As I was getting ready to leave for 'girls night out' and head to my daughters', I picked up my keys that were laying on the counter next to our Alexa portal. I must have touched it as I picked them up, or it 'sensed' my hand next to it - I don't know - but as I turned around, hubby is standing in front of the portal and staring at it.... and he says... "did that just turn on by itself?" Now mind you, we have had it right where it is, for about two years. I often have it playing music. He has 'talked' to Alexa to turn on or turn off. I paused and said, "perhaps I brushed against it when I picked up my keys and it turned on." He continues to stare at it and says "will it shut off by itself?" Now that may sound like a simple question for someone who has never seen an Alexa portal before, but I must admit that his questions scared me. Lately, a lot of his questions scare me.
Earlier, as I was preparing to leave, he asked me if I had any money. Usually I don't, but recently I've taken to try and pay cash for everything rather than use my debit card so I did have some. I handed him a $20 bill and he asked if I had anything smaller, that he needed to go to the bank (as a side comment). I told him I had a $5 but what could he buy with that? (Tuesday nights he meets with his friend and usually has dinner). He just said he'd bring back my change. THEN he gets up and heats up leftovers for his dinner. $5 would have been enough if he just wanted coffee, right? Unless the coffee is served in a gold cup. But at IHOP? He mentioned my change was on the counter when I got home - but I haven't picked it up yet.
It's just the little things that are out of the ordinary like this that scare me. Plus our trainer told me the other day that he has noticed changes in hubby since he started with him in April. I am thinking I need to send a letter to his doctor and ask him to do more extensive tests on mental. What he does now (per hubby) to test his mental status is talk with him, ask some direct questions, then the doctor leaves the room for 5-10 minutes and then comes back in and asks the same questions. Hubby answers them the same way so the doctor says he is fine. I have been praying for hubby more than usual... I don't know how to deal with this. I try to be calm and respond appropriately, but last night, that scared me. Lord HELP!!
And you know he notices it too when he has asked me to drive the last 3-4 times we have gone someplace together. His excuse for asking me to drive is he has to watch his gas as he has 3-4 doctor appointments this week. (so put gas in the car, right?) I did check the bank account this morning that he controls - it is way down from what it used to be, but I skimmed through everything and it all looks appropriate. Nothing out of whack, other than he spends over $100 a week on his lunches and dinners with his friends. But hey - that's his life now, I can't take that away from him. AND, I'm making him pay for his own training. You know I can't do anything without him doing it too - so I make him pay for it. And he does keep it current. I can't afford for both of us so it's ok. He needs to 'own it'.
Psalm 27:14 (NKJV) "Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!"
That wasn't really the scripture I was thinking of putting next - but it speaks to me, somewhat. Yes, I'm struggling with the current situation with hubby, but I know that the Lord is going to help me get through this odd time. I can't call it a strange time, or even an awkward time... it is just.............. time. I will have these (if I don't already!) times as well.... I just haven't been around people - surprisingly, since I love 'old' people and have pretty much hung around them - and now live in the area with them!)... I just don't know how to handle some situations. But obviously, I'm doing something right. I am not bashing hubby for getting old... far from it. We all will (or are) go through this stage at some point - and that is a good thing for it means we are still alive. I guess I will be needing to learn how to respond (not in surprise shock) when unusual questions come up. Who are these women who are always so patient with their hubbys? I am afraid I don't have much patience anymore... and I always thought I did. Does that make me a bad person?
But it is a good scripture for it reminds me that the Lord can get me through anything - even this. And if I bring it to Him every morning, every time something troubles me, I know that He will strengthen me and help me deal with whatever comes. Part of my sharing so much on here is that some family members read... and it keeps them updated as well ... and they know how (and I pause here because I can't think of the right word to use) crazy I can be when things are out of the norm. And this is definitely out of the norm for me. LORD HELP! I need His strength, His courage, and I need His kind patience. He can work through me. I just need to get out of the way so that He can.
Blessings!
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