Needles of Hope starts today..

 What is Needles of Hope?  It is a group of women (although one male knitter has requested to join!) who get together once a month (at this time - before COVID it was twice a month) to knit or crochet and just catch up with life.  It's a chance for us women to just be with other women.  There aren't any devotionals spoken, and only a prayer at the end when we pray over the projects we have completed or are working on, that they will bless whomever they are given to.  You can sit and be quiet, or join in the conversations all around you.

I had forgotten about it, and had really thought it would start next week, but I received an email yesterday that they were planning on meeting this morning.  I commented to hubby that it was happening, and since then, although I haven't been sure I would go or not, he has pushed for me to go.  I know why he is pushing for me to go - although he would deny it.

We had a major disagreement last week.  I rarely look at our joint account. (Did I write about this the other day?).  I looked and saw a large purchase made the day before.  I just asked him what it was for...and he exploded on me.  He said he felt he was in a prison and that I was checking up on him.  If anyone is in a prison, it is me, not him.  He goes wherever he wants, whenever he wants.  He went to breakfast twice last week (and no Bible studies as it was between Christmas and New Years) with a friend.  EVERY week he has the two Bible studies - which he manages to tell everyone about - but no one else is invited to attend.  It's just he and his friends.  I don't care - it gets him out of the house.  Both times while I work.  Anyway, after he startled me by saying he felt like he was in a prison, he brought up that on Tuesday evenings I meet with my daughter and granddaughter (on occasion, not every week) and I go to Needles of Hope and I sometimes have lunch with an old friend (maybe once a quarter).  It's like 'who is keeping tabs'?  I just asked a question about that item.  Anyway.... he started last night about 'are you going to Needles of Hope?'  I told him I hadn't decided.  This morning as he brought my coffee in, interrupting my quiet time which I feel is very disrespectful to me and to God, he asks me again - at 6:20AM, am I going to Needles of Hope this morning (which doesn't start until 9AM anyway).  I finally just said yes I'm going, and he left the room.  If I had said no, or I don't know, he'd want to have a discussion about it.

Why does he feel he needs to tell me where to go and what to do?  It builds resentment within me when he does that.  Yes, I enjoy going to Needles of Hope and enjoy meeting with the 5-6 women that are still coming, sitting six feet apart, and wearing masks - just to get together and knit or crochet.  I try to shrug it off and not let it bother me, but it does annoy me, I must confess.  Can I not make the decision on my own whether or not to go?  What if I felt uncomfortable with COVID enough that I didn't want to go?  I'm not afraid of it, I am careful, but that doesn't mean I can not contract it.

In fact, I got word last night that one of my first cousins in Tennessee died the day before from COVID. They said he just wasn't strong enough to fight it.  I have not seen this cousin in probably 50 years.  He is older, I think, closer to my siblings ages.  Being older I'm sure he was being careful, but I don't know.  It can happen to any of us.  

I rarely go out, even to eat.  I rarely go to the grocery store - which can definitely save money.  We have enough groceries I can easily make something out of them.  I have heard, though, if a certain president elect gets in office this month, that our 401Ks will eventually be taken away (which have flourished under the current president), and I've had a few people tell me that some food will start to get scarce.  Someone told me again that a couple weeks ago, suggesting that I stock up on canned goods.  I haven't, because I believe that God will always provide for us should this happen.  But maybe I should grab a few extra cans when I do go to the grocery.  I mean, toilet paper and paper towels disappeared when the pandemic started - I still haven't figured that out.  

Maybe I need to go to the store this weekend and start picking up a few extra cans of things.  I suppose it wouldn't hurt - if I ever am allowed to retire, money will be scarce so what I buy now would help, right?  I just trust God to provide what we need.  He always has, and I believe He always will.

We did nothing for New Years Day.  Absolutely nothing.  I finished two baby blankets this weekend and started on another afghan last night.  I fixed potato soup with ham, and opened a can of split pea soup.  Got lazy on the cabbage/coleslaw.  Just decided not to fix it.  I tore a piece of cabbage off and stuck it on the side of the soup and told hubby there was his cabbage.  I think I just felt lost without fixing ribs and things for everyone.  

All the family traditions I've tried over the years to pass on, I am afraid they are falling by the wayside.  I hope that at least verbally they will be passed on.... some things need to be.  It's that connection with those who were before us.  It's my connection with my mother.  I've changed the meals up from porkchops and cooked cabbage (together) to ham and coleslaw, to ribs and coleslaw - and always the dreaded black eyed peas.  They really aren't that bad.  I remember when our first granddaughter was just a couple years old and was over for new years lunch and we gave her black-eyed peas as a joke, thinking she would spit them out - and she loved them.  See, you can even get fun and special memories from traditions.

I didn't sleep well last night because I fell asleep yesterday and slept for an hour - and it was a deep sleep.  I usually fight myself to not sleep during the day, but yesterday, boredom and all just set in and I was gone.  So I couldn't sleep last night, tossing and turning most of the night.  I think hubby has confused the settings on the thermostat too.  Lately I've been getting hot enough it awakens me during the night and I have to throw the covers off.  Will have to ask him to turn the temperature down a bit more.  During the day I like it left at 70 or 71... yes, it can be cool, but I wear a sweatshirt or sweater and it's fine.  When I'm sitting I have the blanket thrown over my legs.  Not a big deal.  But I like being cool at night - and I think he is turning it up so that we will be warm when we get up.  With all the covers he has on the bed, I get overheated and wake up - throwing covers off until the body cools down.

I hear Sheeba up and about which means that hubby finally took her out to do her business and she is walking around.  She makes me laugh cause I can hear her walk to my bathroom, and not finding me, will come back to this door and wait.  If it doesn't open, she sighs and flops down on the floor for awhile, hoping I'll come out.  She's a good dog, and I wish she wasn't so strong that I can't walk her anymore.  

I guess I've rambled long enough today....what shall I leave you with today?  It's January 2nd.  How did you do yesterday with starting the year off?  It's a chance for a 'do-over'.  What would you do better this year than you did last year?  Think about it.  You might find there is something you'd like to change this year.  Why not start on it now?

Happy New Year Blessings...still.