Finally getting to it!

 Don't want Ralphd00d to be sending me texts this morning about not getting this done (although he does have his own stuff to do this morning), so since I just remembered, I'm doing it now.  Yes, I'm on the work computer.  I just didn't have time before work - cause work started at about 5:45AM this morning!  I had to get the computer up and the board meeting slide deck ready to present.  Thank You, Jesus that I had no problems with presenting the slides this morning.  I think at the last meeting my computer froze up and I couldn't do the slides and someone had to finish it.  But today, it ran 'smooth', for which I'm grateful.  Now I need to get the minutes done for this meeting, and a slide deck prepared for the August 6 meeting for this one, and work on the next board meeting coming up on June 4th; another group.  At least it is during the day and not taking away my time in the mornings for me.

I have Morgan to day at 12:30 (hubby has her at noon today) and I am thinking it will be legs, as we did chest on Tuesday.  I haven't gotten back into the HIIT since I was so sick there for awhile.  I just haven't felt like I have the strength so am going to wait another week or so before telling her to 'let's do it'.  She said she'd leave it up to me.  That sickness wore me down, for sure.

I think this is going to be a 'free' night for me since hubby is meeting his friend for their weekly meeting.  It seems like I am supposed to do something, but maybe that is because I generally have something in the evenings anymore, or so it seems.  So if I don't remember, or I don't have anything.... I may just work on my diamond art or read.... or watch a movie and truly be lazy. :-)  I just love my alone time and can never make up my mind what I want to do.  Gee, maybe I should work out here at home? HAH!  Novel thought, though, don't you think?

I bought a new scale recently.  One that is to be the 'best' for not only tracking weight, but also tracking body fat, BMR, bone mass, visceral fat, etc.  Not that I really want to know that 'stuff', but that I'm hoping it will keep me focused.  I truly hate (yes, I used the word HATE)  that my body fat always causes me to be listed as 'obese' and my BMI is like 29.8 or something like that.  So it all makes me feel fat.  Know what I mean?  Of course to satisfy my sadness at being labeled as 'obese', I need to have an ice cream cone, right?  Or maybe some chocolate to take away my pain?  And today, which is the first day I am using it, it not only labeled me 'obese', but also said 'overweight' in a couple spots. Sigh.  But it shows how much fat is in each arm/leg and of course my belly and butt.  Sigh.  Too much.

I love food.  You know I love food.  I had a cup of frosted mini wheats for breakfast.  Should I have?  Probably not, but I don't like throwing away food - unless it spoils.  In fact, I probably have some food in the refrigerator now that can be disposed up.  You know the routine, put it in the refrigerator until it goes bad so that you don't feel guilty throwing good food away; wait until it goes bad - right?  Do it all the time!  I need to do better.  I can do better.   Does anyone else have the 'problem' besides me?

Bible study went well last night and we had a great discussion. We discussed also if we are going to break or have another meeting in two weeks - which is what was decided.  Only not here; it will be at one of the other members' house.  I do like meeting, and as I said, we did have a good discussion last night.  We just finished week 3 of  The Awe of God by John Bevere.  Remember, I've talked about this book several times when I read it the first time.  

Don't you hate it when you don't realize you signed up for a subscription of something you just wanted to try one time - and next thing you know you get notification they are shipping the next subscription?  UGH.  I guess that helps me decide if I want to keep it or not.  I got that email last night and I went online immediately and cancelled the subscription.  No, they ignored it for this shipment cause they have already charged me, but at least I got them cancelled for future shipments.  I have to admit, sometimes I'm not too smart or observant for those small notices about continuing subscriptions.  So - another 'stupid tax' (not going to bother sending back; I'll eventually use it) which is what Dave Ramsey called it when you spend something on an item(s) you don't need nor really want.  Yeah, I've argued this stupid tax with some other vendors.... sometimes they will refund, and sometimes they refuse.  It's my fault; stay off facebook so I don't be tempted to buy those things!  Right?

Well.... I've tried to think of something to pass on to you this morning, but because I wasn't able to dig into my Bible or other books due to the board meeting ... I'm drawing a blank.  You lucked out today.  And with that, I'm off here and back to getting things done for work.  Maybe tomorrow I will have a bright thought.

Hope that you are having an amazing day and that God blesses you abundantly!  Remember to thank Him for it!

Blessings!

It was a strange dream...

 I was really tired last night and fell asleep quickly when I went to bed.  Hubby said I was 'sawing logs' when he came to bed about 45 minutes later.  I feel like I sleep good, and according to my 'tracker', most of my sleep was core sleep.  So why am I still feeling tired and sleepy?  Anyway - where I am going with this - I had the strangest dream last night.  I'll try to be brief and accurate, but as the day goes by, so does my memory of such things.

