Reality of Reality...

 I read my son's blog before jumping on here and I will admit, for a mom reading just a brief outline of what is ahead, is overwhelming.  I can't imagine what my son is going through.  And I feel so helpless for I can not do it for him.  I can not take on any of it. But I will do what I can. Be here for him, and pray. And pray hard.  Sometimes that is what we are called to do.  Sometimes that is all we can do.  And trust. And believe. And hope.

Yesterday my daughter spent the day in the ER.  Her feet and ankles were swollen - with no reason.  Since her feet are nothing but bone, it was very obvious the feet and ankles were swollen.  It was interesting how they operate there. Operate may not be the word, but 'do business', I guess.  When she got there, shortly after, they drew blood and did a chest x-ray. I guess that is called triage.  Anyway, she then sat in the ER waiting room for it seemed like 5 hours before finally being assigned a room in the ER.  Long story short, they did a doppler/ultrasound on her left foot and checked out the blood circulation in her legs - and all seemed to be well.  They don't know what is causing the swelling and redness.  She kept asking for food in the evening as she had been there since about noon and it was around 8PM, I think, at that time. They finally brought her sandwich, chips, sprite, and oreo cookies.  I gave up waiting to hear what was going on about 9:30PM and went to bed.  Shortly afterwards got a text that they found nothing so sent her home.  But she got a meal out of it!  Better than nothing, right?  For losing nearly an entire day sitting in the waiting room.  Still, she also got blood work done, a chest x-ray, a circulation test completed.... and is told to see her cardiologist - who told her to go to the ER.  Unless they will get her in earlier because o this hospital visit, she has an appointment on the 30th.

I had an interesting call yesterday from a former pastor at the RV park where I spoke at last Sunday. He asked for a copy of my message, telling me there are a lot of relationship issues in the park - where it is no longer called cliques, but tribes.  Same thing, different words.  Anyway, I guess he writes inspiration things for the park newsletter, and he wanted to take some things from the message and write about it. I emailed him a copy.  I hope he sends me a copy; would like to see what he pulls out of it.  Pastor Kim is a retired Nazarene pastor, so when he compliments me, I know the delivery was good.  :-)  Next Sunday we are up north, then two weeks later back at this RV park and then I'm done for the season.

Yesterday was somewhat quiet, but I still had things to do.  The rest of this week I will be working on board stuff to get it all caught up.  Quit my procrastination, right?  But first, and I forgot this morning until hubby reminded me as he brought in my coffee..... I need to take my car down to AAA Repair down the street - they need to do a fuel flush of some sort, I think it is.  Plus turn off the 'change oil light' that comes on every time I start the car.  They changed my oil less than 300 miles ago - but obviously forgot to reset the notification.  Shouldn't take long, but hubby is going to follow me down and pick me up and drop me off at home on his way to the gym.

The gym. Which reminds me. I don't know what my problem was yesterday, but I just couldn't get into the 'HIIT' - to the point I once told Morgan I was going to cancel my workouts cause I didn't want to do the one she told me to do! She told me she could take out the HIITs if I wanted her to.  That got me - I guess I DO have control over what I do..... but I think I was just having a bad day.  And she said she was too tired to deal with my complaints and if I didn't want to do it, she wasn't going to push me on it.  She really IS tired!  I don't know what this heaviness is that I'm carrying around, but I want to get rid of it.

I read a couple sentences in a book this morning that I wanted to share this morning, and wouldn't you know it - I didn't write them down and now I can't find them.  Perhaps tomorrow. Or later today I can go back and see if I can find it.  It was a sentence, an ordinary sentence, that spoke to my heart.  Or to my mind, anyway.  It touched me where I am.  Have you read things like that - that although you have read that sentence perhaps two-three times before when you read the book (yes, I do read some of my books over and over - and am doing that with two now) - and each time - or perhaps for the first time, a sentence touches you were you are.  I may or may not find it.  I couldn't even tell you what the sentence was now - or whether it was a scripture from the Bible I read.  But, for that moment, I had to read it two-three times, because it spoke to me.

