and yet, this week seems to have gone by so very fast! I haven't had much to do this week, which makes it even more crazy that it has gone by so fast. But here we are, Friday. And as the saying goes, "It took all week to get here." Today may be my 'busiest' of all this week. I'm actually going to get to have lunch with an old friend. Old as in many, many years. Met her in 1968, as a matter of fact.
I had to pursue getting this lunch set up. I had asked a couple months ago for us to get together but she said her sister was living with her for three weeks, but didn't say why. She also has not been posting much on Facebook - although I have managed pretty much to stay off of it most hours - so I wouldn't know if she did post. Anyway, she was to contact me when her sister left. It's been a couple months, at least, I'm thinking (without looking at the dates). So I reached out two days ago and asked about meeting for lunch and catching up. She responded yesterday that we could meet. I had actually asked for 11AM yesterday, but she didn't respond until 12:48PM so I had to text her back that her 'tomorrow' would be Friday (today) not Thursday as I had planned. When she hadn't responded for awhile, I called last night and asked if she wanted to meet for dinner - as hubby had his meeting last night. She did not answer nor respond. So I confirmed for today, and she did respond yes for today. Well, I will show up at 11AM at Jack in the Box and see if she shows us. I wonder what is going on.....
That's about all I have going on this morning - or rather, today - other than work. I still expect it to be light as my male boss is still on PTO today. He has managed to send me two emails this week to schedule an appointment - but at least it hasn't been as if he was working all week! It's been pretty quiet and Sue has been in a lot of meeting this week so hasn't sent much my way either. The others have only requested one meeting, I think. All in all, it's been a nice quiet week - although I do still have to sit in front of the computer.
I don't think anything is planned for tomorrow. I wonder if I can convince hubby to let me have a solitude morning in here - meaning, leave me alone until about noon - or until I come out. Still reading in a book about solitude and my heart longs to just get away off by myself and God. In fact, yesterday afternoon I was skimming the computer, looking up retreats and places nearby. I know hubby doesn't see retreats the same way I do - I want to be totally alone with God; he wants me with him. The fear of being alone is horrible; more so when you are 'old', I am guessing. You may shrug and roll your eyes, but seriously, it is a major thing with hubby. I don't know about other people, but I imagine their lives have not been as isolated as ours have been. I'm not afraid of being alone (I don't think), but hubby is truly terrified. And it is partly my fault, I would guess.
My fault? Am I just feeling guilty? If you have read in here for very long you know I do not like to be smothered. I don't like being 'forced' into a corner. I rebel when a fence is built up where no one can get in and I can't get out. Does that make sense? For the past 43 years I have fought tooth and nail to live. Some of you who know me well, understand that statement. But in my fighting to live, I also isolate myself from things. I think I'm getting deep in here... but let's just suffice it to say that I feel that the 'problem' of hubby's fear of being alone is exactly that. Even though we were together as a family; even though we are together as a couple, one can still feel like an 'outsider' and alone.
We have family members that even feel that way. They have isolated themselves from family because they can't agree with family. Does that make sense? Could it be a generational curse? The thought of my mother and her sisters squabbling all the time and not talking to each other. One of my aunts isolated herself from her children in the latter years of her life and instead of her will giving specific things to her children at her passing, her will gave everything to her church; her children were totally left out and were not to be a part of anything. My own siblings have isolated themselves from each other. My children have isolated themselves from each other. And even my children's children have somewhat isolated themselves. It is a vicious circle, is it not? We may disagree about something, or stand firm about something, we may not like something - and we walk away feeling justified that we did what we did so that we could 'be whole'.
But we aren't. Yes, I step away from people occasionally. I have to in order to not own the issues they bring to the table. And I find myself wanting to say things that I shouldn't to certain people. If I did, they would forever and a day hold a grudge, as well as post it on Facebook and slander my name again. Yes, I can forgive, but I also need to stay away from such people. And so do you. They are out to destroy and not build up unless it makes them look good. Or they get the attention. They know who they are.
Back to Solitude... and how I long for it, I read this part this morning: "As you enter into solitude and silence, notice your own experience of the push-pull phenomenon. When have you noticed resistance (pushing you away from solitude) and desire (pulling you toward solitude) functioning within you at the same time? What are you noticing right now? What cares and concerns do you need to entrust to God's care so you can be fully present with Him in solitude? Allow them to surface, along with the emotions that follow."
It has more, of course, but even that part made me pause and think. As much as i want solitude, my mind goes racing into different areas as to why I can't do it today (work), or tomorrow (hubby - will he understand and let me have those hours), or even Sunday (church).... so many things I need to do (bake), (work), (pay attention to hubby).... that when can I find solitude to be alone with God except in the bathroom for the few minutes I need to go in there? Don't laugh! I have said many, many prayers in the bathroom, and probably for you! Or others.
Grateful that we can pray anywhere. Even when I am watering the plants, which I need to get outside and do this morning, I can pray. I can thank God for the sunshine, for the water that I use to put on the plants and thank Him for the plants that look so beautiful when they bloom.
And, since I'm way past my work start time, I need to get off here and see what's on the computer, then get out and water my plants real quick before it gets too hot.
Hope you have an amazing day and hopefully, I will have something to share tomorrow.
Blessings!
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