Just a short one today....

November is over and today is December 1.  I've said all along that this year has been flying by - and now it is 30 days short of being over.  I'm exhausted. I feel like I've been on a spinning wheel and it won't slow down to enjoy life.  But life does go on and we have the same 24 hours as we had the day before - perhaps I'm just not using them as efficiently as I used to.  Perhaps I need to take (find) time to sit back and review the past and the time I have wasted against the things I have wanted to accomplish - and did - or did not. I have grand plans, yes? But I seem to not complete what I want to complete. No, this isn't a 'woe is me' post.  Although my head is hurting this morning and I need to take an Excedrin pretty soon.  I have my coffee so that is helping.  I have training this morning - legs - and will need to get up and moving fairly soon so I can get ready for that.  After training most of the day will be set and until afternoon I will be attending a celebration of life.

My apologies in advance for rambling a bit; I did mention my head is hurting and I feel like I'm 'all over the place' this morning as I have to make sure I get completed the things I have to do.  So glad I decided to take off work today instead of just taking off for specific things. But, I'm learning as well that working keeps me grounded.  Would I like to 'not' work?  I would always have to be doing something - but it would be nice not to have daily deadlines.  Or that board meeting like I have on Thursday morning at 7:30AM this week.  

Found out yesterday after church that my oldest son was in the hospital, needing a paracentesis completed. And the thoracentesis as well.  It was kind of funny yesterday.  He notified me, the daughter, and the younger son about his hospital visit and eventual admittance.  He wanted sweet tea.  Daughter decided she was going to get him sweet tea from a new place she likes.  Youngest son was talking of going to visit so I started to think that maybe I didn't need to go ..... but 'someone' mentioned that sometimes a boy needs his mama (and you know that part always grabs my heart).  So I stopped what I was doing and told hubby I was going to the hospital to visit - and he could come or he could stay home.  At first he said he wasn't going because he felt he couldn't walk that far.  Then he quickly changed his comment to he was going. It was easy enough; I dropped him off at the door and I parked the car.  Son was on the first floor not far from the front door so neither of us had far to walk.  We brought him his sweet tea from McD's.  Then when the youngest son and his wife came in, we left.  It really grieves my heart when the youngest shows up anywhere after drinking.  I'll just leave that there. 

Hubby and I stopped at DQ on the way home - I got my turtle pecan blizzard and he his chocolate malt - and that was dinner.  Since we had stopped at Arby's on the way home (he wanted to go out but I was paying so I chose), I didn't have to cook yesterday.  Settling in, I finally finished up the afghan for the great-grandson and now working on an afghan for his little sister.  All in Viking colors, of course.  I did some more ordering on Kohls and Amazon yesterday as well and hopefully finished off more gifts for Christmas.  

This week is going to be busy somewhat.  Along with the stress of hubby and waiting on him to 'make a decision', after the celebration of life today I will need to wrap more gifts.  Tomorrow is back to work.  I am going to tell hubby that tomorrow night I can drive him to meet his 'accountability' partner. I can take the diamond art project to the daughter's which is just down the street from where hubby meets. Then I can pick him up after.  Will see how he goes with that.  I am giving him at least this week to process giving up his keys.  I suggested to him last night that I could take him to a store and drop him off and then come back and pick him up when he is done, rather than him driving there.  I may mention how hard parking will be and that he will have to walk long distances... that might help.  Unfortunately, my having to drive him places will create a burden, but I'd rather have the burden than someone hurt.  But then, no, I'm not going to say it, and shouldn't even think it. 

Wednesday night we have our group Bible study and I will be driving so that is just taking up another evening. Right now my mind is a blank as to what Thursday evening is.  I'm taking Friday off to train (trying to get Morgan to change my 7AM to another day) then on to Mesa to meet up with my boss for the Christmas Idea House.  Our yearly get-together that I really enjoy. Then I have a 3:30PM hair appointment - so Friday will be busy. 

I have so much to do to prepare for Christmas and I love all the preparation, but I just feel I'm totally disorganized this year (but don't I feel that way every year?).  I've got to start baking and putting in the freezer this week for starting next week I will need gifts to start giving out as we meet with others. I still can't figure out how I can 'gain' 2-3 hours a day by working from home versus driving to Mesa - and I still run out of time.  I think a large part is that I've been going to bed at 8:30PM and getting up at 4-5AM - and then ... oh I don't know. My head hurts. Still.