Well, I need to get off here and get dressed to turn on the work computer and then get down to AAA Repair.  But first, I need to put Voltaren on my nuckles.... a couple of them are swollen and sore this morning and I can barely move them - gotta love arthritis.  And because I type -and have for - wow - since I was in high school!  - I have used these knuckles a lot - and then add in crochet and knitting.... yeah, my knuckles have been used a lot - let alone with my daily activities.  I guess they are starting to wear out.  Thank you Voltaren for removing the pain!

Take a moment to pause and just 'be'.  Sit with your hands open, close your eyes, fit flat on the floor.  Just rest.  Take a few deep breaths and let them out slowly.  Inhale 1, 2, 3.... exhale, 1, 2, 3, ..... relax. Breathe. Know that Jesus is Lord of all, and He loves you so very much.  You are His.

Blessings!

Yes I'm 'late'.... but at least I'm writing!

 or typing, that is.  Why am I late? Not because I overslept - but that would be a nice reason.  But - I had an 8AM HIIT training with Morgan this morning; I had to stop early to get ready for that (because of road construction have to start a little early), and I slept until almost 5AM.  So I'm back home, got caught up with work, fixed myself 3 eggs and a slice of avocado toast - and a 2nd cup of coffee - and I think my eyes and thoughts were bigger than my stomach.  Don't know if I can get all these eggs down.  Still working on it.  One thing for sure - at nearly 10AM, I'm not going to be hungry for lunch!

Brett is on PTO this week; Sue goes on PTO tomorrow - I should be able to get caught up on all my board minutes and slide decks for the next one.  I SHOULD.  But then, when the boss is away, the mice will play, right?  Naw, I still have to sign in every day and be available for all the other people I support. Brett and Sue are just the two main ones.  But it will (or should be) a lot more calm and less chaotic.

I'm speaking up at Pioneer Village next Sunday and they have already contacted me for the title and scripture.  Luckily, since I only speak up there twice a year, I can grab one I have done at the in-town RV park and use it there.  Yesterday was fun.  We went to the RV park here in town for services, then stopped for lunch, came home, grabbed a nap, then I worked on my part of the taxes.  About 6PM had to stop and we headed back to the RV Park as they were having a 'singsperation'.  I probably spelled that wrong, but oh well.  Anyway - we went back for that and truly enjoyed it. Everyone was thrilled that we came back to hear the choir and all the solos.  Had a piece of German chocolate cake afterwards and it was so lite and it was so good.  Got back home about 9PM so it wasn't long before we headed to bed.    I go back to this RV Park March 29th and then I'm done for this season.  I SHOULD work on some during the summer, and I always think I will, but I haven't yet.....

Hubby is going to try to move our CPA appointment to next week to give me another week.  I could get it done today, but he is afraid that I won't. Or that I'd be up until 2AM working on it!  Actually, all I'm doing now is pulling my totals and my mileage together.  Then I need to make sure I have pulled out all my documents that I need to present.  Hope we have enough deductions that we don't have to pay.  Or that it is a small amount.  Usually we get back from State - but always have to pay Federal.  It would be nice not to have to do that and have some 'play' money.  If we get money back, for some reason hubby feels we need to 'split' the refund.  I've let it go over the years. I guess that is one way for him to get 'extra money'.  Not being sarcastic; just truthful.

Had I told you we have decided on Jailbreak dates this year?  4/23-25, I think it is.  A day shorter than usual, but we are having to play around the great-granddaughter's school and her outside activities. And that's ok.  I can take an extra day off if I want to - and I might.  I was looking at former year calendar the other day and think I saw I had taken off for hubby and I to get away for a couple days and then I went on Jailbreak.  May have to do that this year as his birthday is April 22 and we leave April 23rd.  I think we have decided on an AIRBNB but I don't think anyone has reserved it.  I will need to see if I can bring it up again and reserve it for us.  With going in April, it is before the price increase for Memorial Day.  This time it looks like we may stay in Strawberry.  It's been years since hubby and I have stayed in that area, but if I recall, they have a lot of antique shops and you know I'm ok with that.  Problem will be a 5 year old who will be told 'don't touch'.  Maybe I'll look for a place there for August for hubby and I for our anniversary.  At least I know I can rest while I'm there as well, since hubby doesn't walk much. Oh - he did go to the gym with me this morning and we both walked the treadmill before it was time for my workout.  I've got to get more time in on the treadmill or working out.  

