that I couldn't remember something. And it was something I had just done. My mind was totally blank. I had received a message on my work computer a week ago that adobe pro was being uninstalled. It popped up a few times. I immediately put in a request to have it reinstalled for I do use it. I was called by IT and their records showed I still have it. Did I misread the popup? Possibly, but I don't think so. Anyway, I tried a few times over the last few days and couldn't get a PDF item to open. I shrugged it off and went on. Yesterday, I again tried to open a PDF document, and nothing came up. So I went to the person I had talked to before and tried to explain. She called me and had me share my screen, for their records still showed I had Adobe Pro. (I need it for my board stuff and exporting other documents from PPT to PDF or PDF to Word). I could not remember what document I was trying to open and it wouldn't come up. I tried a few other PDF documents - and even taking a PPT and changing to PDF - and they all worked. I could not remember what I was doing that I couldn't get it to come up. IT was very kind, she said if it happens again, to take a photo so they know what I'm talking about. But that forgetfulness has troubled me. I can't forget things in my job - and I had just tried to bring up the document and it didn't come up - and then I contacted IT - but I couldn't remember what I was trying to bring up. And I tried other items after we hung up, and I still couldn't find 'the one' that I had tried to bring up.
So - I am making a note of this, for it is the second time that I know it has happened, that is, that I am conscious of it. Ironically, both have to do with this Adobe Pro issue. So what is going on with my mind? Could it be that I am so mentally overwhelmed with work and with life - and depressed at times, I will admit - that my mind just quits focusing? As I sat here and talked with God about it, I realized that I also don't have much interaction with people - and haven't since 2020. I'm stuck in the room 5 days a week for the majority of the day. Hubby and I don't really have conversation because we are not on the same 'wave-length' - if you know what I mean. He wants to know about my work; I don't want to talk about work. He talks politics. I don't like talking about politics. We can talk about books we have read. If we go out with friends I'm able to talk coherently with them about various topics (until I get told I talk too much). When I'm with others, I (think) I can talk freely. But when I'm here at home, it is as though my mind withdraws.
Throw in the recent obit and feeling rejected (in a way) and my little sister being too friendly, (guilt?) and wanting to talk nonsense.... oh - she did call last night and we did decide to do donations instead of flowers. And I will. And I have a sympathy card.
And - I found out that my little brother is in the hospital again. I did text him last night and we had a conversation of sorts. He said "Running tests. Still don't know what is causing the pain. It is NOT my heart. Just a severe pain that got worse last night. It was in abdomen below the sternum and left of the notch (?) - push there on that spot and I go through the roof. So they decided to keep me overnight. But its no biggie so don't worry." I don't know what 'notch' is. I'll touch base with him later today and see how he is. He was talking into his phone so that is why the words are messed up. His daughter posted something about low magnesium - I don't know if that is before or after his note to me.
All this rambling to just say I think I'm losing my mind. I have got to start taking a class or something to activate my mind and get it moving again, you know what I mean? When you do the same thing day in and day out - even with reading different books - the mind settles into a routine and doesn't stay alive. I think that is where I'm at. Or is that I am just tired? I need to plan a getaway - even though I will have to have hubby with me - I need to plan another weekend for us to go somewhere nearby and maybe plan an activity for us to do. I need to get the boredom out of my mind and infill it with fresh thoughts and new ideas.
Have you ever felt like that? Maybe I just need to plan to learn a class and follow through on it. I have got to get my mind active again. I have got to get sharp and quit withdrawing into a world that no one can go to. Does that make sense? Does that ever happen to you? Are you there? Any ideas?
Nehemiah 8:10 (NIV): Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice foods and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the Joy of the Lord is your strength."
In Nehemiah's day - when he told the Jews this, it was because Ezra had been reading from the Word of the Lord (in our case, the Bible), and the people were grieved at their sins and disobedience to the Lord. Because they repented of these sins, they were told to no longer grieve because the joy of the Lord is their strength.
And His strength is ours as well. When we feel the weakest, let Jesus be your strength. When you feel all joy is gone, look to Jesus, and allow Him to fill you with His joy, for the Joy of the Lord is truly our strength.
In fact - there is a new song by our worship leader, Cassie (and I can't think what it is under in Facebook) but her song is about The Joy of the Lord is my strength. I love it and found myself humming it quite a bit last night. Check out Cassi Igo on facebook - and listen to her Joy song. I love it.
And - I need to get off and get dressed and on the work computer - hope you have an amazing day and learn into Jesus for your strength for today. Some days it feels like He is all I have.
Blessings!
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