They finally delivered!

 I was anxiously tracking USPS all day yesterday because they were showing the package I had sent to my little sister still in Phoenix.  Finally, about noon, it changed to being in Martinsville and would be delivered by 5:10PM.  So throughout the day I kept checking to see if there was a change.  At 5:13PM the tracking changed it would be delivered by 9PM.  Then immediately it changed to 'delivered'!  She got the package and had already opened it before we connected!  She liked the afghan I made for her friend.  I kid you not, she had to go through everything I had sent to her friend, before she went through her stuff, and then seemed disappointed I didn't send her books!  I actually thought I had put in a book or two for my sister, but I guess I didn't!  What does it matter - she is so far behind on her reading anyway!  And actually, the box was to be only for her friend; I just tucked some things in the box for her.  Disappointed? Sounded like it.  But I did get a thank you text later.

Today is Saturday and I'm grateful.  I need to check on what I have for my boss for her birthday and get it gathered together.  My hubby will be happy when I make my salsa to be sure and get a jar for her.  I may go to the store and get a cucumber or two and make a jar of pickles for her too, as I know she likes them as well.  Or not. She gets both for Christmas anyway.  Along with a lot of other things I make.  She IS a special friend and boss.

Don't have much 'planned' for today, other than I know hubby 'plans' on me making breakfast.  I've said it before and will say it again - he will starve to death if I die first.  I can't remember the last time he prepared a meal for us both.  And if left on his own, a stalk of celery and some peanut butter on bread may be his meal.  Open a can?  I don't know if he remembers how; in all fairness, I do have a can opener from pampered chef that he may not be able to figure out how to use.

I hear hubby out front getting ready to water the plants, I imagine.  I can't get it through his head they need to be watered more frequently and less.  Instead, he has to do it 'his way' and drowns the plant in water every 3-4 days.  Some days I go out and lightly water just to give the plants a drink.  Then he gets mad at me when I do - and puts it off another day.  lose-lose.  And this is why I am done buying plants. I've decided to 'become my mother' and plant artificial plants so that I don't need to water them.  I want to move and have a place where I can put plants in the ground and let them grow.  I feel so enclosed here - not just in the house - I want a yard I can do things in.  I know, quit my whining. I agreed to this place when we moved into it - and it is a nice place - so suck it up buttercup.  

This has definitely 'been a week'.  With work; with medical tests; with family medical issues..... I'm exhausted mentally and physically.  I want to cry.... but I can't. The tears will well up in my eyes, but I can't let them fall for I fear once they start, they won't stop.  And how can I explain to hubby the 'why' they won't stop.  I won't even share with you... and I'm sure there are some times that you even feel the same way.  You just want to throw up your hands and say 'I'm done. I can't do this life anymore.'  I know I want to say it many times.  I feel my life has been taken from me; I have no air left to breathe.  I have no life.  Woe is me.  And yet - I know it isn't true.  Life is what you make of it, right?  I can do a lot of things.... I just sometimes have to jump through hoops to get to do them.  I'm just so tired mentally and physically.  

I think I'll see if hubby will go to church (physically) at 4PM tonight at CCV - and we stay home in the morning and watch Jentezen Franklin on You Tube.  We will probably stay home anyway, but we do need to get back IN church.  I'm still writing my tithing checks and have the money in the bank for them - but haven't been putting them anywhere.  We need to decide what we are going to do.  I blame COVID and being on 'house arrest' - we got used to watching church online.  And I get some crocheting or knitting done while I'm watching the message.  It has made it way too convenient.  But, in November my speaking engagements start so will be going physically to church there.  I know - we have heard great things about the Salvation Army church nearby - maybe we will go there.  Our friends we hang out with at one of the RV parks - after the service there, they take off and head to the Salvation Army church for their church services every week.  Maybe we ought to try.  I'll check online and see what hubby says.  Our friends speak highly of it.

Colossians 3:17 (NIV)  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

There are plenty of churches out there to go to.  But our problem is, some are foo-foo pastors... meaning they don't really preach the Bible; they may read a scripture, but they don't preach the need to accept Jesus as Lord of your life and not only accepting Him, but living for Him. Our words and our actions should reflect Jesus only.  Our thoughts and our opinions do not matter; only Jesus does.  Which is probably why I have been feeling so guilty about not visiting Ms. Diane.  I love her, I really do, but her statement about preferring hell over voting for someone really crushed me.  But I need to go visit her and see how she is doing.  Or at least give her a phone call and check on her.  And I need to go see Ms. Vicky.  Time flies by and when one only has the weekend to 'have a life', it sometimes is hard to fit everything in.  There I go with excuses again, huh.  Oh well.  I just need to do it. 

Today is one of my beautiful granddaughter's birthday.  Just sent her a quick txt to wish her happy birthday. I understand from my son's post yesterday that they are doing a quick day trip down to see her and the little one and the SIL.  Praying for travel mercies for them.  Wish I was going.  Hope to make a trip down perhaps in November.  Playing it by ear at this point.  We will be going up to Prescott next month; hubby just 'has' to get out of this heat.

The hurricane that has been going through the US hit Indiana yesterday and my BIL said they just got some rain and wind.  My sister, further out from Indianapolis, had a tree split in their front yard with a branch blown down; and their power went out.  My brother closer to town said they had a lot of wind and rain, but he looked outside and didn't see anything that had happened. And he's got a lot of trees at the back of his house too.  I'll be checking with him today to see if all went well with his house.  I haven't heard from my sister yet; I sent her a text but with no power - well, they did have a generator, but don't know how much power it had.  She may not have a phone charge.  I told her last night to just go to bed for it was dark and there was nothing she could do outside in the dark.  She said she was going to take a shower first.  Taking a shower in darkness and in the aftermath of a storm is not something I would be thinking about doing.... but that's me.  We just don't always think alike.  I need to check in with my little brother today and see how they got through it.

