Tell yourself a good story

 When you woke up this morning, what did you tell yourself?  Did you tell yourself that your body was achy and sore?  Did you get up grumbling about how your head hurt, or how bad you feel?  And how did that affect your morning?  What if you stopped right now, and told yourself a different story?  What if you created a story in your mind that you may be achy and sore when you get up, but once you start moving you are feeling great!  You will find that when you tell yourself a positive story, that a load of heaviness will fall off your shoulders.  What if we started waking up with an outlook that "I'm alive to face a new day, praise God!"  (after all, what is the alternative?) and thank Him for awakening you!  

John 10:10 (ESV):  The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Oh the devil is always at work, trying to hurt us, to destroy us, to take from us.  As I was preparing the type that scripture - I kid you not - my mouse went flying off my try and onto the floor, where I would have to put the computer off my lap and get up out of my chair to get it!  And, my phone fell off the side of the chair next to the wastebasket!  I'm telling you, Satan doesn't want you to know how evil he is!  He doesn't want you to see his hand in destroying hope, destroying relationships, destroying marriages, destroying homes.  Don't stop believing in Jesus - the One who is greater in you than he who is in the world!

I'm speaking at the RV park here in town this morning.  I went through the message again yesterday, and have already again this morning.  It's a different type of message than I usually do, but I feel that God is wanting it spoken.  Perhaps He is wanting it spoken in my own life, for I can see how I can use this message as well.  And so can you.  So what is it about?  I probably shared in a previous post, but it is about reframing the stories we tell ourself.  And I don't know about you, but I have told myself some pretty powerful stories - and they weren't positive or good ones.  It doesn't mean what happens to us didn't happen, but sometimes, just sometimes, it helps when we know why.  

Ok - that's the second time I erased my paragraph and I don't have that much time this morning so guess I will just 'move along'.

Needles of Hope was good yesterday.  We meet at Panera and twice one of the employees came over to talk to us, and she even prayed with us at the end, when we pray over the shawls, blankets, booties and hats that we have to donate.  From there I went to get my hair done.  He cut it a bit shorter than I would want, but it will grow back.  It's darker than I want, but it will fade out and be just what I want as I wash it.  But my white around the edges is gone. :-)  I really don't care, but I do get a lot of compliments when I have my hair colored.  Something else that will go by the wayside once and if I ever retire.  I'm still flip-flopping on that.  

Coming home, since I was next to El Pollo Loco, I picked us up a bucket of chicken for dinner.  We ate while it was hot and then just kind of chilled.  Hubby finished watching whatever he watching and I worked on the message for this morning. I was slipping into a nap when Ms. Vicky called and asked if I could come over and visit - so I did.  Back home about an hour later, I was able to get a couple chapters read in 'Velvet Jesus' by Rob Bell.  Interesting book.  Not a novel, but a lot of abstract words. Enough to keep interest, but difficult to get through at times.  Only through two chapters before going to bed. Maybe I can get a bit more read this afternoon - except I do need to work on my part of the taxes.  It would be nice if I could get them done today.  Will see.  I do need to focus on that.  I have definitely been a procrastinator in pulling that information together.  Surprisingly, hubby didn't even mention me getting on it last night, but let me do some reading.

So that is how my day will be spent today.  Church at the RV park, and you know hubby will want to go for breakfast after.   Then home, and I might take a nap. Then the rest of the day on tax stuff.  Oh joy, right?  One has to do what one has to do!

So since I have nothing else to write about, and I do need to figure out what I'm wearing today and do something with this hair, I'm going to get off here.  Hope that you have an amazing day.  Tell yourself a good story, a true story, about what is going on around you.  Don't let the devil tear you down with his stories.  They are nothing but lies.

Blessings!

Just a short one today....

November is over and today is December 1.  I've said all along that this year has been flying by - and now it is 30 days short of being over.  I'm exhausted. I feel like I've been on a spinning wheel and it won't slow down to enjoy life.  But life does go on and we have the same 24 hours as we had the day before - perhaps I'm just not using them as efficiently as I used to.  Perhaps I need to take (find) time to sit back and review the past and the time I have wasted against the things I have wanted to accomplish - and did - or did not. I have grand plans, yes? But I seem to not complete what I want to complete. No, this isn't a 'woe is me' post.  Although my head is hurting this morning and I need to take an Excedrin pretty soon.  I have my coffee so that is helping.  I have training this morning - legs - and will need to get up and moving fairly soon so I can get ready for that.  After training most of the day will be set and until afternoon I will be attending a celebration of life.

