The season has started......

 It was a fairly busy weekend and I just didn't take time to write in here.  My thought was that I'd get to it later in the day - but that didn't happen.   Saturday I slept until 5:15AM!  GASP!  I've been coming out of my room around 6:30 so felt like I'd lost over an hour that I am usually sitting in here reading my Bible.  So Saturday I didn't take the time to write.

And Sunday.  Our season has started to "preach" at the RV parks that ask us to come to.  Yesterday was my first one and I was spending my time reviewing the message and making sure it wasn't too long.  I spoke on how much we need each other, especially during this time, because so many people are feeling isolated.  And lonely.   How so many times we have needs, but we don't share them - for whatever reason.  I know that season of need for we have been there.  And some of you may be there now.

God created us to not only need Him, but to need each other.  We are to be partners with each other so that if one is in need, the other can help them through it.  Read Philippians 1:1-11.  That was the scripture I used yesterday.  Notice how Paul says 'Every time I think of you, I thank God for you.'

Is there someone in your life that every time you think of them, you thank God for them?  I must admit that I don't always THANK God for them, but I thank God for providing for them, and asking God to be with them and help them in their weaknesses.  I ask God to help them succeed in the things they want to accomplish.  To keep them healthy and strong.  To grant them wisdom for that day.  To help them be the man or woman that God created them to be.

But back to the service, it was really different than what we have had in the past.  Our speaking engagements are way down because of more ministers have retired and moved into the RV parks so the winter months that we speak and they have pulled them into the speaking pool.  And that's ok.  I only speak 4 times this season and hubby speaks only twice.   In years' past we have had several Sundays to speak. We love the people and love to see them year after year, but my time feels like it is more limited than it was.  And reality is, it isn't.  I've just found more things to fill up my time with - like knitting and crocheting - and it's more fun than reading and studying and writing things and pulling them together.   

Yesterday they advised me that they were taping the message.  Of course I lost my place a couple times in the message, but hopefully it was not too noticeable.  I asked them to send me a copy of it, just curious of my delivery and what I need to change.  I'm not usually taped "live".   Like I mentioned above, things were different.  The service order was changed too so that threw me off some, but that was ok too.  No hugging, no standing around talking after, no standing at the door as everyone left.  I missed that part.  We stayed at the front until everyone had left the room, then came down.  There were a couple who gave us hugs, special people whom we really love there.  And, of course, the masks.  Sigh.  I asked if I had to keep my mask on while I was speaking, but they said no, I could take it off.  Thank goodness!  Those things make my nose itch!  There were 4 people who sat together who did not have a mask on, but everyone else did.  There were probably 50 people there, and I think he said around 200 people online.

One thing this pandemic is doing is getting people in the habit of NOT going to church.  There are some who will still faithfully set their computer up or the phone, and watch their service online.  We actually watch two - and sometimes three - services on Sundays.  This week we missed the two as we were doing our own service.  We will watch them later, I heard that Jentezen Franklin's service yesterday was a 'WOW'. Can't wait to listen to it.   As the churches open up, we find more and more people NOT going back to the church in person.  We've been one of them.  For one thing, we are further away from our church and we have talked of even finding another church closer to us, but since it was closed it wasn't an issue.  Our church opened back up, as I've mentioned before, and I understand they are still using the video for service.  If I'm watching a video, can't greet and hug people, and can't talk with them except for a few minutes outside.... honestly, I don't want to dress up and go.  I have gotten used to wearing my jeans and t-shirt and curling up with my knitting and watching the services on TV.  Yes, I participate in the singing and all, but church is just different.

I got an email from the president of our division last Friday.  The ruling is that we will NOT be going back into the office - even the new one - until July 2021 - because of COVID surges.   I'm not sure what to even think about that.  I'm glad I don't have to think I'll have to drive in the cold and dark in January to get to the office.  But I do miss the social part of it.  Working from home has its advantages, as I've shared before.  But I also find I sit at my desk a LOT more than I did before - always afraid that one of my bosses will send me something to do and I will miss it.   Friday was an extremely busy day with numerous meetings I had to find time for.  With the news that one of the 'Chiefs' had resigned, numerous meetings have been put in place because my big boss wants to know everything that is going on.  She wants to have her hand in every aspect of that group.  The hard part is that she wants all the meetings within two-three weeks.  And everyone's calendars are full already.  

I didn't unpack any boxes this weekend.  In fact, after we got home yesterday, I started crocheting while hubby watched the Cardinal's game (did you see that very last play that won the game?? - Amazing!) I fell asleep in the 2nd quarter and didn't wake up for an hour - as they were in the 4th quarter.  I slept deep too - hubby said I was snoring.  Yeah, I do that when I'm really tired.  And according to him, LOUD.  sigh.

