A good report, for the most part.

 Yes, my weight had gone up from last year.  Sigh. But I told her I was building muscle and showed her my biceps to prove it.  She laughed.  Should I be offended?  The physical went well, I think. She is friendly and faces me when we talk and asks questions and answers mine.  She ordered my dex-a-scan - which is my bone density test to see how my bones are strengthening up.  Working out helps that, as well as the Fosamax I take weekly.  She did give me some hope.  I hate taking pills.  Yes, I used the word 'hate'. I strongly dislike taking pills.  Shots too.  I asked her if I would have to take the Fosamax for the rest of my life.  I was curious, for my brother is on his third or 4th medication, my sister the 2nd for their bones.  Anyway, the doctor said I can only be on the Fosamax for five years.  They will do a bone density test after that to make sure my bones stay strong.  If they are, I don't have to take anything. (that thought made me happy).  If my bones look like they are starting to weaken, we will need to look at other things. sigh.  I will keep working out.  One of the worst things at my age is to fall and break a hip.  Some never recover from that.  I will go next week and get my blood work completed and get the dex-a-scan and mammogram scheduled - and then I'm done for this year.  Oh, I did end up getting the P20 pneumonia shot.  How could I forget? My shoulder is very sore this morning.  P20 is for 'old' people to prevent pneumonia.  sigh.

BUT - I did get a compliment yesterday!!  I was checking out at the doctor's office and this young lady who was inputting the information into the computer kept glancing up at me.  She asked to confirm my date of birth. I told her.  She continued to work, glancing up at me on occasion.  Finally, she says, "I'm sorry I kept looking up at you, but I thought for sure there had to be a mistype on your birthdate - there is no way you could be 75!"  (Of course I smiled!!)  Then she added, "My mother is 54 and she looks older than you!"  Wow.  Made.my.day.

I left the doctors office and picked up a combo box on my way home and then got back on the computer for a meeting. I was so busy yesterday afternoon, and I still didn't get everything completed.  I COULD get online this weekend and get caught up - but naw, this is MY time.  Right?

Besides, after all the shopping we did on Thursday at Sam's Club and also Fry's - and then getting the combo box - I need to empty out the pantry and get things in place and lined up.  So much I want to get done and I know hubby is going to be in my way.  I wonder if I can get him to (finally) take the saver bag to Savers for me.  That stack from my closet is still sitting outside the closet door since last week.  I haven't had time, and he hasn't offered.  I will ask him to do it today. We also have a few things out in the garage.  If he don't do it, then I will just have to take the time away from things I want to get done today and do it myself.  That's the way it usually ends, but maybe he will surprise me.

I got another surprise yesterday afternoon.  I don't know if I mentioned it or not that one of my granddaughters is expecting her second child in January.  I'm so excited she is including me in some of the process.  By that I mean she told me she was pregnant, and then she called me last night to tell me it will be a girl!  I need to start making a blanket and a quilt for this baby.... I commented one time she can do those herself so didn't need me to do it - and she responded that they wouldn't be from the great-grandmother if she did them.  Ok then.  I was waiting on a theme and a sex.  I have the sex now and can start on the blanket.  I'll start the quilt when I hear of a theme.  So exciting.  We need to make a trip to visit.

And then - I got a phone call just before that from my daughter, who is visiting her son in NM and asked if I had seen the text she had sent.  I told her no and reminded her I was working and not looking at my phone.  So I looked at it.  It took me a few seconds, but I pieced it together.  This grandson and his wife are expecting in May!  And on my big brother's birthday.  I know that may or may not happen, but still, it warmed my heart as I thought of my big brother.   So we will have two great-grandbabies next year and I am so excited!  I have so much I want to do!!  I mean in blankets and quilts.  I have some blankets I want to make for Christmas gifts, and I have new babies to make for.  God is so good to me and is blessing me/us with new babies.

My shoulders are really sore this morning and I would normally think it was from my workout on Thursday, although she worked the chest, not the shoulders, but I did get the P20 pneumonia shot so I am thinking at least that shoulder is a result of the shot.  It is painful, but I will have to work through it.