I'm easily distracted this morning so guess I will jump off here and try to get my mind back on track. I picked up my phone and wanted to see if I saw anything from my siblings - and ended up scrolling facebook - the very thing I am trying to break myself of.  I waste too much time scrolling.  I have managed to stay off of Instagram and broke that habit - but it seems that Facebook is a lot harder - unless I actually delete the app - which I probably should - but in some cases, that is the only way I hear what is going on my with my youngest child and his family.  But then, if I really needed to know, he would text me, right?  So maybe I should just delete it and stay off of it completely. Yes, I have friends on there. But my time is valuable - too valuable to waste just scrolling and looking at memes and other things that people post.  Lord, help!  See if I can stay off of it the rest of the day.  

And with that, since I don't have anything of value to share, I'm going to get off here.  I have a few minutes yet before I have to reluctantly leave this room, I think I'm just going to spend it with my Jesus.

Blessings!

Somewhat disappointed, but not suprised

 There seems to be a lot of medical stuff going on in my family right now, and it appears I am not the exception, although I had hoped I was.  No, nothing serious that I am aware of.  But I am disappointed.  Surprised too.  I went yesterday to get my Dexa Scan (bone density) and my mammogram completed. My yearly for the mammogram, and every other year Dexa Scan.  My doctor got the reports the same day - yesterday - as I had taken the tests - and even had already posted in My Portal the response!  So - I went over to see what she had to say, so that I'd have something to share this morning.  Hmmmm. sigh.

I get to go back for another mammogram and now an ultrasound, which doesn't surprise me.  It's on the same side as I had to do it last year, the same side that I had numerous tests completed on in years past.  Next year I will suggest just doing the views and ultrasound the first time and be done with it.  But, anyway, wasn't too surprised I would have to return and have more views taken. It does somewhat concern me that they are looking at a different area on that side, but I am not worried about it.  

What I am disappointed in is my Dexa Scan results.  I had high hopes that my bones would be much stronger and I could look forward to going off the Fosamax in a couple years.  They said I could only be on it for 5 years, then it would need to be changed.  My Dexa Scan did show 'some' improvement, but not much.  Sigh. It 'says' I have a 20% chance of a hip fracture in the next five years.  Seriously?  ANYthing can happen in five years - right?  So if I'm in a car accident, and my hip gets fractured, does that mean the scan was right?  I had really hoped that with working out that I had built up my bones (and not just muscles) and that they would be stronger.  I am disappointed for I want to be rid of these pills. I don't like putting 'stuff' in my body, except what I WANT to put in it.  But - I am getting older and in older people this does happen.  Is this a reality check?  

I've asked God to let me live to 103.  Why that age?  Because the oldest one in my entire family that I'm aware of was my Aunt Grace, my mama's sister, who lived to 102.  So why can't I live to 103?  But to do so, I want to do it healthy.  I asked God that if I can't be healthy, then take me sooner, but if He will keep my body strong and healthy (and I do have to do my part in that), I want to be the oldest living person in my family line. Wouldn't that be cool?

USPS had me throwing a hissy fit yesterday.  I paid extra for a package to be delivered to my sister and it was to be delivered yesterday by 9PM.  Guess what.  It wasn't.  If it didn't arrive by Saturday, tomorrow, I was going down to the post office and ask for my money back.  Yes, if you pay to get something there by a certain time and it doesn't arrive, they will refund your entire package cost.  I know, because it happened before on a package and I was surprised they not only gave me back the extra, but the entire postage I had paid.  Well, at 3:31AM this morning, because I signed up for tracking on the package (one package a few months ago went to Chicago, then to Florida, before going to Indiana!!).  USPS on one text said 'expected delivery' and a second one came with 'out for delivery'.  So I should get a call this morning I'm hoping.  I had sent the afghan I had made for her friend in this package as well as several other things for my little sister.  Grateful they found the package.  Every time I checked tracking last night it was still in Phoenix!

Hubby is getting ready to head out to his Bible study this morning.  Which means I have a couple hours alone. With work, of course.  But it shouldn't be too busy today. At least that's what I'm hoping.  I'm so ready for this week to be over with.  I am wanting to play with my baking and work on my projects.  I need to call a granddaughter who bakes awesome bread and have her come teach me - or at least walk me through - some things on this sourdough starter mix.  I ordered from King Arthur and need to go pick up their flour at the store.  I got a package from them the other day, but the starter had leaked out of the container, so I contacted them.  They are sending me a new one.  My granddaughter had offered a start from hers some time ago, but I had turned it down then.  But she hasn't brought bread over for awhile - not that she needs to or has to - but I want to make some for Christmas gifts and I need to learn how to do it.  I even bought some bags to put it in. I've been thinking how fun it would be to fix small baskets up for my neighbors for Christmas of bread and jam, and maybe salsa and chips and pickles. I am getting antsy to get back to canning pickles and jams and well, the salsa has to wait until just before Christmas or it will ferment.  I usually make quarts for everyone, but I think I'm going to pints this year. (erase, erase). :-)  I need to go buy more pint jars as I go through them quickly.  Some return the quarts, pints, empty - but they return them.  Others don't.  And that's ok. It's part of their gift.  They can put change in them. :-)  LOL But most return for refills at some point.

