A second cup of coffee? Yes, please

 Yes, here I sit with a 2nd cup of coffee this morning, enjoying the quiet of the morning here in this room. I started reading in Isaiah this morning.  Can you even imagine having a vision in which you see the Lord, high and lifted up?  And you also see your sinfulness, and you immediately go "Woe is me, for I am a man of unclean lips!"  Yes, I did ponder that chapter this morning and I allowed myself to just 'be' this morning and reflect upon the goodness of God.  He is, and has been, so good to me! In my eyes I am a failure in so many things, but God tells me I am His, and that wipes away my failures because in Him I am cleansed of all that.  In fact, God and I have had several conversations this morning and I am at peace with myself. 

So what did I learn today in Called?  I learned that we all need to continuously seek wisdom; it is not only for those who have a 'higher calling', but each one of us.  

Proverbs 9:11-12 (NKJV):  Wisdom will multiply your days and add years to your life. If you become wise, you will be the one to benefit.

Isn't that truth encouraging??  It's more than adding years to your life, but it is increasing your effectiveness each and every day.  It means that you will get more out of each day with wisdom, than one who does not have God's wisdom.  Does that make sense?

Ecclesiastes 10:10 (NKJV):  If the ax is dull, and one does not sharpen the edge, then he must use more strength; but wisdom brings success."

That scripture brings to mind the story about the old lumberjack and the young one doing a challenge on who could cut down the most trees with an ax within a certain amount of time. If I recall correctly, the young man made such fun of the old lumberjack that he took him up on the challenge.  The young man took off, swinging his axe and cutting down the trees.  The old lumberjack took time to sharpen his blade, did some trees, and paused again to sharpen the blade, doing this many times throughout the challenge.  He won the challenge without having to put forth a lot of effort; the young man was exhausted from constantly using a dull blade.  The moral of that story could be we need to be sure our 'blade' is sharpened daily.

What do I mean by that?  By going to God's Word each day and reading, studying, and meditating upon His Word, we become wise.  Our 'blade' gets sharpened.  And the Lord knows that with all the distractions and conflicts thrown at us every single day, we need His wisdom to make the wise choices.  Amen?

The book I started reading the other day, Courage to be Healed, wasn't what I thought it would be.  I was disappointed in that respect.  I'm not sure I can put in to words what I expected.  But the book was more of a counseling type for people who had unforgiveness in their hearts from things that had happened to them in the past and how that carried on into their adult life.  A lot of it was conversations between the counselor and the individual - and how it ended up in marriages, in life, in relationships.  I did finish reading it by 'skim reading'.  Some of you know what I mean by that.  I did go to every page and read through it, but it was more like 'speed reading' to see if I could find something that I could relate to.  And some I could, don't get me wrong.  I've written before about my childhood, about the time I was single, and the things that not only happened to me, but I did.  I have forgiven those who hurt me. I'm past that; I don't need to live there.  So I didn't get what I wanted from the book, but I'm sure it is a good read for those who still have unforgiveness of something that happened to them and the counseling part can help them work through it.

So, I put it back on the bookshelf and grabbed a couple other books.  One is Prayer by Richard Foster. I have another one of his books - Celebration of Discipline that taught me so much about the disciplines of spiritual growth.  I imagine I have forgotten and neglected many of those disciplines over the years.... and I have it out to read again to refresh and renew my mind and my spirit.  The other book I brought out was The Prayer Saturated Church by Cheryl Sacks.  I've had this book for awhile, but have not read it.  What has prompted me to pick it up off the shelf?  I got an email from Bridgebuilders, where Cheryl Sacks is, and she is doing a webinar over a few weeks about it.  It's for prayer leaders at the church or anyone who wants to attend.  I debated, but I have not signed up. It is all virtual, but I still have hesitated.  Yes, I get the prayer requests from church, but, I can't explain it.... I'm not connecting and I can't figure out why.  Perhaps it is because I have only met the prayer coordinator a couple times and then she went to Colorado for the summer? I get the email links with the prayer requests every week, and pray over those, but I don't know these people and, well, it feels harder to pray for them when I do not know them.  Hubby wants us to volunteer to pray at the end of the services with people, but I'm hesitant to do so. Which is weird, because I love to pray and talk with God.  The more I think of it, I am going to 'convince' hubby that we should not do it, unless they just have no one to fill that spot.  Why? Because the band is still playing at the end of the service and the prayer people stand right in front of the band.  I feel I would have difficulty hearing the request - and I know that hubby would!  I'm open to praying with people; I have no problem with that.  But I want to hear what their request is, and have time to process what God would want me to pray.  

You know how it is, people do things that get them into predicaments and then they want God to bail them out - time and again - without changing what they are doing.  So how do you pray for something like that?  My thoughts are that one would pray that they would have wisdom to process what they have done and how to make that situation stop.  Does that make sense?  For example, they spend beyond their means and then they can't pay their bills.  So what do they do?  They run to people to pray that God will bless them and take away what they owe so that they won't have that stress.  Right?  What is wrong with that picture?  I've been there.  I know what it is like to be in debt to where one is living from pay check to pay check with no help in sight.  I've been there when I've been the only one working and I have no idea how to make ends meet.  Which reminds me....