Well, it IS Monday, and I AM working, so wanted still to get something on here.....can't bring a trend, right?  You know you were looking!  But - I'm getting off here so I can get some invoices processed and focused back on work.  And my dirty dishes back to the kitchen. (3 eggs was way too many for me, I know better, but still, though I could eat them. I can't)

Have an amazing day!

Blessings!

Tell yourself a good story

 When you woke up this morning, what did you tell yourself?  Did you tell yourself that your body was achy and sore?  Did you get up grumbling about how your head hurt, or how bad you feel?  And how did that affect your morning?  What if you stopped right now, and told yourself a different story?  What if you created a story in your mind that you may be achy and sore when you get up, but once you start moving you are feeling great!  You will find that when you tell yourself a positive story, that a load of heaviness will fall off your shoulders.  What if we started waking up with an outlook that "I'm alive to face a new day, praise God!"  (after all, what is the alternative?) and thank Him for awakening you!  

John 10:10 (ESV):  The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Oh the devil is always at work, trying to hurt us, to destroy us, to take from us.  As I was preparing the type that scripture - I kid you not - my mouse went flying off my try and onto the floor, where I would have to put the computer off my lap and get up out of my chair to get it!  And, my phone fell off the side of the chair next to the wastebasket!  I'm telling you, Satan doesn't want you to know how evil he is!  He doesn't want you to see his hand in destroying hope, destroying relationships, destroying marriages, destroying homes.  Don't stop believing in Jesus - the One who is greater in you than he who is in the world!

I'm speaking at the RV park here in town this morning.  I went through the message again yesterday, and have already again this morning.  It's a different type of message than I usually do, but I feel that God is wanting it spoken.  Perhaps He is wanting it spoken in my own life, for I can see how I can use this message as well.  And so can you.  So what is it about?  I probably shared in a previous post, but it is about reframing the stories we tell ourself.  And I don't know about you, but I have told myself some pretty powerful stories - and they weren't positive or good ones.  It doesn't mean what happens to us didn't happen, but sometimes, just sometimes, it helps when we know why.  

Ok - that's the second time I erased my paragraph and I don't have that much time this morning so guess I will just 'move along'.

Needles of Hope was good yesterday.  We meet at Panera and twice one of the employees came over to talk to us, and she even prayed with us at the end, when we pray over the shawls, blankets, booties and hats that we have to donate.  From there I went to get my hair done.  He cut it a bit shorter than I would want, but it will grow back.  It's darker than I want, but it will fade out and be just what I want as I wash it.  But my white around the edges is gone. :-)  I really don't care, but I do get a lot of compliments when I have my hair colored.  Something else that will go by the wayside once and if I ever retire.  I'm still flip-flopping on that.  

Coming home, since I was next to El Pollo Loco, I picked us up a bucket of chicken for dinner.  We ate while it was hot and then just kind of chilled.  Hubby finished watching whatever he watching and I worked on the message for this morning. I was slipping into a nap when Ms. Vicky called and asked if I could come over and visit - so I did.  Back home about an hour later, I was able to get a couple chapters read in 'Velvet Jesus' by Rob Bell.  Interesting book.  Not a novel, but a lot of abstract words. Enough to keep interest, but difficult to get through at times.  Only through two chapters before going to bed. Maybe I can get a bit more read this afternoon - except I do need to work on my part of the taxes.  It would be nice if I could get them done today.  Will see.  I do need to focus on that.  I have definitely been a procrastinator in pulling that information together.  Surprisingly, hubby didn't even mention me getting on it last night, but let me do some reading.