My apologies in advance for rambling a bit; I did mention my head is hurting and I feel like I'm 'all over the place' this morning as I have to make sure I get completed the things I have to do.  So glad I decided to take off work today instead of just taking off for specific things. But, I'm learning as well that working keeps me grounded.  Would I like to 'not' work?  I would always have to be doing something - but it would be nice not to have daily deadlines.  Or that board meeting like I have on Thursday morning at 7:30AM this week.  

Found out yesterday after church that my oldest son was in the hospital, needing a paracentesis completed. And the thoracentesis as well.  It was kind of funny yesterday.  He notified me, the daughter, and the younger son about his hospital visit and eventual admittance.  He wanted sweet tea.  Daughter decided she was going to get him sweet tea from a new place she likes.  Youngest son was talking of going to visit so I started to think that maybe I didn't need to go ..... but 'someone' mentioned that sometimes a boy needs his mama (and you know that part always grabs my heart).  So I stopped what I was doing and told hubby I was going to the hospital to visit - and he could come or he could stay home.  At first he said he wasn't going because he felt he couldn't walk that far.  Then he quickly changed his comment to he was going. It was easy enough; I dropped him off at the door and I parked the car.  Son was on the first floor not far from the front door so neither of us had far to walk.  We brought him his sweet tea from McD's.  Then when the youngest son and his wife came in, we left.  It really grieves my heart when the youngest shows up anywhere after drinking.  I'll just leave that there. 

Hubby and I stopped at DQ on the way home - I got my turtle pecan blizzard and he his chocolate malt - and that was dinner.  Since we had stopped at Arby's on the way home (he wanted to go out but I was paying so I chose), I didn't have to cook yesterday.  Settling in, I finally finished up the afghan for the great-grandson and now working on an afghan for his little sister.  All in Viking colors, of course.  I did some more ordering on Kohls and Amazon yesterday as well and hopefully finished off more gifts for Christmas.  

This week is going to be busy somewhat.  Along with the stress of hubby and waiting on him to 'make a decision', after the celebration of life today I will need to wrap more gifts.  Tomorrow is back to work.  I am going to tell hubby that tomorrow night I can drive him to meet his 'accountability' partner. I can take the diamond art project to the daughter's which is just down the street from where hubby meets. Then I can pick him up after.  Will see how he goes with that.  I am giving him at least this week to process giving up his keys.  I suggested to him last night that I could take him to a store and drop him off and then come back and pick him up when he is done, rather than him driving there.  I may mention how hard parking will be and that he will have to walk long distances... that might help.  Unfortunately, my having to drive him places will create a burden, but I'd rather have the burden than someone hurt.  But then, no, I'm not going to say it, and shouldn't even think it. 

Wednesday night we have our group Bible study and I will be driving so that is just taking up another evening. Right now my mind is a blank as to what Thursday evening is.  I'm taking Friday off to train (trying to get Morgan to change my 7AM to another day) then on to Mesa to meet up with my boss for the Christmas Idea House.  Our yearly get-together that I really enjoy. Then I have a 3:30PM hair appointment - so Friday will be busy. 

I have so much to do to prepare for Christmas and I love all the preparation, but I just feel I'm totally disorganized this year (but don't I feel that way every year?).  I've got to start baking and putting in the freezer this week for starting next week I will need gifts to start giving out as we meet with others. I still can't figure out how I can 'gain' 2-3 hours a day by working from home versus driving to Mesa - and I still run out of time.  I think a large part is that I've been going to bed at 8:30PM and getting up at 4-5AM - and then ... oh I don't know. My head hurts. Still.

