Why is it that hubby thinks I 'need' or 'should' do everything he wants to do? Hubby went to the gym last Saturday morning at 6AM. I did not. He discovered very few people at the gym and decided that is the time to go. Good for him. As you know.... I am not a morning person... and I've said many times, this early in the morning, only God can stand me. Yesterday evening hubby asked if I was going to go to the gym with him this morning at 6AM. I responded with the first thing that came to my mind. "Probably not." Needless to say, it unleashed some derogatory words and his anger, which I ignored. And, needless to say, he did not go to the gym this morning at 6AM, as it is nearing 7AM and he is still home. No, I'm not bashing or complaining, just stating facts. And giving you something to read.
What I really want to do today is stay here in my room for as long as I want, and just talk with God all day. I don't want to watch TV; I don't want to crochet or knit; I don't want to sew. I just want to be with God. Alone. Just me and Him. I want to cry out of my pain that I hold within. I want to have freedom to say what I want to say to Him. I want to worship. I want to bow down. I want to be His. I want my heart linked with His. Surrendered. Free.
Until you have experienced what I have just shared, you have no clue what I am talking about, and I feel bad for you, because you haven't. There is nothing like sitting in God's Presence and just being with Him. It's more than sitting in church. It is having your entire soul emptied of this world, and surrendered unto His Lordship. Such peace. Such joy. Oh, how I long for extended times of submission to the One who loves me so much.
Ah, am I sounding mellow this morning? Is that even the right word? My heart is grieved over so many things to the point of despair. I need to share them with Jesus. He already knows them, yes, but I get them out of me and release them.... and allow Him to bring His healing balm to my heart. I am made whole when I am surrendered.
I watched a special service - a powerful service - on Free Chapel last night. Hubby wanted me in the front room with him, of course. He watched the world series; I watched a church service on my Kindle Fire facebook with ear plugs. I knew he was watching me... but I ignored that feeling and I quietly sang the songs and worshipped. It was hard though, I will admit, knowing I was being watched. And afterwards, sure enough, he questioned me about the message, the service. When I tried to explain what went on... I got questions such as 'is that what you were doing?" Sigh. I don't remember if I commented on it or thought it, but I must have said something about wanting to watch things that help me grow in Christ than watching a baseball game. His comment back was something along the lines of "I can watch the service tomorrow afternoon." Sure, we can always watch church services at other times; that's why they are recorded.... but to be connected as it is happening... ah... enough I guess.
Exodus 34:8 (NKJV): "So Moses made haste and bowed his head toward the earth, and worshipped."
I Chronicles 16:29 (NKJV): "Give to the Lord the glory due His name; bring an offering, and come before Him. Oh worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness!:
Psalm 5:7 (NKJV): "But as for me, I will come into Your house in the multitude of Your mercy; in fear of You I will worship toward Your holy temple."
Worship... what is it that you worship? You may not even realize it? What is it that you put before God and think more of? What is it that is more important to you than Him? Do you not know that the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away? Blessed is the name of the Lord! All I have in possessions is a gift from God. If He chose to take it all away from me... I would still love Him. I would still worship Him. If I lost everything, and even everyone... I would still praise His name, for He alone is worthy to be praised, to be adored, and to be honored and worshiped. Hallelujah!
Take a few moment and think about what is important to you. Is Jesus #1? He should be. He gave His life for you. Can we not spare even a few minutes to worship Him? Worshipping Him is the highest praise.
Blessings!
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