One morning in my desperation of financial woes, I fell upon my knees, crying out to God to help me know what to do.  I literally was crying, wanting His intervention to enlighten me, show me what to do.  I had a couple different translations of the Bible laying on the futon on which I did my quiet time, and I just reached out and grabbed one, and started flipping through the pages, seeking what God could show me.  And this is what He showed me.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)  Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Instead of highlighting the entire scripture, I have highlighted the words that stood out to me that morning. I have never forgotten that moment.  I read that scripture, which had not been highlighted or underscored as I had not started reading that translation at that time.  But those very words - Don't worry.  Pray.  Tell God.  Thank Him. Experience God's peace.  Those words spoke to my heart and mind that morning, and I arose from my knees, knowing the peace of God that passeth all understanding.

And that can happen for you as well.  Are you troubled this morning?  Do you need peace about a situation or problem?  Fall on  your knees and cry out to God and pray, tell Him what you need. Thank God for His provisions, whatever they are.  And then rest in the peace that only God can give.  

And I leave you with that story, for the peace of God, knowing you are so loved, that He hears us when we cry out to Him, and that He cares for us, every single little thing that troubles us.... and we are His. May your Sunday be a blessed day.

Blessings!

Saturday rest

 I actually tossed, turned, and slept my way to 5:15a this morning!  Finally told myself to get my lazy self up and get in here and spend quality time with Jesus.  My favorite part of the day.  So it's Saturday.... as I had finished my cup of coffee I went into the kitchen to decide if I wanted another cup of coffee - or what.  Decided on tea and a cold glass of water.  Hubby stops his reading and asks me some questions, i.e., what are my plans for today, etc.  

My plans for today.  I always have plans, and yet, no plans cause I don't always follow through.  I do need to go to Staples and drop off an Amazon return.  Then I was thinking Hobby Lobby, but there really isn't anything I 'need'.  So probably won't.  I'll come back home and hopefully be motivated enough to back my car out of the garage and work on that area that has everything piled in front of it.  I have a box for Savers there and I need to finish filling it up and take it to Savers and get 'rid' of it.  I need to straighten up the shelves as I have gotten to where I just 'stuffed' where I found a space.  Need to pull my canning jars out and decide what I'm going to fill them with for Christmas gifts this year.  Also, with my new canning lid sealer thing, I can use them for storing things in the pantry, but am not sure what.  Would be nice to have a nice organized pantry again - it's looking pretty chaotic right now.  Hubby did offer his help for the garage in that if I need help, please ask him.  Yeah...no. I can do it faster myself, right?  That's the way most of us women (and sometimes men) feel.

What I am going to try to NOT do is sit down on the couch with a book or with my crochet.  Or sit at the table with my diamond art.  I have a Christmas Tree laid out to do next.  I can only do so much with the hours I have available and my weekends are either lazy and do nothing or I actually get something done. I want this weekend to be the one that I got something done.  Hubby will be watching the Notre Dame game and will be out of my way.  I may wait until AFTER the game to go to Staples so that I can use that time to get things done here.  

My big brother is always such an inspiration to me.  He has always been pro-health, taking care of himself, in spite of the fact he has been a diabetic for over 30-40 years.  He sent me a text this morning that he, after four months, has finally lost 20 pounds he wanted to get rid of.  And, he is walking on his treadmill - today for one mile.  He wants to get to five miles by the end of the year.  Three days a week.  Now I'm the one who wants to do it EVERY day, and of course I wear myself out trying to achieve that goal.  But three days a week, five miles on the treadmill, by Christmas?  Surely I can do that, right?  I'm about 4 years younger than he is (he's 81, I'm 77) so I should be able to do it.  Right?  I.can.do.it.  Get off my lazy butt and just.do.it.  Perhaps your goal would be 1 mile by Christmas.  That's great!  The point is, just do something that will make yourself more healthy.

I listened to the video on Messenger X by John Bevere on the study of Called.  It also has inspired me to pursue finding out what God has called me to do.  Would love to have someone go through the book with me so we could discuss it, but I don't know anyone who would choose to.  I've tried in the past to do study books with my little sister and she generally flakes out on me, although we did do the study of Elijah by Priscilla Scherer together.  It just took us longer because one of us usually didn't have the lesson completed.  I'm sure that one of us was me a time or two.  But we finally got through that book. But I am interested in finding out what God has called me to.  In today's video, John Bevere shared about a man who thought he was to become a minister.  He went to a bible school for two years after high school.  He was an intern pastor for the youth at a church when he was accused of something he didn't do. He was fired.  He then fell on his face before God and just cried out to Him as to what he was to do; he really thought God had called him to ministry.  Then he heard God speak to him - "I didn't call you to ministry; I called you to be a Navy Seal."  So he went to the recruiting office and wanted to sign up to be a Seal. The recruiter tried to discourage him as it is a very hard training. He signed up anyway. Then he knew he had to learn how to swim. Yeah, you read that right. He didn't know how to swim, and besides that, he had had numerous surgeries on his ears and could not handle water in them without terrific pain.  He taught himself how to swim.  Then he started diving down a few feet at a time, and was able to stand the pressure in his ears.  He had things come at him during the trainings; he tore ligaments in his leg when he stepped into a foxhole; he had a couple other things happen which I forget specifically.... but when this video training was made, this man was a Seal, had been a Seal for 19 years and was now an instructor. He knew that was the calling that God had for him.  

