Trying to find myself

 I did it. I went to see Ms. Vicky yesterday afternoon.  We had a nice visit and she was so appreciative that I came to visit. I learned she sold her car as her eyes are so bad with muscular degeneration (I think that is what it is) that she can't see much except in peripheral vision.  She could no longer drive.  I feel bad that I haven't cooked extra and taken food over to her; she mentioned her roommate got after her for not having any groceries and she said she had responded she had peanut butter and bread; she was good.  She gave me a large crockpot she no longer used so I am going to make a big pot of chili before the week is over (well, that is the plan) and take some over to her.  I need to keep in better contact.  Today I plan to make cheeseballs and take that and crackers over to her and to Ms. Diane.  Our neighbors will get a big one for they have a lot of family stopping by, I'm sure.  I still need to make cookies for the cookie plates and get those ready to be delivered or picked up.  I still have time so not critical.

I have things I want to do and get done this week - but none of it is critical and I can probably do it most anytime. I'm done with shopping and wrapping. I do need to focus on finishing this message for Sunday.  This morning, though, I do need to make my gym training at 9AM. After that I will get busy and get the cheeseballs made - and will see after that what I do.  The message is going to have to be priority though; I need to review it a few times before Sunday - and then start on the next week's message for I speak two Sundays in a row.

Hubby and I had a 'tiff' last night before bed.  I can not get his line of thinking sometimes.  Yes, I had some clothes on top of the washer (the dirty aprons that were used yesterday).  I still had some things that I use for baking on top of the dryer.  Now mind you, it was about 9PM.  Hubby comes to me, very nicely worded, and said (something like) "If I need to do laundry this week, will you be able to clear off the washer and dryer so that I can get to them?"  I get it - it was a nice question - but I feel it is very doubtful that he will wash clothes this week. (I'm not 'allowed' to do laundry. That's 'his' job. Which is why I wash some things while he is gone.)  And, was it important enough that I clear everything off at 9PM that night to make him happy?  Well, I just stood there and looked at him kind of crazy I guess - and voiced my thought...which has now escaped me.... and he said some things he should not have said to me - and then he went off on how mistreated he is, that it is always his fault and he was asking nicely.  Roll the eyes here.  Sigh.  I went in and threw the dirty aprons (there were 3) into the laundry room sink (I will wash them on Friday while he is gone), and moved the two trays and a few other things to my place at the kitchen table... I can put them away today.  The washer and dryer are now 'clear'.  He will do at least one load of laundry just to show me he was going to do it.  But at 9PM Monday night - knowing this is Christmas week; I am still baking and making things... yet, it was critical for him to tell me he plans to do laundry and the washer and dryer had something on top and he couldn't do it.  Lord HELP!

Today is Christmas Eve and as mentioned above, all I really have to do is my gym training at 9AM. I want to make the other things and get to the neighbors - and if I do - great. If not - 'it is what it is'.  I've been in a major funk the past few months and it has been difficult to come out of it. But I'm fighting my way to the top and out of that funk.  I think I have even dealt with depression, although not to where I couldn't do things. I just didn't want to make the effort. Have you ever felt that you have been beaten up mentally to where there was nothing left? That's where I've been, and I knew it, and looking back, I still see it..... I am fighting for joy.  I need to remind myself of where my Joy is.

Nehemiah 8:10 (NKJV):  And Nehemiah continued: "Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!"

I'm sure I have shared with you before, possibly many years ago, of when one of my bosses yelled at me and slammed her hand down on her desk... I just stood there and smiled at her.  Then all of a sudden she stopped yelling, and told me "You have a nice smile." As if nothing had happened.  This boss always had me singing "The Joy of the Lord is my strength" all the way down the hall to the restroom and back.  I'm so serious!  Every.single.day!  She was so nice to me after her little outburst, which really had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with her.  In fact, when she became pregnant for the first time at age 42, she asked me to pray for her and her little one.  

The Joy of the Lord, and in knowing Him, is truly my strength in the most trying times of my life.  Life has not always been easy... probably mostly because of my own decisions, but many times I remind myself that people can not give me the Joy that I can get from knowing Jesus.  I don't know I could even explain it - it's an 'inner joy' that He gives us and that will help us through any trial, any battle, any conflict - anything that this life throws at us.  I am fearful (although we are told to 'fear not') of what the future ahead is going to bring. I've seen bits and pieces this year and it scares me, for I don't know how to handle some of it.  Someone who has been so controlling of my life (although the claim is that I am the controlling one)... well, let us just leave this here.