My friend, Barb, needed a ride downtown.  I offered to take her (and you know I do NOT drive downtown if not necessary!) and I drove hubby's car (which I never drive) and we get downtown and I park in an 'outside' parking lot.  Meaning, not covered parking.  We get out of the car and we are walking about four blocks away when I realize I didn't check to see WHERE I had parked the car.  (You know when you get out of the car at the mall or store you always look for something to trigger what row, what area, you are parked in.)  So I tell Barb we need to go back to find the car, so that I know where it is.  We are going through numerous parking lots - and can not find the car!  Finally I tell Barb to go on to wherever it was she was to be and I'd get ahold of her later.  I think I was on my way to the Corporate office downtown (which I never go to on purpose - in 9 years I have been there maybe 3 times at most and I didn't drive at any time).  So Barb goes on .... and I realize I am not carrying my purse.  I need my badge to get into the office, so why don't I have my purse?  I still haven't figured out where the car is either.  I'm walking around, trying to get my bearings when I see a police station.  I go in and tell them I can't find my purse, and I can't find the car.  Did I leave my purse in the car?  Did I totally forget it and leave it at home?  

So the police graciously drive me home and I go into the house and I find my purse sitting on the counter!  Then I woke up!  A very strange dream.  I still don't know where I left hubby's car downtown in an open parking lot.... and I obviously left my friend Barb downtown alone as well!  I couldn't go back to sleep after that cause I was reviewing the dream in my mind, trying to figure out WHY was I driving Barb downtown, and WHY would I have offered to do something I don't like to do?  And WHY was I driving hubby's car?  Dreams that make no sense at that time!  If ever!

The town halls that were scheduled today for work have been moved to the 20th.  Trying to figure out what is going on, I get an email from one of the executives that had an attachment from the President, that his EA, whom he has not heard from since Wednesday, was apparently in the hospital - her brother had called to let him know. He doesn't know any information other than she is needed to take a leave of absence for awhile.  I haven't talked with her since last week either, so not sure what could have happened.  Sickness? Injury? Who knows - even her closest friend at work knows nothing.  I'm sure she has contacted her - but it is none of my business.... so I do what I know to do.... pray for her that all is well, that whatever is wrong, she will heal.  

I have a board meeting at 6AM tomorrow morning so I may or may not remember to write in here later in the day.  Just saying.... you know how when I get busy I forget things!  I do not like these 6AM board meetings and if I could give up all the board meetings, I would in a heart beat!  Oh - yeah - as for the town halls - I was told, along with another EA - that we are to work on the slides from the other executives that still need to insert into the deck.  I'm 'just' the back-up for the slide presentation - not the creator!!

This is 'nurses' week' and I need to get some things ordered for our nurses and get them mailed out.  About 230 items.  I have it on my list to order today. We were going to order from another place, but yesterday was told to order from the company store.... sigh.... and guess who gets to do it.  Oh well. When they get here, I'll get it done and get them sent out.

Our Bible study group is to meet here tonight - which means I need to put my crochet stuff away and straighten up the living room and make sure the bathroom is clean.  Also need to pull together some snacks.  I think I might make some pinwheels - Oh pickles!  I'm out of tortillas!!  So fall back is the remaining few boxes of Girl Scout cookies, some cheese and crackers maybe, well, maybe I'll do a run to the store and just pick up a few Little Debbie cakes and cut them in small bites and put out. Maybe I can find some things already together.  I don't plan to spend a lot of time on it!  I will have time after work - but may take a 'lunch break' and run to the store as well to pick them up.   I asked our leaders last night if 'we' want to take a break for the summer.... and they said "we'll get a group vote"...  I would like to meet weekly, but some want every two weeks - and with people taking off it seems like it has become monthly at best.  Will see how tonight goes.

Psalm 14:2  The Lord looks down from heaven on all mankind to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.

Have you ever sent someone a gift and then waited - and waited - and waited - for them to acknowledge the gift?  Some of you will know what I mean.  I am not saying that a 'thank you' note must be written right away - but a text message or email, a phone call - anything to let them know that your gift has arrived and thank you.  I will occasionally send someone a gift and as a rule, they acknowledge right away with a 'You shouldn't have!".  Right?   We get to the point that after a few days - and we know it has been delivered, that we will ask them "did you get it?"  I know it has happened to me a few times - and yes, it is frustrating to have to 'ask' if they received a gift that I wanted to surprise them with.  And yes, it has happened to me recently.  I waited a day and finally sent a text, asking if they had received the gift.  Oh yes, they had, but they had been to busy to pause to let me know.  Ok.  In this one instance, it has been a few days now, and I still haven't heard from them.  I kind of expected a follow-up "sorry, been real busy, but want to let you know I do appreciate your thoughtfulness".  Am I being picky here?  I just wanted an acknowledgement the gift was received - and I guess I did get that so need to let it go, huh!

