Life is sometimes so very hard

 Last night was no exception. Sigh. I won't go into details, but let's just say that hubby and I disagreed on something, and my response to his comments did not go over well.  We didn't speak much - but in my defense, I was reading all evening (after dinner) but I was so disappointed in his comments that it didn't matter anyway.  One only sees their side of things, right?  Only one has to make mountains of things that may not even be a pimple on the horizon.  And you know it only takes one to ponder a comment, and fuel it with their own thoughts and cause great distress to one internally, until they want to 'talk about it' and get it thrown back in their face.  Ok - rambling... but ... I'm tired.  So very tired.

Erase, erase...... some things don't need to be put in to print.  

Today is my last work day this week.  I do have some things that I need to make sure happens today for work.  I actually was surprised how the prep board meeting went yesterday - they agreed to cancel the board meeting!!  I am surprised, to say the least.  Now our legal department is to send me an email on how I am to word it to the board on why we are cancelling it. Part of it, of course, is that Brett left.  AND, come to find out, and I did make mention of it, I had suggested he contact the boards (all three of them) and let the board members know he was leaving the company.  Well, the chair was on this meeting - and she said she did not receive anything.  You would have thought he would have at least called the chair of each board.  I know he did one, but obviously did not for this board.  There was silence after she made the comment of no notification.  So - I need to make sure I get it out today - or make sure they know that I will be out for the rest of the week and will need to do it on Monday.  The board meeting is currently scheduled for April 30th.  Sigh. If I had any thought it would be cancelled, we could have gone next weekend instead of this weekend - but - we obviously need to have our trip this week.

I guess I can start packing for our trip.  I did pull out a bag to put my stuff in.  Of course I plan to take my computer, and my Bible, and at least one more book and a journal.  Maybe I'll take my kindle, in case I want to read.  No, we will probably be crocheting so we can talk.  Can't read and talk. Right?  Finished one book last night.  I enjoyed the book on the Sabbath and how we can live it.  Told hubby he should read it.... but ended up putting it back on the shelf.  He has a stack of books beside his chair he is either reading or wanting to read.  I have the same. I need to weed out the ones I'm really going to read.  I have a couple, I think, that I started, but just couldn't get in to.  Does that happen to you?  You think they are going to be interesting, you've perhaps hood good reports about the books, but you start reading and..... nothing. They are just words.  You plug through, hoping something will connect.  Finally, you just give up because nothing is.  You leave the book in the stack because 'some day you might want to finish it'... right?  And I have finished books like that... but if I have something else more interesting, of course I'm going to change.

Why is life so hard at times?  

I was reading in my devotional this morning about making decisions without looking ahead to see what all it would entail.  

Isaiah 49:10    He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water.

As I'm sure you know already, when I read the devotional this morning about making decisions that affect the future, my thoughts once again went to retirement.  The 'do I?' or 'don't I?" part.  Some days I am confident in my decision that I should retire.  Then the days come at me, usually when an unexpected expense happens (or even when I know a big one is coming up) and I think that I need to keep working so that we can more easily pay those bills.  (I know our yearly REC fee got raised to about $600 this year cause our neighbor has already paid it.)  The yearly and monthly bills for this place keep going up.  We received notice from our bank that our house payment is going up $50/month because of a shortage in escrow.  So from the time we moved in here close to six years ago now, things have roughly risen in cost about $400 a month, I think.  Just reviewing it in my mind.  I so want to move from here, but have to fight hubby every time I mention it.  Another story another time.  I just want a place to call 'home' with a small yard that I can plant flowers in, get me a dog to play in the back yard, and make it all homey and welcoming.  This place is not mine.  It's a house, not a home. There is a difference. 

Anyway - back to the devotional, it talked about making a decision that has long range effects.  It did cause me to think about retirement.  There are several pros, and cons, about retiring for me.  I have always been the 'breadwinner'.  Which is why hubby is so against my retirement, other than he will have me at home and 'free' to do things. (erase, erase)  Long range effects - is that as prices continue to go up - especially on things we are forced to pay for (rent, electric, fees, etc.) that would cut even deeper into our saved finances.  My neighbor, who is single (Ms. Vicky) is always complaining how hard it is to survive. She has lived her 20 years or so.  She commented on the recent increase on the REC fee (about $100 increase) (our fees have gone from $290 to whatever it is - we get in July) is nearly as much as her house payment.  And all she has is social security.  We would be reduced to that - do I want to put us in that position?

My little sister complains all the time about the two of them just living on social security - but it doesn't seem to stop her spending much.  Her hubby has been buying pallets from Amazon - he goes to get them and it can contain just about anything - he doesn't know what it is when he buys it - and then he puts on marketplace and sells them - which brings in extra money. He seems to be doing very well with it - except now she complains there is no room in the garage to park the car and the house has bicycles standing in the living room some times.  

So I guess we always complain about the future, right?  But when we know Who holds our future, and if we seek Him and ask Him to lead us (which I am trying to do), everything will be ok.  Perhaps I just need to be patient.

And being patient is hard.  Sigh.