Hubby said he will be wrapping my gifts this afternoon because when he waits until the evening on Christmas eve, it wears him out.  I told him the wrapping paper, scissors and tape, are all on the back bed - he can go do it at any time.  Grateful I am done.  With shopping and wrapping. Still have cooking and baking - but that's ok.

I did receive one package yesterday - my pampered chef order. I thought they had told me I had 'won' a spatula, but they forgot to have it put in the package, I guess. No biggie. I have several of them. I really would like the solid metal one; couldn't find it in the catalog so will go to my usual 'store' - Amazon - and see if I can find what I want.  I got another $20 giftcard for Amazon from another co-worker.  That is $45 in Amazon e-cards (already added them to my account) and a $10 egift card for Starbucks.  I still have one from last year I have never used.  Found it the other day so maybe will stop at a nearby one and get something yet this week.  I really didn't need any pampered chef, but when it is people I know, I always want to help them reach their goal.  I bought a brownie pan which I plan to use today when I start baking. Not that I need individual pieces baked; cutting with a knife always worked before. LOL  

Well, I guess I have rambled on enough today and will get off here. I left my computer in the 'front room' dining table so here I am. Surprised hubby hasn't come to see what the noise is (clicking of the keys) but perhaps he hasn't 'heard' them. I need to start getting ready for the gym anyway.

Happy Christmas Eve - hope all your shopping is done! Who wants to go out in the crowds today?  Not me!  Be safe out there.

Blessings!

I think I've messed up my sleep schedule

 With being off work, and staying up later, somehow my body is managing to sleep an hour or so longer, which makes up for the later hour of going to bed. But, with that, it is messing me up.  I either sleep well all night, or I'm awake most of the night. Last night was an awake night.  Tossing and turning, thinking of things I need to pay, things I need to do. Silly things at that. I threw off the covers a couple times because I was so sweaty.  I still blame all this on the bug bites.  And I still get pin pricks in that area.  I may be nuts, but I have found 2 more bumps like the bug bites - one on my neck, and one on my belly. Do I have a bug in my bed?  It's been a couple days now but maybe they will go away soon.  October 12th was the night I got bit.... don't you think that they would have been gone by now?

I made cookies last night and as I was using my new very sharp knife to cut nuts - the tip touched my little finger and put about a 1/2 inch gash in it - not deep so no worries there, but it took me awhile to stop the bleeding. Never told hubby, you know how he could be.  That knife is sharp!  But I am loving it for cutting up things - just need to learn to keep my fingers out of the way. It could easily cut off a finger with one swipe.

Hubby will be leaving soon for his training.  I don't go until tomorrow morning.  I think we will only have one half-hour session this week due to the holiday and our trainer taking some time off.  But, when I added the date and time to my phone calendar, it came up for 60 minutes so I'm not sure how long - but I think it will be 30 minutes, unless others of her clients cancelled and she has the time. I'm sure hubby will ask her about it this morning; you know how he loves to be in my business.

A granddaughter and great-granddaughter will be coming over this morning to bake cookies. I hope I have everything she will need for whatever she wants to bake.  It will be fun baking with them; although I don't bake, just sit around and talk.  I still have a couple batches of cookies to make for the 'cookie plates', and I will get it done soon.  

My daughter called yesterday after she realized that with us doing Christmas with them on Saturday, and they did Christmas with their children yesterday - we won't be gathering on Christmas Eve or Christmas - so she is planning a Christmas lunch and invited us to come over.  That is really switching things up as we usually don't leave the house on Christmas day.  So we will go there for lunch and that will be a nice treat. I had no plans to fix a big meal for us - we would probably be finishing up the lunchmeat from last Saturday! In fact, we may get that again today.  Still have some soup as well. 