So what is my calling?  What is your calling?  Have you ever wondered what God created you for - what He has for you to do with your life?  It is never too late to do what God has called you to do. At 77, I have no idea even now what God has truly called me to do.  Is preaching and teaching, something that I'm passionate about, really my calling?  I guess by the time I finish this course, which will be slowly done, I will find out.  And if it isn't, I'm confident that I will know what I am to do.  Lord, lead me to what You want of me.

Once you get ahold of what God has called you to, He will enable you to succeed.  You will have difficulties once you start on that path for the devil does not want you to succeed.  He only wants you to fail and feel disappointed in yourself.  You were created by God for a purpose.  Our job is to find that purpose and cause it to grow in us.

Ephesians 2:10 (ESV):  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Doesn't that verse stir your heart and get you excited?  God created us in His image, that we can do all things through Him who gives us not only our calling, but our strength to do it!  Hallelujah!  Take some time to seek Him and ask 'what is it that You have called me to, Lord?'  And then we listen.  We may end up listening for a long time, for several days until we hear His voice telling us the way wherein we are to walk.  The point is, God first.... seek Him first, and all these things will be given to you.

I truly enjoyed my oldest son coming over to visit yesterday for a few hours.  I even hung out in the living room with him and hubby and just checked messages periodically.  Grateful I don't really have any 'bosses' right now and can do that.  I did have a couple meetings come through later - one at 3:50p - ugh. I did get it done, but those annoy me cause I get off and 4p and what if it was more challenging that it was?!  I was glad to shut the computer down.

Hubby wanted to take me to dinner last night and we went to JiMichaels.  I like their breakfasts more I think.  I got the fish and shrimp combo last night - and the shrimp was good, but the cod just didn't have any flavor.  I had two pieces and only ate one.  Maybe I wasn't that hungry and hubby insisted he take me to dinner?  Hubby got his liver and onions and loved it.  We also found out the prime rib is only Saturday and Sunday now.  Hubby was so disappointed for that was what he wanted.  Way too much meat for me.

I want to get some more reading in this morning while I have time in here so I'm going to stop typing and start reading again. Need to write in my journal as well so there is that.  Love to write about how God answers prayers.  Sometimes it is changes in myself; sometimes it is changes in others.  Changes in myself are the best for then I feel I'm letting God lead me. What about you?

Have an amazing day; do something that you 'need' to do, and then do something that you 'enjoy' doing. It will be a reward for doing what you need to do.

Blessings!

My day seems to be getting messed up....

 Hubby came in a few minutes ago and said that he wasn't going to his bible study this morning as he didn't feel well.  He said he got up, took a shower, and just didn't feel like driving; that he just felt nauseated and stomach upset.  Ok then.  I shot an email off to my son who had planned to come over this morning.... he is still more than welcome to come over... and he can still sit in here with me, if he wants. But wanted him to know that hubby would be home as well.  So that also kind of throws me off of things I get done while hubby is gone.  Oh well; at least I got my laundry done on Tuesday evening! 

I started reading a 'new' book last night.  It has already started off making me think and confessing.  Yep.  That too.  It is Mark Rutland's book Courage to be Healed: Finding hope to restore your soul.  Looks like I bought it from Thriftbooks at some time but haven't read it.  I'm finding it thought-provoking and bringing me to a time of reflection and confession.  Yeah, me too.  I haven't got past the first chapter yet but read the introduction and it really got me thinking.  What was that all about?  Holding offenses.  Ouch. Yeah, Ouch.  Holding offenses is the same as unforgiveness.   We can say we 'forgive' someone, but if we still hold an 'offense' against them, we haven't really forgiven them.  I've had to confess some offenses last night to God, and again this morning as I wrote in my journal, I again brought up offenses I needed to confess.  

So I have confessed my offense at someone to God.  Now what?  Most of them don't know I held and offense, and most of them 'don't care' that I did!  Some I never see any more and have no contact with. Some I have to deal with frequently, whether I want to or not.  So I have had to confess and ask forgiveness for holding an offense (even when they haven't asked for forgiveness and don't plan to) against someone who doesn't even care I have an offense against them.  So why do I have to confess it to God and ask forgiveness from Him?  Because I want nothing between me and my God.  I want nothing to keep me out of heaven when Jesus draws those who have died to him, and of those when He returns to draw others to the sky.  I want to be in that group!!  I don't want to be left here, crying my eyes out because I didn't make it into heaven because someone had offended me years ago and I hung on to it because they hurt my feelings or made me mad.  I have to forgive them, in order for God to forgive me for NOT forgiving them. Does that make sense?  If you are like me, if you want to follow Jesus... if He can forgive those who spoke against Him, if He can forgive those who nailed His body to the cross..... if He can forgive someone like me.... how can I not forgive others?  There is no measuring stick on who gets forgiven and who doesn't. It is all or.... nothing.  I may like being warm, but not hot.  I like being free, not held captive. How about you?

Are you holding on to any offenses?  I will hopefully get to read more in this book over the weekend. To my knowledge we don't have much planned.  The only thing I'm aware of tonight is hubby wants to take me out for a 'real dinner' - and we decided on JiMichaels.  Tomorrow I can't think of anything on the calendar... and Sunday is church of course.  

