This Sunday is the last Sunday of the season that I'm speaking at one of the RV parks - and it's the first time, I think, that I have struggled pulling a message together. Could it be because it has been about 6 weeks since I last spoke? I don't know, but I just haven't been able to focus - or stay focused on it. I will be working on it tonight, and tomorrow afternoon, until I get it completed to where I want it. I could stop now on it, but it's like only 15 minutes long.... too short. I need to add some stories and some scriptures to make it at least 20 minutes. Mine usually go 20-25 minutes, which is why this feels so short. I just feel I'm missing something I need to share. Part of my difficulty may be that I was 'assigned' this topic to speak on. The leader at this RV Park wanted a series done on John and several of the 'I am' scriptures. My scripture is "I am the vine, you are the branches' based on John 15:5. I just need to give it my complete focus and I can probably finish it up tonight; but if not, will finish it tomorrow night. I've got a good base; just need to open it up and elaborate on some things. I need to 'own' it... and that's what I'm working on.
We can do a lot of things; we can write a lot of things - but until we 'own' the adventure, what is the purpose of it? Words are just words until they have a meaning, a purpose. I like to put 'me' into the what I do - use words of what I think and what I believe - and yet - none of what I'm doing is about me.
Nor is life about you. We try to make it so; we try to make meaning of all that we do in life - and yet, we fail for nothing seems to bring that internal joy that we all seek so diligently. Let me elaborate a bit. We so often will turn to the things of the world to bring us joy. Entertainment, activities, sports, people, etc. - all these things can be good things, but do they really bring the joy we seek?
When was the last time you had a good, hearty laugh? For me, it has been a long time. I actually remember vaguely when I realized how quiet inside I had become. I was actually at the office - and I don't even remember what it was that triggered it - but someone at work did something, or said something, that hit my 'funny bone'.... and I started laughing.... laughing so hard that tears were flowing down my face with no hope of stopping them. And I realized in that moment how life had stolen my joy.
Not that I had stopped laughing, for people are amusing, if you listen to them or watch them. We all do things that are stupid or weird or totally out of character...ok, maybe not always out of character, but things that cause attention. But laughing from the soul, from the heart, can't happen if you are buried in despair, allowing life to consume you.
Sometimes we get so busy with living....we forget to live.
I think I am on the opposite end of that in this stage of my life. Yes, I'm still working a minimum of 40 hours a week. My evenings and weekends are pretty open, most of the time. But sometimes, if nothing is planned to actually go somewhere or do something, I sink into the dark black hole, I think. Sure, we may watch movies, or TV, and I will sit and crochet. Or I will be able to get an occasional night of reading (scarce lately) and escape to another world. But when was the laugh time I truly laughed? What was the last time you truly laughed?
Did you know that when you have a 'belly laugh' you release endorphins that flood your body with emotional joy? And it is a VERY good thing! Those are the laughs I miss. The ones the children or grandchildren would be over and tell a funny story of something that happened or we just had fun baking cookies or sharing a meal. I so long for those days of old.
Hubby seems to be sleeping more and more. Depression? Boredom? Could be both. He fusses he can't sleep much at night because of his arthritic shoulder. I think it is more than that. He sometimes falls back to sleep at his desk during the day. And many times he will come in here with the comment that "I didn't sleep much last night (he judges his sleep on his Fitbit and I've told him time and again it is not accurate) and I know you don't understand, but I'm going to turn on the TV, put my headphones on (so that I don't have to shut my door so I can work), and take a nap. Most days he will sleep a couple hours.
He actually went BACK to bed the other day and slept another 4 hours and then slept another 2 hours in the afternoon! Yesterday I don't know how long he slept. I had to leave at 2:15PM so came out and found him asleep. I left the house, did my thing, came back and he was still asleep. I finished up my workday; talked to my sister for awhile, and I heard him waking up about 4:30PM. This morning as he brought in my coffee he asked if my watch light stayed on all night (no). It must have come on when I turned over and he saw it. I imagine it stays on for maybe 30 seconds or so - but so does his Fitbit and I don't complain about it.
(erase) I really am trying hard not to grumble so much. (erase again)
Philippians 2:14 (NIV): "Do everything without grumbling or arguing."
Sometimes that is way too hard, ya think?
There is an old song that my mother used to sing that is going through my mind this morning. "It is no secret" by Jim Reeves.
The time of chimes ring out the news / another day is through / someone slipped and fell / was that someone you?
You may have longed for added strength / Your courage to renew / Do not be disheartened / I have news for you....
It is no secret what God can do / What He's done for others / He'll do for you. / With arms wide open, He'll pardon you / It is no secret what God can do.
There is no night, for in His light / You'll never walk alone / You'll always feel at home wherever you may roam. / There is no power can conquer you / while God is on your side / Take Him at His promise / Don't run away and hide.
It is no secret what God can do / What He's done for others / He'll do for you / With arms wide open, He'll pardon you / It is no secret what God can do.
It is no secret, what God can do. He can work even in me... and He can work in you. Let Him.
Blessings!
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