I laid out chicken the other day and plan to make chicken and noodles tonight for dinner.  What's left - and there should be - I plan to bag up and put in the freezer.  When it's cold out and I don't feel like cooking, it's good to pull out of the freezer and throw in the microwave for a quick meal.  We've been eating way too much pizza out of the freezer for a quick meal.  A hot bowl of chicken and noodles is good for what ails you.

So, thinking about the message I did yesterday, who are you thanking God for when you think of them?  For me, I can think of different people, and I'm not going to name them all, but one is my boss.  We've known each other about 30 years and when she has gone to a new job, has always figured out a way to get me with her.  Not just because we are friends.  She says I keep her organized and I know how she likes to have things done.  She gave me my first job as an admin many years ago, and set me on this career path.   Another is my former pastor.  He put the desire within me to learn and to live for Jesus, and to preach His word.  In fact, he lets me take his messages, and make them mine.  Another is my family.  Yes, I'm thankful for each one.  In their own way, they contribute to my life, and bring me joy.  I love each one - and no, I do not have favorites.  My boys are the ones who are after me to say they are my favorite.... but I can't say any of them is more my favorite than the other.  Just like with my grandchildren.  Each one is unique in their own way.  I may be closer to one or another, but I love them all the same.

Now I'm rambling and you are probably thanking God that I'm ending this.  So I will.  Be thankful, always.

Blessings!

God only knows....

 I woke up this morning with the song 'God Only Knows' by for King and Country going through my mind.  I don't know what prompted that specific song.  All I can think of is what my little sister is going through currently.

God Only Knows

God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows how it's killing you

But there's a kind of love that God only knows

God only knows what you've been through

God only knows what they say about you

God only knows the real you

There's a kind of love that God only knows

Yesterday my brother-in-law went to the doctor.  He has multiple myeloma and after a stem cell transfusion he got this past summer, it did not go away.  It did not go into remission.  Yesterday the doctor told him to cancel Thanksgiving and Christmas and he was to go nowhere, because his lack of an immune system at this point would kill him if he should contract COVID or any other bug that is out there.  His body just could not fight it off.  He has a 20% or 30% chance of surviving it.

God only knows what you've been through, God only knows what they say about you.  God only know how it's killing you, But there's a kind of love that God only knows......

Of course the song isn't about disease or its affect on someone,   But it can reflect what a person goes through.  My little sister has been through a lot with this husband. But I think, and she occasionally will agree with me, that God prepared her in part for what was ahead of her 7 years ago.  Or perhaps it was 8 years ago she took a CNA class.  She is the type that likes to take care of people.  She worked as a CNA for less than a year, then they took their usual yearly trip to Florida for 3 months after the holidays.  When you are "retired" you can go live next to the beach for three months while it's snowing back home.  They bought two homes.  Then, the diagnosis came when the back pain just would not go away.  Once chemo started, and the diarrhea, the vomiting, and all that went with it, being a CNA was a necessity and it became an unpaid job.  I'm sure the joy went away as well.

It has been a struggle, for sure.  Especially when things happening over the years removed the love  of marriage.  Complain she has not (well, only to me) so much about taking care of her husband, it is more of his demand she be with him constantly.  He doesn't want to be alone should he die.  Well, it's been 7 years now.... and judging from what the doctor said, and the words they can't do anything for him anymore (so much for trial therapy for 7 years), I'm sure he is afraid of being alone.  But the toll has taken joy and much more away from them.  

God only knows what you've been through, God only knows what they say about you.  God only knows how it's killing you, But there's a kind of love that God only knows...

How many of us have been in situations that we don't understand the 'WHY' of it?  Why did we lose that job?  Why did my spouse or my child become sick and not get well?  Why did that accident happen?  Why did..... you can fill in the blank.

We cannot always answer the why.  We don't understand God's ways because His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts.  He sees all, knows all, loves all, cares all....

Remember the time you got something you really wanted and you didn't think you'd ever get it?  God got it to happen.  Yeah, even if you think you did it all by yourself, or someone else did it for you, it was God.   All things are in His hands.  He knows what we need......even before we need it.

That job you are doing?  He created an open position so that you could be hired.  That class you are taking?  He inspired a teacher to take those classes needed, so that they could teach you.   There are so many things that God does for us, way in advance, and so many that we take for granted.