Which reminds me, I need to make salsa and at least one jar of pickles this weekend.  My boss' birthday is Tuesday and we are meeting on Wednesday for our 'breakfast Admin meeting' so that I can give her the gifts.  I don't think I have bought anything for her yet so will need to get out this weekend and do that as well.  Boss' day is October 16th so I may as well give her those gifts.  I did buy a couple things for her - a book that is blank on the inside, but the cover says 'things I wanted to say in a meeting but didn't'.  And a candle which has on it something like 'being your employee is gift enough'.  I did send her a birthday danish pastry from O&H Danish Bakery which should arrive on her birthday at her home. She is a special person to me and I owe a lot to her for letting me tag along with her on this work journey.  

I've been trying to remember what cookies I made for my kids last year when I gave them the 'mama loves you' plates. I had told them I didn't get them back - but of course I relented and two have returned them. I asked the youngest the other day about his plate; he said I had said it wasn't to come back - but I told him the others had so if he wants a refill this year, to get it back to me.  With little ones at his house now, cookies would probably be welcomed.  White chocolate chip macadamia nut for my oldest son, I'm thinking it was.... cheesecake cookies do it for my daughter... and I think the youngest wanted chocolate chip almond or something like that.  I will have to ask him for I don't remember as it was something that normally doesn't go together, I think.  But I love to bake for them and would do it more often - but they don't need the cookies either!

Which reminds me.... I told the youngest he needs to come over with his granddaughter (without the spouse) some time in December and we bake cookies together.  Then in our discussion we sorta decided I would take care of his granddaughter and he would take hubby out to a movie.  Win win - right?  I had forgotten and yesterday I mentioned that we need to get a date on the calendar for he and his granddaughter to come over to bake cookies.... he corrected me and said that he would drop her off - and would take hubby off my hands - we both will be baby-sitting.  HAH!

I know hubby enjoys the attention when anyone takes him out for a meal or movie and often comments that he feels left out when I get to do something with family and he isn't included.  There is nothing I can say.  I don't tell him I feel left out when he goes to have breakfast or lunch with his friends.  I need to have lunch with my friend Melonie - I just can't find the time.  But maybe I can today.  I'll have to check the work calendar and see if I can run away for an extended lunch.

Matthew 6:33 (NIV):  But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

I'm sure I have elaborated on this sentence before, but have you really stop to think about what it means?  We often ask God for everything. Whether it is good test results, financial help, wisdom to know what to do, healing of family members - but are we just asking Him.... and not seeking Him?  His Word tells us that if we seek HIM first, not that He will give us all we ask for, but He will be with us to attain all that we desire.  If we don't receive what we ask for, it doesn't mean we didn't seek Him enough, it just means His answer was 'no'.  Sometimes we ask amiss.  I know I do.  I know other people who ask amiss as well.  I'm sure you know some as well.

For example - if you are a spender - whether on nonsense things or even buying for other people or spending a lot of money for things you may not really need, or going out to eat a lot - and money is tight and you've blown the budget..... such as it is..... and you ask God for financial help.... that doesn't make sense, does it?   We withhold our tithe because we don't have money enough to pay the bills, we think, and then stop to grab some hamburgers for lunch.   We didn't put God first.  

When we put God first, all things will work out for His good - and our good.  I truly believe that.  I have seen His hand upon our finances, I have seen His answers to prayers when in desperation we cried out to Him for help.  I have seen His hand in healings.  I have felt His comfort when I am grieving and alone.  I have felt His presence when I needed a friend.  I have heard His voice - and that is the best thing ever.  

Seek Him first.  You will never regret it. It's not just about money.  It's about choosing Him to be Lord of your life, and in all that you do.  We don't have to be perfect to come to Him; He accepts us just as we are.  If He can take me from where I was, and bring me to where I am - still not perfect, but know that I am His - then He will do it for you.  Will you let Him?

Blessings!

Happy birthday mama

 Today would have been my mama's 106th birthday.  Highly unlikely that she would have lived that long, but she was born 106 years ago today.  That seems like forever, doesn't it?  And yet, I think of how far away 75 years is and it's like - wow - when did I get so old?!  But I'm young at heart - or try to be.  Sometimes my body has to remind my mind that it isn't as young as I like to think it is.  I'm really glad that I have kept 'somewhat' active over the years - at least before covid I did a lot of walking.  With sitting all day at a desk, and then sitting all evening on the couch, can you just imagine what atrophy my body would have if I didn't work out a night or two and at least try to get some exercise?  I shudder at that thought!  I choose to be active.  I reject medication as much as I can.  Yeah, it sounds like I'm being proud when I say my only medication from my doctors is for my thyroid and my cholesterol and my bones.  The cholesterol I still argue about, but at least at 10mg it's only a smidgen.  My bones - well, I do need my strength, but as I may have shared before, my doctor said that if my bones continue to show strength and density, then after taking the Fosamax at 5 years (2 more years to go!!) I can quit taking them.  I won't need to take any medication for it.  And working out has helped immensely in building my bones up.  My mother was a hypochondriac - she was always finding something that hurt, and if she wasn't hurting, she was thinking of something she might have.  Every doctor I have gone to I have told them, please don't let me get caught up in taking pills for everything.  I don't want to live my life sitting in a chair, taking pill after pill.  I know that if you tell yourself long enough you have a headache, or your shoulder or leg hurts, it will begin to hurt, for you have convinced your mind.  I've seen it happen.  I don't want to be like that. I want to be able to live my life as a 'free woman' - not as an invalid.  They miss out on so much!  I will fight against taking any medication at all for as long as I can.  I may end up eating my words at some point, but I will fight for my health as long as I can.  I hope you do as well.  

Sorry - guess my thoughts just rambled away up there.  Sometimes we do need medication, and we do need to take it as prescribed.  But I saw my mama take pill after pill and I don't want that for my life.  I choose life.  God decides HOW I live it - healthy and well or sick and needing medication - but my choice is to live healthy.  I do my part.