I told you I was rambling. This ordeal with hubby has stressed me out.  I feel sorry for him, I really do. I get that he feels he is losing his 'freedom' - but I'm trying to get him to see he will gain 'freedom'.  No car payment, no warranty, no insurance, no gas or repairs - and I've told him that is money in his pocket. I'm playing on that.  I just need to get him past the letting go of the car part. Someone said an author has said that you don't take away the keys, you take away the car.  I'm just not sure how I can do that. I'm praying about this entire situation and asking God to intervene and direct the path we both must take to resolve this situation.  Yes, I'd like to get this done and over with.  But I also know I need to allow him to 'grieve' and process his material loss.  To him it is independence; he can come and go as he pleases. I want to allow him that time.  I'm taking each day as it comes, but hope I can insert taking him places versus him driving (like shopping as he would have to park far away and walk long distances, and he can't). I drive to church, usually out to eat, to the group study, already, so he is used to my driving (although he makes his comments about my driving....) - it is just the little things.  It will happen soon, but I have to 'let him make the decision as to when' - although I will also be watching the timetable.

And all of that probably doesn't make sense for it doesn't make sense in my mind. Dang headache.

Distractions come and go. Something made me pick up my phone and look at it. I read a post by my son in the hospital.  I started to scan and read this one post by an unknown person about her parents who had arrived two hours early for Thanksgiving dinner. As I skimmed through the lengthy post, I have begun having tears fall down my face.  I get it. It will happen to me.  It will happen to you.  The calendars will be empty at some point.  We will go to a child's home for a holiday meal and feel in the way because we are early.  But we are early because there is no place else to go.  And as the child feels so stressed at having to 'entertain' when they are so busy.... the thought comes to them to make their parents feel needed again.  Wanted again.  Let dad take the trash out. Let mom help with the cooking, even if it is only stirring the pot.  Let them be a part of life again.  All too soon, those precious moments will be gone.  (Yeah, see why I have tears falling?)

I need to put a note somewhere that I need to start getting rid of at least one thing everyday.  Whether it is just cleaning out a drawer and getting rid of things.  I know I have way too much. In a 'light' sense, I am a hoarder - cause I want to have it in case someone needs it - right?  But I need to let things go. My biggest fear is that my children will have to have a truck pulled up in front of the house and have things hauled out to Savers or Goodwill - without knowing the memories behind them.  SO I need to get rid of those things that have no memories and keep only what I want to pass on. I need to declutter and de-hoard.  My kids would definitely agree, I'm sure.  I don't want them having to deal with this. Even if hubby goes first, I still need to get rid of this stuff.  If I die first, he wouldn't know what to do with any of it and would hold on to it because it would remind him of me.  

Memories are a good thing, but they can be taken to the extreme.  Sometimes we need to let someone else enjoy making their own memories with items, right?

And with that - I'm going to let this blog be a memory today - got to get dressed and get ready to head to the gym very shortly.  Hopefully the Excedrin will kick in soon.  Coffee didn't do much for the headache.  Have a totally awesome day!  Perhaps tomorrow my mind may (or may not!) be working.

Blessings!

It feels so good this morning

 to not have to jump on the work computer.  Why?  Because I am taking a day off work to go help the youngest son get some things done around his house.  The spouse is out of town until tomorrow, so I offered to help him get some things done.  He asked last night when I would be arriving - and I told him about 8:30-9AM - and I am in no rush.  I'm enjoying this little bit of time I have to myself this morning; hubby has gone to his Bible study, it's after 7AM and here I am.  Yeah, I'm late on here too - was able to get a bit more reading in this morning.  Is this what it would be like if I wasn't working?  Probably not. Sigh.  

Hubby asked me, as he came in to tell me goodbye this morning, "Will you be home this afternoon?"  Where does he think I'm going?  Sometimes - I'm sorry, but he does - he asks the stupidest questions.  Of course I plan to be home this afternoon!  I plan to be there most of the day, but don't plan to be there into the evening!  Hubby just can't stand to be alone and if I'm not home, he doesn't know what to do with himself.  He has gotten so dependent upon my being 'here' in person for him, for when he wants to chat or to feed him, it's as if he can't do anything in his own power anymore.  And one wonders why I always feel so smothered and buried.....