So that is how my day will be spent today.  Church at the RV park, and you know hubby will want to go for breakfast after.   Then home, and I might take a nap. Then the rest of the day on tax stuff.  Oh joy, right?  One has to do what one has to do!

So since I have nothing else to write about, and I do need to figure out what I'm wearing today and do something with this hair, I'm going to get off here.  Hope that you have an amazing day.  Tell yourself a good story, a true story, about what is going on around you.  Don't let the devil tear you down with his stories.  They are nothing but lies.

Blessings!

And last night I did it for him...

 Yep. I slacked off again last night and did not work on anything. Well, I did crochet a baby blanket to donate, but I knew hubby was wanting 'my' attention, so we had a nice dinner together and then we watched movies.  Not a biggie, but I still got nothing done.  Still need to work on the message for tomorrow and still need to complete my part of the tax information.  But - it's all good.  I think I have finished the message this morning, adding and deleting, realigning, etc. - and finally printing it out.  I will go through it again this afternoon.  If it 'sounds' ok, I will put it aside to review again in the morning before church, and will start work on the tax information.  With God's help, I will get it all done in plenty of time.

It's 7:30AM and I need to start getting dressed because today is Needles of Hope!  And, I am also getting my hair done afterwards.  I will be gone most of the day.  But here I sit; I think I have about 15 minutes or so before I need to get moving.  It looks like a beautiful day outside, albeit that it is extremely windy here.

I started a 'thing' yesterday.  While hubby was gone, I went out front with a black trash bag and started clipping this one rose bush that I don't like.  I have it all down to about 2 ft I think.  It has thorns on it so I was careful to get them to fall into the bag.  I did get 'pricked a couple times, but not bad.  Since hubby rarely goes out in the front, he hasn't seen I left the bag there next to the bush as I want to get out and finish it - which will probably be Tuesday when he is gone again.  He always fusses at me when I do things like this - but I like doing it - and even though I don't have a clue what I'm doing, just doing what I think is the best way, he offers but I don't want to have his help.  Not that any of what I just said made sense.  Reminds me of an incident the other night at Sardellas.  I commented he was lazy.  That didn't go over well.  He called me out on it later - "I don't call you names and I don't think it is right you call me names!"  I wasn't really 'calling' him a name... I was stating a fact. And I'll leave that there.

Obviously, I don't have much to write about this morning.  I would go to Needles late so I can get more things done this morning, but then, hubby is here and would want to 'help' or be in the middle of it.  I don't know why he always insists on 'helping' when he won't even attempt to do it on his own. Which is why I don't do a lot of things, especially when he is home. I don't want his help. I want to do it myself.  I have to help him/show him what to do, so may as well do it myself, right?  If he asks, I suppose I could have him pull some weeds in front... "but I can't bend my knees that far!" which is what the doctor told him, but I would make allowances, if you know what I mean.

I did read something in one of my books this morning that kind of stuck with me.  I underlined it for I want to ponder it some.  Perhaps you will too.

"When we stop the music of our life to enter into solitude, we sit down right where we are at that moment, and that's where we meet God.  We meet God in our present delight or our present sadness. We meet God in the tears of our life and the laughter of our life. We meet God in our most unnerving questions and in the answers we are celebrating. No matter where we are on any given day, when the music stops and everything gets quiet, we sit down right where we are and allow ourselves to be there with Him."    ~~ Invitation to Solitude and Silence by Ruth Haley Barton.

Words that we read that cause us to pause and think about.  And when we pause in this busy life we have, when the noise around us fades and we are all alone, we can meet with God.  What a privilege it is that He will give us these opportunities to just 'be' with Him.  It is in these moments of quiet and solitude that sometimes, just sometimes, we find Him, and hear His voice, and know that He is God. We feel His Presence, and just want to sit quietly and just be with Him.  

And that is why I love my 'quiet times' in the mornings.  I won't say I always feel His Presence, but many times during my quiet, during my readings, I can sense Him.  And when I can quiet the craziness within me, shut my thoughts down, I have at times heard Him speak to me.  It is those moments that I treasure.  