I told you I was rambling. This ordeal with hubby has stressed me out.  I feel sorry for him, I really do. I get that he feels he is losing his 'freedom' - but I'm trying to get him to see he will gain 'freedom'.  No car payment, no warranty, no insurance, no gas or repairs - and I've told him that is money in his pocket. I'm playing on that.  I just need to get him past the letting go of the car part. Someone said an author has said that you don't take away the keys, you take away the car.  I'm just not sure how I can do that. I'm praying about this entire situation and asking God to intervene and direct the path we both must take to resolve this situation.  Yes, I'd like to get this done and over with.  But I also know I need to allow him to 'grieve' and process his material loss.  To him it is independence; he can come and go as he pleases. I want to allow him that time.  I'm taking each day as it comes, but hope I can insert taking him places versus him driving (like shopping as he would have to park far away and walk long distances, and he can't). I drive to church, usually out to eat, to the group study, already, so he is used to my driving (although he makes his comments about my driving....) - it is just the little things.  It will happen soon, but I have to 'let him make the decision as to when' - although I will also be watching the timetable.

And all of that probably doesn't make sense for it doesn't make sense in my mind. Dang headache.

Distractions come and go. Something made me pick up my phone and look at it. I read a post by my son in the hospital.  I started to scan and read this one post by an unknown person about her parents who had arrived two hours early for Thanksgiving dinner. As I skimmed through the lengthy post, I have begun having tears fall down my face.  I get it. It will happen to me.  It will happen to you.  The calendars will be empty at some point.  We will go to a child's home for a holiday meal and feel in the way because we are early.  But we are early because there is no place else to go.  And as the child feels so stressed at having to 'entertain' when they are so busy.... the thought comes to them to make their parents feel needed again.  Wanted again.  Let dad take the trash out. Let mom help with the cooking, even if it is only stirring the pot.  Let them be a part of life again.  All too soon, those precious moments will be gone.  (Yeah, see why I have tears falling?)

I need to put a note somewhere that I need to start getting rid of at least one thing everyday.  Whether it is just cleaning out a drawer and getting rid of things.  I know I have way too much. In a 'light' sense, I am a hoarder - cause I want to have it in case someone needs it - right?  But I need to let things go. My biggest fear is that my children will have to have a truck pulled up in front of the house and have things hauled out to Savers or Goodwill - without knowing the memories behind them.  SO I need to get rid of those things that have no memories and keep only what I want to pass on. I need to declutter and de-hoard.  My kids would definitely agree, I'm sure.  I don't want them having to deal with this. Even if hubby goes first, I still need to get rid of this stuff.  If I die first, he wouldn't know what to do with any of it and would hold on to it because it would remind him of me.  

Memories are a good thing, but they can be taken to the extreme.  Sometimes we need to let someone else enjoy making their own memories with items, right?

And with that - I'm going to let this blog be a memory today - got to get dressed and get ready to head to the gym very shortly.  Hopefully the Excedrin will kick in soon.  Coffee didn't do much for the headache.  Have a totally awesome day!  Perhaps tomorrow my mind may (or may not!) be working.

Blessings!

What to share today.....

 I've already had two cups of coffee this morning and I still can't think of anything to write about.  Not that anything I write is of any value, but just a bunch of ramblings from what enters my mind.  Scary, isn't it?!

Today is Saturday and I slept in until about 5:30AM, I think it was.  Or was it 5AM.  Don't remember now (old age is a bear - but then again, is it important?).    Hubby is in distress this morning; he found a text about his friend Chuck, who is still in rehab.  He was going to go see him yesterday but Thursday evening a request came out for no visitors as he had developed a low grade fever.  This morning he received another text that it has developed into a high grade fever and they were asking for prayers to find what was causing it as well as healing.  I figure Chuck is about 88, same as hubby, or thereabouts.  The fever could be a UTI from laying in a bed all day.  Some of you will understand what I mean.  Praying for Chuck to recover completely is easy; I love Chuck too and have known him for years.  His father, Lloyd, was the old man I used to call 'the onery old goat'.  LOL  Special memories.  Anyway - if you think of it, please whisper a prayer for Chuck, that the doctors will find what is causing the fever, and that he will be healed.  Hubby is taking it hard already.  Think about it.  When people you know and love around your age start having medical issues or even accidents that cause sickness and / or death, you start to evaluate your life and how old you are.  I am sure I would as well.  