Yesterday was totally off.  We got partially dressed for church, then watched Jentezen Franklin @ Free Chapel.  It was very good.  About 10:15 (cause he went way over), we started getting ready - and I was ready to go by 10:30, which was time to leave.  Hubby still wasn't dressed; he was in a frazzled state... and I realized even more that although the gym is making him stronger, his mind is not.  He finally got dressed (all he had done previously was shave) and was still 'running around' trying to get ready. It's at least a 12-15 minute drive to church.  It starts at 10:45AM.  At 10:35 he was dressed, but didn't have his shoes and socks on.  At 10:40AM I tell him that we will be about 10 minutes late.  He kept apologizing that he had not gotten ready more before watching the service.  He finally looks up and asks if he can take me to breakfast.  So instead of getting there 10-15 minutes late, we went to breakfast.  It was 11AM when we got there.   He was frustrated with himself because I had been ready to go on time (I had done my hair and makeup before the service; all I had to do was get dressed) and he wasn't. So we went to breakfast instead.  I talked with my daughter, my sister, and my little brother. And I baked one batch of cookies.  Hubby watched TV alone until I finished the cookies, and we watched some NCIS repeats.  That was our Sunday - so productive, right?  Well, at least I got cookies made and touched base with my siblings.

I did get on the work computer and got caught up on emails and meetings to schedule, approved all the timecards, and shut it down.  I'll keep track as the week goes by if I get a lot of things to do.  Being off work from last Friday until January 2nd is a long time for me.  I know I will be bored before too long - although I still have things I like to do - at least Christmas is done. No shopping, no more gifts coming in, all my wrapping is done.  Yeah, need to clear off this bed now.   Should bake something for the neighbors (after all, she brought me cookies)... my 'I don't want to' keeps overruling 'I should' in taking things to the neighbors.

I do need to start focusing on the message for Sunday too.  I have a very rough draft, and I need to go through it and make it work.  I have it here on my left to start on.... what is my scripture for the message?

John 13:34 (NKJV):  A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, you, that you also love one another.

One can read that scripture and think it means we should love only our children or our spouses, and yet, it doesn't really say that.  We can't love some people and not love others.  Sometimes the 'love' is only 'like', but we also need to be respectful and treat them with love. I'm messing this all up, I'm sure.  I'm tired this morning - already!  Ok - let's try this again.  Let's step outside of family.  We have some very close friends that we enjoy being with and we say that we 'love' them.  But what about those that are alone; those that don't have as much as we do.... do we love them as Jesus does?  Ok - I'm putting myself on a guilt trip here - I say I love Ms. Diane and Ms. Vicky, but for the past three months I feel like I have withdrawn and become a hermit... I've enclosed myself.... and I'm not sure why.  By not visiting (I have talked on the phone, but not often at all), am I still showing them love?  I visited at least every week or two weeks, I think... and now for three months - nothing. I've got to shake off this withdrawal from life; this load of depression I seem to be carrying around, and come alive again.  Will see how today goes; maybe I will visit at least one tonight.  See, even I have issues I have to deal with.

We are called to love others as Jesus loves us.  We all know that Jesus loves us - are we loving others the same way?  Or are we always pointing fingers of things done that we don't approve of?  Ouch.  I think we all have something to learn from that scripture.

Let's start today - let's love even the unlovely.  After all, sometimes we are unlovely and we would never accept someone not loving and caring for us.  Who can you show love to today that you haven't for awhile?  Maybe today is a good day to start.  I'm in - are you?

Blessings!

Addendum:  This is how 'messed up' I am this morning. Hubby brought my coffee in a little after 6AM.  I just saw my cup with the lid still on it (to keep it hot) and thought I should make another cup of coffee so that I could get started on the message. I pick up the cup  - here it is 8AM - and find it is still full.  I forgot to even drink the first cup!  Is this the sign of how my day may be going?  Lord, HELP!!