And now - my time is gone and I need to get to work - last day!  YAY!  Maybe I will have a little more time to write in the morning - hopefully it will be something intersting.

Have an awesome day!

Blessings!

Released; no ransom paid

 Yes, I tried to give him a box to 'pay the ransom' for my box of cookies... but he refused.  Thank you, son, for picking them up for me.  And yes, I did indulge last night; it was hard to make a decision on which box to open, but finally decided on the peanut butter..... and I hesitate, but will tell, that I ate the entire sleeve of peanut butter cookies last night.  I have got to get these into the freezer!!  I did give a box of the mint cookies to hubby and told him he could 'have' those. LOL See, I do share!  I may take a box or two with me on Jailbreak - 

Jailbreak - which starts on Thursday this week!  Two days of work (today and tomorrow) and then I'm taking off for hubby's birthday.  My daughter arrives about 1:45PM on Wednesday.  I don't expect her to show up here until later in the day, wanting to spend time with her daughter and granddaughter I'm sure.  We will probably take hubby to dinner; will see how that pans out.  I should make a big deal of hubby's birthday, besides the fact I will be leaving the next morning.... he will be 89 this year...... I mean I usually do something for him.  I've already given him the gifts from me; he wanted them early.  Yes, they were things he needed, but he was glad to get them.

Church was 'ok' yesterday.  I was glad to get to chat with our pastors some.  They had a missionary speak, one that the church supports in Thailand.  They are actually doing a trip (well, they is several people from the church are going)  to Thailand to help in the missions there this fall.  One of our small group leaders is going.  It was interesting, but definitely not a 'touch the heart' message.  Since I had cooked breakfast, hubby actually said he wasn't hungry for lunch, so after stopping at Albertsons to grab milk, we headed on home. Now he has milk for his cereal this morning.

And I need to get back on track for healthy eating.  Our pastors are looking amazing. I chatted with Pastor Lindsay a bit yesterday and she mentioned they eat natural/holistic foods.... I don't think those were the words she used, but that is what comes to mind.  I'd love to hear more of what she and Pastor John form their meals from.  I knew they had done the Daniel Fast the first part of the year and I wondered if they had continued it...and asked her... but she said yes they had done it, but no, they hadn't continued it (to lose weight), but had always eaten clean foods.  Might be something I need to look at.  Sigh. Why is it so hard when I have to feed hubby?  He really isn't hard to 'feed', he eats what ever I put in front of him.  I think it is more the questioning of what I am fixing, how am I fixing it, what am I doing, etc.   I don't want to take GLP1 and my sister is trying to pressure me into it "for at least a month" and I keep telling her 'NO'.  I want to eat right (does that mean I can't have my girl scout cookies?) and drop the weight the right way. I work out twice a week.  I know walking helps, but I also know (I think I know) that 10K steps isn't always the answer.  I want to lose my fat, but I want to do it in a healthy way.  My will power just isn't always in place.  I need to think this through. Enough about that.

Back to work today and I have the first board meeting prep at 9AM.  I get to run it since Brett is gone. I think I have everything set for the meeting, but will check it again before time for the meeting.  So glad I don't have to do the next board prep - it's Friday - and I'm off on Jailbreak. Which reminds me, I need to let another person know they are 'in charge' of running the prep meeting.  She generally tries to anyway, this time I'll let her.  I still have several trainings I need to work on.  If I can get one or two out a day, I'll get them completed in no time.  Sue says she plans to take all day Wednesday to get them done; guess her meetings are such that she can be distracted from them.

I guess I can start pulling things out to take on Jailbreak, although I really don't need to.  Don't need to take much; we are only gone 4 days.  Three changes of clothes. And we won't be dressing up any; it's jeans and t-shirts.  And I think I'll take a hoodie, for we are heading north, although here in town it is to be quite warm.  I don't do cold well so willing to be prepared. :-)  I could try to figure out a couple easy meals.  Just thought about tacos.  I do love homemade tacos.  I think that will be a 'plan' to have - perhaps our second night as we will stop to eat before we pick up groceries in town, I'm sure. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV):  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

I have a lot of things going on in my mind this morning, things that I need to make decisions on, things I need to change my mind on (probably) and well, just things.  I need to trust God more that He will bring good out of things; I need to just submit and wait upon Him, rather than trying to push through my own agenda.  Do you do that?  You think you know best so you push through your own agenda - only at times, finding you would have been better off to wait?  Sigh.  Yes, waiting is so very hard, especially when you want something.  And I'm learning I need to 'wait' more than push through on decisions I make.  Sometimes I want to scream at God "I'm dying inside! Don't You care?" - and yet, I know that He does care, He does love me.  But I have to be patient and let Him lead me.  I must not push ahead and think my way is best.  I do not like to pray for patience, but I find that I am whispering it out more and more and then I tell God I didn't really mean it!  LOL  Being patient is hard!

And with that rambling, I need to get off and get ready for work.  Yes, it is nearly 'that time'.  Maybe the day will go by quickly.   Hope that you find the opportunity to set aside time for Jesus this morning. Sometimes He is the only way I can get through the day, is that I spend time chatting with Him each morning.  Sit back, have a chat with Jesus, and then start your day.  You may find it goes better than you thought it would.