When I left my job after 26 years, I received one year's pay.  It got to the very last check to arrive before I found another job.   God knew I needed a job, and He prepared it for me for just the right moment.  After 5 years there, the company lost their contract.  Although my job was pretty secure, my boss's was not and she went to another company.  But I wasn't happy with my new boss who wouldn't talk to me.  After a few months, my old boss called me, and I left and went to this new company.  God has provided all along security for my family.  My job has always been the security blanket.  So much so, hubby will not let me retire.  But some day I shall.  But I am in God's hands and I trust Him to show me when, if it happens in my own power.  Otherwise....  but I have to keep busy.  Sitting at home day after day is not how I want to live.  We don't have money to travel.  I would have to volunteer or go work somewhere.

So what about you?  What are you going through that you think God doesn't know about?  You probably haven't even thought about it, have you?  You think you are managing all by yourself, that things are going well.  And they may be, and your skills and wisdom are helping you succeed.  Good for you.  But you aren't in it alone.  Regardless of what you may think.

Psalm 20:7 - Some trust in chariots and some trust in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

Who - or what - are you trusting in?

God only knows.

I am blessed....

 It only takes a phone call, a text, or a few words spoken, to build up or tear down someone.  That's a profound statement, don't you think? 

How many times have we gotten a phone call that left us feeling bewildered, perhaps angry, and truly irritated.  I think we all have had those.  Then there is the one that makes you feel loved and blessed.

How many times has a text come over our phone that we read and then determine it ticks us off so  much that we aren't even going to bother to respond.  Oh yeah.  Some days we all get those.  Then there is the one that makes you feel loved and blessed.

Let's not even go into what we see on Facebook or Instagram and just feel that "whatever" feeling, and just move on!  I'm pretty sure we've all seen those - and maybe even posted some that would be that way to others!  But then there is the one that makes you feel loved and blessed.... or you have blessed someone else.

But last night, I was feeling pretty good. 

I have a granddaughter who lives in another city.  We don't get to see each other very often, sometimes only once to three times a year and then only for a couple hours, between their schedules and ours.  This little girl stole my heart years ago as my very first princess.  Taking her to the park when she was small and taking three (yes THREE!) rolls of film  of her is a memory.  As is taking her at 2 to get her photo taken at K-Mart in a red party dress that I had bought her.  She was so tired, but she was such a trooper and I have a favorite photo of her that warms my heart.  Plus a lot of other memories....

Last week she text'd me "You have been on my mind a lot today.  I wanted to pop in and remind you that I love you so much. xoxo" (with a heart attached).  Yeah, that warmed my heart.  

It's those unexpected texts from the grandchildren that make my day.  I've actually had even three grandsons do that over this last summer.  Just a text that says "I love you so much, grandma".  That's all this grandma needs to hear to bring me joy.

Anyway.... Tuesday night I had sent her a text and asked about Christmas ideas for her family.  She didn't respond until last night and she responded with this long text with ideas .... and then asked about us.  She commented on my having to go back to the office in January (possibly) and asked how I felt about it.  She knew I had started on my baking already and then my heart warmed with these words.... "I miss getting to drive up the road to bake with you.  Every time Tamsyn wears the red apron (that she had worn when she was a small child at grandma's house baking cookies) to cook it makes me think about those days."

My life is complete.  I wanted to leave memories of fun times with the grandchildren.  And she remembers the times of baking cookies together.  Of laughter, of joy.  

We ended our texts with my longing for my granddaughter and great-granddaughter coming up one day before Christmas and us baking cookies together.  Maybe even her mama would come if she isn't working, and we could have four generations baking together.  That would be a memory, yes?  But even so, just to get to bake with my granddaughter and great-granddaughter would be a special memory to hold in my heart.

I so miss those days of little ones coming over to bake or to make crafts.  It's so much harder now because the grandchildren have grown up and some have jobs, some have married, some have children - or are getting ready to have a child very soon!  Since this little princess was 2 years old, until she got married and moved to another city, she was with me every year at Christmas to bake cookies.  As have most of the grandchildren.  Not all, for various reasons, but most of them.   But I still have some of them coming over at some time in December to bake cookies and Christmas mice.   I have a smaller kitchen this year, but it's ok.  It will be filled with love and laughter..... and special memories.

Those are my treasured memories, and when they remember those times, then I feel blessed because they are such good memories.  Besides this granddaughter, I've had a grandson wanting to make sure he gets included in the cookie baking this year.

They will never know how much joy that brings to my heart.  I love each one of them so much and regret that I have not been a bigger part of their lives growing up.  Between work and life, it just wasn't always possible to be involved.   With a couple grandchildren we have been included in a lot of things, but it just depended on what was going on at the time.

But this one.  She is my first.  She may have stolen her mommy and daddy's heart years ago, but she also captured mine.

And now with great-grandchildren coming along, I'm hoping to start new treasured memories.  My time here on earth isn't guaranteed to be long and I want to make memories even they can remember while I can.  I want to make memories that can last beyond my lifetime.

I am truly blessed.

No longer cool.... but COLD....