Stay humble; you'll get it right at some point

 Well, I mentioned about getting the termination contracts finally done yesterday, discovering my mistake, and trying to fix them with other forms.... will it ever come to an end?  The admin for legal has been so kind to me when I have to go back to her and HELP!!  How do I fix this??  The latest?  I got a form response back from legal stating that they couldn't add the telephone number to the contracts I put in because the telephone number showing in system address book is different.  It is different because six years ago when I came to this company, they told us to put the admin telephone number in that location.  They were wanting to put MY telephone number on the contracts.  Uh no.  So, I had to go in to the service hub and request a change to all my bosses' address listing which shows my telephone number and put their telephone number.  First, I asked permission - but their delay in getting back to me caused me to just do it.  And it was ok, but it was stressful in that I was wanting to get it over with and off my plate and I was waiting on them.  Yes, they were in meetings, but I'm important too and if they get something from me, they need to answer!  Right?  Anyway - IT called me, and we discussed it - they made the correction (right, I hope) and it won't be reflected for a couple days.  Hopefully it will be in time for legal to correct the contracts.  Then there is the term date.  The boss had told me 3/20/2024 and I had put that on each one - and then he decided no, let's do 4/1/2024.  UGH.  Don't know how that is going to turn out.  And that was my frustrating day yesterday.  Oh, and the contract that someone else had inputted and it got cancelled because the 'owner' (our up the line leader) had not approved it within ten days? - well, I was searching to find it and writing service hub to locate it and send to me, checking with legal, etc.... only to find out this one boss was the one who had inputted it and had the contract information.  Sigh.  He sent it to me.  Why was he so insistent that service hub reinstate it and not just give to me to input I have no idea.  But I have it now and have that to input today as well.   See why I have times I really want to retire and get away from all this?

That and another person I support said she wanted a recurring weekly meeting changed to a different day/time when more could attend.  Sure, no problem.... only I had to go in to each week and find time where the most could attend.  I got from next week through the end of May done.  I still have June and July yet to do - and that was quitting work at 4:30PM instead of my usual 4:00PM.  Of course, hubby had to come in to ask, "Are you still working after 4PM?"  I finally just stopped and went to fix dinner.

It's Wednesday and one day closer to our running away for a few days.  I know it won't turn out like I want it to, but at least my scenery will change.  Hubby came in yesterday and asked why don't we stay an extra day.... but I told him no, and why I didn't want to.  He agreed it was a good reason, so we will be back Saturday afternoon as planned.  It's supposed to be cold and rainy up there - and when I mentioned it to hubby, his comment back was one I had given to him.... 'we aren't going anywhere up there anyway'.  

I bought one of those hydroponic gardens a few weeks back.  Instead of sending it back because I decided I wasn't going to do it, I gave it away as a gift.  Well, that didn't work, They didn't want it so I took it back.  Decided to go ahead and use it.  Unsure of what I was doing; the directions weren't real clear for someone like me, I dropped two-three seeds into each pod.  Guess what!  They are growing!!  One of them is about an inch tall!!  I'm so excited!  I still have no idea what I'm doing... but I put herbs in the pods and my cilantro is growing!  I forget what else I put in there, but whatever it is, it is growing too.  Yes, I decided to use it as a herb garden to start with.  Thought about getting another one, but decided I needed to figure this one out first.  I can grow different things... even lettuce!  Saves me buying it and throwing it away because we don't eat it.  Anyway, I'm having fun with it.

I Corinthians 13:13 (NIV):  "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love."

There was another scripture from Romans that I was going to insert, but, I am running out of time.  Again.  But, it also was about love.  Everything is about love.  How we treat people.  How we care for people. How we react to and around people.  It all comes down to love.  And, in many cases, it is how we love ourselves.

It sounds foolish, somewhat, doesn't it, to talk about loving oneself?  But if we don't love ourselves, we find ourselves being harder on people.  If we love who we are, we love ourselves, we are much kinder to others because ... well, just because.  Does that make any sense?  I'm just rambling here, yes, but there is truth in those statements.  I think of specific people and how they sometimes treat others.  Usually it is when they are feeling bad about themselves, they think they are too fat, or they think they are not smart enough, or they think other bad thoughts about themselves; they don't love themselves.... and they take that frustration at themselves and throw it on other people.  I'm sure I've done that at times as well.  And you know you have too.

We are called to love others as ourselves.  We are called to love.  How is that working for you?  Sometimes it is easy to love others, right?  When things are going well for us and for them.  That's easy.  But one thought that pulls us down, and all of a sudden, grumble grumble!  And that is what we need to watch.

Yeah... we need to watch not only our words, but our actions.  We are called to love always.  Not just when we feel like it.  Always.  And you can take that to heart.  Know that you are loved.  By Jesus, and by us.  Even when we don't feel like it.  Take that love and share it.

Blessings!

And so it begins...

 Late afternoon or early evening my Christmas gatherings will start with my youngest and his family here in town coming over to have Christmas.  I'm cooking 'garbage' for them - which is really a hamburger casserole that was aptly named garbage many years ago.  Probably will have mashed potatoes and a vegetable to go with it.  Looking forward to seeing grandchildren and great grandchildren.  And so the holiday begins for me.

