we decided to 'take the plunge' and get married. There were so many things involved at the time, so many things that influenced my (our) decision... but we did it. I remember standing at the back of the church, crying, because I didn't want to do it, but didn't know how to stop it. So I went down the aisle. I cannot say it was been a good 40 years, for it has not. Probably not for either of us. It has been rough. Many times I wanted to walk away and start over. So what made me stay?
Jesus. He was the reason I stayed. He is still the reason I stay. I made the decision 40 years ago, when I rededicated my life to Jesus, that I will follow Him, no matter what. It hasn't been easy. There has been a lot of heartache, a lot of brokenness. There has been a lot more forgiveness. There has to be, in any marriage, a lot of forgiveness. A lot of little things can add up into big things and then they explode. In most marriages, anyway, and definitely in mine. Many times I wanted to run away. Many times I just didn't want to do this anymore. But I stayed.
Why? Why did I continue on when I knew that it wasn't going to change much? Because I know in my heart, and in my mind, that as long as I keep my eyes on Jesus, He will get me through anything that I have to go through. Words can hurt. Anger is an awful thing. But with Jesus, well, I have a couple things I try to always remember.
Jesus died for them just as He did for me.
I love Jesus more than I want my way. Freedom isn't freedom if you don't have Jesus.
I don't want you to get the wrong impression.... we have had some good times, and I'm hoping this week will be one of those. We leave for vacation about noon tomorrow to get away for a week. I'm am in great need for rest and relaxation, although I do plenty of that in the evenings here. Perhaps it is more the change of scenery. We'll be in the mountains (of sort), and cooler weather (by a few degrees), and totally alone with each other (which isn't much different than it is now) and we'll probably be doing the same things - (reading, watching movies, crocheting/knitting, etc.).... it's more of a vacation for hubby in that he won't be feeling guilty about doing things... whereas I still have the cooking to do for the most part. And that's ok. We'll get through that. I'm taking quick and easy food with us that will get us through and we will be picking up some things while there. We may be eating a lot of frozen foods that I can throw in the oven. Easy cooking. My favorite part of the vacation time is that I won't have to work. Some days it really wears me down, and that is what makes me so tired. Been working since I was 15 1/2...except for a couple years. I'm tired. Mentally and physically.
Hubby gave me a beautiful card for our anniversary. I'm terrible at cards anymore. I never can find one that I want it to say; so I either make one (only I forgot this time) or don't give one (which is what happened this morning). Then I feel guilty cause I didn't buy a card... but they are so expensive and unless they really mean a lot to me, they get thrown away at some point. (Just for the record, I still have one from my son that I received last year for my birthday sitting on the top of my bookcase in here). Hubby buys really mushy cards and always writes a note in them. Most I have saved, for they are sweet.
As I read in Haggai this morning, there was a statement that stood out to me. Four words, actually. Now Haggai is in the Old Testament, which means before Jesus was born. You really ought to grab your Bible and read Haggai - it's only two chapters long. Anyway - look at this!
Haggai 2:6-9 (NKJV): "For thus says the Lord of hosts: 'Once more (it is a little while) I will shake heaven and earth, the sea and dry land; and I will shake all nations, and they shall come to the Desire of All Nations, and I will fill this temple with glory,' says the Lord of hosts. 'The silver is Mine, and the gold is Mine,' says the Lord of hosts. 'The glory of this latter temple shall be greater than the former,' says the Lord of hosts. 'And in this place I will give peace,' says the Lord of hosts."
Did you pick up on it? The 'Desire of all Nations'. God the Father is sharing that there will be a time that Jesus will be the Desire of all Nations' when He returns. Are you ready to make Jesus your desire?
I will promise you, that if you accept Jesus as Lord, nothing will remain the same. You will find yourself thinking differently, treating people differently, and being different. It doesn't always mean that your life is turned upside down. For some people they do a complete turnaround. For others, it is a process.
Following Jesus is never scary... and it is the best decision you will ever make. He will get you through some really tough times. Trust me. I am who I am today, because of Jesus. Do I fail sometimes? Absolutely. But Jesus is also forgiving as well as loving, and He sets my feet back on solid ground. Just keep trusting and keep believing.
I'm lost (literally!) without Jesus as Lord. And so are you. But it's a choice. Which one will you make today?
Blessings!
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