How many times do we do that with God?  When He blesses us with an unexpected blessing.  Perhaps it is a rosebush that blooms and we walk by it without pausing to appreciate the fragrance of the roses.  Or perhaps we get an unexpected money gift, or a repayment of a loan we thought was gone forever....  or perhaps we have something special happen that we weren't expecting.  What do you do with that?  Do you just settle into the moment - or do you pause and look up, and just say "thanks, God"?   Maybe you were driving and a car ran the red light and just missed you, causing you to swerve.  Do you sit there and cuss the guy out (yes, I said guy; surely gals do not drive that way, right?) (Just kidding!) or do you pause and thank God that you weren't hit, that you are ok, that there wasn't an accident?

God does so many things for us - and we are so busy with our lives that we keep our eyes on what is going on - and not the One who takes care of us in all circumstances.  As Paul has said, 'I know what it is to be without, and I know what it is to have plenty....'  and God knows exactly what our needs are; He knows what is going to happen while we are out driving. He knows all things.  

God loves you 'more than you will ever remember'.  Whether you KNOW Him intimately, or know Him with head knowledge, He sees you.  He loves you. No matter what you are going through, whatever the fire is, He will walk with you all the way through that fire.  He is the only One who can help you with whatever comes against you.  Our Lord loves you more than life itself.  Oh yeah, He proved that, by giving His life up for you.

Pause for a moment and look up, and tell Him "Thank you", for bringing you 'thus far'.  We don't do that enough.

Blessings!

Working out early today

 Yeah - today I have an 8AM training with Morgan.  I only got one in last week as she was sick the second day.  So did I work out on my own?  Nope.  Lazy?  Yep.  But, in my defense, as little as it is, I did get on the rebounder for 30 minutes last night - I'm not really 'feeling' it yet, but may before the day is out.  I did sleep sound last night - perhaps I should get on it 30 minutes every night!  I don't really like taking off work to go to the gym, but Sue lets me, and I always get my work done so she doesn't care.  It isn't often - although I think it is Thursday I have a 1:30PM training.  I consider it my 'lunch break', although I'm gone a bit more than an hour.

Hubby and I have cut back on our eating lately; I guess eating enough at lunchtime that we just snack for dinner.  Win-win for me, right?  We had left-over tacos yesterday for lunch - and I think I ate two of the mini cucumbers and about a dozen or so Utz Pretzels (they have 10gm of protein) for dinner - and I'm not really hungry yet this morning.  I won't eat before I go to the gym, but I will fix a shake when I get home. I may go ahead and drink a premier protein shake before I go to the gym - because I didn't eat last night. Then fix a real shake when I get home.  With working out, and eating less, I need to eat my weight in protein - and because I weigh more than I should (don't go there!) right now, that's a lot of food! I have not been able to do it - not even close.  

Our neighbor who checks on everything in the neighborhood text'd me at 6AM to tell me we had a package outside our gate.  I can always depend on her to let us know when things are not as they should be - and she will also let us know when we forget to shut the garage door.  It isn't always hubby forgetting; sometimes if I go out the garage door, like to take trash out, I sometimes forget to put it back down.  I'm glad we have a neighbor who isn't afraid to let us know.  So I went out in my jammies at 6AM to pick up our package.  I think I know what it is.  I bought a new scale that is like the Inbody we have at the gym - what I like about this one is that it will not only tell weight, but it will break it down as to how much is fat, how much is muscle, etc.  That is important.  You can weight 120 pounds and have a BMI out of range and lots of fat - and very little muscle.  Mine definitely isn' t where I want it to be with a BMI of about 29, I think it is, and yes, that is high.  My goal is to get my BMI down to about 10.  Eventually.  To do that, I have to build my muscle in relation to how much fat I carry around.