Blessings!

He is holding them for ransom....

 well, that is what I took the message to read.  "You can quit being a nag at me... I got your cookies. A note will follow later with ransom demands."  Does that not mean he is holding my girl scout cookies for ransom?  I wonder if I let him have a box of his favorite ones, that he will let me have the rest?

We had a good time at the Wildlife Zoo yesterday, even though it was quite warm.  We pretty much stayed indoors with the fish, walking through the aquariums.  As we started out after those, and headed towards the other animals, hubby begged to be able to sit down.  He really did do a good job of walking, although he lagged behind some.  We sat for about ten minutes and started to head out again when we saw they had a 'safari train'.  What a joke.  $6 each for tickets, for which my youngest son paid for all of us, we all got on the train which was the shortest $6 train ride one could have.  We saw some animals, yes, but don't call it a 'safari train' when it didn't take you into the safari!!  Hubby had had enough of the heat by then, and the walking - and I'm not being critical - but we decided to leave at that time.  We had picked up a granddaughter and her two children and one was getting really 'wild' because he was getting tired, I think. So I pretty much decided that we would leave, and the rest of them could go ahead to the safari section and see whatever else they wanted to.  We found out way out, and we took the granddaughter and the children home first before heading home.   It felt good to be included in a family 'thing' and we enjoyed being outdoors and part of the activity.  We did stop at One Stop Nutrition and got our sugar-free butterfinger shakes and then headed home settled in.  I did take a short nap, but hubby says he didn't - and that's fine.  I like short naps!!  They refresh us.  Right?

Today is Sunday and we will be going to the noon service.  I understand they have moved the high schoolers to the noon service as well starting today.  Hopefully it will fill up this service more.   I probably should finish in here and go fix a big breakfast.... if I don't, hubby will want to stop and eat after we get out - probably about 1:30-ish.  I could make french toast today; we haven't had it for awhile.  I didn't stop and get milk yesterday so we don't have that.... but will need to get it today so that hubby can have his cereal.  He will probably just eat a banana this morning.  I know he will starve to death if I should die first! LOL  Or break the bank going out to eat!  After our shakes yesterday afternoon, I did not cook dinner.... I wasn't hungry.  Hubby made a comment that maybe he would eat some cheese and crackers - but didn't get them.  While he was taking a shower a bit later, I fixed him a plate of cheese and crackers and he devoured them when he got out of the shower.  But fix them himself?  Nope; he just mentioned it.  I deserve a break from cooking too, right?

Jailbreak Getaway XI is this week!  Time is flying by.  I work Monday and Tuesday this week and Wednesday will spend with hubby; take him out to eat, I guess.  My daughter flies in at 1:45PM and my granddaughter will be picking her up at the airport.  We will probably go out to dinner early evening... I'm thinking Black Bear Diner, but will see.  Thursday I will be heading out on Jailbreak with the others. Hubby keeps asking me when we will be leaving.  I finally have decided to tell him 9AM (which is probably too early) because we will stop for brunch before heading towards Pine and the airbnb.  We can't check in until about 4PM I think it is, but we will stop at the grocery store and will possibly do some shopping while we are waiting on time.  I probably should come up with a couple meal plans so that we can get the right groceries.  And I need to pull yarn together that I want to take.  Our 'down time' is usually sitting and crocheting.  The airbnb has a large back yard and I'm thinking it has something out there for the little one to play on.  Will see, I guess.  We hope to do some sitting outside and breathing fresh air and just relaxing.  The best part?  I'm off work Wednesday-Thursday-Friday this week. Yay me!

Isaiah 58:13-14:  If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the Lord's holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord.

So many times, we have forgotten what the Sabbath really means, haven't we?  Sometimes it is difficult to pause and let go of the demands of the mind of things to do, places to go, people to see.  It isn't always 'just a Sunday' to make a Sabbath, nor a Saturday.  Many times we cram so many things into the weekend, removing the holiness of having a Sabbath day, and making it instead one of pleasure.   What does the term 'Sabbath' mean to you?  We often think of it as just being a Saturday or a Sunday, don't we?  I'm just as guilty as you are, I'm sure.  Yes, I still do my 'quiet time' in here, spending my time with God - but then, don't I run off and do my own thing the rest of the day?  

What if, we truly paused on today, which for Christians is Sunday, and just took time to REST.  Take a nap if you want to.  REST.  Breathe.  REST.  Relax.  REST.  Allow your body to be filled with the rest of God.  So many times we are thinking of all the things we can cram in a weekend.  Many times there are those who have to work today.

I can remember way back when I was first married, and my in-laws refused to go out to eat on Sundays because others would have to work.  It made perfect sense.  They believed in REST on Sundays.  And when people are having to work, because people come to the restaurant to eat, they were not going to be a part of that.  Every Sunday Mom would fix a good roast with potatoes and carrots and when we could, we would gather around the table to eat together.... and then take naps.  I was the 'only girl' besides Mom there for awhile. 