I miss my mama.  I miss her fried chicken.  No one can cook it like my mama did.  Shoot, I don't even fry food anymore here at home.  Fried chicken from Frys has been the closest to what mama cooked, but it has gotten salty lately so haven't gotten it for awhile.  Albertson's is good, as is Safeway's.  Yeah, I've tried a few of them.  I love fried chicken; what can I say?!  KFC is 'ok'; Church's was mama's favorite, but one time I had it, it was greasy, and I stopped eating it for awhile. Last time I had it, it wasn't bad.  We also stop at Popeye's - I like it - a lot - but nothing beats my mama's fried chicken.

Reminds me of the story of the little boy who, when asked at school what was his favorite animal, he said chicken. When asked why, he said because he likes it fried.  This went on a few times and he kept getting sent down to the principal's office.  He said he couldn't help it. His favorite was fried chicken.  I can't remember exactly how the story goes - but I read it again the other day and it just popped in my mind, cause I too, like fried chicken.

 I got through the board meeting yesterday and nearly had a panic attack afterwards.  Because the powerpoint was sent out just that morning, a board member complained they didn't have time to review the minutes of our last meeting. Asked if they could be sent out after the meeting.  No problem.  After the meeting I went to May 8, which was to be our last meeting. There were no minutes in my folder.  I went to the Teams folder, where we put all the information given to the board members.  No minutes there.  I go to the power point we sent out and saw it was February 14th's meeting minutes that had been attached.  I was horrified that we could have made that mistake!  I was going through every folder - did I misfile it? and searched everywhere, trying to find the May minutes.  After about a half hour, I remembered.  We cancelled the May 8th meeting, therefore there would be no minutes, and February was the last meeting.  Breathing a sigh of relief at that remembrance, I typed 'cancelled' beside the May 8th folder so that I would remember in the future and resent out the February minutes. Whew.  Now I do need to get these minutes typed from yesterday's meeting and get them in the folders.  I also made a note on my calendar that for our November 13th meeting, to send out the week before so that the board could approve at the meeting.   What an afternoon it was!

Hubby came in the other day and asked if we could runaway up north in a couple weeks.  I declined the weekend he suggested, but decided we could 'run away' the weekend of October 11th.  We'll just head up north - I got the executive suite at the hotel so that we could have lots of room.  I have a feeling we may get the one we got the year I got so sick up there.  One thing for sure - if it even hints of a smell of disinfectant, I will request a room change.  I have learned my lesson. I know that is what made me so sick - and I still have the aftereffects of staying in that room for 2 days.  But, I pushed through it then and I push through the effects now.  

I will be 'out' of the office this afternoon to get a couple tests completed - my mammogram and the bone density test.  At least I am able to get them both done this afternoon and be done with them.  I'm hoping my doctor will contact me after these tests; I'm still concerned my iron has dropped so low.  I really don't want to take an iron pill so am going to up my intake of kale and spinach.  Greens are always good.  I don't really eat a lot of meat, so that could have been my problem as well.  I get tired, but only occasionally do I feel exhausted.  I have heard my sister had to get iron infusions for her low iron, and my little brother has mentioned his iron is low as well, but the doctors think something else is the cause of his.  Mine is probably just age related - and if I eat more greens, I will build it back up.  Food, not medication, right?   And I do love food!!

Psalm 100:5 (NIV):  For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

When I awoke this morning, a song came to my mind.  "All my life you have been faithful, All my life you have been good, so good!  With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God! "

No matter what we go through, our God is faithful to walk with us through that journey, no matter how hard it seems.  Sometimes it may seem like you are walking on that journey alone, but you are never alone, for He is always with you.  Why?  Because I asked Him to watch over you and take care of you. He is faithful; always faithful.  And I am so grateful He is.  I can seek Him for each one of my children, my grandchildren, and great grandchildren as well. I can seek him for hubby, and even for myself. And I know that He hears me.  He has never forsaken me - in my tough times when I don't feel Him near, I know that He always is.  And He is always near you as well.

When was the last time you talked with Him?  Why not just sit back and have a conversation now - tell Him what is going on in your mind, in your life, in your family.  He knows it already, yes, but have you ever had a conversation with Him about it? Ask Him what to do?  You may - or may not - get an immediate answer, but it feels good to tell Him all your thoughts and get it out.  You will feel so much better.  Experience I have in this area!  I can tell my Jesus about my heartaches and know that He will walk with me through them.

I saw a blog this morning about another senior pastor being dismissed from the pulpit for having an 'inappropriate' relationship with a woman.  What are these men thinking?  Their lives have been filled with preaching the Word of God - and yet - moral failure.  It breaks my heart, for many times it causes the people who trusted him to fall away from church.  Not only church, but many will fall away from God.  There have been several 'falls' this year.  It is heart-breaking, and I can imagine how grieved God's heart is.  But the Bible tells that in the last days that secret sins will be brought to light.  And we are in the last days and the end is near.  No one knows the date or time, but Og and Magog are already in place; there is war in Israel, earthquakes are happening; rumors of war are everywhere.... read Revelations and you will see all the signs that are in place.  But the question still remains - 

Are you - and your family - ready for Jesus to return?  It is our responsibility to entrust each one to God and help them know Him.  To do that, we need to know Him.  I am often reminded of something a pastor friend of mine said as she was being put out for surgery several years ago.  She kept telling the doctors...."let me tell you about my Jesus".... who are you telling about your Jesus?

Blessings!

Hump day it is....

 I still love that commercial with the camel walking around the office with "Guess what day it is!  It's hummmmmp day!!"  It always made me smile.  Occasionally someone will send a meme with an email and have something like that on it, and I always smile.  What are things that make you smile?

