and it probably still is, but it just isn't going the way I wanted it to in my mind. You know, the perfect quiet time, rest, comfortable surroundings, focused on God and just being in His Presence.... I guess I got too spoiled when we could do the hermitages alone. It's just not the same. I'm praying that God will redeem this time with Him.
We arrived about 4PM up here yesterday. It's not too bad out - a little cool, but that's ok. Hubby likes the coolness (of course he still wears a sweatshirt). We put things in our room and 'decided' we should eat before staying in the room. There is a 'pub' on the first floor that opened up a couple years ago that serves food. I was not thinking and ordered appetizers and a small 10" pizza for us. Too much, way too much. Of course that means I also ate too much, right? That fullness hung around the belly all evening. Hubby kept falling asleep in the chair (which he adamantly denies) so we went to bed at our usual time of 8:30-ish. We did get some reading done last night.
Don't like the mattress, don't like the pillows... I couldn't sleep. Hubby did just fine... but according to him, he didn't sleep much. Tell his snoring that. Of course too, he slept two hours before we left and again slept in the evening. I know I slept some; but looked at my watch at 2:30AM; 3:00AM; 3:30AM; 4AM, and finally got up at 4:30AM. Couldn't stand it anymore. So now I'm really sleepy and tired. We started on our 'quiet time' and then stopped about 5:45AM to get dressed to go down for breakfast, which was pretty good. Sausage links, eggs, bagels, muffins, oatmeal, waffles, juice and coffee, bananas, yogurt... I'm sure I forgot something. We took our time and two cups of coffee later headed back up to the room with another cup of coffee. I grabbed my computer and hubby has now moved from the desk to the chair to read.
It just isn't going the way it did in my mind when I came up with the idea. Maybe it will before the day is out. Maybe it is because I am so tired. Hubby told me to go ahead and take a nap - but I won't on a full stomach. In a little bit I may try to sleep a little. After all, one pastor told us years ago that when you are alone with God, taking a nap is resting with Him. Or something like that. It can be refreshing, for sure.
Uh oh. Hubby always commented he thought I typed in a 'journal' in here every morning. He just asked me if I write in my blog every morning. Gasp. I paused. How do I answer that? I finally said 'most mornings'... which is true. I'm sure I have missed a morning or two somewhere over the years. And now I wait... if he comments on something I have written.... will I change my dynamics? Will I stop totally? What will I do? I don't know. It isn't that I'm so bad... is it?
Hubby reminded me he has a wisdom tooth pulled next Thursday and he needs soft food. He asked if we had soft food for him. I just looked at him and said that I have a week to figure it out; I will have soft food for him to eat next week. sigh.
Psalm 37:23-24 (NKJV): "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand."
Sometimes we run off to do things our way. After all, aren't we wise enough to make our own decisions? Granted, they are not always the right decisions, but we make them. When we follow the Lord, it doesn't mean our lives will be perfect. They won't. Well, they might, if the entire family is in sync with following God, but if not, it probably won't. There are godly men and women out there, I know there are. And I wish I could be more like them. Don't let things get to me; don't rush into 'feelings' versus using the brain to figure something out. Yeah, you know me well. I do those things. I wish I could be gracious and kind, loving and forgiving ALL the time. But I'm just like you, and I do stupid things and make stupid mistakes that I now better than to do.
It could be anything. From spending money that I shouldn't; to eating things I shouldn't; to well, just about anything. You get the picture. It's so easy to point fingers at people who do 'more' stupid things than we do... but when we point our finger, we have three fingers pointing back at us. (Did you just see that picture in your mind where you have one finger pointing and three are pointing back at you?) Ok, I did. And I'm glad I do, for it helps me see my failures as well.
But when I bring those failures to Jesus and ask His forgiveness - no matter what it is - I know that He forgives me and helps me get my life straightened out - as much as I will let Him. I wish I would give Him complete control of all of me. Yes, I say He is my all in all, and He is... but ... I am human and I do stupid things. And so do you. And I am so grateful for His love and forgiveness for me.
You think you have gone too far down the path to be forgiven? Trust me, you haven't. It doesn't matter what it is that you have done..... if you ask Jesus to forgive you, He will. And He will help you straighten out your life. Trust me, there isn't anything better than that. Sometimes we have to do it daily.
Psalm 51:10-12 (NKJV): "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit."
Go ahead, say it like you mean it. You won't regret it.
Blessings!
No comments:
Post a Comment