I have a smile on my face right now - my oldest son is sending me photos of our great-granddaughter opening her birthday gift.  I sent a puzzle as the card - and it seems it found interest - even before opening her gift!  LOL I had to laugh when she said she was going to replace the puppies with kittens! I bought it because it was a Barbie - didn't think she prefers kittens to dogs! 

Well, I need to get moving if I am going to fix french toast this morning and then have time to get ready for church.  Hope you have an amazing day today.  Take some time for a Sabbath Rest.  I'm reading a book now on the Sabbath.... I may share about it in the coming days.

Blessings!

Saturday fun

 Today is going to be a good day.  A busy day, at that.  Soon we will be going to pick up a granddaughter and her two children, then heading over to the VFW post to witness the ceremonial swearing in of a grandson into the Army by my son, a retired captain of the U.S. Army.  It will be very short, lasting less than 5 minutes, I'm sure.  My son plans to have sandwiches available afterwards and then we will head over to the Wildlife Zoo with my son and his wife, a granddaughter, and four of the great-grandchildren.  All under the age of 5.  Hubby has his doubts if he can make it - and I've already given him a lecture.  Sigh.  Quit thinking the negative "I can't walk that far!" mentality!!  

Hubby has agreed to take a walking stick to use as we walk.  I have thrown a cane into the car that I will take 'just in case'.  And I will use it if I need to (hip problems lately, and today my legs are hurting from the leg workout the other day!!).  I plan to enjoy the day.  Hubby came in this morning with my coffee and asked me to feel his forehead with the question "Do I feel hot to you?" (his first excuse?)  I touched his forehead and told him "No, you are cold and sweaty (yeck)".  So he comments "Oh, it must be the cold sweats I get."  Sigh.  Seriously, I will leave him sitting in the cafe while I do the zoo with the others; he is not going to make me leave early just because he doesn't want to walk anymore.  THAT's why he can't walk - he sits all the time!!  Sorry, not sorry.  Sometimes I just get so frustrated with him!  He doesn't walk - that's why he can't walk very far - not that he can't - he won't.  Ok - so that is just my opinion.

Don't tell me you can't walk unless both of your legs are broken!  I'll get you a walker if I need to!  LOL In fact, if you remember, at his cardiologist appointment a couple weeks ago he was asked if he walked - and he casually said he could walk a block.  To which I responded - no, he doesn't walk and if he does, it might be half a block - and that he falls frequently.  To which the doctor said 'Maybe you need to get a walker... or a wheelchair...." and I'll leave that there for you know hubby's response to that!  His pride will be his downfall, for sure!

Although.... we went to Red Lobster for dinner.  Another one I'm going to mark off our list.  We hadn't been there probably in two years or more.  But, wanting something different for dinner, we went.  Hubby ordered the shrimp trio.  I ordered a parm crusted chicken with broccoli and french fries.  Absolutely no taste.  I even scraped the crust off the chicken and the chicken had no taste.  I ate most of the broccoli and some of the fries and about 1/2 the chicken - and left the rest.  Hubby ate all the popcorn shrimp, and the shrimp out of the shrimp scampi, but he left everything else.  We just were not impressed with any great flavors.  Afterwards we went to Cold Stone - which was a big mistake.  We ate it all.... but it didn't help the stomach any.  

Anyway, during the 'course of conversation' we had during the meal, hubby mentioned he had received a box from BCBS but he hadn't opened it yet and he was thinking of returning it.  As I am usually 'not allowed' to get the mail (unless I sneak and get it anyway) I wasn't aware he had received a package.  He said that what was inside was an 'alert necklace' - you know "help me I've fallen".  I guess BCBS called him one time and talked with him about it and he said he didn't want it, but they sent anyway.  I can't believe he said that the charge is $40 a month to activate it and he didn't want to pay that every month.  So I told him we'd look at it this weekend and see what it was, that if his insurance company sent it to him, it's possible that they will pay the $40 a month.  I will look at it later today or tomorrow. But I told him he needs it as he has fallen and told me about it later.  A couple weeks ago he fell in the garage. I told him I didn't even know he was home, and if he had hit his head or broken something, I would not have known for hours.  And, with the fact I will be gone 4 days this next week and he will be home alone, it might be something he will need should he fall and not have his phone to call for help.  So there is that.... sigh.... it sucks getting old, ya know?  But I will be calling him every evening so if I don't get an answer one night, I may be calling one of my boys to run over and check on him. Which reminds me, I need to hide a key somewhere outside so that they can get in the house.

And yet, I know people nearing 100 that still walk upright and they may use a cane or a walker, but they are still alive and moving, if you know what I mean!  I plan to be one of those!  I will force myself to keep moving and walking.  I get on the treadmill for 10-15 minutes when I go to the gym and wait for my time with Morgan, rather than just sitting at the table waiting on her.  She says that hubby tries to do that and she goes and tells him to get on the bike or treadmill.  One day he told her 'NO' - and that did not go over well with her.  I think now he tries to get there just before time for his training so he doesn't have to.  Hey - 10 minutes on the treadmill is moving my body!!