And with that - I need to get off here and start getting dressed.  Certainly can't wear my jammies to Panera!  Hope that you have an amazing day.  Take some time to just sit and be today.... quiet your thoughts, quiet your soul, and just listen.  You will be refreshed, renewed, and re-energized.

Blessings!

I did it for me.

 And I feel so good today.  What did I do?  Hubby had his bible study with his friend last night and I really needed to work on my tax stuff.  It's on the table. I still need to print some things off my computer.  I have a lot of time and work to put in on it.  I also need to work on the message that I am to present on Sunday.  I did get through it all yesterday - a very rough draft - and need to retype it.  But I didn't do any of that.  What did I do - since I mentioned what I did NOT do?

Nothing.  Well, that's not exactly right.  I fixed myself a TV dinner.  I did a few minutes of Tai Chi that I am learning, well not learning, but attempting to do just to loosen up the body.  I watched a movie I like.  And then I read.  It was a nice, quiet, comfortable evening, and I loved every minute of it.  Hubby came home before I finished a chapter and of course wanted to talk.  Sigh.  So I put my book down.  Then he wanted me to do the reading from the devotional (after we had a talk about devotionals) that we have tried to start doing.  When we finished that, discussed it, it was definitely time for bed.  So I paused long enough to finish the chapter I had left to read.  And you know what?  I slept the best that I have slept all week!!  I slept deep, and I feel I slept well.  Still did not want to wake up this morning, and would have slept longer - but I do have to work right now.   

In fact, since I had to stop my reading, etc. this morning, I am typing this on the work computer, as I know that you will be looking for a post, right?  Not that I say anything interesting, as a rule, but because it's become routine for you and I do it as well.  I have my son's blog that I check out daily - at least once.

Remember my breaking my toe in two places about two months ago?  No, I have not 're-broken' it - but this morning it is acting like I JUST broke it.  What's up with that?  It should be healed by now!  But it is hurting.  I suppose it COULD be the dreaded arthritis dropping into it?  My knuckles are telling me that I am fighting against it again.  I dig out the Voltaren and put on my knuckles and it takes the pain away.  I've had arthritis in my knuckles for years - I have used these fingers for typing since I was in high school, learning how to type!  BTW - for your information, I learned to type on a manual typewriter.  The second year I was moved to an electric typewriter.  At one type I could type 91 words per minute with one error.  Can't do that anymore, I'm afraid.  I still type fairly fast at times, but I do make a lot more errors.

Did I tell you I went to the eye doctor last week?  Yeah... after testing it was real interesting. He showed me how my eyes have changed over the last 5 years.  All I can say is 'wow'.  They changed a lot!  And, I am getting new glasses.  Love my VSP insurance. I intentionally got the highest coverage because of aging (and I cover hubby as well, since Medicare doesn't cover vision) - and I was able to get a new pair of glasses, transitional, tinted gray in the light, and I forget what else - and all it cost me was $140 and $35 of that was a special test that they do, looking at the retina.  So - my 'old' eyes are changing and I need stronger glasses.  He said I need to wear them ALL the time.  He had asked, and I told him only when I read or drive or work on the computer. He told me I should wear all the time. Maybe I will; maybe I won't.  They annoy me when I'm eating.  But I need them to even read off my phone! Oh well, all part of aging, I guess.  But - with that said, I'm looking forward to getting my new glasses in a couple weeks.  

Next week will be a light week and I am hoping to get all my board stuff completed.  That's my goal, anyway.  Sue goes on PTO Tuesday through the following Wednesday - and Brett goes on PTO Monday and will be out until the following Monday.  Oh darn, right?  A very light week, I'm hoping, as I do have board minutes and board decks to prepare for the next board meeting.  Of course we go do our taxes Tuesday afternoon but I'll only be gone an hour or so. No biggie.

Psalm 118:24 (NLT):  This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.