It was good to get out of the house for a little bit last night with my daughter.  Got home early and was able to get an hour or so in working on one of my projects.  Hubby came home and seemed frustrated that I didn't stop and give him my undivided attention.  But I wanted to work more on my project so did.  About 9PM hubby started huffing and getting ready for bed, so I knew that 'was a sign' I needed to stop and head that way as well or have a discussion about how I need my sleep.  Yeah - another story for another day. Sigh.

I did sleep well last night until about 2:50AM when I awoke.  I laid there for a bit trying to go back to sleep, but my mind was awake.  I finally dozed back off and the next thing I knew, hubby was stirring about 4:30AM (I actually slept past 4AM!) and his stirring caused my mind to start thinking again, so I got up.  Would have loved to go back to sleep in here, but... wanted to have my time with God this morning (I need it to help me through each day!) , and do a little reading, and of course, then type in here. Hubby came in and asked me about recycle Wednesday (yes, it's the 4th Wednesday so yes, it's recycle day), and then brought my coffee in and he took the items out to the curb for pickup.  I will go out to the garage in a bit and pull out a couple empty boxes for the next load.  Amazon keeps us stocked with boxes to put recycle stuff in. I wonder how they do that. LOL Could it be that I'm always ordering from them? I actually only have one more item on order currently, and one is a Christmas gift and one is for me - and it won't be here until October 11th.  I'm sure I'll place an order or two before then as well.

We have a board meeting today that I will have to take minutes at.  Oh joy. You know it is my favorite thing to do.  As soon as it is over, my male boss will be heading to the airport to fly to a conference for the next two days (yay).  I'm hoping to get things caught up that I am wanting to get done now. Working on scheduling the 2025 meetings and getting them on the calendar.  

No workout tonight as Morgan is going on vacation to visit her brother in another state.  She told me to work out anyway.  I know hubby will be (annoying) asking me about it sometime today or tomorrow. I do have my weight bench here at home and I do have some weights and I can do my workout here at home. I just don't like to do it when he knows I'm doing it.  Does that make sense? Probably not.  Big sigh.  I am just a very private person in some things and this is one of them.  I don't want him telling me to workout or to exercise or even what to do.  But, alas, he thinks that is his job because he loves me.

I John 2:2 (NIV):  My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin.  But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father - Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.

Did you know that when satan tries to accuse us of our sins that Jesus stands before our Heavenly Father and reminds Him that He, Jesus, went to the cross and died for each sin that we have committed?  We can tell the devil exactly where to go because Jesus went to the cross, He died, for you and for me, for every sin that we have committed, for every sin that we will commit.  When we confess them to Jesus, He forgives us and remembers them no more.

Proverbs 28:13 (NIV):  Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

I don't know about you, but I prefer confessing my sins and receiving God's forgiveness and mercy than holding back and trying to hide my sin and being miserable.  You know that does happen, the fact that you hide your sins from others - or think you do.  Eventually it will show through all you do.  You will become short-tempered, you will become sarcastic and cruel, you will sometimes even push your agenda on to others - and when we do that, it is our sins coming out in ways that hurt other people.  We hurt on the inside because of our sins, our own guilt that we are carrying around with us - and it makes us short-tempered and angry with others, even when they have done nothing wrong to us.  People don't want to be around us because we think we have hidden everything, only for the hardness of our heart is 'out there' for all to see.

Why not pause here, right now, and think over your life, even just the past few days.  Have you done or said anything that perhaps you shouldn't have?  Do you have a guilt that is laying on your mind, your heart, that it often comes back to you?  Perhaps now is the time to just lay it down at the foot of the cross and ask Jesus to help you to overcome an attitude, an action, that brings you down.  What we do or say to others is really just a reflection of who we have become.  Who - or what - do you want to be known for?  What is the legacy you let others see of your life?  Is there something you need to overcome and confess and ask for help on?  If you don't think of any, maybe we need to ask someone close to us - you know THEY are willing to point out our faults!  And oftentimes that is why we are so reluctant to ask!  But maybe we do need to ask how we come across to others.... and maybe we just need to sit down with Jesus (He is still waiting on you to visit Him) and ask Him to identify things in our lives that need to be changed.  Something to think about....

Blessings!

Making small progress

 The projects I have going on for Christmas gifts are not coming along as fast as I would like for them to. But that's ok.  I worked on two of them last night - didn't get very far in either one, but still got some accomplished.  Why am I dividing my time between more than one thing? Because working on just one can become taxing.  One causes my eyes to burn somewhat if doing it more than a few hours cause of the constant staring, and the other - the arthritis in my fingers starts rearing its head.  So I do both when I want to.  And that's ok.  I have several other things in other topics that I want to make for Christmas and I really won't be able to start on those until just before Christmas (yes, it involves baking) so I need to get these other items completed before then.  But I do enjoy working on them.  I sometimes wish I had more people who I could make things for and give to them.  My children all have afghans; grandchildren too.  But I do get to make for our two new great-grandbabies that will be arriving next year.  But I tell myself I have plenty of time.  Christmas gifts first, then those.  I have quilts I want to make, but I want to do them by hand which is time-consuming.  But, I may need to resort to sewing on the machine if I want to make those this year.  Or put it off until January. Like I did last January.  And the January before. sigh. Does that make me a procrastinator?  Or just too many projects going on?   And not enough time to work on them?