I will probably need to cook breakfast this morning to put hubby in a good mood.  Maybe then he will take the items to savers for me. Will see.  I am so serious. If I don't fix him a meal, he only eats the things he doesn't have to prepare (other than a shake).  Putting a breakfast burrito in the microwave is about as far as he will go for 'cooking' his own breakfast.  I realized last night that I didn't get any eggs from Frys nor Sam's Club and I only have 2 dozen left.  I will need to do a run to the store sometime as I want to make some breakfast bites - which are eggs, bacon, and other things thrown together and baked and then can be put in the refrigerator or frozen for future use; all one would have to do is heat it up.  Found a weight watcher recipe so plan to make it and add things to it.  But that takes 18 eggs so yeah, I will need to go get some more.  Did you know that eggs are a good source of protein?  One should eat a lot of protein for that keeps their bodies strong.

That's also why I will sometimes drink a Premier Protein drink as a snack - it contains 30 grams of protein.  And Sam's Club also had the Premier Protein pancakes which has 15 grams of protein in them - so we can have eggs (protein) and pancakes (protein) and bacon (protein) for breakfast!  By cooking breakfast, I can skip fixing anything for lunch.  We usually have an early dinner anyway.  

I know I can't get hubby to go to the grocery store alone.  And I have a feeling it is better that I go personally than send him.  I mentioned to him last night a conversation we had just a couple days ago.  He did not remember the conversation we had at all.  And even more interesting, he didn't seem perturbed he didn't remember.  So - is he 'playing' me with not remembering some things and ... what? I never know with him. I sometimes feel that is his way of making up for not remembering things or not following through on things.  He will sometimes come back that he knew it, but wanted to do something else instead. Or some other lame excuse and I honestly do not know how to take him sometimes. He scares me when he doesn't remember things we discussed.  Is it real or my imagination?  

And with that, I think I'll close this off.  My mind is not really on track this morning as I ponder what the day ahead of me will be like. One thing I will say, that no matter what comes before me, comes against me, this I know....

The joy of the Lord is my strength.  And He is yours as well.

Blessings!

Today is 'the day; that I have to go....

 Where am I going?  It's my yearly wellness check at my doctor's office!  Whoo Hoo!  I got through another year with no additional visits to the doctor!  God has helped me stay well and any sickness was manageable with OTC stuff.  Actually, I don't recall being sick a whole lot, other than a sore throat here and there - which one can blame on my open mouth snoring.  Sigh.  I do have that on my list to discuss with her.  Hubby has complained lately about my snoring - and my 'snorts' waking him up during the night.  I've discussed before how I feel about comments on my snoring.  It depresses me for it is out of my control.  But I want to ask my doctor about it - is there something I can do?  When I'm really tired, it is really bad, hubby says, even with him wearing ear plugs at night.  And it's why we get separate bedrooms when the girls and I go on Jailbreak.  sigh.  

I have had a few dizzy spells this past year.  I think it is due to my blood pressure dropping suddenly.  Either that or my iron is really low.  I donated blood recently and it was 13.3, which I contribute to putting spinach and kale in my protein shakes and eating raisins the night before.  Dark chocolate is good too, but I don't have any.  Putting spinach and kale in my shakes is one way to get the greens down without having to 'eat' it.  And there is no change in taste in my shakes.  Debating if I should eat tis morning - drink my shake, or just wait until after my doctor's appointment.  It was at 7AM, but the other day they changed it to 11AM.   I am going to 'assume' the lab is in the same building as my doctor is; it was last year, and it makes it so convenient to get my blood drawn for the doctor.  Guess I'll find out today!  So now I need to decide - fast or not fast.  I think I'll try to fast.  Maybe it will show a loss in pounds.  sigh.

So glad today is Friday.  I still have a lot I need to get done today for work, and taking off a couple hours isn't going to help - but it's too bad.  I am salaried so don't have to be docked for my time.  Besides, I usually work through lunch and if need to, stay late anyway.  As long as I get my work done, it's not a problem. I never abuse it.  Today, along with my doctor's appointment, I need to pick up my combo box. I forget what is even in it this week.  And I spent my lunch hour yesterday at Sam's Club and spent A LOT. I knew I would.  But I bought a lot of 'cases' of canned goods - you know, pinto beans, black peans, diced tomatoes, etc. - things I use fairly often in making meals.   And I had an order at Fry's to pick up after working out. I love ordering that online and just picking up.  Spent a lot there too.  Now my weekend task is going to be cleaning out the pantry and seeing what of the canned goods I can get lined up together.  I also want to work on the garage, and in the laundry room on the cabinet in there.  So much I want to do - I wonder what I will actually get done.  If I get caught up on work this afternoon, I may start tonight.  I have boxes of canned food sitting on the cabinets and table in the kitchen now; no place to put them until I do a 'clean out'.  Check expiration dates.  No, I don't throw away just because it expired a month ago.  A year's expiration date I may consider it. And that has happened.  Not my canned goods, necessarily, but things like oils (they start to smell rancid).  