Nothing is specifically planned for today.  I did bake more pumpkin scones yesterday and took some over to Ms. Diane last night.  Bless her heart.  She told me how much she misses me when I am away, or if I don't come over.   And - whether it happens or not is not a big deal.  She has two 'artificial' fireplaces (in two rooms) that each Christmas time she has plugged in and turned on.  Some of you will know how much I love a fireplace.  I miss not having one after having one for so many years at our other house.  Anyway, she told me last night that when she is gone, she has told her daughter, and her daughter agrees, that one of the fireplaces is mine.  I am to get it.  Ms. Diane told me that she really wants me to have the one in the room where we sit (and that is the one I'd take) and her daughter is in agreement.  I don't expect it any time soon, but it's nice she thought of me.  I won't mention it to hubby for I know he will immediately start in with 'where would we put it? ' and I don't want to deal with it.  I will find a place (and have one in mind.  

Ms. Diane is 87 but although her health is not good, she could still live for a long time.  She and I talked about assisted living last night.... she doesn't want to go because they are so expensive (Ms. Amy paid $7K a month when she was here, is paying $10K a month in Florida!!) and the more care you need, the more it costs.  The lady who lived here (Connie) before we bought the house.... she was put in an assisted living place nearby by her children because they didn't want to take care of her.  When she ran out of money, they put her in a group home, and it was shortly after that she passed away.  I don't ever want to be a responsibility for my children, but I also don't want to be neglected and left alone.  Does that make sense?  I want my own place, and let them find me on my knees praying when I go. :-)

I think I'll find a good chicken soup recipe and make some.  I need to see what groceries I need and go to the grocery as well.  Maybe later this afternoon.  My freezer is almost empty and it has never been this low.  So is the pantry.  But, we have food to eat and are not in want.  We just eat out more than we used to.  But I do need to restock and have food on hand on for when I want to do a lot of cooking.  It's this Virta plan I'm on keeps me from eating/buying the high carb foods I love - cookies (and I just may make some today!) and cakes and muffins (found a great muffin recipe I want to try!) and potatoes, and bread.  Lots of bread.  I found a recipe for a really good bread.... and I want to make it too. :-)  See how hard it is for me to cut my carbs back?  I did it in the beginning, but anymore, I just eat.  Sigh.  Got to get back on track; it's a real struggle.  But, I still feel I'm losing some inches cause I am building muscle.  Morgan said she'd do a body scan on me whenever I want it to determine how much fat and muscle I have in my body.  I know my weight says my bmi is 29 something - but if the majority of it is muscle, it means I'm not fat (even though I am).  Well, not fat.  Fluffy.  Right?

I think I will throw my blanket and slippers in the wash today.  Something has been chewing on my legs.  I thought it was mosquitos during the night - and have about 4 bites on one leg, and today I have a couple on the other.  I wonder if something is in my blanket in here I cover up with in the mornings. Oh well, it's been awhile; will wash it and the slippers I wear to keep my feet warm in here - they need washed anyway.  You needed to know that, didn't you.

Talked with my youngest son yesterday amidst all his travels.  He's left Indiana and was in Tennessee last night and will be seeing his Army friend and my nephew today.  I think he is going on to North Carolina from there.  He saw my little sister and little brother and my big brother over the last few days, and also went to his dad's grave and saw his half sister.  He says he is beginning to feel like 'Fed Ex or UPS'.  I asked him why.  He said my family gave him stuff to bring back to me.  LOL  Mostly photos from my sister and brother (I think he said my sister gave him a book for me on how to plan my funeral.  Say what?)  My little brother was to send me things that belonged to my older sister who passed, her birth certificate, etc.  I want to get all these things in order (I have her death certificate) and hopefully someone in the family will want to keep these keepsakes of previous generations.  June 11th made 3 years since my older sister's death.  I still miss her so much.

Lots of ramblings today, my mind is wandering over different things.  I suppose you wish that some day soon I will get back on track.  But then, no one is making you read this, right?  Just my ramblings and me. For this moment in time.  

Hope to finish another book some time today; want to work on a craft project; want to bake new recipes; want to stay in here and be alone all day.  Which will I get done?  Probably the book. Maybe the baking.  Oh, yeah, and finding my way to the grocery store if I ever get around to checking what we need.  So with that - I'm going to jump off here.  I have about 10 minutes before I probably should come out of here.  Whether I want to or not.