I've been sitting here this morning bemoaning the fact that I haven't bought hubby much of anything this year.  He needs nothing.  He hasn't mentioned anything specific he wants.  I paid for his new hearing aids ($1600) so can that count as Christmas?  He needs a wisdom tooth pulled ($1400) soon - so can I count that as Christmas too since I will be the one paying for it?  I know that sounds strange, but he puts the bills on my credit card and then forgets about them.  So, yes, I pay for them.  

ADOT is in a hurry this year.  My license plates aren't due until 2/15/2024 - and I received in my email the 'bill' for the next one.  And I have to do an emissions check.  UGH.  At least I have about 6 weeks to get it.   Now not to forget that I need it!

We slept in this morning - of course we didn't get to bed until around 10PM - watching movies, of course - but my alarm went off at 5PM and I shut it off.  Became more alert about 5:40AM and finally got up.  I needed the rest, I guess, for I did sleep well last night.  Glad I did for today will be busy and my mind is all over the place trying to figure out how I can get at least one more gift or two for hubby, how can I finish up on everything.... and then I realize that it really isn't that important.  I need to keep my eyes on what Christmas is... 

A friend shared on her blog about some family things going on this week - two daughters had surgery, she had a cardiologist appointment, she has CML ..... and I already knew her hubby isn't that well.... I had sent her a note after reading it and she responded late Thursday.  I apparently did not read my emails yesterday for I didn't see it until this morning.  I want to do something for them..... have a meal delivered to them.  I don't have time to bake anything.  I'm going to have to think on this and see what I can do.  I just want them to know we love them and care for them.  Maybe I can make garbage and take over along with a small dish of mashed potatoes and vegetables for their dinner.  Will have to ponder this.  My heart just wants to let them know they aren't forgotten in the midst of their trials.

I had a great breakfast with my boss yesterday.  We exchanged our gifts and I told her that "I'm not doing all this next year, so this year decide what you will want for next year." Will see how that goes.  If I even remember telling her that.  She says her family loves all that I send - the kids will ask if I made such and such - and when she says yes, they dive into it.  Is that a good thing? :-)  It's nice to know what I do make is appreciated.   My favorite doctor stopped by and brought me a flower that he usually gives me each year.  

I need to start thinking about a new goal for 2024 for Goodreads.  I enjoyed challenging myself and I think I remembered to put in every book that I read this year.  I put in to read 36 books as I would rather succeed than beat myself up because I didn't.  I show that I read 50 books.  So this year, I think I will put 50 books and see if I can beat that one.  Stay tuned on that!

Do you know the story of the 12 days of Christmas and what it actually means?  Keep reading....

The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus Christ.  Two turtle doves are the Old and New Testaments.  Three French hens stand for faith, hope, and love.  The four calling birds are the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.  The five golden rings recall the Torah or the Law, the first five books of the Old Testament (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy).  The six geese a-laying stand for the six days of creation.  The seven swans a-swimming represent the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit - Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.  The eight maids a-milking are the eight Beatitudes.  Nine ladies dancing are the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit - Love, Joy, Peace, Patiences, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.  The ten lords a-leaping are the Ten Commandments.  The eleven pipers piping stand for the eleven faithful disciples.  The twelve drummers drumming symbolize the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

And I will leave you with that.  As we head on into the weekend and a crazy time of gathering and eating way too much.... I wish you joy and

Blessings!

Another day in the land of Oz

 I think I have shared before about a friend who would come in to work just about every day and say 'Another day in the land of Oz' and we'd laugh at him.  Miss that guy and my boss and I often wonder what happened to him and his wife.  We were friends, but after they both left the company I had worked at for 26 years, they kind of faded out.  I know their son moved to Australia, where he met a woman, married her, had a child, and my friend was so overjoyed at having a grandchild she flew to Australia for 3 months and took a leave from work.  Then I heard rumor she had also moved there, leaving her husband here.  I don't know - haven't heard from either one in years.  I probably should do some research and find them.  They were such fun and my boss and I loved to hang out with them.  She hasn't heard from them either. Anyway - that comment came to mind this morning as I sat here thinking of what to write today.