Did I tell you that our church, at the end of October, is going to 4 services?  Surprisingly this 4th service isn't on Saturday night - but on Sunday @ 5p.  Maybe that will be a time I can take Ms. Vicky.  I've offered to take her, but she has never said.  And I know she says she gets so lonely on Sunday evenings - what better way to be un-lonely than to go to church and be with God and worship Him?  Our church is still looking for a larger location up in this area - but currently nothing affordable is available.  I hope they don't go too far away - we're about 6-8 minutes away right now and I love its convenience.

I have a dental cleaning appointment at 8a this morning - ugh. I don't like those either.  I've already taken my retainers out so that I can drink my coffee so will leave them out until I get back.  I had them out last night to eat and daggone it - bit my lip twice!  These retainers fit so much better than the last ones did.  I don't mind the stretching, but I do mind when the plastic retainer digs into my gums!

Another good book that I nearly started to reread last night was PYTHON by Jentezen Franklin.  I'm sure I have written about it before when I read it the first and probably the second or third time.  What is it about?  You don't remember? LOL  It helps you identify people who literally suck the life out of you. Yeah, have some of those in my life as well.  As I was looking for a book to read off the bookshelf last night I thought of it and looked for it.  But then I found Mark Rutland's book and decided to read it.  Why did PYTHON come to mind?  I don't know... perhaps it is because at times I do feel life sucked out of me?  Hence the cause of offenses at times?   I don't know.  I just know I can not hold on to offenses any more... it's been called out and I know it.  Does that mean I can't get angry once in a while?  No, it doesn't - not even if it is the same slanderous acts people do.  Narcistic people just can't let things go and every time things die down, they have to bring up THEIR offenses once again and let everyone know how badly they were treated. Or think they were.  But I have to continue to forgive even when they put their slander in my face.  Even if it isn't about me. I can not allow offense to shadow me. Pray pray pray - right?  

I John 2:1 (ESV):  My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.

Wow, does that scripture not fall in with my confession of offenses?  

Jesus Christ is our Advocate, our 'lawyer' when we are accused unjustly.  When we accept Him as Lord, He puts on us His righteousness, and our robes of righteousness are white.  We are covered by His blood, shed on the cross.  What is that saying - "sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words can never hurt me?"  That's not true, words DO hurt.  But it is what we do with those words.  Do we return words?  Do we fight? Do we slander others?  Those type of people just show who they are on the inside.  They hold offenses.  Do we?  Hate is an awful thing.  

I also read this morning that when we confess and remove our held offenses, we heap burning coals on their heads because it reflect to them who they have become and what they are.  So if you want to heap burning coals on someone's head, pray for them! LOL  Sorry - that's always something I have thought about - I am sincere in praying for others, but if they did something to me, I knew burning coals were heaped on their head.  And some are piled pretty high!  Or not.

So where did that saying come from?  Well, it IS in Proverbs 25:21-22 - and in reading my study bible, it says "probably refers to an ancient Egyptian custom whereby a person publicly demonstrated contrition for wrongdoing by carrying on his head a pan of burning coals to represent the burning pain of his same and guilt. The point of the illustration is that when we love our enemies, we become the burning pan of coals on their heads. Our love and good works toward our enemies are painful reminders to them of their evil deeds and (hopefully) shame them into waiting to correct their ways."

And with that, I'm off here and need to get things ready with work and dressed to head to the dentist. Oh joy.  I like cleanings about as much as I like him working on my teeth!  NOT!

Have an amazing day and remember to pray for others.  Lord knows we need it!

Blessings!

I hear thunder!

 What is that song - 'I hear thunder, I see lightening' ??  Oh well - the mind isn't functioning much this morning, I'm guessing.  But when I heard the thunder - that one line hit my brain.  I will definitely have to drink a 'morning kick' this morning to get my body moving.  I just feel a heaviness this morning and I have got to shake it off.  If I get my body moving, generally it departs.  And I do have Morgan @ 8:30a this morning - upper body; guess maybe bicep and triceps workout.  Will see!  Which means my first one next week is HIIT again.  Time flies when you are having fun, right?

I did absolutely nothing yesterday except sit in front of the work computer.  I can't believe that I didn't even once look at my 'list' of things I wanted to get done... and did nothing.  What is going on with me?  I did my Hinge Health exercises, but I did no 'extra' walking for the challenge at work... which means I got around 3k steps.  I've got to really focus today and get more in.  I don't like it when I don't get anything done at all.  Well, Claudia, one of our life-group women, did come over last night and we chatted for about an hour and she had to leave.  We will touch base in a few days to decide if we want to meet every week or every other week - or what.  Whatever she wants to do is fine with me.  I'm at the point that ... well, it just doesn't matter.  Yes, I'd love to teach a class; haven't mentored one on one in years, and then for only a short time.  New Life-Groups at church start on October 14th - for five weeks - and then they want you to move to homes and continue them.  I see the importance of a life group in that when you are going through things it helps to share within the group (which is bound by confidentiality) and be prayed with/over to share and 'get it out'.  Holding things in is definitely not healthy and a friend walks with you through the journey.