Hubby's hearing must really be gone without his hearing aids.  Seriously.  He is in his 'office' reading.  Our neighbor text'd me about the box.  I went out, opened the front door (it makes noises, of course), unlocked the screen door and opened it.  The gate squeaks (which I like cause it tells me when someone is coming into the courtyard) - and I come back in with the box, lock the screen door, lock the front door, and come back in here...... and hubby didn't even get up out of his chair to see what I was doing.  With his hearing aids in, he would have been at the door as I opened it, wanting to know what I was doing, what was in the box, etc.  He doesn't even know I went outside!   Perhaps that is why I am alert at all noises during the night?  It wouldn't do any good to wake him if I heard something - lol - he would start yelling "what? what? why did you wake me up?" cause I'd have to speak loudly to get him to hear my explanation.  Just a fact of life.   Who knows, I may get there at some point - although I hope I don't.

We are supposed to have 'group' at our house tomorrow night - but I haven't heard from our leaders yet. I'm wondering if they are wanting to step back from being the leaders.  Personally, I think meeting every other week or even once a month isn't enough.  They seem to do a lot of traveling as he retired, and she currently isn't working.  I guess they haven't lived here very long; they are from Washington and she resigned her job there and has been trying to find a job here.  In the meantime, they travel back and forth to Washington (grandchild) and Disneyland, and several other places.  She's going to Thailand in October, I think it is, on a missionary trip.  She wants to move back to Washington; he doesn't. Anyway - we may - or may not have group tomorrow night.  I feel we need to meet every week or for sure every other week.  But the problem is, if anyone is out (think of when we were sick), they won't meet.  Although the last time I told them to go ahead and meet because it was getting too far out.  I'm thinking of just starting our own group and meeting more consistently.  We haven't met for a month now.  Will see how that goes - the leaders should contact us today to confirm - or do something.  If not - I'll check with them later tonight.  Maybe move to next week if they aren't available. 

Psalm 119:35  Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found.

Think about that verse for a moment.  Ponder it.  When we walk according to God's Word, following His commandments, we can find our joy.  Seriously.  It doesn't mean life will be perfect, but we will have His peace when we walk in Jesus' footsteps.  When I'm holding back my impatience at someone, when I'm trying (cause it isn't always easy, but I need to try) to say or do the right thing, my joy is found in Jesus alone.  When I am impatient, when I speak words I usually end up wishing they didn't come out that way, I find myself grieved in heart because I know I am not walking the way I should.  Does that make sense?  Let's choose to follow closely the path of His commands, and find our joy in Him.

Blessings!

Somewhat restful day yesterday - needed it.

 After my long morning in here, I decided taco soup was for lunch and got it put together in the crock pot and then got ready for church.  It was good to come home to a meal already heated up and ready to eat. I don't do that often enough.  We had a bowl of soup (yes, just one, which is remarkable in itself!) and I confess, I had numerous tortilla chips dipped in sour cream.  I don't know why I love that so much, but I do.  Decided to get my car washed and went to the same 'brand' (Cobblestone) but went to one further west of us, to see if it not only was closer (it is a little) but as good.  Well, it was different.  I mean, it was a bit smaller in the lobby, but it seemed longer with more snacks everywhere, but the area outside to sit and wait on the car was very small.  I don't know, but it seemed to be a bit disorganized with the five or so guys wiping down the numerous cars that were coming in and out.  I don't think they did as good a job of wiping down on my car as they do at the other place - but then, I couldn't see all that they were doing. I think I will just go back to the other place - or try another one to see how it flows.  But the best part?  My car is clean.  From our girls road trip a week ago, it was pretty dirty as we had rain sprinkles - and mix that with dust/dirt - yeah, you know what it was looking like.  So now my car is 'pretty'.  But they neglected to put the 'new car' smell inside.  Mark against them for that!  LOL

Came home and sat/laid on the couch, tried to read, and took a nap instead.  Hubby did too (in his recliner, that is).  We both slept at least 30-45 minutes, I think.  He felt like he slept longer. And he could have; I wasn't watching.  Neither of us were hungry for dinner so ended up just having some ice cream - and not as much as we usually do at that.  We both are trying to cut back on our eating - and definitely cutting out some snacks, but I DID buy ice cream (not the 'frozen dairy dessert which is NOT ice cream), the other day when I was at the store.  I need to throw away the rest of my butter pecan... mint chocolate for hubby, but I bought the little cones so that is what I limit myself to versus a bowl with my crackers all over it.  Yum.  So Yum.

Fed our NCIS addiction for a few hours while I crochet'd - then off to bed way too late in the evening. We know better, but I get caught up in the next episode.  I sometimes just tell him "turn it off now so I don't see what is coming up!" but last night I didn't and we watched until about 11AM  -  and yes, it was very hard to get up this morning.  I certainly didn't want to!