 Ok, for some people it is still just 'cool'.  Those people are weird.  At 4AM it is downright COLD.  Want to know how I know that?  Because when I get up, (about 45 minutes later this morning because I just couldn't get out of bed) I'm moving quickly to get wrapped up in my blanket and prayer shawl to stay somewhat warm.  AND, hubby, who is never 'cold', brought my coffee in to me and says, the fan (which we have kept on low just for air circulation) will be going off tonight - he was freezing during the night.  And he asked if I had gotten cold during the night.

Now that is almost funny.  Because he is so afraid I WILL get cold, this is what I have over me in bed.... a sheet, a quilt, a big fuzzy thick throw, another quilt, a lighter fuzzy throw, another quilt.  And there might yet be another quilt, but I'm not sure.  Yeah, I think I'm good.  In fact, sometimes in the middle of the night my body gets so hot, I wake up and have to throw the covers OFF me for about 5 minutes to cool my body down so that I can go back to sleep.  Because he insists on tucking the covers in at the foot of the bed, I scoot down about 6 inches so that I can pull the covers up around my neck.  I sleep snug as a bug in a rug. 

Unfortunately, when I am cold, my body goes into hibernation mode and I fall asleep.  It doesn't matter if I am at work, or at church.  Hubby can tell I'm cold when we are at church.  I am pulling my jacket (which I nearly always wear, even in summer) or sweater close around my body, and I cross my legs.... and start swinging one leg.  I have to do something or I will fall asleep!  Does that ever happen to you?  My body just shuts down.  I don't care if I had a great night's sleep, and had ten cups of coffee that morning.  My body will shut down and want to hibernate if it is cold.  That's why it's so hard for me to wake up some mornings.  The bear in me says NO, stay in hibernation mode!  Winter and I do not get along well.  Which is why I love Arizona so much, especially in the winter months here.  I get cold, but I don't freeze.

Yeah, my stories of growing up aren't like my mama's (walking 2 miles behind the wagon to get to school, in two feet of snow, carrying two biscuits to have for lunch) but I can remember walking 3 blocks to wait at the bus stop for school and wearing shoes and socks and a knee-length dress.... my legs would be beet red by the time I got to school I'd be so cold.  We weren't allowed to wear pants or jeans to school.  I think it was a few years AFTER I graduated high school that they allowed jeans in the school for girls.  No, I don't consider myself 'old', but it was just what we did during those times.

You make do with what you have.  Which is what a lot of us do even nowadays.  If you don't have something you need, and really can't afford to get it, or only need it a short time, you continue to make do with what you have.  I have a thick robe (old, perhaps, but still wearable) that is long, and warm.  I have no idea where it can be.  I have a box of "winter clothes" (which is a joke cause I wear  most all my clothes year round) that got packed and I imagine it is in it.  I love that robe.  It is warm, and dingy looking.  It is comfortable.  I will be looking for it.  We should have all our boxes here now, so I am thinking I came across the box when it was over 100 degrees and seeing what was inside, put it inside a cabinet.  I'm still working on unpacking boxes and making slow progress, but will back my car out of the garage this weekend and start going through the cabinets to see if I can find it.

I may even start pulling out my Christmas things and see what to keep and what to get rid of.  I did go through the Christmas decorations a year or so ago, but now that we have moved, may do it again.   I miss having a "grandma" tree.  I hope my grandchildren remember it in years to come.  It is a treasured memory for me when they would come and bake cookies, then we'd work on a craft for mom and dad, they'd wrap it and put under the small tree in the 'grandchildren's play room'.  Christmas morning that is where the family would gather first so that they could give mom and dad the gifts they had made for them.  So much fun, so many memories.  As the number of grandchildren got larger, it got too expensive for me to buy the crafts so we went to just baking cookies.  Hmm, maybe we just did the crafts when they were smaller.  Seems like we started baking cookies after we quit crafts.  Now I'm not sure.  Oh well.  If the memory is in their mind, that is all that counts.  I miss those times when the grandchildren were smaller.

Today is another work day.  I just could not get focused yesterday for some reason.  Not sure what the problem was.  Mid-day my 'big' boss did email me about the resignation of the other chief.    And she told me not to share it until after the 'broad announcement' that would be made today, I think.  Like who would I tell?   It just kind of put a damper on the day, I think.  I did what I needed to do, but I had so many meetings to schedule that it was difficult at times to remember whose meetings I needed to find time for.  Had to create a survey, work on some other things, and schedule meetings.  Couldn't wait for 4PM to come around.  Hopefully today will be a much better day as I have much to get done today.