A weird thought came to me this morning.... as I sat here and just looked around me... the thought came to just get two boxes - one to pack away, one to throw/give away.  Sounds good, right?  But I think what I will end up doing... maybe, if I get the gumption to pull it together .... is see what I have sitting on the shelf in the garage (small appliances) and when I am sure I don't 'need' them, take a photo and then send to the grandchildren and say 'first come first serve' and see who would want them.  Come to think of it, there really isn't much left as I have given some away.... but I need to start in this room as I look around it and notice all the books and 'stuff' sitting around.  I've already filled up two containers with 'stuff' (books, etc.) off the desk and bed.  My heart just feels blah, does that make sense?  I want to go back to bed and just sleep.  My eyes continuously burn - I blame it on the computer.  Yes, I have eye drops recommended by my eye specialist, but it hasn't helped. I think I just need time 'ALONE' and sleep all day if I want to.  Right?  Think that will ever happen?

I'm reading in Psalms, Proverbs and a bit of Song of Solomon lately.  Today this verse caught my eye - yes, I know the verse and even quoted it at times, but here it is....

Psalm 100:5 (ESV):  For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.

Can you even think of being loved 'forever'?  That even after you are 'gone', and all those that follow you, the Lord will love you, His love is steadfast, it is sure, it will last, endure, forever.  His faithfulness to the generations after me, my children, my grandchildren, my great-grandchildren and on from there, He will remain faithful to them.  His love will remain steadfast.  So very grateful.  The prayers I have prayed for my children, my grandchildren, and even my great-grandchildren and beyond - they will be covered by the prayers I pray for them today. The ones I prayed yesterday. The ones I will pray tomorrow.  And our God will honor my prayers for them and He will answer.  His steadfast love and faithfulness never goes away, it endures forever.  Hallelujah!

Ah, yes, it is Thursday and the 'landscapers' are out front.  One is inside our courtyard blowing the leaves all around.  Another is mowing the dirt out front.  LOL  Our blink camera just told me someone is on the porch using a blower.  When I get in here at 4a to do my quiet time, a couple times a week I hear the sprinklers come on at 4:20a and it lasts until 4:22a.  Yeah, two minutes to water the grass.  I'm going to have to start watering abundantly in the courtyard; three of my 'real' plants have died - not only from the heat, but the dirt is dry and it has a hose on it for which the HOA is to have come on occasionally.  Obviously, it has not come on as the dirt is hard. Which means they aren't watering the plants in the courtyard.  Trying to save water, I'm sure.  Our roof-mates bushes in front have totally died, yet ours are still somewhat alive... because I've watered them?  Hmmmm.

I really would like to sit here with a second cup of coffee, but work calls me and I need to get dressed for training.  I get to put on 'new' retainers this morning too.  I wear these plastic retainers and swap them out every two weeks. Today is 'that day' to swap.  I go next Tuesday to the orthodontist who will give me three more pairs - and I will go back six weeks later to get more.  This current pair, that I'm swapping out, the bottom retainer I did some work on.  The section on the bottom back was too long and it dug into my gumline and I winced every time I had to put them in.  Well, if this next pair is like that, I will do work on them as well.  At least I can't snack like I usually do with wearing these!  Maybe I can actually lose weight?  And the rain has started!  I didn't bring my cushions in off the chairs - Hope they don't get soaked too bad.  'it is what it is', right?

And with that - I'm off here. Things to do, people to see, work to do.  Sigh.  I was so tired last night, mentally and physically.  I've got to figure out what is going on with me.  I see Dr. Mark on Monday to go over my blood work.  I'll check today; usually Sonora Quest has the results online a couple days after.  Maybe my iron is low... will see!

Have an amazing day - enjoy the cooler (I hope) weather, go stand in the rain and be refreshed!  Like a child, I want to to play in the rain.  God is good; He sends the rain.  And the landscapers ae still mowing the dirt while the rain is pouring down.  Shaking my head.

Blessings!

I finished it!

 Instead of making last night a 'movie night' or 'working on my diamond art projects'..... I did get my laundry done (to hubby's dismay for it shows I don't 'need' him to do it), and I mopped the kitchen floor, and swept the carpet in a couple rooms, broke up the boxes and got them ready for recycle..... I did get some things done, then I sat down and finished the book The Altar of Pergamon by Jonathan Cahn.  First of all, I don't normally read these kinds of books.  I only got the book, and started reading it, because of the incident on the airplane where the passenger next to Jonathan Cahn went out of control and started choking him.  I have read only one of his books in the past, so I was intrigued how this one would be.  All I can say is 'wow'.  He gives dates; he gives names - it's like reading a history book to the point you ask yourself - "Is this real?  Is this what was really going on?"  Like I said, he names people - and some I remember happening and being said!  I had no idea how it would end - and the ending was not disappointing - but now I wonder.... if this book is real... what is next?  Obviously, if you like mystery and suspense - you would enjoy this book.  I read the book in less than a week. Definitely kept my interest!

Hubby asked me what book was lined up to read next - but since I finished that one just five minutes before he got home, I haven't even thought of another book!  I'm still going over this book in my mind.  What if it all was true?

Yesterday was busy, yet uneventful.  I did my workout (legs) with Morgan.  I worked. I went to Sonora Quest and had my blood drawn for my appointment with Dr. Mark next Monday.  I finished working and after hubby left, got started on the things above I mentioned that I 'got done'.  I get more done when hubby isn't home because I don't like being watched or interfered with; it's more productive for me to just do it alone, if you know what I mean.  

Today I have no training or anyplace to go that I can think of.  Oh yeah, I have an Amazon package to return to Staples; perhaps I will run that over there today.  One of our small group ladies will be coming over at 6p tonight and we'll talk about what we are going to do.  It would be nice if she and I could meet every couple of weeks just to talk and pray for our children.  Oh yeah, I remember what else I need to do - go pick up my combo box.  I forget what is in it ... will check it out once I get it back home.