Ok, enough of hubby bashing.  Sigh. Some days.....  I'm waiting on him to tell me he will go to the ceremony today but that I will need to bring him back home before going tot he Wildlife Zoo.  And I will - for he is not going to ruin my day with my granddaughter and great-grandchildren!

My daughter will be flying in on Wednesday - I forget what time - and we will get ready to head out Thursday morning for our Jailbreak Getaway XI.  It's hard to believe this is the 11th year of doing it.  And it began with me putting a note in Christmas stockings that I want 1:1 time with each child.  Only with my daughter - it has mostly been - well, Jailbreak has included her daughter and now her daughter.... which is great - 4 generations!  And when she was in town, we occasionally got Tuesday nights together by ourselves.  But now, with her being away, Jailbreak is it - and that's ok.  My youngest son has perhaps 2-3 times over the past 11 years met me for lunch or dinner or took me to see Sound of Music (special memory) - just the two of us.  But my oldest son has been really good at taking me out to eat occasionally - and at times even having to include hubby to keep peace in the family.  (Lord, bless him for that!)  But I enjoy just as much his unplanned visits where he will just come and sit with us and chat.  I treasure those times.

And now I am rambling, I see. Oh yes!  I finished listening to the book yesterday.  It did not end the way - well, let's just say it was totally unexpected and I had no clue that was going to happen!!  The name of the book?  Theo of Golden by Allen Levi.  It is not a book I would normally pick up to read. But I enjoyed it immensely.  I think I got more out of it on audible than I would have in reading it because the person reading it changed his voice for each character.  It's a story about a stranger who goes to the town of Golden, Georgia and notices portraits hanging in a coffee shop and starts purchasing them and gifting them back to the people the portrait captured.  I will leave it there, for I don't want to give any of it away.  My stepdaughter had read it a few months ago and posted on facebook what a good book it was - so I decided to give it a try.  That is how I ended up with it.  I had a credit on audible so 'bought' it.  I would highly recommend it - whether you read it or listen to it on audible.  It's not a 'Christian' book like I usually read.... but I did enjoy listening to it.

And with that - I will jump off here and take a quick shower to get ready for the ceremony and the zoo. I hear hubby shaving so he is going. He hasn't stuck his head in to tell me he is feeling bad.  LOL Isn't that how we usually get out of going to things we don't want to do? We all do it.  We convince ourselves we feel bad.  But then, he does want to go to the ceremony.  Will see how he handles life after that.

Have an amazing day - do something kind for someone.

Blessings!

My babies have hatched!

 And I almost missed it!!  I started to go out the front yesterday and saw papa quail with mama quail - papa jumped down when the door opened, so I decided not to go out.  A few hours later I heard talking on the front porch.  Hubby wasn't home, so I wasn't sure who it was - got up and opened the front door.  It was our mail lady and she was standing there talking to all the baby quail that were running around!  There were about 6 still in the pot so I ran back in to get my phone so I could video some of it.  She said that when she came up, she startled mama and papa quail and they took off - and then all the babies started jumping out of the pot and chasing after them.  I was able to video several who were running all over the place.  I'm not sure where all twelve went (as all eggs were open) - but I picked up a couple and took to the hedge they were all running in to.  I sure hope they all made it back to mama and papa.  Would be so much fun to see them all running down the sidewalk together, and know that 'I' provided a safe place for them to hatch.  Now that they are gone, I will add more dirt (cause mama quail kicked a lot of dirt out to make her nest), and stick in more of the plants that have roots growing.  Get that pot filled back up with plant.  It's kind of sad now that the eggs have hatched - what am I going to talk about?

Hubby has headed to his bible study and then will go visit Chuck afterwards, which means he won't be back home until about 11AM.  I have a morning to myself. :-)  Maybe I can finish listening to the audible - I think I have two hours left on that book - and then I'll share about it.  I could have listened last night, but I dug out my DVD player and put in season one of The Chosen.  I want to watch it all the way through (I have the DVDs through season 5.  Waiting on Season 6.   So I quit watching after 4 episodes of season one because hubby was due home.  When he came in and asked what I did (why does he always have to know what I did in my free time?) I told him that I had started watching The Chosen.  And THEN he tells me that he wanted to watch it all as well!  UGH.  I could watch the first four episodes again - not a big deal.  He shows no interest until I do it without him.  I see there is a way I can hook the DVD player up to the TV - which would be much better, but I'm wanting more to get our real DVD player hooked up to the TV. No one seems to know how.  But Bret, our bible study leader, used to do this for Sears - so he knows. If I haven't figured it out (I'm going to try again this morning) by May 6, I will ask him to set it up. At least he knows what he is doing.  My big brother tried to help me several months ago, but I didn't have the right part. Bret told me what to buy and I have it - I just need to follow through with it.

Ephesians 2:10 (NIV):  For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Have you ever wanted something, and kept putting it off, waiting on that perfect sale, or that perfect timing...... and something changed things?  Say for example you wanted a new coat.  Granted, out here you definitely do not need a coat for long!  But let's say you wanted a new jacket, a new coat.  You saved for it, and saw exactly what you wanted, the exact color, the right style, but it just wasn't in your budget just yet.  BUT, you had a coupon, but the coupon wasn't good for another week, so you decided to wait one more week to go in and get it.  