I read in my devotions today about how people like to blame other people for things they do.  "Well, I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't done that!"  Are you old enough to remember the comedian Flip Wilson?  He always said 'de debil made me do it!'   It was always good for a laugh when he said it, but the reality is that the 'debil' doesn't make us do anything.  He may tempt us, but it is our choice to do it. God gave us the freedom of choice.  We can choose to live a holy life, a good life, or we can choose to live in sin.  I confess, my life has not always been great.  I fell into the sinful temptation mode for a couple years.  But God pulled me out of the depths and set my feet on His solid ground.  The sad part is that sometimes we don't realize how far we have fallen.  I certainly didn't have a clue.  Oh, I knew what I was doing probably wasn't right, but because of my childhood, really didn't understand, I don't think.  No excuses, I did what I did.  But I am grateful that God loved me so much that He showed me the life I should be living.  Yes, I still am not perfect, nor will I ever be.  But I am loved by my heavenly Father so much that He will correct me when I fall, and pick me up, and set my feet on His path once again.  Thank you, Abba.

And you know what?  He is waiting to do it for you.  Think about your life.  Are you where you thought you would be?  Are you the wife or husband you know you should be, the mother or the father that is an example for your children?  I wasn't always a good example for my children and for that I am ashamed.  But my love for them has never faltered.  I got side-tracked in the 'it's all about me' mode.  God rescued me, and He can rescue you as well, if you will let Him.  Talk to Him.  He's waiting to hear from you.  Tell Him what is going on in your life and ask Him what you need to do differently.  He's listening.  

Blessings!

The walk didn't happen....

 I just couldn't get away from work yesterday as I had so much to get done.  I worked through lunch again and although I should have taken even a 15 minute break, I didn't.  One would think with all the lunches I've skipped through that I would lose weight.  HAH!  I think it is all the almonds I've eaten.  I love raw unsalted almonds and mixed nuts.  Now I say unsalted because too much salt is too much salt... meaning, it makes you swell up and retain water.  And when you don't drink enough water, you don't flush it out and then you gain weight.  Which is disheartening.  I've managed NOT to gain weight while in restricted mode.  I have tried to eat better and there for awhile walking every day, but it's been a few weeks since I've had a long walk that could make a difference.  My toe is feeling better, and although the podiatrist said it could take six months for it to heal "at our age" it is still sore, but not REAL sore, if you can understand what I mean.

But now the mornings are COLD.  Ok, for some of you it is just perfect.  Cool, you'd say.  No, for me it is COLD.   When I am cold, I just want to hibernate, not go walking.  But then, I'd warm up, right?  Maybe later today I'll venture out.  It would actually be good for me to get out of the house for a short walk.  I do love to sit out in our court area and just be quiet; be alone with God there.  But, I often have Sheeba or hubby with me so I don't have that sanctuary space.  And most times, that is ok, it belongs to them too.  But sometimes, do you ever just want to be alone with God so that you can talk with Him about what is pressing on your heart?

With our nation in turmoil right now, I find it funny that my devotions hit right on the mark today.  Well, they actually have quite a bit lately.  But today referred to Exodus 14 and 15, where the Israelites walked across the dry land of the Red Sea, and then God let the waters fall back upon the Egyptians.  If that happened today, I wonder how people would react?    Is the revealing of fraud in voting in several states the parting of the Red Sea?  Will those who committed the fraud be buried in the waters as they returned?  Where is the integrity in one's heart, to do good and to do what is right?  I am puzzled at how people have so much turned away from God, that they would do the things that have been done.  I'm not calling out any political party, or any one person, but how can that person hope to stand before God and say they have done good?

But - I am not to judge, and it is not my call.  I am responsible only for my own actions, words, and behavior.  I can stand in the gap for these people, and intercede for them, but I cannot change them.  Just like I stand in the gap daily for my children, my grandchildren, and now my great grandchildren.  I would rather take all their punishment than to allow them to go to hell.  O Jesus, hear my prayers!

I received some disturbing news yesterday.  I saw a meeting invite from the president of our division to my 'big' boss to discuss the position of one of the 'chiefs'.  I text'd my friend boss and asked her if she knew what was going on - she did not.   Around 5PM she text'd me and said that she had been called in to a meeting with our 'big' boss and the other chiefs.... and this one had resigned to go to another company.   I was curious if I had received notification as I support this person.  Nothing.  I checked my emails at that time and there was nothing.  I'm disappointed - not that she is leaving, but at my loss of a boss.  I really do like her and she is smart and knows her stuff.  I like supporting her and she doesn't give me a lot of work, but what she does is detailed and has a lot to do with it.  