I also want to do some baking this weekend.  I will not take bets on what I'll get done.  Other than getting the canned goods 'stuffed' into the pantry and off the table and cabinets, that may be it... but I can hope I won't get discouraged by comments or distracted to do other things.  I don't think anything is on the agenda for the weekend, other than church on Sunday.

I Peter 3:8 (NIV):  Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

When I first read that verse this morning I chuckled.  At what?  The 'be like-minded' part.  I don't know why it struck me funny, but it's like who wants to think like me?  I'm all over the place!   I want to bake bread. I want to bake cookies. I want to clean the closets.  I want to clean counters. I want to clean the pantry. I want to clean the garage. I want to clean drawers.... and my list goes on and on.  Who is up to being like-minded like me?  Yeah, that's what I thought.  So let's call on the next few words.  Be sympathetic.  There - you can feel sorry for me that I have all this 'stuff' I want to get done and begin praying that I will stay focused and get some of it done this weekend.  Wouldn't it be awesome to read that I accomplished a task that I wanted to get done?

Hubby always feels guilty when I get started cleaning and he 'doesn't have anything to do'.  The kitchen is my domain, right?  Usually the garage is his - but, well, let's not go there.  I do need to purchase better shelving than I had in the past, clean out that area, and fix it up.  The thought occurred to me that I could go to Home Depot and get the shelving, let hubby put it together INSIDE the house where it is cooler, then carry it out to the garage.  I can put things back on the shelves.  I discovered the other day that the knob on one of my crockpots is gone. I guess it came off when it fell off the shelf.  I need to clean out that area and see if I can find it and put back on.  I need to purchase a couple more crockpots. I have a few that are my go-to.  One broke when it fell (4 qt I think) and now this one (2 qt) is messed up.  I do have another 2 qt I use frequently.... I have had it for close to 50 years and it still works!  LOL  Got it when I had a Tupperware party many, many years ago.  They are still around, but mine is about 50 years old.

My time is about up and I have things I need to get on for work today so guess I need to get off here, take a quick shower, and get ready for the day. I have 15 minutes. Think I can get all that done?  LOL I did say a 'quick' shower.  Got to be clean and smelling pretty. LOL I work up in the middle of the night and was sweating - and my thought was "you need to take a shower in the morning before you go to the doctor's office'.  In the middle of the night!  Ok - I'm going to get it done!  Hope you have a good day!

Blessings!

Will I ever get thinner?

 I had another training at the gym last night.  Sigh. Ms. Morgan hurt me. Again.  We did the leg extensions - 3 sets of 25!  Two sets at 80 pounds, one set at 60 pounds.  And I complained the entire last set.  Even though the weight was lighter.  Then she moved to a machine I detest.  The booty builder.  Now mind you, I think my 'booty' is big enough... but she made me get on it and do single leg 'thrusts'.  Do you realize how hard it is to get a fat butt in the air?  There were some times that it just wouldn't move.  3 sets of 12. On each leg.  I was biting my lips to push through.  THEN we moved on to a machine for the inner and outer thighs. I don't know the names of these machines, nor do I want to.  3 sets of 12 on there.  My time was up.  Hallelujah!  I could barely walk out of the door and my butt muscles are telling me they aren't happy this morning.   When I got home last night I sent Ms. Morgan an apology for being a whiney butt.  I was kind of down when I got there, which is why I know I wasn't in the mood to work out.  I wasn't filled with joy and I allowed circumstances to weigh be down.  It wasn't the exercises.  It was my mental state.  

