He decided not to go...

 Yeah.... I felt hubby get up in the middle of the night and noticed when I woke up again an hour or so later that he wasn't in bed - and could hear him breathing in the other room. He had taken to his chair to sleep - and that is ok.  But when he finally awoke about 5:30AM and came in here, he told me he wasn't going to go to Bible study this morning, but go back to bed.  He fixed my coffee and that is where he still is.  He did say he would still go visit our friend, Chuck, a bit later.   But for now, he's home and in bed.  Sometimes we just have to listen to our bodies.  I need to do that more often; but with work it is harder to make that call.  Yesterday I really wanted a nap - but I didn't want hubby to catch me napping during the day.  So I ended up not napping.  Why does that bother me?  I don't know. I usually wait until I hear him snoring in his own nap, then I curl up in my chair for about 15 minutes (break time) and can sleep about 10-20 minutes - and sometimes even go 30 minutes!  I do get breaks during the day.... I just don't take them when I'm not that busy to start with.

It's a funny conversation so I'm going to share it.  You know how fabric, especially like nylon or spandex, can get a 'runner' in them?  With that being said...  Morgan shared last night that she was showing a client how to do a 'hack squat' - and she felt the seam of her workout pants split.  She thought the entire seam had come undone.  Her client thought she had farted as it had made a noise!  But no fart, but what I saw later was a runner down/up the back seam over the bottom.  It was funny; she had a manager who was leaving for the day give her his shirt so that she could wear it around her waist, covering her bottom, so that she could finish working.  I was her last client.  When we finished, she put the shirt in the cabinet and fixed her backpack to where it hit her bottom, and I followed her out.  I actually think that that moment of merriment and laughter helped her feel better.  I guess she wasn't feeling well in the morning when hubby went to see her.

I had an evening alone as hubby met his friend last night for their study.  Remember, he switched Tuesday to Thursday for six weeks so that he could attend the men's bible study.  I didn't do much - worked some on my diamond art - I'm down to filling in a few that I missed, I think.  Should definitely finish it tonight. I hope.  If my daughter gets in soon enough tonight, they will go ahead and come here.  I'm going to make sure clean sheets are on the bed, but I told her she will have to deal with the clutter in here. 'It is what it is'.   Yes, I still want to get of things in here, but can't at the moment.  In time, in time. I hope.  Hubby staying home this morning kind of messes me up; I had already sorted out in my mind what I could get done (while working) while he was gone.

What is this with me that I just can't stand for him to know what I'm doing?  I recognize that in myself and all I can think of is that he has always tried to take it away from me, anything that I do. I have had to 'fight' to put things together myself, to straighten things up myself, to do anything by myself.  He clings to me like peanut butter on bread.  I sometimes have to fight to breathe, if you know what I mean. I know he (over) loves me. I know he wants the best for me.  But daggone it, let me be me and leave me at it!  Right?

Ok - off subject.  I've had to fight to be me for so many years it is like a natural reaction, I guess.  Everything I do, it feels like I try not to let him know.  Even to taking a quick nap during the day. I don't want comments. I don't want questions. I just want peace. Is that too much to ask? That's why I do many things that I do - that I know I shouldn't do - but I do it for my mental survival. Does that make sense?

I read this Reflection in my Bible this morning.  Thoughts from Dr. David Jeremiah. I can't take credit for any of it - but it definitely spoke to me this morning.  I'm going to write what he wrote.  This Reflection is referencing Mark 4:37-41.

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Mark 4:37-41 (NEV) - On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, "Let us go across to the other side." And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace! Be still!" And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, "Why are you so afraid? Have you still not faith?" And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, "Who then is this that even the wind and the sea obey him?"

The storm on the Sea of Galilee serves as a metaphor to remind readers that no one is exempt from life's storms just because he or she follows Christ. As was true for the disciples here, tempests can burst upon His people's lives even when *they are near Him; *they are doing nothing wrong and everything right; *no sin separates them from Him; *they are perfectly in His will.  So rough weather should never surprise us. In fact, Scripture says that storms must come our way if we want to live a godly life.

When Jesus and the disciples shoved off from the shore that day, He knew the storm was coming, yet He didn't prevent it. Why? First, He knew He would be with them through it.  Second, He knew that a life without turmoil has no real meaning, has no real joy, and produces no real faith.

In all of life's storms, Christians must remember that Jesus is in the boat with them. He is present; He is in control; nothing surprises Him; He has not forgotten us or our plight. If we know this, we can trust that He will bring peace into every situation - no matter how tempestuous our surroundings - and land us safely at His intended destination.