And I had finished an afghan last night that I had made for her for Christmas.  Well, I'm almost finished.  This is where I get insecure in my skills.  I think it looks great, but the little details at the edges always make me second guess if what I'm doing with it is right.  She won't get it now, but with what I'm doing to it, it is good enough to give to anyone....  I just don't have that much confidence in my ability to do it right.  At least not right now.   Anyway, this boss will be leaving in a few weeks.  I'm hoping they will get someone else to support the new one cause I don't need someone who has a lot of work to get done - and I'm already overwhelmed with work most days.

I really do love the quietness of the mornings as I sit here alone.  I've already read my devotions, my Bible, and prayed, before I get on here.  But as I sit here and think about what to write, I enjoy the quietness of the morning.  It is still early, and I'm not having to rush to get things done.  I hear some traffic in the distance.  But other than that, when I stop typing, I hear ...... silence.

And although God sometimes speaks within the noise of the world, I love it when He speaks to me in the quietness of the day.  My thoughts are on Him.  I bow down in worship, and glorify His Holy Name.  That is what brings peace to my life.  In the midst of turmoil, of sorrow, of pain, He alone is the Rock on which I stand.   All that I am, all that I have, belongs to Him.  Yes, it is a repeat process for me.  I always try to take things back... but I shouldn't.  He's always in control, not me.

So where do you stand today?  Are you standing on the Rock?  Or are you still in with the pebbles?  Give Jesus a try.  You won't be disappointed.

I think I'll sit here in silence for a few minutes.  Try it.  You just may hear His voice.

Blessings!

We WERE going to walk today...but..

 Yeah, hubby ad I discussed over the weekend about leaving Sheeba at home and US going for a walk in the mornings so that I could get a walk in.  I haven't taken a walk since Sheeba broke my toe.  Or caused me to break my toe.  She's too strong for me to take out now.  When no dogs are around, she is fine.  I have no problem in keeping her next to me and walking as she should.  It's when we come up on someone who is walking their dog - and in the mornings when I can walk, there are probably about 10 people out walking their dog(s).  Anyway, we talked about starting this morning on the walk.

BUT.  I woke up around 1AM and could no go back to sleep.  I prayed.  I thought. I prayed some more. (my kids should have a great day today!) and finally I told myself that if I was still awake at 3AM I may as well get up.  I fell asleep somewhere between 2:20AM and 3AM.  Struggled to get up at 4AM, and I do think I fell asleep in my chair as I started reading.  Didn't look at the clock so don't know how long, but I am pretty sure I slept.  When hubby brought my coffee in about 4:30AM I told him I wasn't going to go walk this morning because of lack of sleep.  But now that I slept this morning after he brought my coffee in, will see.  I'm kind of comfy in this chair, and I'd have to dig out from under my blanket, get dressed, and be ready by 6:15AM anyway so that I could walk at least half hour before work.  I'm thinking more that to make myself take a lunch break, perhaps I will walk at lunch time.  I usually work straight through.  No, I don't get off earlier if I do that.  I still have to be online until 4PM at least unless I ask off.

But I do need to start walking again.  It would help me to sleep for sure if I would get some exercise in.  I want to start over at the REC center (gym) tonight.  Will see if I make it.

I did start my Christmas baking last night.  I made two batches of my cranberry pumpkin nut bread and got them in the freezer.  I don't think, since I'm not in the office, that I will need more than that.  Maybe one more batch at most.  But until I sit down and make my list up, I don't know.  That took care of yesterday afternoon, and I did not unpack any boxes as planned.  Of course in the evening I worked on the afghan.  It's 36" x 56" now..... I think I need to add just a bit more to the 36" side and then I'm done with this one - and will start another afghan for another boss.  It won't be as long.  This is the first one I've made and I didn't know how long to make it.  Measured it against one my mother had made - and I will let mother win on size.  

I had three special 'treats' this weekend.  I got to see my daughter's new house and hear their plans for remodeling it.  It's big and beautiful.  Loved the back yard and the way it is fixed up.   Saturday I got a text from one of my granddaughters that I was on her mind and she just wanted to say she loved me.  That means so much to me.  This granddaughter will always have my heart.  Some days that is all one needs; just a reminder that they are thought of, and loved.  Lastly, my middle child text'd yesterday for Christmas gifts for hubby.... then he called and I got my 'orders'.  Only one gift for he and his wife.  He knows I love to give things to my kids.... yes, my grandchildren too, but MY children.... I always felt they didn't get much and I wanted to give to them as I could.  I understood what he was saying, and I agreed to keep it limited.  That just means I'm done with their shopping.  Which could be a good thing.  I need to finish wrapping what has already come in and see where I'm at on everyone else.  No one is getting a lot this year, not even the grandchildren.  It's time for us 'old folks' to start saving and quit spending so much.