I was reminded as I checked a post by one of my boys that the Riders dinner is coming up on a Friday in October.  Soup night!  It has been very good in the past and I'm looking forward to it again.  

Ephesians 2:10 (ESV):  For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Yeah, that verse can go back to our 'calling'.  What has God wired you to do?  It may not be something you enjoy doing necessarily, but something that you do well.  So if you are doing what you do well, how can you use that for God's glory?  God created each of us for a purpose.  He has called us to be and to do according to His will.  But - many of us are unsure what the calling is - or we just ignore it.  I tried to talk with my sister about it the other day.  She started talking that 'my' calling was teaching and preaching; she couldn't do that.... but who am I to say that is what it is?  I honestly don't know what God wants me to do - and I am seeking Him to figure it out.  Yes, I love to talk about Jesus, and share His Word.... but I don't know how to pull things together.  I usually take a message and use it as my base and then 'make it mine'.  And I've been honest about that, wherever I have spoken.  But is that my calling?  I am passionate about teaching classes, as that 'forces' me to dive into the study and learn on my own as well, spend enormous times in prayer and study, preparing myself.  And I learn so much in doing so.  I miss those days for I haven't done a deep study for a long time.

Messenger X sends me a quote every morning.  So many of them hit home when I read them.  Today's is 'Wake up grateful, stay expectant, and remember every road that God has led you on.'   How often do you wake up grateful?  Honestly, I can't remember if I ever have, but hopefully at some point, I have. Expectant? For what?  My days are either boring (lack of work) or stressful (frustration).  So how do I wake up grateful - expectant,...??  I don't know that answer.  I wonder if I don't jump up out of bed, or if I do, come in here and sit and think about all the places God has taken me.  Yes, I've done some things without asking Him (which has gotten me in distressful situations), gone places I probably should not have.... but have I ever thought how God has taken me through those wrong decisions and helped me get out of them?  Probably not.  Maybe that is something I should do.  Think about how God has rescued me time and again... and most of all, thank Him for letting me fall, letting me make my own decisions even when they are wrong, so that He can lead me through them and teach me what is the right way.  I can honestly say that if I had not made some of the choices I made, if I had not run to Jesus when I did, if I had not chosen to follow Jesus and do what is 'right' versus doing things my own way... the Lord only knows where I would be. My imagination could go wild.  Moving away from my family was hard, very hard, but probably one of the best moves I have ever made.  It forced me to face my own situations myself.  I didn't have family backing.  I still made a lot of wrong choices, trust me! But, I also made a lot of right ones.  Thankful for the grace and mercy of our Father.

And while my mind is remembering the past, I see that time has once again gotten away from me. Do you ever get tired of my ramblings?  Maybe I should take a break... and have something worth to tell, perhaps?  Ah... but you would miss me, right? HAH!

Wishing you a day full of love, joy, and special memories.

Blessings!

Sad, and feeling guilty

 I received a text last night at 9:37p, after I had gone to bed.  I didn't hear my phone 'ding' as I keep my phone in this room, rather than by my bed.  I read it this morning.  It was from my friend and former neighbor catty-corner from us... whose husband won't let her be in contact with me... long story..... he has mental issues from an accident.... and they moved to California several months ago.  I cannot call or text her, but when he is gone, she will occasionally call or text me.  Other than when she calls, I can't talk with her.  I'm getting to the what I want to share... just setting the backdrop.  The text.  It starts off "Diane is safe home forever with the Lord!"  I paused but a moment, and I realized what she was sharing with me.  Ms. Diane has passed away.  As I read further, she shared that Ms. Diane's son led her to the Lord before she passed.  Hallelujah!  And the guilt started, as I have not been to visit Ms. Diane in several months, as you know. I have lamented about my laziness in going.  I'm sad that she is 'gone', but happy she is with Jesus.  Praise God that she is no longer wishing she was dead.... she always went on and on how she wanted to die as her kids didn't care about her (yet, I'm sure they did); they only wanted her money.  Ironically, I have never seen anyone look at her house, which has been on the market for several months now.  If we had the money to spare and could afford it; I'd consider buying it to have a place - perhaps my family would come to visit and stay more than a day or two.  She had a nice place.  Of course there is that outrageous HOA fee.... not going there.  Anyway, Ms Diane is finally at rest and at peace.  

The news has kind of left me distracted this morning.  Even in my prayers I found myself just sitting here, not thinking about anything in particular, but just in a daze, sorta.  I'm sad at the news, of course. Ashamed I didn't see her recently, although I did think of her.  I prayed for her to get better, but when one doesn't want to, it's kind of hard for health to come, if you know what I mean.  When she moved into the group home, she quit walking completely.  Not that she couldn't still at that time, she was so depressed her kids put her there that she just gave up and quit.  Wouldn't eat much of anything.  As you can see, I am still distracted - but by what?  My guilt for not visiting more often?   We do have special memories and I am trying to recall those.  LOL I do remember how much she hated Trump.  One time I was there a couple years ago and she went off on a tangent, using VERY 'strong' language she normally didn't use.... and I didn't go back to visit until after the election.  Wasn't going to listen to her about her opinion.  She had a right to her opinion, but I didn't have to listen to it.  Anyway....  I wonder if any of her children will let me know of her death..... Ms. Diane always said the were jealous of me because she always was talking about me (when she lived across the street).  Well, they have nothing to be jealous of, for sure.  Time will tell.