We often joke "another day, another penny earned" or something along those lines - but have we ever stopped to think that each day that God gives us life - it is a gift?  What a precious gift that is!  We don't appreciate it, until we know that our days are numbered.  I don't really think of myself as 'old' and I fight against 'aging' as much as I can (although with hubby, I feel like I'm dragged into 'old' all the time!) because I want to be able to move about, to do things, to be clear-minded as much as I can.  That's why I workout.  In fact, yesterday I told Morgan that the devil was whispering in my ear "why are you doing this? You get hurt. You are old; too old to be working out!"  All wrong, of course!  I see these women in their 90's running marathons - and I'm jealous!  Seriously!  I see women with toned bodies and muscular toned arms and abs and toned legs - and I'm jealous.  THAT's why I work out. I don't want to be old and flabby and unable t move about!  Each day I have to do SOMETHING - even if that is just jumping on my rebounder (trampoline) for a few minutes.  It causes the lymph glands to do something - I forget what.

But - we need to be happy in each day we are here.  And rejoice with others that they are!  Right?  Life is short, be kind.

And with that - need to get off here and get to work, since I'm on work time.  But I'm watching my emails and responding so it's all good.  Hope that you have an amazing day.  Be kind to others; you don't know what kind of day they are having.

Blessings!

I'm so blessed!

 Yes - that is the song that was running through my mind when I awoke this morning.  I really wanted to go back to sleep - and did try to - but that song just kept playing.  What is interesting about that song - I haven't heard it in forever and I have no idea why it was running through my mind this morning.  So, obviously, I'm thinking I need to take notice as to why my mind thinks I am 'so blessed'.  And I do have a lot of blessings to be thankful for.  And so do you.

Pause for a moment - what ARE you thankful for?  WHY do you feel you are blessed?  You may feel that life is totally against you; that things are not what they should be - and you may very well be right.  But you are here now, you are living and breathing.  You have a place (more than likely) to lay your head, to keep your warm (or keep you cool), you have food to eat when you want it.  Many of you have spouses or family who love you dearly.  Some of you have jobs that you are passionate about - that you enjoy.  You have a car that runs.  You have good health - or you have good health care.  Either way, for any of these, you are blessed.  And for so much more.  You have a God who loves you more than any one else could. THAT in itself, is a blessing.

I enjoyed hanging out with my boss yesterday but did leave early (for us) so that I could get home in plenty of time to prepare mentally for the board meeting I had yesterday.  And of course, this had to happen.  Right in the middle of the powerpoint presentation, my internet decided to 'drag' and I had a 'circle' of 'thinking' going on and could not move the slide.  Brett had to jump in and bring up the powerpoint and he finished out the presentation.  I finally got the internet to 'move on' and off that slide, but I let him finish out the meeting.  It was only about an hour long as it was our first one.  Now to work on minutes.  Joy.

I have an 8AM training with Morgan this morning.  Yes, I let her schedule me early in the mornings and then I work through lunch to make up my time.  It's really no big deal.  I can still get a workout in.  Her mother has told her she won't babysit anymore - because she doesn't want to be 'tied down with the grandchildren'... which I understand, but..... So when Morgan's husband is gone for a week (every other week he has to stay wherever it is he works; I forget what it is) and she is on her own.  Her mother used to babysit so she could work in the evenings - and now, because she has refused, Morgan can only do trainings in the mornings.  Talk about trying to fit everyone in!  She gets day care at the gym so that helps, but still.  Next week her husband will be home to watch the kids so she can work both morning and evening a few hours - but learning how to do just mornings has been trying for her.  I have offered to watch her two little girls if she has to work evenings to get a client in.  Will see if she ever takes me up on the offer.  It's not like we do much of anything in the evenings - at least I don't.  If I don't have anything going on, surely I can help her out.

I shared with Sue, my boss, yesterday morning about how many liters of fluid was being removed weekly from my son's body.  She explained something to me - as to why they stop at 10L versus emptying it all out.  The reason is that if all of the fluid is removed, it creates more pressure on the internal organs (if I'm remembering this correctly) and can create more problems.  With topping off a limit, even though it may still be uncomfortable, it allows the internal organs to still be 'cushioned' with the fluid versus trying to work their way back into place.  I can't explain it right - but the way she explained it (and being a nurse, she knows her stuff), it made sense.  I often wondered why they didn't remove all the fluid - and now I understand it.  Somewhat.  Still praying for a miracle.