Hubby has neglected to give me his doctor appointments for the month and I was told over the weekend he has his oncologist visit this morning. UGH. This guy talks so fast and all he will probably tell us is where the number is now (it's been .02 and he is wanting the number down to .00) and then send us on our way.  Time wasted, really. He could send a letter and say the same thing.  But I have to go with hubby 'just in case' there is something more.  I need to get him to write down the rest of his appointments.  I know he has a doctor's appointment on Friday morning, and I have a dentist appointment early afternoon.  It wouldn't bother me so much but I am still working.  And it looks like I will continue to work for some time.  It's just what it is. And I'm learning to accept it.

My brother and I chatted via text some last night.  We talked about the 'what if I retired' scenario - well, I briefly touched base on it, stating that I couldn't sit at home like hubby does, I'd want to volunteer and do other things.  But my brother said something that has me thinking.  Don't spend ALL my time volunteering, but LEARN some things.  Take a class to learn something; teach myself something new.  Keep my mind active and not in a passive mode.  I get it.  He is 80 years old and still gets out and mows his grass, plants a garden, does remodeling around his house - he does all that himself (with his wife, on the garden) - he doesn't let himself just sit and watch TV or play on his phone.  So I have wanted to learn sign language for years... and I have an ASL book.  So I am going to 'try' to teach myself the basics of ASL.  I may check out taking a class eventually, but I want to learn the basics first.  That should keep my mind - and my fingers/hands - active, don't you think?

So much over the years that I have wanted to do - I've had to squelch that desire - for one, we never had any money that I could do something like that.  But if I wanted to do it, hubby had to do it as well.  Everything I have done thus far, he has had to do as well.  Well, for the most part.  I found a seminary years ago that I could 'audit' a couple classes for $200 - this was a long, long time ago - since I don't have a college degree, I couldn't 'take' the class, but I would be allowed to sit in and listen to all the classes.  Now DTS (Dallas Theological Seminary frequently offers free classes, and I have taken advantage of one and need to do others).  Anyway - when I told hubby I wanted to do that class, he had to do it too - but we didn't have $400 - so neither of us took it.  I think my biggest regrets are the lack of myself pushing to do what I wanted to do - regardless of the outcome/circumstances.  I think that is what drives me the most crazy with hubby - he wants what I have/want; he 'has to have or do' whatever I want.  Unless it is an inconvenience. And I'll leave that there.

Well, here it is time slipping away from me again.  Oh my - it is AFTER 7AM so guess I need to get off here and on the work computer - which I have already turned on and signed in.  Got to get dressed too. So with that - cutting this short and get my body moving this morning.

Wishing you an amazingly, blessed, day.

Blessings!

It was a busy day yesterday

 and because it was, I slept good last night when we finally went to bed around 10PM.  I know - that is early for some of you, but for us 'older adults' who tend to get up early, like before 6AM... it was late.  But I went to Needles of Hope yesterday, then we visited our pastors for a little bit at their home, then I dropped hubby off and I went to Sam's Club (and spent too much money on junk food (why do I do that?) and then home.  I had thawed hamburger in the refrigerator and tacos sounded good - although we will also have tacos this Friday at the Riders meal.  So I cooked up the hamburger, added taco season, cut up onions, tomatoes, green peppers and got the cheese and sour cream out, and salsa, and oh yum, it really hit the spot on a heated tortilla.  No, I don't usually use the crisp ones; we just use the burrito style tortillas and heat them up for about 10 seconds.  Too lazy to make my own.  We watched  couple movies after that and then it was bedtime. :-)  It was a good day.

Today is my leisure time here in my room for as long as I want.  I've already gotten up and fixed my protein shake for breakfast (so hubby fixed his as well).  I'll come out in about another hour or so and put a roast on for lunch.  I'm also going to fix taco soup today (cause I had a lot of meat I cooked up and seasoned) so haven't decided whether to move the roast to dinner and have taco soup for lunch, or taco soup for dinner.  Yeah... I'm all over the place with rambling this morning, aren't I?

My oldest son called me yesterday afternoon and cracked me up.  On my way home from Needles yesterday, I took a different route home.  At one specific location I guess I had to stop at a signal light - and my 360 (which my son and I share) showed I had stopped at one of my son's pubs that he occasionally stops at.  He called me while I was at Sam's Club and wanted to know why I stopped there. LOL It was funny - at least between he and I - we both know that I did not stop there; but Life 360 showed that I had because he had it marked as a location on his phone. I do not.  We both had a good laugh about it.  

I can't believe how good I slept last night - I mean really good.  I show on my tracking that I didn't wake up after 12PM - which is totally unusual.  Lots of Core sleep, a little of deep, and some REM, but mainly Core.  I actually feel rested this morning.  Does it mean that I should go shopping at Sam's Club more often?  Or that my son should call me more often and make me laugh?