But I will be with the youngest part of today helping him, and tomorrow morning I get a real treat!  My oldest son is taking me to breakfast!  We were going to do lunch, but I goofed.  We have an HOA community gathering at noon - a potluck (which reminds me, I need to boil eggs tonight to make deviled eggs to take).  So my son and I are meeting about 9-9:30 at a favorite restaurant and we will get to chat for a couple hours.  I love these times for it gives us a chance - rather, it gives me a chance - to catch up on what is going on in life.  He reads my blog so he knows what all is going on with me.  He doesn't write as much in his (hint hint). LOL

I've decided I don't like the Spade Healthwatch 4.  I wore it all day yesterday and although it had my steps on the front, where I want it, I just didn't like it when I needed to see other information.  Is it that I am used to my apple watch and know where to go?  Anyway, I am back to my apple watch today and I turned the healthwatch 4 off.  If I switch out again, I think I'll get a Fitbit.  I used it first and I loved it.  I guess it is better to stick with what you enjoy, right?  It gives me all the information I want, and I like it best.

I have a busy week next week with three doctor appointments.  Yes, three.  I have the dentist on Tuesday - he's going to put a temporary crown on a tooth.  Wednesday is .... I forget.  Thursday is my dermatologist.  Glad I write things down on the calendar.  Or maybe I just have two.  Oh well. It's on the calendar.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NIV):  Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will it cease from yielding fruit.

Know why I believe and trust in the Lord, and hope in Him?  Because I never want to be left in drought, I never want to not be able to give to others. I don't want to be anxious about our next season of life.  It's like if I retired now, I know we will make it ok.  Sure, 'we' will have to stop doing things (like my careless and spontaneous shopping) that we may do now, but some things will still be do-able.  It's just being wise with what you have.  I've mentioned many times that we have way too much 'stuff'.  I don't necessarily want to 'sell' it, but if I hear someone needs something, am happy to give it to them.  Financially we can't help much, but I am happy to give what we can.  There really is very little we need. I have my books, and I'm trusting God to find a place to live and food to eat.  There is nothing else we need, right?

So what are you trusting in?  Your job?  Things made by man?  You trust in games or professions?  You trust in buildings?  Those things are all manmade and you can easily make them into your idol.  Anything you HAVE TO HAVE more than God, is an idol.  That includes food and drink.  Yes, we need food and water to survive; I get that.  But if we do it in excess, we are worshipping a manmade idol instead of God.  Make sense?

I have to watch myself when it comes to food.  Yes, I love food.  I love chocolate.  I love an occasional glass of wine.  I love my books.  But when it comes to God, He is to be first in all things.  I can cut back on food (hey, I'm doing it for this crazy 'diet', right?), I only cheat on occasion with a bite of chocolate. I don't 'need' it, but I enjoy it.  There is a difference.  

Oh I can get in trouble all by myself when I choose things to go after instead of going after God!  I pray daily not only for forgiveness of the things I'm aware of that I do, but also for the things I don't realize that I do that are not pleasing to Him.  I want to be in the image of Jesus.  I want people to see Jesus in me.  And many times, self gets in the front of Him and no one can see Him.  That is what I work on.  I want Jesus seen in me.  

The Lord has blessed us abundantly over the years.  He has answered many, many prayers I've prayed.  My heart and mind cry out to Him to 'use me' for Your glory alone.  And in that I wait, for I know He is not finished with me yet.

What about you?  Have you reached the point in life where you are ready to let this life go and grab hold of all that God has for you?  Do you not realize how much He loves you, and that He has been waiting patiently for you to come to Him and just ask Him to take over your life?  You will find life is so much more enjoyable when you do.  We aren't perfect, and He knows that.  We will slip and fall (as you know, this is something I struggle with daily), but our God is a forgiving God.  But He is also a jealous God.  He will not allow things to come before Him.  So what's your decision? Doing things your way - or God's way.  Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look upon His face.  All you can see is Love.

Blessings!

I got 'er done! WhooHoo!

 As soon as hubby left yesterday morning, I jumped up, got dressed, and started cleaning the laundry room counter.  It.Felt.So.Good to do something on my own.  I know, I'm weird.  I did discover one thing... I bought two shelving pieces, and only needed one.  But that's ok.  I have another project in mind (cleaning off the top of the refrigerator and freezer in the laundry room) and can put the shelving up there to stack things better (plus get rid of of a lot of 'stuff' that has ended up there).  After I finished that, and hubby still wasn't home, I started juicing oranges I had gotten earlier in the week.  Decided to juice for my neighbors as well.  Ended up going out and picking more oranges and grapefruit.  Brought them back in and juiced up more oranges, cut up some grapefruit for snacks.  I still have a bag of lemons to juice that I just haven't gotten to yet.  I will freeze that juice.  