Although I reckon we spend more going out to eat most weeks.  Hubby especially.  He does love to eat out.  I do too, but many times I'd rather just fix a shake and stay home.  Or just have something light.  When he's hungry, he's h-u-n-g-r-y.  He does eat out a minimum of once a week (with his Friday morning buddies) and now his Tuesday guys are meeting at Denny's (half way for one of them) so he'll eat dinner there.  

I guess I can't say much - I either pick up food and take to my daughter's on Tuesdays - which is technically eating out - or she will pick up food or fix something for us for dinner.  Then there are the times that hubby insists we go out to eat.  Like last week when I truly wasn't hungry at all, and had to go.  Couldn't eat it all either so had to bring it home.  Sheeba liked the leftover meat.  But, if I say I don't want to go ... well, it's just easier to go and shut up.  It just means he wants my undivided attention and wants to tell me something.  

I read in my devotions this morning about timing.  How, even though we see something and want to fix it, sometimes we need to leave it alone and let it work itself out.  That is a hard one for me.  When I see one of my children or grandchildren, or even a close friend struggling, I want to help.  There have been many times over the years that I wanted to go in and 'fix' things for them, for whatever it was.  But I knew it wasn't my place and I needed to keep my hands off.  And I did, except I would pray.  And you know what?  They always worked through the problem themselves.  And they probably learned something through it.

The timing is as critical as the involvement.  You don't just force your way in.  Even if you've got the stuff that's needed....even if you hold the piece perfectly shaped to fit the other person's missing part of the puzzle....you can't put it into place.  You must not try.  You must do the most difficult thing for compassion to do.  You must wait.  Even if others are suffering and disillusioned and getting through the misery of misunderstand, heartache, and sleepless nights.

Even God waits to help us, even though He is a compassionate God.  He will let us go through the fire of our own willfulness, loving us through it all, so that we will learn from it.

Our Lord would love to piece together the shattered fragments of your life.  But He is waiting...graciously waiting until the time is right.  

Until you retired of the life you are living....until you see it for what it really is.

Until you are weary of coping....of taking charge of your own life....until you realize the mess you are making of it.

Until you recognize your need for Him.

He's waiting.

God's timing is always on time.

Different styles, different materials

I mentioned yesterday that my sister wanted to make an afghan for her granddaughter.  I tried to show her how to get started on facetime the other night.  (I also spent an hour on facetime a few weeks ago trying to show her how to get started.  She just can't understand it).  I asked her to watch a video of this pattern that I am currently using.  You Tube is awesome for showing in slow motion how to create things.  She went out and bought her yarn - red and black very thick blanket yarn - and the other night we tried to get it started.  She gave up and asked if I would get it started for her and she would take it over.  Fine.  So she was going to ship her yarn to me to get it started - which seemed silly, so I told her I'd just buy the skein here (she had sent me a photo so that I could see what she had) and do a few rows and send to her.

Oh.My.Goodness.  For someone experienced, this yarn would be nothing.  First of all, I ended up going to Hobby Lobby, and two Michaels before I found the yarn she was using.  Yes, of course I bought more yarn for me while I was there.  Silly thought!  I never did find any red, but at the last place I stopped I found a skein of black.  Looking at it, it takes a size M hook.  That's a big hook - as it should be because this yarn is about 4 times bigger than the yarn I usually use.  Yeah, that's what I mean.  For someone experienced with this yarn it would be nothing for them to crochet with it.  But I haven't used it before and had some difficulty with it.  BUT, I did get three rows completed and sent her a text that it was done as far as I was going to go....  and told her how big it was width wise to work with.  She actually asked me if that was too short and should it be wider... in other words, from stretched out hand to the other stretched out hand wasn't wide enough for her, she wanted it bigger.  So I calmly responded back that I was NOT going to tear it out and do it over and make it wider.... when she receives it, if it is not as wide as she wants, she can tear it out and make it herself.  She retracted her words somewhat.  I'm not telling you this to cause an issue, but to use it as an example.

When you ask someone to do something for you, and they agree to do it to help you out, don't criticize the way they do it.   If you don't like the way they do it, wait until it is completed, and you may be surprised how it came out.  And if you still don't like it, then tear it out and make your own.   

This person has not learned crochet and is just learning how to do it.  I'm still puzzled why this type of yarn - other than it has 'blanket' on it - is what she chose.  Not my business.  I did three rows and stopped.  I'm not going to make it for her as I am still working on an afghan - with regular yarn that goes much faster - for my boss.  I'm glad to help her, but I am also so inexperienced with crocheting... I haven't done it that long and I still make a lot of mistakes.  And I probably did within those three rows - but because it is black and thick, it kind of blends together.  I'm thinking it should have been knitted, or a different pattern chosen.  I only know two stitches in crochet - granny stitch and the V stitch.  But I'm sending it to her and she can do what she wants with it.