Hope that you have an amazing day - do something fun - do something productive.  Don't let life pass you by - it's too short.  When your friends around you are gone, what do you have left... make your life count.

Blessings!

Trying to find myself

 I did it. I went to see Ms. Vicky yesterday afternoon.  We had a nice visit and she was so appreciative that I came to visit. I learned she sold her car as her eyes are so bad with muscular degeneration (I think that is what it is) that she can't see much except in peripheral vision.  She could no longer drive.  I feel bad that I haven't cooked extra and taken food over to her; she mentioned her roommate got after her for not having any groceries and she said she had responded she had peanut butter and bread; she was good.  She gave me a large crockpot she no longer used so I am going to make a big pot of chili before the week is over (well, that is the plan) and take some over to her.  I need to keep in better contact.  Today I plan to make cheeseballs and take that and crackers over to her and to Ms. Diane.  Our neighbors will get a big one for they have a lot of family stopping by, I'm sure.  I still need to make cookies for the cookie plates and get those ready to be delivered or picked up.  I still have time so not critical.

I have things I want to do and get done this week - but none of it is critical and I can probably do it most anytime. I'm done with shopping and wrapping. I do need to focus on finishing this message for Sunday.  This morning, though, I do need to make my gym training at 9AM. After that I will get busy and get the cheeseballs made - and will see after that what I do.  The message is going to have to be priority though; I need to review it a few times before Sunday - and then start on the next week's message for I speak two Sundays in a row.

Hubby and I had a 'tiff' last night before bed.  I can not get his line of thinking sometimes.  Yes, I had some clothes on top of the washer (the dirty aprons that were used yesterday).  I still had some things that I use for baking on top of the dryer.  Now mind you, it was about 9PM.  Hubby comes to me, very nicely worded, and said (something like) "If I need to do laundry this week, will you be able to clear off the washer and dryer so that I can get to them?"  I get it - it was a nice question - but I feel it is very doubtful that he will wash clothes this week. (I'm not 'allowed' to do laundry. That's 'his' job. Which is why I wash some things while he is gone.)  And, was it important enough that I clear everything off at 9PM that night to make him happy?  Well, I just stood there and looked at him kind of crazy I guess - and voiced my thought...which has now escaped me.... and he said some things he should not have said to me - and then he went off on how mistreated he is, that it is always his fault and he was asking nicely.  Roll the eyes here.  Sigh.  I went in and threw the dirty aprons (there were 3) into the laundry room sink (I will wash them on Friday while he is gone), and moved the two trays and a few other things to my place at the kitchen table... I can put them away today.  The washer and dryer are now 'clear'.  He will do at least one load of laundry just to show me he was going to do it.  But at 9PM Monday night - knowing this is Christmas week; I am still baking and making things... yet, it was critical for him to tell me he plans to do laundry and the washer and dryer had something on top and he couldn't do it.  Lord HELP!

Today is Christmas Eve and as mentioned above, all I really have to do is my gym training at 9AM. I want to make the other things and get to the neighbors - and if I do - great. If not - 'it is what it is'.  I've been in a major funk the past few months and it has been difficult to come out of it. But I'm fighting my way to the top and out of that funk.  I think I have even dealt with depression, although not to where I couldn't do things. I just didn't want to make the effort. Have you ever felt that you have been beaten up mentally to where there was nothing left? That's where I've been, and I knew it, and looking back, I still see it..... I am fighting for joy.  I need to remind myself of where my Joy is.

Nehemiah 8:10 (NKJV):  And Nehemiah continued: "Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!"

I'm sure I have shared with you before, possibly many years ago, of when one of my bosses yelled at me and slammed her hand down on her desk... I just stood there and smiled at her.  Then all of a sudden she stopped yelling, and told me "You have a nice smile." As if nothing had happened.  This boss always had me singing "The Joy of the Lord is my strength" all the way down the hall to the restroom and back.  I'm so serious!  Every.single.day!  She was so nice to me after her little outburst, which really had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with her.  In fact, when she became pregnant for the first time at age 42, she asked me to pray for her and her little one.  

