hubby has not made any comments about my hair other than he liked my bangs. Not even about the color. I'm still not 'sold' on the solid brown since I am so used to the gray/white running through my hair. And now I will have to have 'touch-ups' done as it is growing out. I feel it makes me look older, but then, I am old(er). I know I'll get used to it and it will start fading as time goes by. Will see how it plays out. I don't regret doing it so much... it just feels 'not me'. It's an obvious change and people who know me will definitely notice it. I don't want to be 'seen' for a change in hair color. When I sent a photo to my sister, she sent me a photo of herself.... she said in Florida a few months ago she had purple tinted in her hair. I couldn't see it (she's blonde), but I'm sure it was still in there. Mine is to be a warm brown, and it may be.... it just needs to lighten up a bit. Anyway - enough about that. I'm grateful (thank you, Lord) that hubby hasn't made me feel bad about not cutting my hair short. It was such a bad job on my bangs, I'm glad I didn't get it cut.
Why don't I cut my hair the way hubby wants it? I'm sure there are lots of internal reasons, but there is one picture in my mind that I have wanted all my life. My dad's mom, my Grandma R, (and Granny S) had long white/silver hair that they wore in a bun. At night I was always enthralled watching Grandma R let down her hair and brush it, then braid it for the night. In the morning she would unbraid it, comb it out, and roll it back into a tight bun. To me her hair was so beautiful. I didn't see Granny with her hair down as she often retired way before we did. But Grandma had no problem letting her hair down in front of us. It's a special memory for me and I always wanted to have hair like that. Sigh. So I dye my hair brown instead of letting the silver/gray take over. In time, in time, right?
Have you ever watched a potter create a vase? I haven't, except the bits and pieces you may see of one in the middle of a movie. But a potter has to take that lump of clay and work it with his hands to get all the air bubbles out of the clay, and after working it, puts it on the wheel that spins and he waters and shapes it as it goes around. Sometimes he will see a flay in the creation of the vase and will work with that one area to get the flaw fixed. We've all seen 'factory made' cups and vases that are 'flawed' because they have an air bubble that popped during the firing process.
But God doesn't leave us flawed with air bubbles as He creates us. When He finds a flaw in us, He continues to work in us and through us to get all the rough stuff out. It is during these times that we may wonder where God is. Why did I lose that job? Why did my favorite person pass away? Why does this person have this disease? Why am I struggling with life so much? So many questions we have but when we feel we are being beaten down and left in a limp pile, God is actually working within us to get the 'stuff' out of us, so that we can be perfect in His image.
I think back over my life and the very tough times I've gone through. No one knows - and will never know - all that I have been through. This is not about that. What it is about is that I came through that fire and God embraced me and loved me and helped me put my feet back on His solid ground. I shudder to think what my life would have been like had I not chosen to follow Jesus. I am so serious. It was - to me - a horrible life. No, I never ever did drugs. But I had a lot of other low points that I won't go in to. You could say at some of it, it was the beginning of the end.
And I think that all of us have those 'beginning of the end' times in us. Most of us carry something in our past that we just haven't let go of and refuse to give up what can change us and make us new. I have to submit to what I know is good and right and not wallow in self-pity at what my life was - or is - and choose to live daily 'in the Light' of the Lord's goodness. He is so good to me. I am totally dependent upon Him. I choose to be totally dependent upon Him because I couldn't live any other way. In Him I live and move and breathe. Without Him, I am just a lump of clay.
Where are you at today? Are you allowing yourself to go through the pain and struggle of the air bubbles being pushed out of you? Or do you think being flawed is just fine for you? O that I pray you would choose Life and allow God to work the ugly things out and allow His strength, His love, His compassion for you come through!
Blessings!
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