Today is Sunday and currently we are planning a quiet day.   I need to work on my message cause I speak next Sunday.  The layperson called me yesterday to get the title and scriptures.  Now I'm committed.  LOL  I'm about a third of the way into it, I would say.  Need to focus this afternoon and get it finished.  The rest of the week will be reviewing, making changes, and figuring out other things to put in or take out.  I'm hoping the swelling is gone from my big toe so that I can wear shoes.

Met my girlfriend for lunch yesterday.  She is so crazy funny.  Yes, literally both.  She was afraid she wouldn't see me for Christmas so brought me a beautiful candy dish for Christmas, a Christmas platter filled with oatmeal raisin cookies (nearly all gone and yes, I shared) and bought my lunch yesterday.  It almost got testy when we sat down.  She started in, 'have you heard that..... and I'm so excited'.... I l just looked at her and said I was surprised she would vote for someone whose party is in favor of abortions... she gave me a deer in the headlight look and said 'oh that', well, he's catholic.  (what does that mean?)  After a few more things back and forth, I just told her quit listening to the media and we had better stop and agree to disagree because I loved her and valued our friendship.  After a few more comments from her and my telling her to stop, we finally moved on to other topics.  I really am shocked to hear her reason why she voted that way....  she based it on things that were said about the President during the first election and that he didn't respect women.  People's minds are so messed up.  I'm so grateful God doesn't hold my past against me.  I still have faith that God's will will prevail.  If He has chosen this one to be president, He will get us through this.  I just continue to pray that what has been hidden will be brought out in the open.  I'm not getting involved in discussions, I'm not arguing with others.  I did my part; I voted.  I can't help what the others did, nor can I change now what the results will be.  I can only trust God to help us through whichever one wins the presidency.

I re-read Isaiah 45 this morning.  What took me back to it?  I was reading in Daniel and in the first chapter it said that Daniel served the king until the first year of King Cyrus.  Cyrus, that is what Lance Wallneau calls our current president.  And, he pulled it from Isaiah 45.  It's actually interesting.  Take some time to read it.

My heart is troubled over these times, as I knew it would be.  I still believe that God is in charge and that if this other party has committed fraud, that God will either reveal it, or He will allow it.  It's not my call either way.  I can only pray.  But what troubles me is that people have started to share things on facebook (you know it's true if it's on facebook - NOT)..... a friend of mine, who was licensed as a minister and is serving in music ministry at a Mennonite church in Sunnyslope, made some critical statements about 'false prophets' and people believing them.   Yes, false prophets will rise up in the end times, and we are definitely in the end times right now.   It hurt my heart to read his criticism... this man alienated many people at a church he had been at previously because of his criticism and sarcasm.  Those who spoke may have been false prophets, putting out there what we wanted to hear, I don't know.  But it isn't over yet.  Yes, my fear is that they were false prophets.  I believed them.  It's not on me, it is on them if they are false.  

The end result is that God is to be glorified in all of this.  No matter what the results are going to end up being, no matter who wins, God should be OUR focus.  I'm trying hold on to that.  It's a struggle sometimes so I have quit reading those things on facebook.  I have quit watching the news.  Burying my head in the sand?  Perhaps.  It will be what it will be.  I will know the end result come January.  In the meantime, we have a president and it is not me.  I put my fear of the unknown in God's hands, and release it.  I refuse to worry about something that I have no control over.  I did my part.  I voted.  That's all I was asked to do.  Oh.  and pray.  and trust.  God's got this.  I'm putting it all in His hands.  He alone will be glorified.  At least by me.

It's kind of like buying yarn.  There are so many different styles of yarn, did you know that?  There is a rough yarn, there is a soft yarn.  There is acrylic, wool, cotton, polyester, and many others.  There is thick yarn, and thin yarn.  There are many different sizes of hooks to work with each of them, and the results will vary, depending on the yarn you use and the hook you use.  And whether you knit it or crochet or tat or whatever else you can do with yarn.

Just like us.  We are all different. Within my own family we are different.  Some are strong.  Some are courageous.  Some are indifferent.  Some are thin.  Some are heavy.  Some like to be busy creating things.  Some like to curl up with a good book.  Some like to cook.  Some like to eat what's cooked.  Some are very intelligent.  Some not so much.  

and you know what?  Jesus loves each one of us, just the way we are.  He doesn't ask us to change BEFORE he will accept us, He will accept us just as we are.  He loves us that much, that He doesn't ask us to change before we can come to Him.  You will find that you love Him so much that You will want to change to be more like Jesus.  

Think about it.  It's not hard.  Just ask Jesus to help you find your way to Him.  He will change you from the inside out.  

Blessings!