Have you ever done that?  Let your mental state of life, of things in life, to wear you down?  I had spoken with someone who was again taking the easy route and doing the 'shots' to lose weight.  Not Red Mountain; yes, I did those for awhile, but if you don't follow the diet, it doesn't work.  This shot causes you not to desire sugary foods, and other things, so I hear. And it is extremely quick weight loss.  My boss did it and she looks amazing, but she also knew when to quit doing it.  I don't know how much weight she lost, but to me, she almost looks too thin for her build.  But she quit doing the shots and is eating healthy and does hike a lot so that keeps the weight off.  I've heard that if you go off the shots you can gain the weight back. I don't know, but although I long to get this weight off, it took me several years to get where I am now, and it will take several months of concentrating on food and working out to get it back off. The plus is that I am building muscle and strength, which is what I need at my age.  After hearing another close person was going to do the shots it was like I wanted to scream "NOT FAIR"!  But I remained silent. Their health is their business and I know I am much healthier mentally and physically than they are.  I just want to drop about 30-40 pounds just like that.  

It was interesting that Ms. Morgan commented that I can drop the weight - but I have to watch my diet - and then she asked the question - how much protein do you eat every day?  I paused at what I ate yesterday before going to the gym.  I had my protein shake with strawberries and milk (protein mix has 17 grams of protein in it).  Lunch was 1/2 sandwich - peanut butter on whole grain heel folded in half and a cheese stick.  Hmmm...guess that isn't much protein or food, is it!  Dinner was better.  I had put a roast and carrots in a crock pot and fixed broccoli for dinner.  I pulled out my weight watcher cookbooks last night and went through them.  Lots of good and simple recipes. At least they are healthy and aren't always depriving me of what I want.  I do need to push on getting more protein, which is why working out is hard sometimes.  I need more protein.  Premier Protein drinks have 30 grams of protein so I'm thinking I need to incorporate at least one or two a day as well as eating food with protein, i.e., chicken and fish and occasionally beef.  Red meat isn't as good for you as you think.  I found a recipe for catfish and I have some in the freezer so am going to try it tonight. Unless I talk myself out of it. But I do enjoy cooking.

So I started making up a grocery list.  Some I'll pick up from Sam's Club, some I'll just go to Frys for.  I don't need large quantity of some items sitting in the pantry and expiring before I use them all.  I do need to go through the pantry and see what I have in there. Wish it was larger and more open.  My NEXT house will have more cabinet and counter space in the kitchen AND a large pantry!  Hope I live long enough to get what I desire.  I could bake and cook every day!  I just don't have a lot of room for it now.  But I can dream.

It's been so long since I have fixed meals for my loved ones, I wonder what their favorite food is.  I would love to fix it and try to have them over for a meal. I wonder if I could do that. I could even do it during the week (when I don't have training) as it can cook while I'm working. hmmm.. It's all part of my dream.  Wouldn't it be fun to have family over on specific days of the week and I cook a meal for them?  That is how I show my love for them.  Cooking for them, spending time with them, making memories.   Hmmm how could I do that?  Some have specific things going on during the week.  Some I don't want family conflicts brought over.  UGH. It has already become difficult to figure out. I won't do for one and not for the others.  Lord, help me figure this out.  Maybe it would just be better to take the food to them.  Or become depressed because I feel my hands are tied.

Philippians 4:4 (NIV):  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

I read that verse and I am thankful that I have things I can rejoice about.  God has been so very good to me, even when I have made stupid mistakes and paid the 'stupid tax' that Dave Ramsey is always talking about.  'Stupid tax' is what it is called when you purchase something you don't really need and still have to pay for it.  Done that a few times.  Or we sign up for something and then don't do it.  Stupid tax.  

I know beyond all measure that my hope in Jesus to help me in this journey of life is not in vain.  He is the only reason I am still here.  He is my 'hope and stay' as the song 'Great is Thy Faithfulness' states.  It is in Him I trust; in Him that I can rejoice.  When life is beating me up (or I feel it is), when disappointment comes at me, when the pain of sorrow becomes too much to bear, I can still rejoice in the One who knows me better than I know myself.  Jesus is the Lord of my life, and I am not ashamed of it.  He is my life.  Can you say that?  Is your dependence upon Him?  Mine sure is.  My future may be uncertain, but I know who holds my future.  Do you?

Blessings!

Remembering ...

 I wonder how many people are thinking back to 23 years ago today when the twin towers in New York were stuck by planes and fell?  Our country vowed to 'Never Forget' - but have we?  Have we made sure that our children remember what happened on that day?  I believe Chuck Norris called it 'a new generation's attack on Pearl Harbor'.  And you can only understand that comment if you remember the attack on Pearl Harbor and the start of WW2 for the USA.  

