We had a surprise yesterday morning as we were sitting here reading. A knock on the door - and it was the lady who owns this house! She needed to go into the garage and take care of something, but didn't want to scare us by just going in. Actually, it ended up her friend took care of what it was after she opened the door (from the inside) and our host ended up talking with us for several minutes as we got to talking about her book. It was a cool conversation. She asked what our favorite part was, or what stood out to us, and hubby told her his thought... but I enjoyed the entire book and couldn't think of anything specific. The book it self is somewhat about spiritual warfare..... but it is a story of two paramedics and what they go through day to day. I think about my son's friend who is a paramedic, as well as his wife. The author asked that we write a comment on Amazon about the book since she is self-published. And I will.
But that isn't what really surprised me yesterday.
After this surprise visit, we took a trip to town to pick up a couple things to finish out the week for food. I still have food that I brought, but we've had it once... and the smell of fried chicken permeated our senses so of course I had to get some for our lunch. Soooooo goood! Enough left for lunch today. Fried chicken is always good, even cold. I will never forget my mother's fried chicken. It was the best and could make my mouth water at the thought of having some.
But the surprise wasn't that either.
After we got home and put things away, we started our reading again. All of a sudden, hubby says, "Why don't you write a book? I know you can do it. What is holding you back?"
THAT was the surprise! I've written several times in here of my dream of writing a book. In my heart, I know I can do it. I was so surprised that for several seconds I could not say anything, but just sat and stared at him, words g oing through my mind as to what to say and how to say it.
"Time". That was my response. He didn't seem to understand that one word statement. I tried to explain. When one writes a book, time has to be allotted for it. If I had thoughts about it and started this week, with all the free time I've had, I could have gotten a good start, yes. But, being home, and still working, it is totally different. I get up at 4AM. 4AM-6:30AM is my quiet time; my time with God. 6:30AM I generally get my computer turned on for work and start to get dressed. By 7AM I'm working and am usually sitting at the computer until 4PM. At that time it is fix dinner, or we go out to eat. Once dinner is over, it is usually 5:30PM. It's relax from work, TV, movies, read, or crochet until about 8:15PM, when I start putting things away and get ready for bed.
I still haven't figured out how I used to get up early and stay up until midnight many nights with my baking and studying and working on things. Sure can't do that now. I think I've let my depression at life cause me to give up many of my desires and enjoyment of completing things. And now, I can't get by on 3-4 hours of sleep; I need more, and usually average 5-6 hrs of sleep - which is why I was so surprised at 8 hours the other morning.
Hubby continued to try and encourage me to write a book.... completely ignoring my comment about having the time to do it. I finally commented that my friend Jenny, who has written several books now (novellas, etc.) waited until she was able to retire before she blocked time for writing and doing the things she loved to do. He finally stopped when he realized I really did mean I would have to retire to have time for writing a dream. Especially when I told him my dream of writing has faded over the years because of working and not having time to enjoy life to the fullest. A lot of it is my fault; I can't blame him. And I do blame my mother. She gave me her love of reading, but she also drilled in me that the 'man of the house is in charge; what he says is law'.... and breaking that command has been hard. Oh I rebel all the time, as you know, but there are some 'discussions' I can't win. At least not right now. So what do I do?
I put it in God's hands. He may not have me write the book I've always dreamed about writing. My thought has always been to write my life story. But then, my dream changed to where I just wanted to share about Jesus and help others find the Joy I have in Him. But how do I start? What do I do? When can I focus? All these questions ... and then it's time to work. So I put it in God's hands and surrendered my dream to Him. IF and WHEN He gives me the opportunity, THEN will be my time to do it. If I push through on my own, it will not be successful. It can only be if God is in the preparation and in the work itself. It must have His favor of blessing upon it. So I will wait until His timing. If it ever comes. And if not, then it is not meant to be.
Sigh. Big Sigh. Youngest son just called to let me know that he is on the way to the VA ER.... drunk, of course.... and he fell and hit his head. Going to get checked out. He breaks my heart with all his drinking and even with all the rehab he has gone through, he has made them a vacation from his 'problems' at home.... I don't understand why he can't honor his dad by not drinking like he does. His father never got drunk. He says he wants to be like his dad, but this is not the way to do it. And it breaks my heart. So now, I continue to pray, not so much that he isn't hurt, but that he will wake up and realize what his drinking has done to his children, and to his home, and to himself. Oh God, please intervene and help him!
In all things, even this, I will continue to praise the Lord, for only He is worthy of all praise, all glory, and all honor. Praise the Lord.
Blessings!
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