The Joy of the Lord, and in knowing Him, is truly my strength in the most trying times of my life.  Life has not always been easy... probably mostly because of my own decisions, but many times I remind myself that people can not give me the Joy that I can get from knowing Jesus.  I don't know I could even explain it - it's an 'inner joy' that He gives us and that will help us through any trial, any battle, any conflict - anything that this life throws at us.  I am fearful (although we are told to 'fear not') of what the future ahead is going to bring. I've seen bits and pieces this year and it scares me, for I don't know how to handle some of it.  Someone who has been so controlling of my life (although the claim is that I am the controlling one)... well, let us just leave this here.

Hubby said he will be wrapping my gifts this afternoon because when he waits until the evening on Christmas eve, it wears him out.  I told him the wrapping paper, scissors and tape, are all on the back bed - he can go do it at any time.  Grateful I am done.  With shopping and wrapping. Still have cooking and baking - but that's ok.

I did receive one package yesterday - my pampered chef order. I thought they had told me I had 'won' a spatula, but they forgot to have it put in the package, I guess. No biggie. I have several of them. I really would like the solid metal one; couldn't find it in the catalog so will go to my usual 'store' - Amazon - and see if I can find what I want.  I got another $20 giftcard for Amazon from another co-worker.  That is $45 in Amazon e-cards (already added them to my account) and a $10 egift card for Starbucks.  I still have one from last year I have never used.  Found it the other day so maybe will stop at a nearby one and get something yet this week.  I really didn't need any pampered chef, but when it is people I know, I always want to help them reach their goal.  I bought a brownie pan which I plan to use today when I start baking. Not that I need individual pieces baked; cutting with a knife always worked before. LOL  

Well, I guess I have rambled on enough today and will get off here. I left my computer in the 'front room' dining table so here I am. Surprised hubby hasn't come to see what the noise is (clicking of the keys) but perhaps he hasn't 'heard' them. I need to start getting ready for the gym anyway.

Happy Christmas Eve - hope all your shopping is done! Who wants to go out in the crowds today?  Not me!  Be safe out there.

Blessings!

I knew the answer on that one!

 I knew as soon as I got the email that my oldest son had read my blog.  And, he responded he liked the idea of returning the plate for refills.  And in reality, it doesn't have to be limited to Christmas, does it?  I do love to bake.  In fact, I baked two batches yesterday of my cranberry pumpkin nut bread, but I baked the second batch in cake pans, because it is so good as a cake with cream cheese frosting on it.  YUM.  They are now in the freezer.

Drove my car down to my daughter's once they returned from the festival and left it with them.  SIL is taking it to a friend of his who works on cars.  When I had my car in the other week for the oil change, etc., they said my back brakes were down to 4% and needed to be changed fairly soon.  They wanted $356 to do that.  I'm getting it done for $100.  Big difference.  Every time I go to the dealership, they always get me for 'this really needs to be done' and I spend up to $500 to take care of it.  I think I'm done with that.  I've reached the point that I don't know if I'll take it back even for oil changes.  There are too many other places around here that do it for much less, plus in the past, I NEVER had to take my cars in for anything other than oil changes and minor repairs.  When it got major, I traded it in.  

I tried to go visit Ms. Diane before I started baking yesterday but she said her son and wife was coming over and bringing lunch.  She was to call me afterwards, but I was busy baking and even when I saw they were gone, I didn't call again.  I could have gone to Ms. Vicky's, but figured if I went there first and Ms. Diane called, it would be awkward so didn't do that either. Baking was much more fun.

Hubby was having a 'pity party' yesterday.  You know I have them occasionally, and I'm sure you do too.  Don't tell me you don't.  Sometimes we all feel alone and feel left out of things.  But it is up to us to change that, right?  At least that is the way I feel about it.  Hubby had brought this subject of feeling alone a week or so ago.  I tried to explain I understood what he was saying, and I even gave him a couple examples of when my kids went off to do their own thing with their family (which is absolutely ok, don't get me wrong), and it may have been something I'd like to have done as well.  I probably am not explaining this well.  I think it is more he is jealous the families do things together (and he doesn't know the half of it!!) and he isn't included.  Of course he says 'we', but I don't get bummed about it.  For example, daughter and some of her family went to the festival.  Perfectly fine.  Hubby, in the past, never wanted to go.  So why would he go now, when he can't walk far?  He never would have lasted the day.  We went to the zoo with them one time and after about two hours of walking around, we left, and the rest of the family stayed and had a great time and took great photos.... only we aren't included because we left.  