On that date, 9-11-2001, many ran to God and sought Him, thinking the world was coming to an end.  And when it didn't, they stopped seeking, and returned to their own ways, their own life.  Never giving 9/11 another thought.  Do you even remember what you were doing that date?

I got to work - I was working at Mercy Care Plan when we were downtown.  I was always there by 6-6:30AM and working.  A couple other people had drifted in.  A TV was on in the conference room so people could watch the early morning news.  I was working and someone came running and said 'come see what's on the TV'!.  Those of us working dropped what we were doing and rushed to the conference room where we were stunned in to silence.  How could someone dare 'touch' the United States of America in a peaceful time?  How dare they?!  And yet, they did.  We watched what was going on; we watched the second plane hit.  Stunned, all we could do was stand there, with tears falling down our faces.  We were unnerved.

Many people called in to say they were staying home, fearful of what might be coming next.  We were offered the opportunity to go home, but I opted to stay, as many of the few that were there did.  There was nothing we could do at home.  I continued to work that day, occasionally going to the TV to see what was happening.  It seemed like an unreal movie that was being played out. The shock was real.  It was eerily quiet, very few people talking in the office.  Stunned. Shocked. Scared.

I read Max Lucado's most recent book the past few days and in it he wrote what he did when this day happened.  He called his wife and they agreed.  They each drove to their children's school - he to the elementary, her to the high school.  He didn't stop at the office for permission, he went to the classroom. The teacher knew why he was there. She let his child go with him. He met his wife back at home and they gathered the children close.  If anything was going to happen, they were going to be together.  They prayed. They loved each other. They were family.

Who would have even thought that something like that could happen in our country, in our lifetime?  But it did. And it could happen again. We were fearful every time a large crowd got together.  We still are. We forgot the tragedy of that day, how it changed the world.  We only remember when that day comes around each year, and today is no different.

I have an admin meeting this morning and the person leading it has 'instructed' all of us to wear red, white and blue in remembrance of those who lost their lives that day.  We have the 9-1-1 Tower Climb in Tucson; not sure when that takes place.  I 'did it' a few years ago - not in Tucson. At that time they let us walk the number of steps to the top of the Twin Towers outside or on a treadmill, in remembrance. We signed up and received the TV, and a lanyard with a photo of a firefighter who lost their life that day. We both still have them. We put on our 9-1-1 t-shirt and wore the lanyard and went to the gym where we walked the number of steps from the ground floor to the top.

I tried to google how many steps that was - but didn't want to spend time on that - there were 110 floors in each building.  Interesting facts. Try googling for information on how many steps.  30,000 cups of coffee were served every day.  17 babies had been born at the twin towers.  3 men had parachuted off the top. 1 man had walked a tightrope between the two buildings. Interesting facts. But all in the past. Never to happen again. Mind-boggling. 

But did we forget what happened that day?  I admit, I don't think of it a lot. I do on occasion when I see the t-shirt still hanging in my closet. I have a few 9-1-1 t-shirts and I usually wear one on this date.  None are red/white/blue - I wonder if I could wear one of those instead?  I may, just because I choose to be different.

If you stop to think about it.... I wonder how many people from Jesus' time, made the comment to 'never forget' what happened the day that Jesus was crucified.  Oh we remember His sacrifice - yes, it was a sacrifice for He willingly went to the cross for you and for me.  But that day, too, changed the world.  We had a Savior, who gave up His life willingly, for you and me.  We remember, when we take communion.  But, what about other days? Do we take pause during the day to remember what Jesus did for us?  Yes, His life was horrendously taken from Him, just like those who were in the Twin Towers that day.  But He was buried after His death - and the best part - He rose again.  Jesus is the reason we know that those who knew Him, those that were in the Twin Towers that day, are with Him and will never die.  I pray that brings comfort to those who follow Jesus and lost their loved one that day.

And that is the hope we have even today.  If you, your spouse, your child - if they were tragically taken today....... would those around them know where they were going, that they would have an eternal life with Jesus.... or be burned in hell for the rest of their lives.  Would those grieving their loss be sorrowful of where you were going after death, or find peace in knowing you knew Jesus as Lord.

Sometimes it takes days like today to sit back and think about our lives.  Are we teaching our children about Jesus and eternal life with Him?  Our grandchildren?  Or do we hand them over to hell because we don't want to be bothered with it; we want our own fun; we want our own way; we want to live our own life.