Oh - I did forget I did go over and visit Ms. Vicky last night.  She called and asked if I could come visit (which always makes me feel guilty).  She also asked that if I go anywhere, could I see if she can go along with me?  Even to the grocery store.  I don't mind so much, except that is usually when I can be alone, if you know what I mean.  But I get it; she gets so lonely, even though she has a roommate.  The roommate literally lives in her one room.  Seriously.  Occasionally she will come out to the kitchen to fix herself something to eat and will say hi to me if I'm there, but as a rule, I never see her.  Really weird to be that anti-social.  Ms. Vicky says she never comes out to chat and if she asks her roommate how she is doing, she gets a 'You're not my mother!" comment and the roommate walks away and goes into her room.  Very anti-social, I'm thinking.  Anyway - I saw Ms. Vicky; now I need to get over to see Ms. Diane - it's been a few months.  And I don't call her ... I feel so bad for her.... and I should go visit her. Will see if I can get there today.  But I don't want to run into her kids there.  Maybe I should wait until tomorrow after work.

Other than church at noon today, I don't really have any 'plans' to speak of.  Our message at church today is going to be on Simon Peter.  Pastor John will speak on how sometimes we do not live up to the name we are given.  Something to think about, right?  We all remember how Simon, called Peter, called The Rock.... failed Jesus.  Not once, but denied Him 3 times.  But he came back, repentant; forgiven.  Just like when we have failed, fallen, and denied Christ, He forgives and brings us back to Himself.  I love that about Jesus.  I'm not perfect by any means, but when I run back to Him and truly repent, He is always willing to forgive me (no, it isn't that I 'sin' because I know I will be forgiven, but I know when I confess to Him, He is willing to forgive..) - and you as well.  One thing I've learned... don't 'forget' or 'put off' confession..... you either forget about it, or end up telling yourself 'it wasn't that bad'.  A sin is a sin.  It doesn't have grades.  But when we confess our sins, Jesus cleanses us from all unrighteousness.  His Word says so.

I John 1:9 (NIV):  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Be quick always to confess sins.  I think I've heard it referred to as being a 'rapid repenter'.  When you know you have sinned, immediately confess it.  Change what you do so that you don't sin again.  At least not that one.  Cause we 'all sin and fall short of the glory of God'.

And with that, I'm going to get off here and grab a book to read before I decide to get out of my 'hiding place'.  Where do you go to be alone with God during the day?  I've sat in different places over the years, my living room, the guest room (and that's where I usually am) and when I'm a guest at someone's home, it is usually in the bedroom I sleep in.  I don't stop giving my first time of the day back to God just because I'm not home.  Rarely is it that I have to jump  up and join other people.  I always want to give God the firstfruits of my day.  Every day. 

Hope that your Sunday is absolutely amazing.  Take some time to pause and thank God for the weekends - and that you are still breathing, and living, and loving others.

Blessings!

I just may try something new - if I can....

 I picked up my combo box yesterday morning and was able to share some of it with my son and his wife.  Took it up to her at work yesterday afternoon.  Little things, like mini cucumbers (he didn't want them all, just some to munch on), a butternut squash; eggplant (ick), and a bag of Gala apples.  I didn't get those from the combo box.  I had purchased the Gala apples, because I know my son loves them best.  And yes, I gave them up as well. Because I wanted to.  

I guess I will be making pickles at some point this afternoon or tomorrow.  I still have quite a few cucumbers.  I'll keep some out for us to munch on, but need to use them up before they go bad.  So many times I buy cucumbers and before I get to them, they have the moldy spots on them.  Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about!  I end up throwing away more fruits and vegetables than I'd like to admit - mainly because I'm too lazy to prepare them for munching, or I forget they are even in the refrigerator. My bad. I own it. I'm getting 'lazy' in my 'old age'.  

I was thinking about time management this morning.  There are so many things I want to do.  I want to start exercising every day at least 15 minutes.  That could be walking, getting on the rebounder (which is the best, no pounding on the feet, I have a bar to hold on to, great lymphatic release), grabbing a couple weights to do curls.... I want to work on my diamond art projects.  Yes, it is plural for I have one I'm working on, and several I want to work on when I get this one finished.  I have books I want to read.  I have crocheting to do.  I have recipes I want to try.  I want to create my own recipe book because I have my favorite recipes that I'd like to pass on to my grandchildren.  So many things I want to do.... and I have become lazy in that after work I fix dinner (if we don't go out), and then sit on the couch in defiance that if hubby can sit all evening, so can I.  Right? 