Packages I shipped out the other day are being delivered to Nebraska and Indiana today.  Some I ordered from a company will be delivered in Indiana today with another delivery coming in a few days to finish up.  I have a niece that I haven't seen in years, but we have maintained contact.  She asked me for a Bible several years ago and I sent to her.  I blame her mother for not keeping in contact with the family after the divorce from my brother.  I have never met any of my niece's children, but her son has been in contact with me for a few years now.  Just periodically he will touch base.  This year it seems we have talked more than usual.  In fact, I heard he was talking to my youngest son last week, and my son reported that this great-nephew credits me for getting him back in school (I had encouraged him to go back to school) and a job.  He has a lot of medical problems and I'm not sure what all they are, but I know one has to do with his lungs as he mentioned going to a lung doctor not long ago.  Anyway, I decided to send them a Christmas gift as he said they don't even put up a tree.  So I started inquiring as to needs.  I couldn't - and didn't - do much but ordered a few things for them for Christmas.  Didn't want to 'start something' I may not continue.... and I even ordered a table top Christmas tree (about 20") with all the trimmings for it.  It won't arrive for another week though.  I love I can order through Amazon just about anything and it usually arrives within a week.  I love even more giving to others that really need things. Not sharing to brag... just typing my thoughts right now.  I don't think anyone else in the family has been in contact with our niece and son.  Her two daughters have never contacted any of us.  But the son reached out with a 'how ae we related' as he saw my name on facebook.  Loved sharing with him about my big brother.  He was about 2 or 3 when my brother passed.

This season is always bittersweet and Christmas Eve tugs at my heart, as that is when my big brother had his heart attack and passed away.  I don't always remember, but I try to light a candle for him every year and just pause in life and let my thoughts go to him.  I miss him so much it hurts at times.  I miss my big sister too.  And my little brother.  I was close to all of them.  No, not just in my own mind, but in my heart as well.

My grandsons didn't make it over to bake cookies last night and it was disappointing for all of us, but I'm glad one got the rest he needed.  He wasn't feeling real well either, it sounded like.  We are going to try again on Monday.  I am taking the day off work to finish up on my Christmas shopping and plan to get an early start.  By the time they come over late afternoon, I'll be done with everything I think, and will have everything ready for them to bake.  So looking forward to it.  

My oven will be getting a good workout!  I baked cookies last night as I stayed home instead of going out.  I needed cookies to take to the cookie exchange on Thursday so got them baked and out of the way.  Today I will need to make salsa and fix up bags for two of the people I support as tomorrow I go to Mesa for the Christmas party.  Little by little getting the office folks done.  I meet my favorite boss for breakfast on the 22nd so will fix her bag up then.

Also today I have to go pick up the equipment to get ready to ship. I refuse to drive downtown so the company is sending me a Fed Ex box prepaid so that I can pack it and have Fed Ex pick it up and return it to the office.  I have other equipment I can send in too so will clear space by getting rid of it from here.

I'm trying to think of a scripture to share and I can not find what I want.  The wording is probably in a different version than what I'm usually reading... but it is about loving others.  Not just through the holidays, but loving them all the time.  So many times through the holidays we are willing to buy gifts for others that we don't normally (like I have above),  but sometimes it isn't the gifts they truly need. Sometimes people just need a friend who will show they care about them.  That they have not been forgotten.

I think we all know people whom we have backed away from because of their behavior, or their bad habits, or just because we don't care for what they have said or done.... I've done it.  Guilty.  Even for my niece's family - I haven't touched base in a long, long time.  I'm glad I still have a distant relationship with her, but I never really got to know her after the divorce.  And I didn't make the effort to keep in touch - and that's my fault.  But it isn't just family members.  We all have those distant friends that have been reduced to acquaintances over the years.  

Maybe now would be the time to send a Christmas card to them and just let them know they are not forgotten.  Maybe now would be the time to send a text and say 'hey, haven't talked in awhile, are you doing ok?' - and why am I saying that?  Because we have a lot of hurting people out there that just need us to step up and be a friend.  Just someone to let them know they matter.  Listen to them.  Perhaps they have been seriously ill or going through a difficult time.  Maybe God would put it on your heart (as He did mine) to provide something that is needed.  Like a meal.  Or a jacket.  Or just kind words that matter.  

Let this season not just be one of buying and giving to those you love and keep in contact with.  Make it a point to reach out to someone you haven't talked to for awhile.  How are they doing - really?  Your call, your text, can make a world of difference.  It could even save their life if they are despondent about things.  Be the one who shows they care.  

