I was awake around 2AM this morning and could not go back to sleep. I was awake when hubby woke up at 3-ishAM and he got up to try and sleep in his recliner. I stretched out on the bed once he was gone in the hopes I could go back to sleep... but I could not... and finally got up sometime between 4-4:30AM I think. On a Saturday. Sigh.
But prior to waking up, I was having really weird dreams. I mean they were the crazy kind, with one thing here and then jumping to another thing and all over the place. And then. My girlfriend, one of my dear friends who taught me how to knit. The one I will see today and relay this thought to her.. comes in to my dream and says "I have yarn!" And I follow her to her car. As I do, someone was walking with me and they made a comment that Lori had been working out really hard. I looked to see who she was looking at and there was this real tall woman who had 'Popeye' muscles - huge calves and huge biceps. I told her that wasn't Lori... and pointed out Lori (who has lost a lot of weight!) who was still walking to her car. And then I woke up. It was the oddest set of dreams.
We had El Pollo Loco for dinner last night - and I made this delicious sweet dessert... but surely it wasn't that - that triggered such dreams!
When hubby brought in my coffee, and we chatted briefly, he suggested that the reason we are waking up so early is that we go to bed too early. We generally go to bed around 8:30PM because I want to get up at 4AM to have my quiet time. And he gets up about 4:30AM. Weekends it sometimes is closer to 10PM and I admit, I still wake up around 4AM...although at times it has been later. Maybe we should try to stay up a bit later. Last night, though, I was really tired. It had been a very busy week, although Friday had not been too bad.
Not bad at all. Two of my bosses were either in meetings or busy - so I had things I wanted to do - and made 6 batches of bread and butter pickles. Made peach cobbler. Made another dessert I am calling 'peach pockets'. Was able to give some of the peach cobbler away and only have a small batch left. The peach pockets I gave away too. I love making them, but I can't keep them here cause I'll eat them.
I was reading in one of my 40 day devotionals this morning (we are still it he 40 day window of Lent) - and that small chapter really stirred me. I have been struggling in my walk with God. Not that I've done something that I haven't confessed or He hasn't forgiven me for... but I feel I'm still holding on to the hurt from things said to me in the past from those I trusted and loved. I don't think about those things, but whenever situations happen, or I feel lost, my mind often will go back to those situations or to those words said, and I find my mind repeating them... which causes me to lose heart all over again. Does that make sense. I have forgiven them, I love them, but I don't trust them because it hasn't happened just once... but several times. God helped me each time to get through it, but it fractured me in a way I can't explain. I don't want to go 'back there'... I'm just trying to explain something...
Prayer was my total focus years ago before things happened. I've struggled since then - I still pray, but I feel it isn't as much as I should be praying. I know God hears my prayers, it's just my prayers are 'wavy-lined'... I know that doesn't make sense. I'm reading in 40 days Beyond the Veil by Alice Smith. I read her book that goes with this devotional several years ago. Not sure if I still have it or not. But pulled this out to read during the 40 days of Lent, along with another 40 day devotional. Today I read....
"Every prayer of Leonard Ravenhill and Miss Bertha cut like a knife into our hearts. I remember that as one pastor began to pray the words, "Lord, if I have sinned, would you -" Miss Bertha abruptly interrupted him midsentence and said, "Son, what do you mean, 'if I have sinned?' You know you're a sinner - now get honest with God!" The poor pastor broke into tears, repenting of all kinds of things that I don't remember now. I was stunned. The power of God in that prayer meeting was unlike anything I had ever experienced before! Revival broke out in that room that night. I, too, began to weep over my sin. Heaven was touching earth!"
"You are here for one purpose only: to glorify God. Christ in you is your only hope of glory (Colossians 1:27). Keep reading, because the Word delivers great news: You are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10) and He has given you everything you need for godly living (2 Peter 1:3). God never calls the equipped. He always equips the called. And now it is your turn to touch the younger generation with your passion and your prayers."
Both of these paragraphs touched my heart this morning. BTW, Leonard Ravenhill was a great revivalist. I need to see if there is a biography of him. I bet that would be something to read! His prayers were powerful and passionate and would rend Heaven to send revival to our nation! Miss Bertha was a missionary who worked with Hudson Taylor, a powerful prayerful missionary to China. Oh the history of those who went before us are stories to read! I need to make myself a note to see about finding copies of their biographies - and of others, that I know were great prayers.
Prayer has always been my heart. My favorite and best times are when I know my prayers are touching the heart of God. When we pray about the things that God wants us to pray about, one can just feel His Presence and know that He is near. Those are the most glorious times.
When was the last time you sat down - or knelt down - and had 'the talk' with God? When was the last time you confessed your sins, and asked Jesus to forgive you? When was the last time you felt His Presence near? If it has been awhile.... isn't it about time you started the trip back to Him?
Start by just saying, "Lord, here I am. ..."
Don't let others steal your joy in the Lord. It isn't them, it's the devil himself playing you. Don't let people take from you what has been placed in you by Jesus.
James 4:7 "Submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee."
Blessings!
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