Actually, I can't blame him. He has no hobbies and all he does is watch reels on his phone, watch TV, and read. Basically in that order. Not putting him down. That's just what he does.  That is his evenings.  And mine is getting as bad.  I need to snap out of it and start doing things.  Yes, I crochet while the TV is on. Yes, I watch movies with hubby. But I need to get my butt up off the couch and DO something productive like my diamond art or exercising.... and yes, I read as well.  Just don't do what I want to do that often. I do what is the easiest.  Are you like that as well?

I am so tired of not living life.  Does that make sense?  Since I have been working from home, my life has not been mine.  It belongs to the office - amongst interruptions from hubby - during the day.  Then there is dinner to fix or figure out where we are going to eat. Then what?  I feel at times that I have lost my life again - it is totally sucked out of me - and it is killing me.  I want to be alive; I want to live again.  

In fact, God and I had a talk about that this morning.  He knows all about me; about my laziness.  So I told Him what I was wanting..... and asked Him to help me start living again.  Since my oven and stove have been out of commission for about six weeks now (and we have been told it will be another 2-3 weeks before I can get it back) I haven't been able to bake and cooking has been the air fryer, microwave, electric skillet or grill.  Which isn't bad. At least I have appliances to offset NOT having the stove or oven.  I miss not being able to bake.  Not that we need anything that I bake.  But I miss being able to bake cookies, cook up a big pot of soup (yes, can use the crockpot, but it's not the same - think potato soup).  I could try to get more creative, I guess, but why?  Shouldn't be eating the goody foods anyway - and the foods that are good for us - well, I only worry about that during 'meal times'.

Ok - yes, I'm rambling.  My left leg kept me awake most of the night.  The pain has now radiated from my hip bones down my thigh, and this past week, down my shin to the ankle. Painful enough it wakes me up at night; hurts enough during the day to distract.  No one can 'see' on the outside anything wrong - so it's hard to make the decision to go see Dr. Mark about it. If it continues to get bad, I may call the office and see if he would just give me a referral to get a CT scan or something that can check that bone and see what is going on.  I am sure it is from the bug bites I got before. I know I've mentioned this before. I know there is a connection.  But what bug bit me? Numerous times?  The UC doc said she thought it was scorpion for they can strike more than once (I didn't know that), and one symptom is the pain radiating to a bone. Well, hello!  No one listens to me for no one can see anything wrong.  But I feel it.

Have you ever been to the point where you just felt empty.  Void of hope. Void of life.??  It may even seem like a part of depression.  Just an emptiness that hangs on to you.  I'm there right now, in a sense. I mark it up to being tired; to feeling like I can't be ME; I'm so tired of everything needing to be 'together' - and some of you know what I mean by that.  I just want to be ME.  I want to live and love and laugh and enjoy my latter years.  I want to do things that bring joy to others - and to me because I'm doing them.  I don't want to die sitting on the couch.

Acts 4:12 (NIV):  Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.

As I sit here this morning, pondering about life, and what I feel is my lack of it, I am reminded WHOSE I am.  When I was growing up - although I don't remember most of my childhood - and even some of the years afterwards... I always wanted to do good.  I wanted my life, my family, to be good. To be loving to each other. To be kind.  I didn't have that growing up.  Life was so very hard.  But I wanted MY family to be different.  To develop a love for each other that nothing else mattered; to put others first.  I have failed.  Life is hard.  Disruptions happen.  Stupidity happens. Narcistic views happen. In-laws happen. Anger develops. Unforgiveness intervenes.  Sadly, this is where life lives right now.  Or maybe I am just imagining it? I wish it were that easy.  And yes, my thoughts are getting away from me.

When you try and try, always feeling like the answer is just around the corner, and then it isn't, it can split your heart wide open and leak out all your reserves. My reserves. And you feel empty. Void of life. It can make you feel unsatisfied and frustrated with everything - and everyone.  Maybe even especially with those you love.  But to keep peace, we put on a fake smile and stop peeking around the corner, hoping change is coming. Wrapped in that perception that things will miraculously (and sometimes it can) change for the better, is the noose that strangles all hope. And that is where some of us live.  And it stinks.

But we have hope.  Why?  Because Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.  That answer is sure and solid and true and full of hope rediscovered.  No good plan, no great education, no other people - can change your life.  Only Jesus.  