Today I have training with Morgan at 9a and a 1:15p appointment to get a blood draw for Dr. Mark.  I go see him again next week to review the blood work.  I am praying that all the tests will be in the normal range.  I got his 'permission' to stop the Fosamax..... don't want to have to take any other pills.  I'm doing my best to not get put on BP pills, but I am so borderline on my numbers, I take it two times sometimes to get it down.  He would like it at 120/70..... but I haven't been that low in a long time, although I have been able to get it to 127/74.  This morning it was 127/79.  He will let me coast with that number.  And yes, I'm rambling...

Still reading The Altar of Pergamon.... with the dates and names used in this somewhat fictional book, it does make me wonder how much of it is true.  When I stopped reading last night, I told hubby that with listing dates and names, could it be true?  Most of it?  Intriguing, for sure!  I'm almost finished with the book - and I admit, although I have not read the last chapter ... I have looked to see if there is something somewhere that says 'parts of this book are true'... but alas, did not find it.  I know that Jonathan Cahn is a Prophet.... how else could he know all these things to write this book?  I've read one of his other (many) books....  it still blows me away.  Mysteries of the unknown he has revealed... and some of it is very scary!  

Still in the challenge at work with my team.  We have dropped to 167 out of 1196 teams.  I walked another mile last night; but I was so tired!  I have got to figure out a way to get more steps in - I think last Sunday I finally got over 7k, but I'm running over 5-6k for the most part.  I always feel so lazy as I used to get 10k easily.  Now I'm 'dying' just to get 1 mile in!  October 11 I am doing a 'Fit & Fun' virtual walk - need to do 3.1 miles, I think it is; it's a 5k.  And I will do it, but I know it will be a challenge for this lazy butt.  Hey - I do get a T-shirt and a medal!  Doing it with my company - they are meeting as a team in Gilbert and Tucson; naw, I'm not driving there, so I'm doing it virtually.  Hopefully it will be kind of cool and I can walk outside - but if not, will do it on the treadmill.  Maybe I will go to the gym or the rec center.  It will take me a little over an hour or less to get it done.  But I will.  I have to continuously challenge myself to keep active.

In reading a bit in the study book You Are Called that I am doing, there is a question I have sat here and pondered.  *How passionate are you about the work you are now doing? If you are lacking passion, assess your situation carefully. Why do you think you are lacking fulfillment in this area?  For me, that is a hard question.  Since to me 'work' involves my secular work and not the work I do in the winter season in the RV parks, I do not have passion for it.  I don't even have joy in the work.  But it does pay the bills.  I think a lot of that is because I work from home, ironically.  This is really the ideal job for someone who enjoys working from home. I need people.  Does that make sense?  I honestly do not have enough work (and haven't since Brett left; you know how he drove me crazy) to keep me busy.  I set one meeting up yesterday.  That is all I did yesterday.  Yes, I still need to do the minutes and will probably work on those today.  I did look at some things and move some things around, but there was nothing that was critical to do.  I know that once they 'reorganize' with new hires for both Sue and Brett's positions I will be busy, at least I hope I will be.  I would rather be busy (as long as it is things that I enjoy doing, right?) than like yesterday was; totally boring.

Ephesians 2:10 (NKJV):  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Thinking about that scripture, how would you express your overall purpose in life as intended by God? I pretty much feel like a failure at times, that I'm not doing what He wants me to do - and then I will get that email or note from someone how I did or said something that touched their life.  Even then I ask God what does He want from me? What has He called me to do?  I'm going through this book to find that out.  Before you or I were born, God had planned certain things for us to do.  We all have hindrances that come up to complete with that 'thing', don't we?  I guess the next question is to figure out how to address that hindrance and overcome it.  I often ask myself the question "If my circumstances changed, would I change anything?"  I 'say' I would... but in reality, 'would I'?

Deep stuff today, isn't it!  I need to look back on some of the tidbits my son has sent me and close with it to lighten the mood.  But, before I do that, I want to tell you that following Jesus is never a mistake.  It is never to be regretted.  Following Jesus is the best decision I have ever made in my life.  Yes, He allows us to sometimes suffer the consequences of things we have done, but He even then, never forsook us.  Jesus loves me, and Jesus loves you so much, He died for us.  Following Jesus is the hardest, and yet easiest, thing I have ever done.  It's hard cause I have to correct the things the world calls me to, and the easiest because I am loved by Him.  And so are you.

This is one of the many tidbits that cracked me up when I read it...... 'Do Not Touch' has got to be one of the scariest things to read in Braille.

And with that - I'm off here.  Thanks for listening to me today.... Just getting it 'out there' helps me process my emotions.  God is always good, and His grace and mercy are new every morning.  His Word says so, and because His Word says so, I believe it.    'God said it.  I believe it.  That settles it.'

Blessings!

Monday Morning groans......

