This is 'jailbreak getaway' week - leaving Thursday morning - and I'm already thinking I may want to take Wednesday off to 'prepare'. I think I just don't want to be bogged down with work and stressing. I will check everyone's calendars when I get online - and since I slept late this morning and didn't get up at my early usual time.... I am already running short on time - I will be getting online fairly soon. Yes, I plan to take my computer with me on Jailbreak so I should be able to write..... I know you would miss me, right? What would you do with that extra five minutes each morning if I didn't? Still thinking about taking the day off... will decide today. I know I have about 30 messages and saw that my male boss has been busy working this weekend. sigh.
Went to church yesterday and then stopped for pizza on the way back. Got home and ate dessert (my frozen dessert) and then hubby sat down to go through his phone - a daily ritual. He really is addicted to it, although he will vehemently deny it. I sat down with a book I've been reading - Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb. I did read it through the day and finished it last night. It was an interesting book. When I saw the title, I thought of all my dreams that have been shattered throughout my lifetime. I'm sure some have been shattered because of me, but many others have been shattered by those who say they love me. I didn't find 'answers', but I did find Hope. I know that nothing escapes God's notice and I know that He knows every time a dream of mine got shattered, got delayed, got taken away by others. Somehow I need to even now, let go of the pain I carry in my heart of my shattered dreams, and find joy in the now. I don't even dream anymore. I find that at my age, I do good to 'dream' of having another day to live. Not that I am THAT old, but I am on the tail end of my life. God is in control and it is when He decides to take me home to be with Him. That could be today; it could be 30 years from now. Yes, I've asked Him to let me live to be 100, but only if I am healthy, sharp-minded, and strong. If I am going to be losing my mind or my body fails me, Lord, please take me home.
Anyway - I need to move past the pain I carry in my heart of dreams that I can no longer dream and find joy in the life I now have. God is still good to me; He still loves me. Perhaps it is those dreams I had were not for me. Perhaps I have been holding on to something that was not mine to be. I don't know. I only know that I hurt deep inside because others prevented them from happening. Surely, if they were 'meant to be', God would have made it happen anyway. I know that God loves me, and He knows best for my life. I need to just let Him take the pain I carry around and let joy reign in me.
Do you have shattered dreams too? Do you also carry the pain of not getting those dreams realized within you? It hurts, doesn't it. It could be anything; it could be everything. It just feels like life is sucked out of you and although you find much joy in other things, it doesn't take away the pain you carry in your heart. I still have a lot of learn about letting go of my shattered dreams, and I'm sure you do too. And while I am learning, I am going to try harder to find joy in the simple everyday things of life.
I am not referring to dreams that we dream when we sleep, but of those we wanted our life to be, to become, to be a part of. I'm sure we all have broken and shattered dreams from over the years. I am reminded of a scene in the movie Joshua. I love that movie. Without giving you the entire story... there is one scene in which a frustrated and hurt woman comes to see Joshua, and in her anger she picks up a piece of glass sculpture, and throws it to the ground, shattering it in pieces. She said that is what her life is like (since her husband was killed in an accident). She felt her life was shattered. At the end of the movie, the priest she goes to see hands her this beautiful glass angel, created with the broken glass by Joshua (who is Jesus) and tells her that her life is made anew after the brokenness.
And that is what we all can do. We can wallow in our sorrow of people dying and leaving 'us'; we can be angry that things didn't work out like we wanted them to. We can 'dislike' other people who make our life miserable. We can fight against what has turned our world upside down. We can take advantage of those who we feel wronged us and 'make them pay'.... or...
We can let all that go. All the pain, all the sorrow, all the hurt, all the revenge, all the anger.... and release it to the One who can give us unspeakable Joy. God works through every disappointment; every pain; every revenge; every thing we have held inside of us .... He can take it all away and make us new in Him. He can give us Joy, but we have to want it. I do want Joy; I'm tired of walking around carrying my hurt in my heart, every disappointment in my life. I want Joy. Let's find Joy together.
Let's start now; let go of what hurts and seek Joy in life. It will make your day better when we give it all to Him.
Blessings!
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