Then you go to a grocery store to pick up a gallon of milk and some bread.  You walk outside and there is a young mother and a couple babies, just sitting there.  Not asking for anything; just sitting.  You remember back how hard it was when you were that age with small children.  How tight money was, how difficult it was to just make ends meet.  You hear one of the babies asking for something to eat, and how the tears gathered in mama's eyes.  Then you feel that tug on your heart, and if you are listening, you hear God's whisper to you, "give her the money you have saved for that new coat, so that she can buy groceries."  You have no other desire but to obey God, but still, you really wanted that coat that you had saved for!  What do you do?  You cheerfully write that check, or hand over the cash, to the young mother and tell her to go buy her children something to eat.  And you walk away with new found joy, that even though you now can not get that coat, God used you as His handiwork, to do good.  He brought that woman there with her babies 'for such a time as this', so that you could touch her life and the lives of her children.  And all you have to do  is be obedient.

I don't often have opportunities to help others.  Usually it is because I have no money, no resources - and now it is because I work from home so I am isolated from people.  But sometimes, God has me do things that even surprise me.  We don't have much, but it all belongs to God anyway, so if He impresses - or tells - me/us - that we need to do something, I want to always obey.  Sometimes it is a need at the church that is presented and I feel we need to 'do something' - so I ask God what He wants.  Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't help.  But the key is to always be available to whatever God shows you that He wants to use you.  He prepares the situation to give you the opportunity to serve.  Our 'job' is to be ready to be used.

I have a lot of 'stuff' here at home - I've talked about it often.  If any one needs anything, if I'm not using it, I'm more than willing for them to take it.  I'm sure you are the same way.  I always over buy and over want - if you know what I mean.  My wants usually exceed my needs - always.  I can get by with so much less.  

I guess a lot of that has to do with my upbringing.  I always have said my parents provided for what I needed; I rarely got what I wanted.  I had two dresses growing up.  I would wear one two-three days a week, then switch to the other.  I didn't think anything of it - that was just all I had.  I never wanted more - I thought all families were like ours.  We got by, always had food on the table.  LOL  I remember mother cooking friend chicken - my very favorite - and we were all 'allowed' one piece of chicken as we sat around the table.  We had lots of fried potatoes (I can make really good ones - or I used to) and pork and beans and hamburger mixed.  Or I would mash potatoes and have pork and beans with hamburger.  That was our dinner many nights.  Haven't done that in years - might be fun to make again. :-)

Ok - time to get the work computer on - after all, it is Friday and I need to work one more day this week.  It's been really quiet with Brett gone - and I'm grateful.  But Monday will be busy with two prep sessions for an upcoming board.  But then - next week is a two day week for me - and playtime!!  Whoo hooo!!

Have an amazing day and do something kind for someone.  You never know whose life you will touch.

Blessings!

Another day closer to the weekend

 We had a nice surprise yesterday.  My oldest son came out for a short visit and brought birthday gifts for hubby, whose birthday is next week.  Hubby is still talking about the wrapping of the gifts - he thinks it is hilarious!  And I'll leave that there. But the 'theme' is one that is fun.  Hubby loved his Gibbs NCIS shirt and is interested in the book. He's in to that political stuff - not me!!  But he was very pleased with the gifts and appreciative.  And I loved getting to visit with my son until time for a meeting I had to attend, and then a little after.  

We went to our bible study last night and it was interesting.  I know hubby means well, but between you and me, he sometimes blurts out things that everyone, including me, looks at him and we just have that 'what?' look, I'm sure.  I know what he means to say/do by his words, but he sometimes takes things words being said out of context and comments on them.  This isn't the first time.  I'm not saying he shouldn't comment about things, so I'm not sure how to approach it.  He isn't necessary 'wrong' in what he is saying, but it's the way he says it and the words he uses.  With all these years of bible studies and reading, I'm sure he knows way more than I do - no dispute there.  But he did this at another time (not with this group) that I was with him - one of those "you need to stop this talk right now" type of tone.  I know at the other time he was implying they were gossiping, which they weren't, honestly.  I don't even remember what we were discussing last night (I wasn't talking, thank goodness, just listening to the conversation - of which he was not participating in) and he blurts out an admonition of something. Total silence.  Then people just continued talking.  I always notice when he does this and I'm with him, he looks at me, as if to get my approval.  I'm sure the shock on my face at his 'commanding outburst' throws him off guard. LOL 

Looks like with travels by our leaders (of the bible study) we will not be meeting again until May 6th.  That gives us even more time to get over these coughs.  I think I'm nearly done with it - I'm actually sleeping through the night deeply now - but I heard hubby coughing quite a bit this morning after he got up.  Of course I'm taking my olive leaf and sambucol to get totally over it.  I wonder if he is..... I'll have to remind him.  We will be hosting again on May 6th - I'm hoping my oven/stove will be back to working by then. Hubby called the other day; supposedly there are only 3 places in the US who can fix it - and it's at some place in Chicago (for the last month!) and they are rebuilding the control board. Come on, people - it's only 3x6" so how long does it take?  It's getting frustrating, for sure.  