Hubby came home as I finished up juicing and cutting up the fruit.  I decided to clean out the pantry as well... and yes, what I expected, happened.  Hubby had to watch me for awhile before he finally walked away to get on his computer.  Drives me crazy.  I did rearrange the pantry, threw away a lot of expired things, and took out two bags of trash.  Got it done, called Ms. Vicky next door to see if she wanted fresh orange juice - she did not.  She had just juiced up a big pitcher of grapefruit juice and didn't want the orange juice.  No problem.  

I called Ms. Diane and yes, she wanted the juice.  Then she mentioned she hadn't had breakfast (which, as I shared before, she doesn't always eat - sometimes nearly all day, and she's a diabetic and has lost about 45 pounds this past year because of it).... so I told her to take her time and raise the garage door and I'll come over and visit for a bit.  I hurriedly made her french toast and scrambled an egg, grabbed the juice, and by that time the garage door was open so I took it all over.  Took over some cut up grapefruit and sliced oranges too.  She.ate.every.bite. of the hot food I took her.  She is such a hoot.  I love visiting with her cause when I mentioned I like something I get a "I do too!"  And she may, but I find it amusing that she likes everything I do.  I mentioned I liked cooking and she goes "I do too!" so I told her that I would think of something and perhaps bring it over and she and I can 'make it together' (so that I can make sure she can participate but not fall in the process) and she was thrilled.  

I guess it is pretty hard to be alone when you get old enough you have to use a walker.  Sometimes you just don't want to bother with things.  Which is why she doesn't eat much.  Oh - and she again said "Now I can tell Cindy (her daughter) that I ate breakfast and not lie to her)"  LOL  Cindy called while I was there and she told Cindy that 'her wonderful neighbor across the street brought her french toast and scrambled eggs and orange juice.  She was eating the orange slices by the time I left.

Hubby and I attended a granddaughter's ribbon-cutting ceremony last night at a retail type store in Glendale.  It was very nice and I am so proud of her.  I never have enough confidence in the things I make to do something like that.  I always feel I can do better, no matter what it is. 

Hubby and I also made the decision yesterday afternoon (after the veggies and fruits has given hubby diarrhea for the past three days) that we probably needed to modify our fast for his sake.  The opportunity came last night when we went out to a Mexican restaurant with family.  We didn't do too bad... and discussed our 'breaking the fast versus modifying the fast' from here on.  We have decided to continue our fast with the fruits and vegetables, but add in fish or chicken.  In fact, going back to my BBCD - no beef, no breads, no chocolate, no desserts.  It gives his body a bit more substance and fills it up with more than just fruits and vegetables.

I need to check in with Ms. Amy this afternoon. And I have the Bible study tonight at 4PM.  I have no idea where I put my folder, which means I also have not done my 'homework'.  Oops.  Slacker.  I will need to find it when we get home from church, which, today, is up at Pioneer Village as hubby is to speak today.  It will be his last time there.

I saw an email this morning from our RV Park here in town and they asked me to pick a Sunday in each month - November - March to get on the schedule for next year.  I'm the first one they asked, so I have my choice.  I told them I'd check the calendar later today and make the decision.  

John 8:31-32 (NKJV):  "Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

Jesus wasn't just saying that to the Jews, He is saying it to us today.  If we live by His word, if we choose to believe what His word says, which is the Bible, and we choose to follow Him, we are truly His disciples and through His Word, the truth shall live in us and we shall be be free.  Does that make sense?

Do you even realize how much free-er you will feel if you follow Jesus?  The chains will fall off, you will not be burdened with guilt or shame; He releases that chain from you when you confess it to Him and let Him remove it.

Do you even realize how much Jesus loves you and desires to bless you so abundantly ... and the only thing you need to do is give your life to Him.  Choose Jesus to serve.  Choose the Bible and follow it's Word, which is the Word of God Himself, breathed by the Holy Spirit into others to write.  Whew!  It is so full of good stuff!

Yeah, we read about about the struggles, about the bad stuff too!  Who hasn't heard about David and Bathsheba?  But we also read in Psalm 51 ...

Psalm 51:1-4 (NKJV):  "Have mercy upon me, O God, according to your lovingkindness; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.  For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.  Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight - that You may be found just when You speak, and blameless when You judge."

and God forgave him.

Psalm 51:17 (NKJV):  "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart - these, O God, You will not despise."

It is so easy to come to God and ask forgiveness.  He forgives, and welcomes us with open arms.  It doesn't mean that we don't suffer the consequences of our sin, but we have Him to walk through it with us.  It is so easy to follow Jesus and walk with Him.  You want to do good and right, correct?  Come to Jesus and ask for His help in following Him.  It is a step you will never regret.  He will help you find the Way, He will help you find Him. Choose Jesus.