'Do unto others as you would have done unto you."  

At my lowest point, I had a friend who reached out unexpectedly and let me know they cared.  That type of friend is a treasure.  Be one.

Blessings!

 

Feeling tired and lazy today....

 I'm not sure why - again - I am feeling tired and lazy this morning.  It took until yesteday for the soreness to wear off in my body from the workout last Thursday - and I'm scheduled to go back for 30 minutes tonight!  I just want to curl up in my chair and talk to Jesus and spend time napping.  But, alas, I must soon get up and get on the work computer and start my day.  At least I know I am not going to have numerous emails to answer because I did get on yesterday morning and approved timecards - and checked emails.

I also made it over to Ms. Amy's 'back yard' and picked up the grapefruit yesterday that were laying on the ground.  Hubby told me he was going to call someone to trim back our tree in our courtyard and pull weeds.... so I did try to call Ms. Amy yesterday to see if he could also trim back her courtyard - it's starting to look wild.  She didn't answer her phone so thought she may have been with her girls.  I'll check back again today for I can't have him do it without her permission - and figure out a way to get him paid.  Which means I will probably need to pay him first and they reimburse me. I think he used to charge her $100 - but I don't know - so will need to check.  If I don't get ahold of her today, will send her son a text - after all, he manages the finances for her.  I hope she is ok and just didn't notice that I called.

We had a good day yesterday at my daughter's.... a light lunch and then we went in the pool with the little one.  Only stahed about 40 minutes or so in the water - lukewarm - but relaxing.  Hubby watched  the latest Maverick movie again - and said he enjoyed it more this time than the first time.  After coming home we chilled for awhile and then he wanted to watch a movie.  Again I tell him "I don't care - if you want to watch a movie - find one.  I was ok with reading or crocheting and just being quiet.  He has to make such a big deal about it.  So he found a movie.....then promptly fell asleep, waking up periodically throughout it.  Granted, it wasn't THAT good... it was interesting though, in some respects.  It was about a young 12 year old girl who's mother had died about 7 years earlier - and then her father had a heart attack and died.... and she had to move in with her aunt and uncle.  That in itself was no problem.  The problem was the young girl and her father were Messianic Jews.... which means they believed in Jesus.  The aunt and uncle were devoted Jews - and did NOT believe in Jesus.  And then there were two synagogues - one for Messianic Jews and one for Jews... anyway, I found the story line somewhat intersting.  The story basically ended with her doing Bat Mitzvah (vs the male Bar Mitzvah) in the Jewish Synagogue and her Rabbi attending, and her finding her father's faith in Jesus.  She even quoted from I Corthinians 13.  

I Corinthians 13:4-8 (NKJV):  Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in inquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.

We've all heard those words before - some of us during our wedding or as we listen in at a friend or relative's wedding.  But what do those words mean to you?  I think we tend to focus mainly on the last three words "Love never fails".  But what is love?  Go back and read the scripture again.  All those things are love.  Do we do them?  Is that how we show love?  Is that how we define love?

The Greeks used four words to refer to love.  Eros is the sensual relatinship.  Storge pertains to family relationships and obligations.  Phileo is the love among friends, as close as brothers or sisters.  Agape is a totally unselfish love that comes from God alone - the type of love that chooses to continue selflessly loving someone even when he or she makes it difficult. Christ's sacrifice and His love model what it means to choose to love.

Agape love.  Unselfish, abiding love.  That's the kind of love Jesus has for us - even when we make mistakes or even when we intentionally disobey Him!  He loves us anyway.  He loves us enough to let us make our own choices.  Jesus is love.  

And that is how we are to love others.  Without motives, without wanting things, just loving them unconditionally, and without motives.  Doesn't mean we have to approve or like their behavior or what they do..... but we are called to love them anyway.  Sometimes that love makes us stay away from them. I get it.  You KNOW about my family life!  Sometimes I have to take a step back - as I'm sure they do for me.  But we are called to stil love them.  And I do.  In fact, I take great joy in defying them when they don't want to be with me - and tell them I'm their sister and there is nothing they can do about it. So there!  lol  Yeah, sometimes they still want things THEIR way.... and I let them be.  I just let them know I love them.

Blessings!