I did get my hair done yesterday afternoon - and I love how the color falls throughout.  Didn't get a trim; just the color this time.  Working my way back to natural over the course of time.  I ended up working until 5PM to make up the extra time I took off.  This morning I have an 8:30AM training with Morgan. She had a cancelation so asked if I wanted it.  That will give me three trainings this week.  I took it - with hubby grumbling that she never gives him a third one.  I told him it was because he doesn't respond back fast enough - and I usually do.  Well, when she asked for our schedules for next week, he jumped right up and went to tell her, way before I did. LOL  With my taking three days off next week (W_T_F) for hubby's birthday and jailbreak, I didn't have much time to give her.  

I think hubby and I will find a hotel here in town for July 1-3.  We both have doctor Mark appointments on July 1st, which will take 3-4 hours (considering 50 minutes driving time, the visit - which isn't always an hour, but could be), and then back home.  I suggested to him last night that since I am off July 3rd already (July 4th is on Saturday this year so we get Friday off), why don't I take July 1 and 2 off and we go to a hotel to 'get away'.  He agreed.  So I will put in to take those two extra days off.  Then we have our August getaway.... and then I will need to start building my PTO time back up.  I have to take PTO for the holidays (it's supposedly included in the time we 'earn' each month) so it quickly depletes any time.  I've gone my holidays already in through Labor Day.  After that is Thanksgiving.... and I'm hoping to retire before then... but will see.  

Sue told me that she had told some directors that she was retiring July 31st.  She and I have worked with them since MCP days - then Centene - and now here.  Their first question to her was ...."is N going to retire the same time you do?"  She told them no.  But it's funny because everyone knows we are attached.  But no, I would not retire the same time as her - she deserves all the attention.  Someone was asking yesterday about her retirement party and is already on it to plan.  I just kept my mouth shut.  I will get with her in a bit and ask what can I do.  We will have a celebration in the Mesa office - which is great for me.  I will drive down for that.  I don't want to do a hotel room thing. And I definitely do not want to drive to the downtown office!  I still need to decide what to get her; she has been my closest friend for over 30 years.  What shall I get her?

One of the EAs I work with called me yesterday and asked me about retirement.... I told her 'between you and me' (and I can trust her), I would like to retire November 20th, but I am in a battle with hubby to do so.  We talked about it for awhile.  I think she plans to retire in another year.  Her husband has a pension from the military, plus from a job, and she has a pension from some place so they will be ok financially.  And that's our problem.  Because hubby never held a job long enough to get a 401K built up, or a pension, and quit work at 70 with no regards for our finances.  And I'll leave that there for it is a very sore spot for me, and makes me angry.  Can we make it on my 401k (which isn't a whole lot) and our social security?  I think we can; it will be tight, and I will have to cut back on gift-giving and spending - but I think we can.  After the subject of my retiring came up again last night at bible study, on the way home, hubby says that we need to sit down and go over all the bills again (we never have so I don't know where the 'again' is coming from) to see if it is possible for me to retire.  Maybe the best thing is for me to take FMLA from work - unpaid - for perhaps a month, just to see how not having a pay check coming in will affect us.  But I'm willing to work, and would be willing to find another job nearby - but I think I just want a break from constantly sitting in front of the computer. Not that it's hard work. Take about the board meetings and the preps for it and I'd probably be happy. :-)

Today's devotion was another good one.  Talks about taking what we have, where we are, and using it for God.  You know my heart has always dreamed of working at a church. And I don't know that there would be a paid position place at where we go now.  Volunteers are always welcome, of course.  erase erase.  Sigh.  Obviously my dreams and God's plans for me are not the same. 

Judges 3:31  After Ehud came Shamgar son of Anath, who struck down six hundred Philistines with an oxgoad. He too saved Israel.

I am a woman who wants to make a difference for Christ.  I want my life and legacy to count for something with eternal significance.  I want to stand before God one day knowing I fulfilled His purposes for me.  But I always feel like the problems are too big and I'm too small and unknowledgeable to work with them.

But we learn from Shamgar that he offered himself, right where he was.  He used what God had given him, and in doing so, he was an ordinary person, just like you and me, doing an ordinary job.  What he did - killing the Philistines - 600 of them! - with an oxgoad, is taking what he had and using it.  What is an oxgoad?  This is unreal.  It's a cattle prod.  Shamgar was a farmer, with a cattle prod, and with that tool he killed 600 Philistines!  Not that I should go out and kill anyone with my cup of coffee and a book - which realistically is all I have.  

But what if I sat down long enough to listen to God and write what I hear God saying to me daily?  What if I could write a devotional, a journal, a story?  You know, years and years ago, I always dreamed of being an author.... and was so thrilled with my oldest son, and his daughter, both love to write stories. My son has a beautiful knack of saying words that keep your interest in his stories, and I love when he does write.  But he doesn't share much, and when he does, I read.

And with all this - my time is gone this morning and I need to kick on the work computer.  Yes, it is that time - and I need to get dressed for the gym as well, for I will need to leave about 7:45 to head that way.