I heard there was to be a lot of rain starting last night through Tuesday - I haven't checked outside - but haven't heard it raining either.  Hold off, I ask!  At least until we are back home from church! :-)

Blessings!

 

Saturday cleaning....maybe....

 I told hubby yesterday that today I was going to get the kitchen floor swept and mopped and I wanted the sweeper ran too.  He immediately 'reared up' and asked "What's with the I"?  I just responded back that it had been almost 3 weeks since the house was cleaned; he had told me LAST week that he would run the sweeper and clean the floor - and did not.  So THIS week I was going to do it.  (He usually will NOT let me clean the house as that is HIS job, and if I do it, then he knows he didn't do his job)  He didn't like my words at all and said that HE would be cleaning this morning.  Will see... I imagine I'll have to get things out before it will actualy happen.  The sad part is that I don't mind cleaning.... and it is one thing we have always fought about.  He SAYS he should do it becuase I work and he doesn't (well, he doesn't spell it that clear, but just says that I work).  I don't care WHO does the cleaning.... Ijust want a clean house.  He will let me clean this back room where I work, and also my bathroom, but other than that, he insists on doing it.  Just do the floors and I'll be happy!  Sheeba is in major shedding mode and when you see gobs of hair everywhere I find it disgusting.

Yesterday was a quiet day; I commented to hubby late morning that I was going to do a lunch run to Michaels to pick up a specific color of yarn I needed to finish some projects and he told me he'd take me there and to Bush's chicken for lunch, as it is right there in front of Michael's.  So I said yes, and of course we had to eat first.  Chicken isn't bad, but the fried okra is really good.   We walked to Michaels and got the yarn, then I mentioned that while we were in the area, I probably should stop at JoAnn's and check out some material I was wanting to get for a quilt.  So then we went there and easily found what I was looking for (and it was 50% off!) and back home we came.  With not having much to do after moving the meetings I needed to for my boss, I did crochet for part of the day, sitting in front of my computer.  I even took a 45 minute nap mid-afternoon!  Talk about a l-o-n-g day without any boss and any work to do!

My plan for this morning is to make up some potato salad.  No real reason other than I have a 5 pound bag of potatoes that have been sitting in the cupboard for a week and I need to use them up.  If I get it done, I'll send a text to my chidlren to see if anyone is interested in some.... 5 lb potato salad is too much for us.  Otherwise I may save a couple for baking and fry up some too... even if I do say so myself, I DO make good fried potatoes.... crispy and yummy.  I haven't made any ... well, I guess I could say in a couple years.... stupid diets don't allow fried potatoes.  The diets say fried foods are not our friend.  I don't know why they say that... my fried food sticks to me as close as a brother!  Ok - that was very poor, wasn't it!  You know where that line is found, don't you, that I was referring to? 

Proverbs 18:24 "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."    That version is from the NKJV, but other versions may say it differently, such as:  (NIV) "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."  (NLT) "There are "friends" who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother."  (TPT) "Some friendships don't last for long, but there is one loving friend who is joined to your heart closer than any other."  I think I like the TPT version best.    

I feel that most of us have that one friend that we know will always be there for us.  I have several friends, and some I know that I could call on at any time and they would be right there to 'pick me up' if I asked.  Other friends know me so well that I don't even have to call them, we are so intuned that they may contact me to check in.  I must admit, though, that these past 18 months have played havoc on friendships because of the isolation.  Have you found that as well?  I know one friend who has stuck with me through thick and thin, in good times and bad, and that is my friend Jesus.  He is the One who always knows when I'm stuggling, when I'm down, when I'm lonely, when I need someone.  And He is always there when I need Him.  Have you found that in your life too?  He's there, you know, even when you don't call out to Him.  

Jesus is the friend that doesn't push himself on you nor take advantage of your friendship.  He is patient and kind, and so compassionate!  He loves us beyond all reasoning, and when we fall flat on our faces, He is the One who is always first to pick up us.  I love that about Him.  When I am at my worst, He still loves me and wants to be with me.  And the same for you.  No matter how bad you think you are, that no one could forgive you, no one could love you, Jesus does.

And He is enough.  In spite of all my grumbling and words, in spite of me, He still loves me.  That's why I love my early mornings with Him so much.  It's just me and Jesus, and He listens to me, and when I shut up long enough, I can hear Him speaking back.  I just need to be quiet. 

Sit back in your chair, have a little talk with Jesus this morning.  Then shut up, and wait.  In a small quiet voice, you will hear Him.  Your day is complete.

Blessings