And there are days that all we can do is pray over them. Pray for their safety. Pray for their lives, that they will accept Jesus as Lord before it is too late.  We may think we 'have time' before we pass away, and some of us may be lucky to be coherent enough to call out to Jesus for forgiveness before we breathe our last. We've all heard it happen.  Death-bed conversions still get you into heaven. But what if your life is tragically taken away from you and there is no time?  

Oh that we all will surrender our lives to Jesus and seek His face, ask His forgiveness, and receive His mercy and His grace, even though we do not deserve it.  Daily we surrender our lives to Him as Savior and as Lord.  Are you ready to take that step? Just ask Him; He is waiting for you with open arms. Teach your children and grandchildren about Jesus and His sacrifice....and never forget what He did for you.

Blessings.

What is going on?

 We went to bed at our usual time last night and I was awake about every 3 hours.  What's up with that?  I would start to toss and turn, trying to get back to sleep, and finally would.  At the 3AM wake up I really couldn't get back to sleep so about 3:30-ish I came in here and tried to sleep in my chair.  I am sure I did doze off, but it sure doesn't feel like it.  Do I have something on my mind?  Other that laying there praising God and praying over my family.... what is going on in my mind that I can't sleep all through the night any more?  Maybe I need to just sit down before I go to bed and ask God, ya think?  

I was tired when I got off work yesterday so threw a pizza in the oven.  It's the last one I had in the freezer so I (will try) will not buy anymore (at least for awhile).  I just feel so fat and I know it is from all that junk food that I fix for us to eat.  What's that saying we used to say as kids?  Fatty Fatty Two by Four, Can't get through the kitchen door!  Oh my - is that not a saying from my past!!  It's how I feel this morning though; it's how I felt last night.  Yes I did walk a little on my treadmill yesterday and am trying to figure out how I can possibly take a break (like I'm supposed to) and do 10 minutes on the treadmill twice a day.  Of course there is the lunch hour too, but I don't take those either, as a rule.  Yeah, I think I need to start taking care of myself and quit giving all of me to the job.  Right?  

I didn't have training last night, nor do I have it tonight.  This week I have it Wednesday and Thursday.  I did try to use my weights yesterday and I just felt so weak. Seriously.  I used to be able to use my 10 pound weights easily.  I was moving up.  But my trainer doesn't work my arms every week.  The first night is always legs (guess she sees how big my thighs and hips are and are working on those) and the second night she alternates different exercises. Every other week is core, which is ok.  But then one week we will do back; then core the next week, then chest, then core, then triceps, then core, then biceps... at least I'm figuring out that is what she does.  It's been awhile since we have done bicep curls. Not that I need or want big biceps.  I need to do more myself on my own.  And I'm lazy. And I can find every excuse in the book not to go workout on my own. Which is why I have some equipment here at home. I just need to get up off my lazy butt and use it.  Maybe cut my time in here down by 30 minutes and go get on it?  I dunno... I'm usually typing until nearly 7AM and then it's time for work - right?

2 Peter 1:5-8 (NIV)  For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness, and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

How many times have you taken a past sin, one that you have already asked God for forgiveness for, and you beat yourself up about it again and again?  I know I do it.  And I know that the very first time I confessed it, I was completely forgiven and God forgot it.  His Word says it is forgiven as far as the east is from the west and remembered no more.  And yet, when something triggers one of our thoughts of a sin of our past, we beat ourselves up - and again find ourselves asking for forgiveness.  

I have news for you.  That is not Jesus bringing up your past, for He has already forgiven you.  It is the devil bringing up your past to make you feel guilt again.  Satan doesn't want you to have a right relationship with God.  He wants to do everything he can - and will do everything he can, to tear down any hope of forgiveness.  The devil will tell you that your sin is too great, that God can't forgive that.  I have news for you if you believe that.  No matter what your sin was.... once you have asked sincerely for forgiveness, God forgives you, and remembers it no more.

Yesterday I had a battle with the devil myself over things of the past that he kept bringing to my mind. I knew (and I know) that I am forgiven of my past.  Did I ask forgiveness again?  Yeah, I did.  But I already knew that I was forgiven.  And then the devil and I had a talk and I told him where to go.  I told him to leave me alone that I was a child of God and he wasn't invited to be on that walk with me! So there!  That ole devil is not a nice person.  You may think he is when he draws you in to sin, but he doesn't care anything about you.  And he laughs at you when you get dragged into his schemes.  His time is coming though - he knows where he will end up.  He wants to do his damage before God throws him into the abyss forever and ever, into the pit of fire.