Hope that your day is amazing and full of abundant....

Blessings!

Got lots of calls done yesterday

 I did get all my work done (ok, I just had one meeting to create for Sue) yesterday and was able to catch up on some phone calls.  My daughter called. My youngest son called. I called my little brother. My big brother and I chatted on text.  My little sister called. I talked to her the longest. We hadn't talked in a few days.  I didn't complete any training yesterday, but I did get caught up on family stuff. Does that count as anything?  At least today should not be telephone calls.  And I do have one appointment.

My appointment?  I had to change Saturday's appointed to get my hair done - so am getting it done today. Yes, I'm taking off during work hours.  But that's ok.  I will leave home about 1:15PM or so and head over to see 'Joe', my hairdresser.  We used to call them beauticians - what do we call them now?  Anyway - Joe was able to give me an appointment this afternoon so I took it. Sue won't mind.  I'll jump on the computer when I get back home (probably about 4-ish) and clear up any messages.  Then tonight we are finally going to our bible study small group.  It's at a member's house in Surprise.  In two weeks we will host the bible study.  Our sickness postponed us hosting or even attending the past two - but we both are well enough to make it tonight.  It will be good to see our friends.

I'm still listening to the audible book I told you about.  I backed it up a couple chapters last night and re-listened, for I thought I had heard someone had died. He had not. But it is in an interesting spot right now and I had to shut it down to go to bed.  I think I have less than two hours left to listen to the book.  Maybe I should take it with me to get my hair done - while my hair is being highlighted under the dryer, I can listen to it.  Oh - no I can't.  I had bought those cheap headsets that go over the head. Duh, my hair will be in a plastic bag in the dryer- can't wear the headset. Ok - good thought.

In this new devotional I've been reading, it seems like every day my heart gets stirred with something she says.  I haven't read anything from this person before. I've always read books, usually by men, that teach me something.  But this devotional, in it she is getting to my heart. My longings. My desires. I've only been reading my daily portions for about a week now, and I have not been disappointed. I don't usually read books that touch on real life like this.  It's hard to explain. I'm sure I have read books similar to this in the past - but this one is what I am reading now.

Today she quoted Isaiah 30:21:  "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

How many times have we missed God's invitation to do something?  We walk by someone who looks troubled, and we see them, but don't pause to say hello, or ask how they are doing.  We see a discarded bag or cup in a parking lot and instead of pausing to pick it up to put in the trash, we walk right by it.  These are just simple things, and yet, we ignore them.  We get caught up in our thoughts, in our busyness.  We know we should pause and say hello, or pause and pick up that trash - and yet we blatantly ignore it.

Was it God putting someone in front of us as we pass by, or did He take us to that particular spot where the cup was thrown?  Maybe. Maybe not. But what if it is God who did that?  What if He is trying to get our attention?  What if He is wanting us to be His hands and His feet, and touch this world in a small way?  Lile things like saying "How are you doing?" and pausing long enough to hear the answer. Or the little thing of picking up that broken glass or the cup thrown away and putting it in a trash can. Not for anyone to see you doing it, but to be obedient to what God has placed before you?

Many times over the years I have prayed that God would show me the path He wanted me to take, that I would walk in it.  I never felt I got the answer I wanted.  Perhaps that is the problem.  Maybe He did take me to the path He wanted me to take - and I chose a different one.  I look back over my life and just see so many mistakes.  Some made from ignorance. Some made because I wasn't taught them. Some because I was openly defiant and wanted to do life my way.  And here I am today. Still hurting, still struggling to be 'God's girl' - and yet, who am I to say that I'm not?  Have I made my own rules on what I should be like?  Does He not love me the way I am? Does He not forgive me when I seek after Him and ask for forgiveness?  Does He not gather me into His arms and call me His beloved child? Ah, the yes answers I do receive from Him.  

He has not forsaken me. Many times I have chosen to be silent when I should have spoken up. I can remember a time when all I could do was talk about Jesus.  But over the years, and especially since I have been forced to work from home and becoming isolated, the opportunities to share have become minimal. Yes, I have changed over the years, but I remember those times when I could remember the stories of old and could teach and .... be alive.  I feel that part of me has faded into memory at times. But how I long for those days when I felt so alive in Him!  I feel I know what has happened, and I'm not going to give my thoughts on that or point any fingers.  

Reminds me of the song, This little light of mine, I'm going to let shine. This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine."

Of course there are more verses to it, but you know the song - did you find your mind singing it as you read it?  What are you doing with that little light of yours that used to shine for Jesus?  Do you remember when you first chose Jesus and wanted to walk with Him?  Remember how you glowed with the knowledge that you were His?  Then life entered.  Reality hits. People who tear you down instead of building you up.  Discouragement instead of encouragement. Watching people who said one thing but their behavior showed another.  Life being sucked out, and the light inside of you falters.

Don't give up.  Run back to Jesus and ask Him to re-light that light inside of you.  Let your light shine so that the world will know Whose you are. You will never regret running to Jesus.  He is waiting for you with open arms.

"This is the way, walk in it."  Will you take that path?

Blessings!