I woke up at 4AM and told myself 'no' to getting up. I finally arose around 5AM and strolled into this room. I've read, I've prayed, I've written in my journal. Stopped and took a shower. Grabbed my overnight oats and another cup of coffee, and here I am back in my room. Hair still wet, but it can dry naturally. I still have time. We go to the 12PM service. I love these quiet mornings when I don't have to rush about or keep an eye on the clock. After I'm finished with typing in here, I will go back to reading some more. And I am loving having that time.
Yesterday was a good day. It was a Saturday, but I kept confusing it with a Sunday as hubby had been at church with the men's breakfast. I did not go to the women's lunch and I figured out why I am so reluctant to go. The first Sunday we were at church I was asked to join the 'WOW' group. Now at a previous church it was Women of the Word. I think this one is called 'Women of Wisdom' or something like that - but it is ONLY for women over 55. Yeah, I'm past that by about 20 years. I get their emails every Monday like clockwork. And I see a few of the women I have met on Sundays when I go to church. But as I was trying to figure out why I didn't want to go - I think I figured out why. I may talk about my age and being old - but I don't want to BE old. Does that make sense? The women I have met are, obviously, over 55 (some quite a bit older than the 55) - and I don't want to be in that 'old' group. I love being around young - as in 20- up age range because they are - usually - alive. They live life. They still have children at home. They still chase after dreams. They still live life. These older women, most, if not all, are 'retired'. I keep getting told they have the lunch on Saturday every other month so that women like me can attend who still work. I'm sorry, don't like to go hang out with old women. Well, unless it is my neighbors. I fight too hard to NOT act like an old woman. I realize my lifestyle - and hubby - identify me as 'old' and probably many stay away because of their belief I AM old and will ACT old.
Am I having - what is it called? - I can't think of it - but something like a delusional belief that if I hang around people who are younger than me - or who may be even older but are still involved in living life - I will remain quick-minded, alert, above to do things? WANT to do things? My mother quit living many years before she died. She sat in her recliner or sat at her kitchen table, working on ceramics, writing letters. I loved my mama but I don't want to live like that. I don't want to quit living just because. That was what she knew - her mother, living on a farm in Tennessee - to my knowledge had never worked, but had always been a homemaker (and there is nothing wrong with that!!) raising children, helping on the farm, taking care of the home. These women are to be praised. But when Granny got too old to help out on the farm, she just sat and read her Bible (which isn't a bad thing) or sat in the porch swing. I don't want to grow old and quit living.
I want to run with the great grandchildren when I'm in my 80's. I want to teach my great grandchildren how to cook. I want to sit with my grandchildren and do activities with them, play games with them. I want to spend time with my children and be alert and attentive. I don't want to get older and just sit.
Does any of that make sense? That thought - of hanging with older people will make me feel older - hung on me yesterday and I just couldn't go. So what did I do?
I couldn't bake as my oven and stove are still 'out'. So as I had the morning to myself, I got to stay in here for awhile and read. Then I sat in the front room and did my blog. Then I read some more, I think. I eventually started working on my current diamond art project and was doing that when hubby came home. I was at peace and I stopped to listen to what he had to say about it. He then did some reading and listening to 'stuff' on his phone - and I went back to working on my diamond art project for another hour or so before quitting for the day. We went to Chili's for lunch - had a gift card from Christmas. I had been craving a hamburger. Well, I won't get a hamburger at Chili's again - no flavor whatsoever. We usually get the chicken fajitas there, but it was lunchtime so thought I'd just go for a hamburger. Couldn't eat it all. Came home and I can't remember what I specifically did - but we eventually watched some NCIS and then a movie before heading to bed. We 'snacked' dinner. And that was Saturday.
And here we are with Sunday and just got a message from church that Pastor John's last message on this series of Healthy Holy Habits is Repentance. Every one of his messages have been totally off the charts. I can't wait to hear this one. I am thinking I may go back to the first one and listen to them all again. Each one taught me something about myself. The series has been 8-9 weeks long, I think. Will have to check back on You Tube and see. But I think listening to them all again will be a good thing. Maybe after lunch (after church) I will plug in to my kindle and bring up You Tube and start listening with my headset while I work on my diamond art. I have been listening to audible books while I've been working on my crochet or knitting (I'm actually knitting at the moment!!) or working on my diamond art projects. Using my time wisely, I hope. I really love to read, but if I'm reading, I get nothing else done. With audible, I can listen to a book, work on a project, or even take a walk. I've done that as well. Just recently started doing that, actually. I never remember to turn it on.
And yesterday I remembered a podcast that Morgan, my trainer, had sent to me last week. It is about reset - and a woman's guide to working out. A lot of it makes sense! I will listen to it again. But the basics of it was that when a woman goes to the gym to work out - our bodies are not like mens' bodies and we - if we want to look toned and not huge - are to work out differently. Our bodies respond differently to working out than mens' bodies do. For example, a man can come in to the gym and work out with heavy weights and bulk up (and watching his diet) easily enough. But a woman can come in and do the very same exercises - and basically see no change whatsoever. Because we are not made the same. Our bodies do not react the same. One thing I found interesting - not that I'd do it - is the 'cold-plunge' fling that a lot of people do. This exercise physiologist (she also had another title) said that men just plunge themselves in icy cold water and sit - and will feel refreshed after doing it. That much 'cold' ice is too much for a woman's body and it won't affect her the same way. She needs to 'plunge' in 50-55 degree water and be still - and her body will respond. Well, the way she explained it made sense to me. Need to listen to it again as well. Found it very interesting. Also, men can go work out without eating something first, but women should eat protein before working out. Interesting, huh. But I absolutely love hot showers and freeze if I do a cold (or cool) shower! And I don't like to eat (so much) before working out. What's up with that? But an excuse to eat a protein bar (with chocolate all over it) I might be able to manage it.
Psalm 86:4 (NIV): Bring joy to your servant, Lord, for I put my trust in You.
Have you ever prayed for 'Joy' and then wonder why you didn't receive it? Perhaps it is because you are 'looking' for something that is right in front of you. I go through these 'spells' all the time it seems. I cry out to the Lord for Joy - but I always feel like I'm not finding Joy. I find discouragement, disillusionment, and pain. Why is that? I feel it is because I am LOOKING for things to bring me Joy, and I'm not satisfied with just a little Joy - I want to be joyful ALL the time. But in the looking, I have the focus on things that bring me pleasure, and not on the things that bring God pleasure. Yes, that does make sense. God gives us all things to bring us joy. Hearing a child's giggle. Seeing eyes light up with pleasure. Seeing a bee alight on a flower and smell the fragrance of the bloom, getting through the stoplight without having to stop, opening the refrigerator to find just what we are wanting right there in front. Finding a letter from someone you love in your emails or in your mailbox. Seeing a text that makes you smile. All of these things bring joy, and they are brought about by God. Nothing escapes Him; nothing gets done unless it goes through Him first. We should be thankful always, for God loves you, and loves me, so much that He gave us His one and only Son as a sacrifice for us. In Him we can have our Joy, for because of Jesus, we can live forever with Him. Now THAT is something to be joyful about!
As you go about your day today, quit looking for things to make you happy, or joyful. Instead, open your eyes and your heart and see the joyful things about you. You may realize some things you had not thought of - or seen - before. Be joyful in all things, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Blessings!
No comments:
Post a Comment