John 3:16 (NIV):  For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

Tell the devil where to go.  Confess to Jesus and live a life of following Him. You will never regret it.

Blessings!

A new work week has dawned....

 As I was writing about my prayers this morning I was thinking about things I haven't completed for work. I don't know if I will get to them today, but I must get it done soon.  I need to figure out what to let go for awhile as I get answers I need to complete the task. It makes me tired just thinking about it! Oh well, it's all part of the job. 

I'm feeling somewhat mindless this morning.  I'm sure that if I ramble on enough this morning, some thing will come to mind to write about.  My heart is longing for a quiet beach, alone, where I can just sit in God's presence and be still.  You know that verse that I love...

Psalm 46:10   Be still and know that I am God....

Some days I get a longing to just do that.  Shut out the noisy world and all its responsibilities, grab my Bible, and just be still and let God heal my heart, fill and complete me.  Do you ever feel those times when you just want to 'be' in the moment?  Still. Quiet. And perhaps you can't figure out why.  It's just a longing within you that wants to step out of the busyness of the day. The raising of children. Facing the work before you. Being a husband. Being a wife. Being a child. You just want to 'be'.  That longing is God wooing you back into His arms of rest.  Can you feel it?  I do. Some day... God willing... I can just 'be' with Him.  To be still before Him; silent; just adoring and worshipping.

I waited a week before I pulled the stand up desk I bought to put over the new treadmill to put together. I kept thinking that hubby would 'ask' if I wanted him to put it together, and I would have let him try.  I honestly don't know that he could have.  But he didn't and it sat up against the wall. So yesterday afternoon I pulled it out and opened the box.  Hubby looks over at me with the question "do you need me to help you?"  In all fairness, perhaps he hadn't asked because in the past I have refused any interference as he tries to take it over.  Sometimes I like to do things myself.  Anyway - I told him 'no'.  He didn't budge from his chair.  There were no written instructions (it came from China - surprised?) so I looked at the photos and determined how it was to go together - and surprise! It didn't take long at all to get it put together. Hubby made no effort to help; he didn't even get out of his chair to see how it looked with the treadmill.  But I can bet you $10 that he will think about getting on the treadmill soon.  I don't care; he needs to learn to walk steadily anyway.  He said he would use his 'walking sticks'.  LOL I don't think it's needed.  With the desk, if you lightly hold its sides, it can help stabilize you.  I like having that desk for I can put my kindle fire on it and read or put on a movie.  Now it is just getting past hubby watching me or making his comments to me so that I'll get on it when he's here and use it.  I enjoy exercise. I enjoy working out. But I usually 'sneak' to do it here at home because it just annoys me when he watches or comments.  I try to do something when he leaves the house, even if only for a few minutes.  I know he means well. It isn't vicious.  But I think it is the 'control' part - he has to know what I'm doing.  Maybe it is all in my head.  Maybe too much of the past keeps ... well, enough. I have to take care of me so that I can take care of him.

We went to a nice place for dinner last night with the daughter and some of her family.  Daughter says as we were leaving that hubby nearly fell and that she caught him before he did.  That's why I need to keep working out and get stronger.  If he falls, could I help him get back up?  It scares me; it really does. I may talk about it; I may make light of it.  I just don't know what to do.  At times he seems just fine.  The trainers listen to me when I tell them he needs core strength and leg strength so that he doesn't fall.  Our first trainer had told me there were times that hubby nearly fell with him during exercises.  He is 87 years old; I know he enjoys exercising and I truly believe it helps him.  But it also makes him feel independent... and he is going to have to become dependent at some point.  And I will need to take time off work to run him to all the places he needs to go.  Not sure I can do that. The future scares me. All the 'what ifs' that can come to mind.  I have no control. He is going to have to admit he can't do some of the things he used to.  And when he does, he will sink into a depression and be unbearable. And one can only feel bad about that.  I am helpless as to what to do without stirring up anger.  Ah... why am I even thinking about that.  God will take care of it; I asked Him to.  Thoughts for another day.