Psalm 131:2   I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother.

How often, lately, have you found yourself anxious and uneasy?  Nervous about life around you?  Sure, the way this world is going - and the fighting with Iran, I'm sure there is a lot to be concerned about.  We let so much concern us, don't we?  And some of it we should.  But there are times that we need to step back and just rest in God.  We need to sit down, relax our body, and allow a calmness, and a quietness, to come over us, over our soul.  It is in those moments that God can speak to us.  That we can feel His presence.  That He has our attention.  And, yes, i tis like a weaned child with its mother.  snuggled up against her, a child is at peace, knowing that they are loved and care for, and that they have all that they need for that moment.

How often do we take that pause?  How often do we push that chair back and just sit and breathe?  Try it - push away from whatever is in front of you.  Feet on the ground. Body straight, resting in the chair. Close your eyes.  Let the quietness of the room (yes, turn off all noise) filtrate through your mind, your body, and feel the flow of peace that can come with it.  Keep your mind quiet; quit thinking of things you need to do, to get done.  If necessary, take a quick moment and write it down so you can deal with it afterwards.  But for this moment in time.  Shhhhhhhh

Quiet. Silence. Solitude. P-e-a-c-e.... 

Remember what that feels like? Before your life took off in a thousand directions? Before your mind go so overloaded with dos and don'ts and life itself?   Yes, you still have things to get done..... but for this moment in time, it belongs to you alone.

Enjoy this moment.  Practice it often.  Breathe deep.  Hold.  Exhale.  Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.  A simple process, but it brings a calmness over us that we are too busy - as a rule - to even notice.  Return to this practice each time you feel overwhelmed, in pain, in sorrow, in turmoil.... experience the peace that only God can give to you in the moments you give back to Him. 

And with that.... I will leave you.... inhale, hold, exhale.... feel the presence of our Living God.  Thank Him for His blessings... because you are so blessed....

Blessings!

Exhausted, I finally slept

 until my hip bones screamed in pain around 3:50AM this morning.  I still say it has to do with all the bites I got a few years ago - it's that hip bone that starts the 'screaming' at me - and it is the one that 'screamed' at me that night I got bit.  But I can't get the doctors to understand that.  It doesn't come often, but it has the past two nights.  But then, could I have aggravated it with my leg workout Monday evening?  Very possibly.  I allowed myself to 'get out of shape' somewhat while Morgan was on maternity leave. I didn't work out.  But still; I've done HIIT and I've done a leg workout since - why am I waking up in the middle of the night in extreme pain?  Grabbing Voltaren and Excedrin, into my room I come.  I am finally getting some relief from the pain.

Which brings me to the scripture I read this morning.  It's in Mark 10:46-52.  This scripture has always 'got' me because of Jesus' question.  Let me type it out here for you.

Mark 10:46-52 (ESV):  And they came to Jericho. And as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus, a blind beggar, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" And many rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he cried out all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" And Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." And they called the blind man, saying to him, "Take heart. Get up, he is calling you." And throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. And Jesus said to him, "What do you want me to do for you?" And the blind man said to him, "Rabbi, let me recover my sight." And Jesus said to him, "Go your way; your faith has made you well." And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way.

Because of the medical issues going on within my family, this scripture really stood out to me this morning.  This isn't the first time that Jesus has asked the question "What do you want me to do for you?"  And it is a question that we all need to ask ourselves.

What do we want Jesus to do for us?  For me?   With my hip pain this morning, I told Jesus I wanted my hips to stop hurting; that they may be healed. That I will be wrong in believing it is from the bug bites. That I will be healed.  With the liver issues with my son, I cry out that I want my son healed - now - and restored.  With my daughter's medical issues, I cry out that I want my daughter healed - now - and restored.  With our great-grandchildren's lives in limbo, I cry out that I want our great-grandchildren back in our family.  And with hubby's medical issues - I cry out for mercy, that his health will be restored.  