Following rules and following Jesus are two different things.  I can follow the rules all I want - and that makes me legalistic and just religious.  But when I follow Jesus, He can give me life, and give it abundantly.  Going through the motions of religious things won't ever satisfy my heart.  When I give up, surrender, and say "Jesus, I only want You.  There is no other one or thing that can take Your place.  Nothing can fill the emptiness within me - except You."

And that is my prayer for myself - and for you.  Only Jesus can satisfy. Only Jesus can fill the emptiness that hurts so deeply.  Only Jesus.  Now that you know that - what will you do about it?  

Blessings!

Never enough time

 Since I have decided NOT to get up at 4AM anymore, choosing instead to try and get an additional hour of sleep - getting up at 5AM, I seem to run out of time frequently to get a post completed.  I was reminded of that this morning.  Why? Because sometimes I can get on the work computer and whip it out - but times like today, I forget I haven't done it yet, and it doesn't get completed until someone reminds me. :-) And that's ok.  Although I don't know how much I know of anything to write about today.

Yesterday was a crazy busy day until I shut down the computer.  Well, I had to bring it back up for about an hour, but then was able to shut down for the night.  Board stuff.  Even though we had cancelled yesterday's board meeting, there were still some board issues to resolve - and they needed 'me'. :-)  Finished that, shut the computer down.  Hubby left for his meeting with his friend - and I had the evening alone.  Loved it.  Washed a couple loads of clothes (for which hubby got upset with me; he usually does my laundry, and for some reason he takes it that I don't think he is getting it done timely when I wash) just because I could.  Watched a chick flick (and loved it) and just relaxed. Until hubby got home, anyway.

Today I had trouble bringing up my computer - not sure why.  Well, not the computer - but the intranet.  I ended up shutting down my work computer (home computer worked fine?) and unplugging the wifi in the other room.  I plugged it back in, turned on my laptop, and things just did what they were supposed to do.  Darn. Now I have to work. LOL  No biggie.  Nothing is on the calendar for me to do today - that has to be done - except I need to go pick up a combo box of fruits/veggies.  I'll do that around 9:30AM I think.  

Hubby is at his bible study this morning and will be going to visit Chuck afterwards, so won't be home until 11-11:30-ish.  Even though I 'have' to work, I enjoy this time alone.  I enjoy the quiet; no distractions, the ability to just get up and walk around without being asked 'why' or any other question.

We have a fairly busy weekend planned.  Worship time at church tonight; we have not gone in the past, but I'm thinking we may go tonight.  I certainly have lost my worship all the time feeling.  Too much trauma and drama in my family has drained me.  I want to get 'refired' up and restored mentally, emotionally, and yes, even physically.  Only some of you may understand that want.  I feel so empty so much of the time; I want to 'feel' again.

Got a very nice note from a grandson last week.  Saw in my emails that a note came addressed to me; had to go out and get it before hubby saw it.  He thinks we didn't get any mail that day. Grateful it didn't come when I was gone.  Too much to explain.  Not that I am hiding anything from hubby..... but some things he just doesn't need to know for it would just lead to more questions.  And yes, I saved the letter; hidden in my 'secret place'.

Tomorrow morning I have 'Needles of Hope' at Panera.... I have several baby blankets I have completed to take and donate.  Working on a few more.  I get started on one and switch to another - in a different color; nearly always the same granny stitch.  It's so easy to do while I'm watching TV or riding in a car. I don't have to 'think'.  One of these days I will learn more than the 'v' stitch or the granny stitch. Now is not that time.  I do love to keep my hands busy.  I am still working on a diamond art project too, and hope to be able to spend a couple hours on it this weekend.  Will see about that.

We have something tomorrow afternoon, but I don't remember what it is.  Sunday, of course, is church at noon.  Not sure what is after that - but know I need to visit Ms. Diane and Ms. Vicky - it's been several weeks.  I dislike having the 'pressure' of 'having' to visit.... but I know they are lonely and I feel guilty when I don't go.  But I have so little time for 'me' that I try to take some of that as well. Then I really feel guilty. Oh well.

I need to jump on the rebounder, the treadmill - or do my weights at some point this weekend.  Only working out one or two days a week, although I do gain some muscle, sure doesn't help my body get into shape.  I just need to 'do it' - right?  I'm so lazy when hubby is around - and when he's gone, I have so many little projects I want to get done without his supervision.  And then during the week, of course, there is work that needs to be done for the office.

Geez - all these statements sound like 'woe is me', don't they!  That is not what I am implying.  It's just life and sometimes that is all it is.  I'm not whining.  Just stating facts.

And, I need to go do something with my hair before I head out to pick up the combo box.  So with that - I leave you with this..........

I Corinthians 15:58  (NIV)  Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you.   Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Blessings!