I did my 'weeble wobble' out of the gym last night.  Morgan had me pulling the big heavy sled backwards 3 times!  Then 1.5 squats for three sets. Then side slides for three sets. and finally the leg extension for a minute.  My legs were wobbling for sure!  She laughs.  She says she loves the expressions I make when she gives me an exercise to do.  Yeah, I imagine she does.  Most are probably "are you kidding me? you are actually going to make this old woman do that?"  And, yes, she laughs, and I do them.  "Age is just a number" she says.  And it is.  I may tell my age (God has been good to me to let me live this long) and laugh about my inabilities to do some things, but because I am exercising and doing things, I can still do things.  At 75 my mother did nothing more than sit in a chair all day.  I don't want to live my life like that. I want to live life, not let it pass me by.

I've got a new project coming that I hope to get involved in somewhat.  I'm not going to tell - yet - but it's something I did many years ago - only tried my hand at it a few times.  A granddaughter has got my interest in it again and I bought some things that I need to get started.  It is supposed to arrive today - and I'll put it in here until I can look at everything and make a decision - am I really going to use it or shall I ship it all back.  Yeah, I've done that before.  Once I get something new I ponder it for a couple days. If it was just a longing of something I wanted to do and know that I won't ever get around to it -  I send it back. But if I will use it, I keep it.  And this I know I will use some of it, if not all.  I have thoughts of Christmas gifts for my bosses so will see how that comes out.  Well, two of my bosses.  Maybe three.  One lives in Colorado and I really don't know her that well, nor do I do a lot of work for her. And that's ok with me.

I won a prize in our company 'basket drawing'.  It wasn't what I was really hoping for; actually, there were several that I really, really wanted, but it was not to be.  This item I only threw one ticket on as a side thought.  Go figure, huh?  But, it is nice and it will be nice to have something new.  Not that I needed it - it's a new spice rack with 24 different spices on it.  As I was looking over the spices, I don't have some of them, so it may be fun to figure out recipes that use them.  I know a granddaughter uses curry, but I never have.  May need to ask for some recipes. That's one of them.  I looked around yesterday to see where I could hang it (one can never have too many spices!!) and I think I found a spot - but then I need to move my cast iron rack off the counter.  I think I'll look into getting a floor model for my cast iron skillets and all and give this one to someone else who can use it.  I just don't have enough cabinet space here and long for a kitchen where I can have my appliances out and available for quick use.  I want to look for another place to live that has a large kitchen, but hubby refuses to even consider it.  It should be here today or tomorrow, I'm thinking. It is being shipped to me.

I find it funny that I seem to win baking or cooking items.  And they are the ones I usually just put one ticket on.  I know, it only takes one ticket.  I should just put one in each one and see what happens, right?  One year I got an Italian basket - complete with a huge bowl, olive oil, spices, pasta mixes, etc.  A couple years ago I won the kids baking one in which were three Dash 'appliances', cake mixes, donut mixes, a donut pan, an adult and child apron, and I forget what all.  I still have one Dash appliance that I haven't used yet. It's out in the garage so I don't think about it.

Speaking of the garage, our weather is somewhat cooling down so am hoping within a few weeks I can start cleaning it out.  Still need to look at other shelving, but will just go pick it up rather than ordering. I need to see what exactly I need, and no more 'cheap' stuff to get by.  It didn't hold.  The plastic shelving I bought from Walmart - well, the top two shelves 'wilted' in the garage heat and the appliances and items I had on those shelves fell to the ground.  Only one broke.  One of my crockpots.  I really do NOT need another one, but I will get another one.  I think it was my 4 qt size that broke.  I have a 2 or 3 quart that the knob got knocked off when it fell.  I'm hoping that when I clean up around that area that I will find it and can get it back on.  I do love having the different sizes in crockpots.  And I use them at one time or another.  Granted, not as much as I did when I was working and taking things to work in the crockpot, but when I get on a soup binge and make several different kids, it is good to have the different sizes to keep it warm in while I decide what to do with them all.

All this writing about soups and food and other things - makes me want to get in my kitchen.  But alas work comes first.  And this is Tuesday night so my daughter and I get together and I think we are going out to eat tonight.  We do that one in awhile, but usually one of us picks up dinner and we eat here or at her house.  At least it is a break in my week and I get out of here.  I can't believe I spend so much time in the house.  I do need to 'get a life' as I mentioned recently.  I need to call my friend Melonie and go out to lunch with her.  But some days, it is just hard to get away from the work stuff.  

Acts 20:24 (NIV):  However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace.

As I think about that verse, I think about the upcoming months of my speaking at the RV parks and the independent living facility.  It is work, believe me!  I have to prepare a message that I feel God wants me to share.  It takes me several hours to complete it.  And twice now, for the independent facility, God lets me know on Saturday or a Sunday morning - to not use the one I had selected.  Then He directs me to something else.  And I have to hustle to get it completed in time to present.  And that's ok.  If it isn't the right one, it won't mean anything to them.  I want their lives to be changed; at our age we don't have the time to put off following Jesus.  I want to lead them to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, that when they pass on, they will be with Him.  And I want that for you.  Yes, I ramble on in these blogs about nonsense most of the time, but I hope that in some you will feel the twinge of longing to know Jesus on a personal level.  He will change your life, if you will just let Him.  He only wants the best for you, but you have to do your part.  He's waiting with open arms, He is so full of grace and mercy - grace and mercy that none of us deserve.  Least of all me.  But every day I run back to Him and seek His face and confess any known and unknown sins and allow Him to gather me close.  He wants to gather you in His arms too.  If you will let Him.  Will you?  All you have to do is call on His name.  Jesus.  Forgive me. Show me the way in which to live. Help me to follow you. Help me to understand what you desire for me. Help me to walk rightly.  I choose You, Jesus.  Thank you for your grace; your forgiveness. Amen.

Blessings!