And I need to jump off and get started on my day. It's Monday. I think I have an 8AM meeting with my boss.  I am so lucky to have had her all these years.  She will work with me on whatever I need to take care of.  She knows hubby; she knows what I've gone through in the past.  She knows what she went through with her father, who passed away at 94 a few years ago.  She helps me understand the process. And it's scary.  Lord, Help me.  The unknown is scary.

Blessings!

Growing the seed...

 Listening to Jentezen Franklin this morning, he is talking about God blessing the seed that grows within us. When life removes our covering, the seed in us will still grow when we bless others, when we give God back what is His, when we have absolutely nothing, and all we have is that seed, God will take it and use it for His glory. Love this message. He's calling it the 'multiplication blessing'.  If you are struggling within, when you have troubles all about you, there are lots of heavy things we all are going through... use your seed, in any and every circumstance.  Read Galatians 5.  If you had a bad day yesterday, go read your Bible and pray.  The seed within you - love and kindness, goodness and generosity - faithfulness - keep on honoring God - and the coat of blessing will fall upon you. 

Galatians 5:22-23  (NKJV) :  For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Yesterday was a good day.  Enjoyed my time with God, went to the surprise birthday party, which was a big success.  Came back home and just relaxed.  We read some, watched one movie, and just chilled.  We talked briefly about church, but no decision made.  Whatever we decide, if we leave where we are, we agree to write a note to the pastors that it isn't them, it isn't the church, it's just us feeling we need to go elsewhere.  We have given it four years and we just aren't fitting in with that style of church. Messages are good.  It's just not where we feel we are to be. Besides, starting in November our time will be divided with the RV parks.  It would be a good time to make the move.

Hubby came in with my coffee this morning and suggested we watch the message on the computer. I'm ok with that. I have a slight sore throat - don't know where I got it, but it's bad enough I've taken my olive leaf extract and black elderberry syrup to boost my immune system to get rid of it.  I didn't tell him until he suggested staying home.  He knows I love my longer time in here.  My time with God, my time alone with my writings and my thoughts.  I don't get this during the week.  Maybe I need to cut down on my reading so that I can have more thinking time?

I don't think anything is planned for today except for football on TV this afternoon.  I still need to put the stack of things I pulled out of my closet in my car and take down to Savers.  Getting hubby to do it on his own is like pulling teeth. :-)  I need to get the items out of my way.  I probably ought to clean out my chest of drawers for I know that I can add to it - but not today.  A little bit at a time, right?   So much I want to do, so little time.  I do need to put together the standing desk I bought to put in front of the treadmill I bought a few weeks ago. Yes, I have gotten on it a few times, but in honesty, not for any great length of time.  I need the stand so that I don't have to look at the front of the treadmill when I walk - it has no handrails, and I need something to keep me 'on the path'. And hubby can't use it either until I do.  I've given him a week to put it together and he has just ignored it sitting against the wall.  So today I will do it.  

Sounds like both my boys are heading out of town today.  One had posted about it; the other had written about it.  Not sure what the daughter is doing.  I think we are going to dinner tonight; will check in later to find out.  I get to choose a place if we do, but I'm not sure where.  Other than that - maybe I can work out a little bit. Or not. Or maybe I can get more done on a friend's afghan I'm making. Or I can start on a quilt I want to make for Christmas for someone.  I have lots of tasks I want to do.  Maybe I'll not do any of it and just bake cookies.  That is fun for me too.  Guess I will decide later; and you may find out tomorrow morning what I decide to do. Hmmm.  Prayers for each one's safe travels.

Don't have much to write about today.  My mind is on other things and I don't want to write about any of it.  Nothing to really share anyway.  

We played a new game yesterday.  I think it was called 'my family is weird'.  It was an interesting game; somewhat fun.  But we weren't 'family' to everyone at the party so it was hard to put names down. I think most were humoring the young lady, niece of the birthday boy, who wanted to play.  So we all let her win the 7 rounds.  And the game was put away.  It is similar to Apples to Apples, which we have. I may need to get this one too, although my family doesn't come around that often.  I have high hopes and dreams of us all getting along some day.  Maybe in heaven.  

And with that, I'm going to hush and get off here.  Jentezen's 2nd service is on in about 10 minutes, and I need to get the computer set up to watch and hubby with my earphones with the hope he can hear it  ok.  Wishing you all a blessed day.

Blessings!