 Shouldn't a work week start on Tuesday?  Why is it that Monday mornings are such a dread?  Yes, I'm back to work today and have things I need to do.  Besides, if I didn't work, what else would I get done?  Only those who really know me understand my dilemma... and it is something I allowed to be put on myself years ago.  I don't want questions. I don't want to be watched. I don't want anyone saying anything about what I choose to do.  So I do nothing.  Some of you understand that. Oh, I'm not feeling sorry for myself; I did it to myself long ago.  I'm not going to blame anyone, although I could.  I never had enough confidence in myself to stand up for myself.  And, when we do things, or allow things.... we end up reaping the consequences, right?  No, not going into any details... I've just been doing a lot of thinking this morning.

I started reading the workbook You Are Called by John Bevere this morning. I haven't gotten completely through the first section yet because of my time constraints. I wanted to write in here before the day began with work.  It has made me think about some things.  Perhaps I can share as I go along, but the first story in the book was about a man who had been very successful in business and his net worth was around $15M.  Ready to retire, right?  He was asking John Bevere if it was ok he slack off his work.  Well, he didn't, and ten years later his net work was $35M and he went into business with two other men and ten years later sold it for $555M.  Not a bad day's work, right?  But what does that have to do with the story? I'm not real sure, but I'm thinking it is because he was such a giving man, that his calling was to continue to work so he could continue to give.  That gave me a lot of thought about myself working; I am able to help others in need; I give to our church; if I feel led to donate to things, I do that; and I love to be able to buy way too many Girl Scout cookies when a great-granddaughter has them for sale, or trinklets another great-granddaughter sells to earn her way for a school trip; or sponsor another great-granddaughter in sports (obviously my great-granddaughters are older than the great-grandsons!).  I love being able to do that without thinking it is taking away from the groceries or whatever.  And I can only do that with working.

The first video in this new study was very thought-provoking.  I watched it yesterday morning.  'God' called out a man as 'Evangelist' and the man replied - "oh no, I'm not an evangelist, I'm an accountant.'  And God told him that he was called to be an evangelist and would have impacted thousands of people for the kingdom.  Another call out was to an 'Accountant', and the man replied "oh no, I'm not an accountant, I'm a pastor, and I have 750 members in my church."  But God replied that he had been called to be an accountant and could have touched two men's lives who would go on to save so many thousands of souls. And the third example, God called 'Sister'... and she replied, "I'm sorry, I have tried to raise my three children to serve You, I have been so busy with that, I haven't been able to go out into the world and do things for you."  And God replied.... "I didn't call you to be anyone else. I called you to raise your three children to know me, and they will impact thousands of lives for my kingdom."

Sometimes we aren't called to be involved in the world where we think our habits or abilities lie; sometimes we are called to a higher position that we perhaps do not even see.  It has given me a lot to think about.

And I watched a video this morning from my friend Lori Maldonado and Wild Women of God.  I have been in tears this morning.  She quoted from this scripture and it is one of my favorites....

Lamentations 3:21-24  (ESV):  But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.  "The Lord is my portion", says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."

His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning.  Oh how I often fall on my face and cry out to Him for His mercy, which He freely gives each and every morning.  Great is His faithfulness to me!  Things that I thought I could not endure, He guides me through them.  Situations that are beyond my control, He gives me strength and wisdom to know what to do.  My hope is in Him alone, for without Him, without the mercies of the Lord, without knowing His faithfulness to me.... I am without hope, without life.  The Lord sustains me.  So many times I have wanted to give up, and yet, the Lord says 'walk this way, and I will walk with you.' and when I follow His instructions, He guides me. He is my source of strength.  Is He yours?

When was the last time you cried out to God for mercy?  Have you ever?  Or do you just think you don't need Him at all?  Honestly, when I think back to when I thought I could do everything in my own power, my own thinking, my own way.... I can see nothing but failure and shame.  But when I turned to Jesus and asked Him to be Lord of my life, only then, did I find freedom.  Yes, even though I always (so it seems) complain about being smothered, being withheld from my dreams, I know that God is in control of me, in control of my life.  There is nothing that happens that He didn't already know about it. There is nothing in the past that He wasn't already aware of.  He knows my heart's dreams, but perhaps that is not what He is calling me to.  Perhaps my dreams are not His plans for me.  Yes, that can happen as well.  

So I sit here and ask Him, "what am I called to do; to be?"  I don't know what His answer is, yet. For now, I will dive more into learning about Him; spending time with Him.  I need to give Him first place always; not just when I can spare the time. Which is why I do my quiet time in the morning; I want to give him the 'first fruits' of my day.  Some mornings it is so very hard to get up ... but my body generally wakes up between 4-4:30a and I just want to go back to sleep.  I come in here and curl up in my chair, hoping that sleep will come... but it does not. And then I beat myself up for wasting my time in here when I could be spending it with Him.  These 10p nights on Sunday watch NCIS reruns may not be the best use of my time, right?  Something to think about. 

Yipes - just glanced at the clock and it is 6:54a and I need to get the work computer on and begin my work day.                                                                                                                                

Do you realize how much mercy God gives you on a daily basis?  His mercies never cease; they are new every morning.  When the Lord is your portion, you can have HOPE.  And therefore, I will have hope in Him.  I truly am lost without Jesus in my life.  I'm not where I want to be in Him, so I will keep learning, keep seeking.  I don't need to 'strive' for it's not love if I'm striving.... I just want to be with Jesus, every day.  What about you? Where is your hope?

Have an amazing day!  Remember how loved you are.  Love others as you are loved by Jesus.  You are His hands and feet.

Blessings!