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How does that fit in to your situation right now?  Do you feel like you are in a storm - and that you are drowning?  Does anguish and desperation and heaviness weigh you down?  First of all, I'm sorry. I really am. I wish I could take that from you. But I cannot.  But I know a guy who can.  Jesus.  What is going on in your life (or mine) does not surprise Him. (I have to remind myself of that constantly)  Every thing that is going on in your life (and mine) is for a purpose that we may never know.  Sometimes the turmoil is to get our attention off the world and on to Jesus. On to family. On to those you say you love. Sometimes it is to heal relationships. Sometimes it is to let go of other relationships; other things.  We don't know what God's plan is while it is going on, but in reflection afterwards, we often see that what happened, what changed, was for His good - and for our good.

Life is hard sometimes.  I know I've mentioned it in here a few times - marriage has been very difficult. Many times I've wanted to leave, but I know that God hates divorce, and I allowed that mistake once. But because of this marriage, it caused me to desperately run back to Jesus and to seek Him with all of my heart.  I took my 'head knowledge' of Jesus growing up - and ran to Him so that I could get a 'heart knowledge', and I found that Jesus loves me personally, more than I could ever hope or imagine.  I shudder to think what I could have become had I not turned to Jesus.  He truly does bring life to one's soul, when it is surrendered to Him.

Do I still make mistakes? Absolutely.  I am a fallen sinner, saved by His grace.  And so are you.  Never give up on Jesus.  Trust Him. Believe in Him.  Know that He loves you so much that He will walk with you through any trial, any turmoil, any problem - that you come up against.  Talk to Him. Tell Him what you are feeling. Tell Him your anger, your fear, your hope.  

"Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved."  A scripture we quote frequently.  'and you will be saved' doesn't mean Jesus will take away your problem. It doesn't mean that He will instantly heal you (yet, He could, if that is in His plan).  It does mean that when life does end, you will spend eternity with Him.  That is worth more than anything this life has to offer.  And I hang on to that with every bit of strength that I have.  

Life is hard.  Trust in Jesus. Believe in Him - no matter what.  Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Only in Him will you find the peace to face today.

Blessings!

Did I really complain about sleeping yesterday morning?

 I went to bed at my usual time last night - and was awake at 1:38AM this morning.  After tossing and turning until around 3:30AM or so, I finally gave up and got up.  I'm sure I dozed some in between those two hours - but seriously, sleep felt like it eluded me.  I came in here, hoping to sleep in my chair, but alas, that was fruitless as well.  I may need to sneak in a nap later this afternoon.  I have no clue as to what is messing with my sleep.  The only caffeine I've been getting is from my tea in the mornings.

Taking a tablespoon of olive oil daily is something I'm not really interested in, but I have been intrigued with two couples we know.  Actually, three couples.  They are 'our' age range - either above or just below. No, wait, I am the youngest of all of them! LOL Anyway - the couple we played 'spades' with (that was fun!) last weekend was telling us about it.  A certain kind of olive oil - she sent me a photo and a note, but I haven't read it yet.  I guess two of the men (one has had cancer two-three times now) were a bit unstable walking and tired, and foggy (you know what I mean - just like I am every morning) - and some doctor (Dr. Gundy? LOL) told them to take two tablespoons of olive oil - cold pressed, I think it is - and it will change things.  Surprisingly, it has!  The one with the previous bouts of cancer is out taking long walks every day, feeling energetic (I think he is in his upper 80's) and moving about more than he has in years!  Should I/we try it?  The thought of pouring oil down my throat does not appeal to me.

But it does remind me of when I was pregnant with my first child.... I was past the due date.  Brother in law was coming home from college.  We all wanted the baby to arrive.  Mother in law talked me into taking castor oil in a glass of orange juice.  HAH!  The only thing it did was clean me out!  It took me YEARS before I could drink orange juice again without feeling the oil sliding down my throat.  YECK!

Work was really busy yesterday and one of the doctors who does a presentation during our board meetings gave me a task that I had no clue what she was talking about.  I finally asked for help - and I think I got a response after I signed off.  Will see this morning.  I don't support this doctor, but it is 'my' board meeting so she is making me create this slide for her.  My 'don't want to' keeps getting in the way of 'you have to'. Sigh. I wanna retire.  Or at least set a date to retire.