It was a very quiet day

 Sunday was definitely a day of rest yesterday.  We didn't go to church, but watched Jentezen on You Tube, and also 'our church' on You Tube as well. (Plus I had already watched the first service of Jentezen Franklin at 6AM.  I cooked us eggs and pancake sandwiches for breakfast while we watched.  We read in between services and I did a little bit on a Christmas project.  I cooked soup for 'linner'.  Hubby watched the football game.  I set up my kindle and watched The Chosen (some of it) on Amazon Prime.  I was still in the same room with him, but he was 'annoyed' that I would watch a movie instead of football with him.  (RME)  I stopped after one section and went back to my crocheting.  Finished up one blanket for Christmas gift and got started on another.  Then as I was getting ready for bed, remembered I need to focus more on another project than on the crocheting ones.  The other is much more time consuming and can't be carried around with me to complete.  And that's all I'll say about that.  All in all, it was a quiet day.  Last night I realized too that without going out to go to church, I have only been out of the house a couple times this week.  The gym, and maybe going to Michaels, and the birthday party - I don't even remember now.  These four walls are enclosing me again.  I kept telling myself I needed to go see Ms. Vicki - but I did not. Now it will hang over me until I do.

I don't know why I'm not waiting to get out and do stuff.  Because I have just gotten lazy?  I don't have a life anymore, it feels.  I've got to break out of this shell I've allowed to hide me in my withdrawal from life.  I don't want to be this way.  I think I'm just tired.  We went to bed about 8:15PM last night - with hubby complaining 'if I go to bed this early I will be awake at 1AM' - and yet, he followed me to bed. I was awake and up (thanks to the water I drank last night; I knew better, but did it anyway. Sigh) about 3 times from the time I went to bed to about 3AM.  Then all I wanted to do was sleep this morning.  I don't like being this way.  I've got to change.  Change my attitude, change my thoughts, change my action.  I loved my mother, but I don't want to spend my years sitting in a chair doing nothing.  I must make myself DO things, no matter how tired I tell myself I am.  Of course my iron level was a 14 when the end of the range was 15 so could that be part of it?  I get my mammogram and bone density tests completed on Thursday afternoon; perhaps I will hear from my doctor after that.  Or I could check my portal.  I just hate it when I read one of the descriptions.... 'obese'. UGH. Can't they put 'pleasantly plump'?

Today I'm back to work and have plenty to do.  I do have my gym training tonight, but only tonight this week as Morgan is going on a trip to visit her brother.  I COULD do my workout here at home, which is my preference.  I will get part of it done, anyway.  Tonight is 'legs' as usual.  I 'weeble wobble' to my car after my leg workouts.  Morgan is tough.  I will do an upper body workout later in the week here at home. I just have to suck it up and let hubby ask his questions about what I do and how many, etc.  He has to know EVERYthing about me and what I do. I have a board meeting on Wednesday that I will need to take minutes at this week too.  Oh joy.  I'm so over it.  I still need to confirm we are getting all the board members for the meeting. I meant to do it last week but was too busy - and just didn't. 

Obviously my thoughts are all over the place this morning.  I just glanced over what I have already written and I've got subjects hitting all over the paragraphs.  Oh well - you can read through them, right? 

I've been reading a proverb a day for my Bible reading this past week.  Today's reading caused me to back up and read it again a couple time.  I marked it up to just being 'foggy-minded' this morning and not quite alert.  But as I was looking for a scripture to write in here, I was once again drawn to part of what I read this morning in The Passion Translation.

  The computer is changing everything I type into other words - weird.  I write Proverbs and it is changed to the word For.  I started typing 'wow this is weird' and it changed the word to Poetry.  I'm not laying my hands on the keyboard.  Let's see if I can get it now - it seems to be working better.  Nope - it's doing it again.  Weird.  I wonder if I put it in a paragraph that it won't change. 

Proverbs 5:21-23 (TPT)  For God sees everything you do and his eyes are wide open as he observes every single habit you have. Beware that your sins don't overtake you and that the scars of your own conscience don't become the ropes that tie you up. Those who choose wickedness die for lack of self-control, for their foolish ways lead them astray, carrying them away as hostages - kidnapped captives robbed of destiny.    

Not sure what is going on with my computer.  If I start a new paragraph it changes the words but if I continue in a paragraph, they type right.  What is going on?  

Anyway, the scripture above caused me to go back to it a few times and read it.  I thought about the habits I have - some good, some bad - and how I sometimes let those habits rule my behavior, my thoughts, my guilt-feelings, my happy place.  Do you do that too?   I frequently talk about wanting to make changes in my life.... but then do nothing.  Same with you?  I want to be more active, and yet, because I allow certain things to prevent grievances, I don't do anything.  Or I feel I have to 'sneak' to do them. And that's stupid.  I honestly feel at times I do not have a life.  And yet - that is one of my favorite sayings to people - 'get a life'.  I'm sure you have heard me say it at some point.  Well, now I point the fingers at myself and say it.  I just sit in my corner and be quiet.  I don't like me being that way - I have become very introverted.   I think part of it is that when we have gone out and been around others, if someone is talking to me, hubby runs over to be part of the conversation, and sometimes just takes it over with his comments.  I know he just wants to be valued, but monopolizing the conversation about things he did 50 plus years ago (how is it he can remember working that far back and yet will ask me, as he looks at the chicken on his plate for dinner will ask, "Is this chicken?"  I struggle to hold back to make a smart aleck comment like 'no, it's liver'.  This isn't a once in awhile comment; it is very frequent, asking what an item is.  Is it to make me talk to him?  As I said, I have become an introvert and don't talk much.  He's noticed and commented on it when around other people. I'm not talking as much around others (unless it is about a book I read and then I get told I monopolized the conversation). Lord, HELP.