We had a chat about his 'aloneness' and I finally - basically - told him to 'get over it'.  Maybe I shouldn't have.  And I told him that when the grandchildren have activities we are usually invited, but for some, he chooses to keep to his own plans rather than change them.  If it is possible, I do try to attend things, but it isn't always possible.  But I will change my plans to be part of my grandchildren's lives.  Now that they are older, I don't see any of them very often.  Seriously.  But I can pick up the phone and text any of them, and most will generally respond.  I just need to continue to reach out.  I need the connection, and I need to let them know that they are loved and thought about.  I don't get upset they don't respond - LOL  - it's their loss!   No, I'm not going to do the guilt trip and I don't want any one else too.  I smile inside when I hear the longing in my son's blog of wanting to see his children more.... because I know exactly what he is saying.  Ok - enough on that subject and I' erasing a lot too.  It is what it is - no guilt trips.  I think it has more to do with his children disowning him than him not being included in things. I did tell him he needed to make friends with other me.  I can think of only a handful that he has lunch with.... shoot - he goes out to eat a lot more than I do!

Today is back to work and timecard Monday.  Which is a good thing for it means that I get a paycheck on Thursday.  I've got to quit spending so much on a whim and start saving more.  Between hearing aids for hubby and oral surgeries for us both this year, my savings account has shrunk quite a bit.  I need to build it back up.  It is nice to be able to pay for things rather than make payments.  I don't foresee anything big in the near future so hopefully can start building my savings back up.  After all, Christmas will be here soon enough and you know, even though I try not to, I spend way too much.  But in reality, I think it is more that I buy for so many people, because I really do not spend that much on each one.  Well, last year I did for the gifts I bought were a bit more expensive....but they did get less of them. :-)  After all, I'm spending my kids' inheritance (what little there would be) so I may as well spend it the way I want to, right? 

Psalm 23:1 (NLT):  The Lord is my Shepherd; I lack nothing.

Yeah, that scripture comes to mind again.  Many of us learned the words from the KJV or the NKJV or the NIV version - but here it is in the NLT.   Because Jesus is our Shepherd, there is nothing I need.  How does that work?  When I follow Him, and OBEY Him (yeah, that's the tough part), I have everything I need.  

What do I mean by that?  The Lord will supply all that I NEED.  Think about it.  I go out and buy things that I think 'I have to have' for whatever reason..... and in reality, I bring it home and put it wherever I think it is going to go (in the cabinets or on the bed or under the bed)... and then I generally forget about it.  That is why I have cabinets out in the garage full of stuff.  Stuff I need to stop thinking about WHO gave it to me, and just get rid of it if I have not used it, am not using it, and it is just gathering dust.  I imagine most of us have a lot of things like that sitting around.  

I have a box in my closet that as I come across things that I know I don't need, I try to put in that box or bag.  When it is full, it goes to Savers.  I have brand new things that I have purchased and never used.  Just because I thought at that time that 'I could use that'... or 'someone could use that'.... and it remained in the box.  For example....last year sometime one of our admins shared she had purchased a portable monitor that when she goes on a trip she can just plug it in to her laptop and have two screen.  I thought that was a cool thing.  After all, I sometimes have taken my work computer as well as my personal computer on trips because I needed to do something while off work and trying to work from a small laptop screen is difficult. I love working from two screens as I have done it for so many years now.  So I bought me a portable monitor.  I haven't even taken it out of the box.  And I won't even go in to my book collection.  Or that I just got 4 copies of a book that I forgot I had ordered three from Thriftbooks (at least they were cheaper) and saw it in my save folder on Amazon and went ahead and ordered it.  They all arrived the same day.  At least I can give three away to others.  That's the plan, anyway.

And I'm starting to ramble and it's about time to get the work computer turned on.  I really do need to work on those (stupid) minutes and get them off my list of to do things.  I keep 'forgetting' to do them because I hate doing minutes.  But, I need to get them done as I have to do them anyway.  So with that - I'm off here.

Blessings!