I've discovered the past two days that I am starting to feel my age.  What do I mean by that?  I haven't been working out since Morgan took maternity leave.  It will be hard to get back in sync when she returns in a couple weeks - plus she plans to put us each 3 x week as we had bought extra sessions before she took off.  My body has gotten lazy and even though I've done a few things here at home, I haven't pushed myself at all - and I'm flabby.  Sad, isn't it.  I felt so much better when I was working out; so much stronger and ready to do anything.  Now I feel tired all the time and lazy. I've got to find time to make myself do things.  I can only use my broken toe (I thought it was two toes that broke, but I got my summary this morning and the one toe is broken in two places.) as an excuse.  It is still swollen, painful and I have to be careful, but I can use weights and do low impact.  Just need to get my lazy butt moving.

James 1:2-3 (ESV):  Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

Be joyful when I'm going through things I don't want to go through?  Count it to be joyful when my heart is in angst over family illness and relationships?  Be happy and joyful when I struggle to be myself?  And yet, that is what James, the brother of Jesus, is telling us to do.  Be joyful.

But sometimes I LIKE being frustrated.  I LIKE being angry.  I LIKE being... well, whatever.  Ok, maybe LIKE isn't the right word.  I just don't 'like' people telling me I need to be happy and to 'get over it'.  But James says our trials should cause us to be joyful.  Why?  Because through those trials and problems we go through, whether it is our own personal sickness, another's illness, relationships, children..... no matter what it is, we can be joyful because Jesus lives within us and He will always walk with us through whatever trial we are going through.

I know He does.  Many, many times I have cried out to Jesus to help us in various things.  Things I would never share with anyone - at least until after the fact.  I know I've shared on here at times that years ago our finances were zero.  We had nothing and I was the only one working.  I felt so alone that I was forced to go through that - and it was all of my own making.  But I cried out to God about our situation and in going through my bible, I found another scripture in Philippians that morning that brought soothing joy to my heart, for I knew that God had heard my cries to Him for help; He had seen my tears.  Things didn't get better right away, but I knew I was heard.  And many times, I think that is just all we want.  We want to be heard.

I'm sure some of you are going through some very difficult times right now, or have been, or will be.  Life is hard.  Keeping our eyes on Jesus during these times is hard.  I know; I've been there.  My life has never been easy and some days it is harder than others.  And I'm sure yours is as well.  No matter what the issues is - finances, illness, relationships - they hurt everyone whether they are involved or not.  But I want you to remember this........

Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT):  Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything that we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

That is the verse that I found that morning when I was in so much anguish.  And you know what, the scripture was right!  I chose then not to worry about the problem, but thanked God that I could bring that problem to Him and leave it in His hands.  I thanked Him for what He was going to do to help me - one way or another.  His peace that your receive after giving whatever it is that is troubling you to Him, His peace will settle over you and you will feel so much better.  Trust me on this.  I have frequently experienced His peace when I let go of my worry, my fears, my whatever.  

Give it all to Jesus; He is the only One who can rescue you from yourself; and set your feet on His solid ground.  Give it some thought - you will be glad you did.

Blessings!

Do some people really think the world revolves around them?

 I think I mentioned the day before that Ms. Amy had called me about six or more times about picking her up, and other things.  I held off my 'lunch break' until 1:30PM yesterday so that I could go pick her up and bring her to her 'condo'.  At least I could leave her and come back to work.  It didn't take long for Cox to arrive to put cable back in her place.  Her daughters (2 of them) are coming out next week and she wanted the TV working as one daughter has severe MS and that is her only entertainment.  So the young man from Cox set up cable and was trying to hook up the TV ... when I got another call from Ms. Amy.  They couldn't find the cord for the TV - the one that plugs the TV into the wall.  (Like I would know where it is?)   So I go back over and try to help them find this cord.  They need one that has a round end to plug into the TV.  We cannot find it anywhere there.  (The TV had been in her bedroom but had been moved to the front room).

I kind of think that when she had Cox come out a year ago to remove the cable and modem and all - the person wasn't paying attention to what they were doing - and pulled the cord from the TV as well as the modem - and took it all with them. And of course didn't return it.  I tried to find an extra cord here to see if it would fit - no luck.  I even checked my flatscreen TV that is still sitting behind my yarn stash becaues I haven't bothered to have it put up.  Nope, it didn't fit either.  Ms. Amy tried to tell the Cox man, a very polite, nice man named Eric, who is from the Ukraine, that he had to go buy her one to replace the one that Cox must have taken.  I intervened and tried to explain to Ms. Amy that wasn't his job.  He was very kind to her and I finally convinced her that I 'd take her to Best Buy and we'd see about finding a cord.  She let him leave.  But before he left; bless his heart, he wrote out specific instructions on how to set up the TV to the cable.  