And with that - oh my goodness - NOW it is letting me start a new paragraph!  Without changing my words!  What in the world was going on with my computer?  The last 4 paragraphs every time I started it - the words changed as I typed.  And now - well, I reckon I had better get off while it's working. Nothing to share anyway - just my usual ramblings. 

And it is starting to do it again (third time starting this paragraph).  So I will hush.  Don't let your habits overtake your life.  Be in control of your words, of your actions.  I'm also speaking to myself here.  I need to become alive again.  And sometimes all one can do is pray and trust that God will open up ways for you to breathe, to talk, to be who He created you to be.  Free.  

Blessings!

The party went well

 I did go to the great-grandson's birthday party and it went well.  I took tea, but my oldest son didn't show. So I drank some - and before I left, my youngest son grabbed a large glass and filled it up with tea.  I doubt if 'mom's tea' tastes any different than anyone else's, but I was amused.  And happy.  The party was nice and the little one got a lot of nice things.  

Wow, Jentezen Franklin is on fire this morning!  He is talking about lack and how we just accept having it.  We duct tape things.  And God says that is the mentality that we put ourselves in - we don't have faith to have more, to do more.  Ouch.  Wow - awesome message this morning!  Yes, I listen to him on Sunday mornings as I write in here.  Like you haven't figured that out over the past few years.  Are you done with duct tape living?  Then get up and do something about it!  God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and He is able to above and over anything we could ever think about, provide all that we need. Don't let the spirit of limitation hold you back.  (yes, I'm speaking to myself as well.  This is why I love listening to Jentezen Franklin; he challenges me) God is able to do anything - but do we ask for it?  Do we fast and pray and seek His face for an answer?  Do you want to break the spirit of duct tape mentality? Break the spirit of lack?  It's up to you.  Don't give up and accept where you are.....there is so much more for you!!

My right arm has broken out with the rash it does ever so often. In fact, it's been this way for the past three-four days.  We don't know what I'm allergic to, but ever so often, it will pop out a bright red.  My dermatologist hasn't been able to figure out what I'm allergic to - but to just take an allergy pill and it will cause it to back down.  And it has, but lately it comes back the next day.  Not sure what is going on.  I think this one was triggered by the pneumonia shot that I got at the doctor's office earlier this month.  An area about 3 inches lower than where the shot was turned red and stayed red for some time, and when it turned red, so did my arm.  I've been dealing with the rash (which has now become itchy) infrequently ever since.  I know, you just needed to know that, right?  I used to wear a jacket or top over my arm as people look at me like I'm contagious when it's on my arm a bright red.  

Hubby asked me last night - and again this morning, "what are we going to do this morning?"  I tried to pass it off on him to make the decision, but he refused to have it put on him.  So... we're staying home again today.  We really do need to find a church we can go to and feel 'at home' in.  I miss the closeness of those we worshipped with in other churches.  I just don't feel it where we have been going.  Nothing against Pentecostals - wish I could 'let go' and dance like they do - but that's not where I'm at.  That's not who I am.  So many times I look upon some with curiosity as they jump up and down and yell.  I find myself distracted from worship, even with shutting my eyes.  I saw where there is an 'online Free Chapel' group that meets in the area here where we live.  I've thought about checking in to it.  We still would be in 'church' but with a small group watching Jentezen on TV and worshipping together. We don't need to be in a big church, but we do need to be with other believers.  More about that another time.

Proverbs 18:21  The tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit.

What is coming from your tongue today?  What came from it yesterday?  Did you speak life into someone or did you tear them down?  

How many times do we say something sarcastic and even cruel, and then comment "did I say that out loud?" - I know I have done it - and I'm sure you have as well.  Just because we didn't say it to the person whom it was directed at, does not nullify what you said.  You put it out in the bubble.  What you say and put in the bubble of words, whether that person hears it or not - can affect how you think about that person.  I know, some of you don't care.  You would have no problem saying it to their face!  But I want you to know, that what you say - or leave unsaid in your mind - is critical how you live your life.

I'm guilty of saying things in my mind as well as you are.  You know it.  Sometimes our faces betray us and 'say' it anyway.  But we need to confess that sin of hatefulness and instead (and for some of us it may be a force to reckon with) speak positive and powerful thoughts.  You don't want the spirit of hatefulness to come upon your spouse or your children.  If you hear them saying negative words, correct them.  If they hear you speak them, they should have your permission to speak life into you.

I know this is probably a lame example, but my trainer, Morgan, refuses to allow me to say "I can't" when I don't want to do an exercise or have great difficulty in completing it.  If I mumble out "I can't", she will stop me and say "what's that?  I don't recognize that word. It isn't used in here." So instead of saying "I can't do this", I have to rephrase and say "I will push through and I will do this, I can do this."  Yeah you make think that is silly, but by telling myself I CAN do it, I find that I really CAN do it.  When I tell myself I can't, my body stops trying.  

And I'm sure you can see that in yourself in other things.  Our 'I don't want to' kicks in.  It isn't so much that we 'can't' - it's more 'we don't want to put forth the effort.'  Am I right?  I don't have time; I can't do that right now; I don't, I can't, all that is more I won't. 

Let's make a pact, starting today.  Let's speak only positive words today.  If someone says something negative or sarcastic, repeat it back in a positive way.  If you find yourself saying - or even thinking something in a negative or sarcastic way - correct yourself and rephrase it in a positive way.  You will find it not only changes things in the air around you, it changes you.

You have the power of life and death in your tongue (and in your thoughts).  Are you going to bring life - or death - to those you speak to?  Something to think about.

Blessings!