Oh there are so many things that I cry out to Jesus for - and ask, and beg, and plead.  But it doesn't take begging and pleading on my part.  I do not know the plans God has for my children, my great-grandchildren, my spouse.  I don't even know the plans He has for me!  How I wish I did so that I could prepare!  But I know that His plans are always better than mine are.  I can trust Jesus that no matter what goes on in my life, in my family, that none of it is a surprise to Him.  He is always in control.  But sometimes we need to ask for things to happen; not just assume 'it is what it is'.  Asking usually requires humbling ourselves.  Some people just can't bring themselves to do that.  But what if.... what if those who are sick and weary and in need of answers - what if they did humble themselves before God and ask for whatever their need is?  God already knows anyway.  Sometimes He just waits to see if we will ask for it.

I get to have breakfast with my boss this morning so am keeping an eye on the clock.  Of course my hip(s) hurting caused me to get up early.  I was mentally and physically exhausted last night.  I had meant to work on taxes last night and have some papers laid out on the table to work on. Hubby went to his bible study.  But what I ended up doing was chatting with my daughter and granddaughter about Jailbreak and trying to determine when and where.  We've decided April 23 - 25 is the when.  The where isn't entirely decided yet, but we are leaning towards the northern area we have been to a few times - Payson, Star Valley, Pine, Strawberry area.  I spent a little while looking at airbnbs - but my eyes were burning from staring at the computer all day with work, and I was exhausted.  I suggested we all look for a place and then make a decision.  We need to get something reserved.  At least we have that on the calendar and can move on from there.  Yes, it is the day after hubby's birthday, but I will celebrate him before we leave.  

I'm going to have to keep an eye on the clock this morning so that I can get back home in plenty of time - as I should anyway.  I have a board meeting this afternoon.  I made the 'mistake' of mentioning it to hubby last night - so he is already reminding me this morning to 'remember, you have a board meeting early afternoon so you need to get back in time.'  And I told him to mind his own business.  I'm always home before that time - but if I'm not, will text Brett and tell him to run the powerpoint.  It's not that the board meetings are hard.  I just don't want to do them.  I know - change my attitude.

I've been reading in my Solitude and Silence book again and I'm longing for it.  Hubby's idea of retreat is getting away with me.  He's ok with being quiet (most of the time) but also we go stay at a hotel or someplace; go out to eat.  He's ok spending the time reading.  It's just harder for me because he is 'there', if you know what I mean.  To me, getting away in solitude is being alone with no interruptions.  Alone, and choosing to skip meals if I choose.  Quiet and alone with Jesus, just Him and me, talking.  Those are the times I miss.  Those times I had in the hermitage.  I was always refreshed when I went. I know I have talked about the hermitages many times.  I think there are a couple 'renewal' places here in town that one can go to - but again, I have the problem that hubby doesn't want to be alone; other than alone with me.  Maybe I should pray that he would want to be alone in solitude and quietness?  Now that's a thought. 

I don't know why I have been so exhausted and tired this month.  Perhaps it has been coming on for awhile and I just didn't notice it.  Perhaps it is just 'life' that is bearing down on me.  Many times I want to run off and cry.  Many times I want to hide and just sleep.  Many times I just want to be alone.  And when I realize I can do none of those things quietly, my heart feels sad.  And I better stop there.  But I need to start eating better - I ate a bunch of chocolate yesterday (I mean a bunch!) and I don't know why I did - other than 'I could'.  (don't tell me I can't eat chocolate!!)  Perhaps I overdid the sugar.  I do need to change my eating habits.  But junk food is so good, right?

And with that - I am going to get off here and get dressed.  Make-up on today since I'm going out in to the world.  Need to do something with my hair too.  Glad I go Saturday to get it trimmed and shaped again.  It's getting unmanageable.  So easy to just clip back during the day, but when I want to fix it up - it won't do anything. At least I can wear jeans and a t-shirt.  And tennis shoes.  I can be me.

Have a great day - do something kind for someone.

Blessings!