I know this is a long story...  I take Ms. Amy to Best Buy and we ask about getting a cord.  Well, guess what.  Samsung has already changed their TVs and the very same size now has the double cord plug in to the tv versus the one plug... so they don't carry the 'old' plugs.  I suppose if we had time we could have hit savers or goodwill but ... I finally put it to Ms. Amy that if she wanted a TV for her daughter, she was going to have to buy a new 32" TV.  Which she did.  Now it has dawned on me that she had a 60" or so TV there that she had taken off the table and had put the little one. Why in the world didn't she just leave the big TV?  We should have just put the big TV back on the stand and used it, rather than deal with this little one.  UGH.  If I needed this little one, I'd just buy it and put the big TV up for her daughter.  Anyone need a 32" flatscreen TV for $251?  It's a 'smart' tv....   Oh well... long story coming to an end.. she called Eric (from Cox, who was a blessing to give us his telephone number in case we needed help) and told him he had to come back today and fix it.  I text'd my son-in-law last night and asked if he would stop by this morning and set it up.  If he can't, then I'll call Eric.  

That was my life for four hours yesterday afternoon.  I was drained when I finally got Ms. Amy back to the assisted living after 6PM.  I had to take her to KFC to pick up some dinner for her since she missed it at the AL.  LOL  She ordered two chicken breasts, french fries and coleslaw.  I don't know how much she ate, but assuredly not much, and she 'hid' the rest inside the seat of her walker.  I asked if she was sneaking the food in to the AL and she said yes; she wanted it for today.  She doesn't care much for their food.

So glad this is Friday.  I feel like I haven't gotten much accomplished this week, although I have been busy.  Work has been busier than usual, but I was happy that I was caught up on things when I had to deal with Ms. Amy.  Oh - I did tell her that we did not need her at the house today.... I'll take care of getting the TV set up.  I could probably do it myself (without her talking to me constantly), but since I don't have a clue as to what I'm doing... I'd rather get it done quickly.  I may keep looking for a cord to fit that other TV; I do have some cords laying around in the garage.  

Needles of Hope is tomorrow and that is my getaway for the weekend.  There are so many other things I need to get done.... and probably won't... this weekend.  Sigh.  I'm still waiting on hubby to put up his new tie box.... I even marked it for him where to put the screws!  It's been since 4/22... or so... it's still sitting on the floor in his closet.  Ever few days he will say "I'm going to put that up today" and then forgets about it.  He also has a stack of Hawaiian shirts he wants to try on that are still laying on chair... oh well.  I just haven't taken my 'try on' clothes out of my closet yet so guess I can't comment.

Hubby has joined his 'old' Bible study group on Friday mornings.  They've moved closer to us so he asked if he could rejoin them.  They are 'delighted' he is coming back.  Me too.  That means I can have peaceful Friday mornings.  I think they meet at 7:30AM and he won't be home until at least 9:30, I would think.  It's been a few years since he had been with them.  And he eats breakfast so I don't have to worry about lunch... and just need to figure out dinner.  I hear him getting his things together cause he will leave in about half an hour.  Yipes - my time is getting away from me this morning!

Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV):  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I needed to be reminded of that verse this morning as I pray for my prodigal granddaughter and some serious trouble she has gotten herself in to.  I cannot fix it for her, and neither can her daddy.  My heart grieves over her situation, and I just keep praying for grace.  

Do you have something that you are somewhat anxious about?  Perhaps a high unpaid bill?  A broken down car?  A messed up friendship?  Perhaps relationships within your family?  You may shrug and think to yourself that 'you can deal with it'... and you very well may be able to... but have you ever thought that if you pray about that situationa give it to God, that although you still need to do your part, that God will take that anxiousness away?  You have given God the responsibility to take care of it, regardless of what that situation is.  I prefer to do life that way.  I would be a mess if I didn't!  Sometimes I forget I've given it to Him and try to fix everything myself, when it would be much easier to trust Him to work things out in His time.   I need to trust Him, and wait upon Him.  Do my part, but allow God to be God and do His.  After all, I did ask Him to help, right?

Ok - I need to get off here and get ready to start my work day.  Hope that you have an amazing day, without any anxiousness or anxiety creeping upon you.  Trust in Jesus; He is there waiting to help you.

Blessings!