It was an early Monday morning.....

 Yeah, I may have slept until 5:15AM yesterday, but it was 2:20AM that I awoke this morning and struggled to go back to sleep.  I finally arose at 3AM because I couldn't sleep, no matter how hard I tried.  So I came into my room and glanced at my phone, in case there was something my kids might have sent after I went to bed.  I did go to bed around 8:15PM last night.  Will explain that later.   Anyway, no messages other than Fitbit telling me the challenge for the week had started and I was 11 steps ahead of my daughter.  At 3AM?  Give me a break!  She must have gone to the bathroom in the middle of the night and Fitbit counted 11 steps.  LOL  

Anyway, I check Facebook real quick (which I normally do NOT do in the mornings, but it WAS 3AM, and I figured God got me up for a reason, cause I was still sleepy!  Pastor Dean Ward, a friend of mine who lives in Pennsylvania, was doing his morning 'watch party'.  He is 3 hours ahead and he had just started.  He just chatted this morning; usually he has a short message he shares.  He had errands to run and needed to get started so just shared a few things.  I watched the 15 minutes he was on and sent him a note that 3AM was just too early to get up to watch him.  It will be fun to read what he responds.

Pastor Steve Chiles, my mentor and dearest friend, comes on at 10AM every Wednesday on Facebook.  His messages are called 'Stories from the Heart', I think it is.  But I always love to hear him.  I don't always catch him as I am working.  Or is it 12PM he comes on.  I can't remember - it's 2 hours difference for us and when I get the facebook reminder, it depends on what I am doing if I watch  him or not. 

Another pastor friend, Pastor Terry Ardizzone also has a short message and I think it is daily, but I don't always catch him.  Right now they are sketchy.  He lives in Lake Charles that got hit by Hurricane Laura.  He got some damage on his home and on the church, but not extensive.  He lives on what he calls Ardizzone Acres.  I don't know how much land he has, but several acres, I think.  He showed photos the other day of several very large trees that had been there forever that had been uprooted.  He is an avid hunter and pastor and is currently coordinating relief efforts from his church to the entire community.  

Both Pastor Dean and Pastor Terry have stayed with us a couple times when Pastor Steve was our pastor in town.   The three get together and do a sermon series study for the following year, spending a week together.  I fixed taco soup one night and salsa for them while they were here.  They made me smile when they both asked for the recipes and Pastor Dean would send me emails they were having taco soup frequently at his house, while Pastor Terry said he was always making my salsa.  In fact, it is tradition for them now that when the three pastors get together wherever they meet up - which is anywhere - Pastor Terry will call or text me and say they are at the grocer store, picking up ingredients for him to make salsa when they got back to where they were staying.  That is my attachment with them.  And I love it.  It always makes me smile when I think about it.

It's been awhile since I've made my salsa.  It used to be my kids wanted it all the time, but I guess it has run its course.  And that's ok.  I usually make up about 16 pints and a few quarts of it at Christmas time and tell them to take what they want.  And they do.  I give a lot of it away as well to friends at work who like it.  

One friend reminded me the other day that she is missing my gingersnap cookies.  We have tentatively made plans to meet up at the office on October 5th so I hope to remember and make some to take to her when we go.  That is just how I roll.  If someone says they like something I make, I will make it for them.  My boss likes my salsa, and my cheeseball, and my bread and butter pickles.  When she has a family gathering (well, when we saw each other on a daily basis) she would ask if I could make her some.  And I do.  I don't mind.  I know all her family, after all, we've worked together 30 years or so.

It is now 5:30AM.  I've done my Bible reading, done some praying, tried to sleep again for a quick nap.  Hubby brought my coffee in about 4:45-ish I think it was and it's gone.  I think today may be a two -cup morning.  It is still pretty dark out so won't be taking Sheeba out for a walk for another 45 minutes or so.  I didn't take her walking yesterday and she wasn't real happy about that.

I could have walked her yesterday, but we did sleep a little later than usual (which is probably why I woke up so early today) and I didn't have much time before watching Pastor Jentezen Franklin.  Yesterday's service had me crying from the songs through most of the message.  I'm not sure what that was all about, but I couldn't stop my tears from falling.  Great message.  PLEASE look him up on Facebook (Jentezen Franklin or Free Chapel Church) and watch it.  Great message, and I do plan to watch it again this week.  Thought about it this morning but wanted to stick to my routine.

Today I am back at work at 7AM.  What am I going to do when I have to leave the house at 6AM again to get to work.  I will do it, and once I get back into THAT routine, it will be ok.  It's just the thought I can't sit here in my pajamas until I get ready to walk Sheeba; and in fact, I won't be able to walk Sheeba and hubby just doesn't do it.  He doesn't want to deal with it.  And she is his dog.   I feel bad for Sheeba because I will be gone all day.  Not that she requires a lot of care, but hubby doesn't like his day interrupted, and with me being home, I've taken care of her.  Now her meals he has pretty much done, but for walking, naw, it's been me.  That makes me sad cause I can't do it once I go back to work.  And it's good for me too.

I'm sitting here thinking that if someone asked me what was so special about Pastor Jentezen's message yesterday that got to me, I don't know how to answer that.  Most Sundays it is a 'good' message.  Yesterday it was better than good.  I remember hearing about how much Jesus loves me.  He loved me so much He died for me.  Yes, we all know that.  But the way the songs were sung, the way the message was preached.... well, I challenge YOU to listen to it.  I would be interested in how you respond to it.  And don't be hard-nosed about it.  Be open to hearing - and believing.  God is so good.  He is so faithful.  Even when we don't believe He can, He always will.

I remember when a friend of mine years ago was separated a short time and she said she had a stack of bills to pay and didn't know what to do.  She prayed and asked God to help her with paying the bills and show her what she needed to pay.  And He did.  He provided all that she needed - and she even was able to tithe that week.  No, God didn't bring a handful of money to her.  She paid what she could, but she asked God what He thought she should pay, and she did.  She had the faith, and belief, that if she asked, He would provide.  And He did.

And He always will.  But first, we have to ask.

Blessings!

Whew! So glad it is Sunday!

 I didn't wake up this morning (to get up) until 5:15AM.  I'm usually up around 4AM, but I was so tired last night from getting up early yesterday, walking Sheeba, unpacking 4-6 boxes (who counts - they just keep coming!) going out to dinner last night to celebrate the son-in-law's birthday - which is today. I was very tired so after we got home and sat down for a little bit, I went to bed.  It was still about average time - I range 8:30ish-9:30ish anyway.   I woke up at 10:25PM, a couple other times I didn't bother to look at the clock, and 3:30AM, and finally 5:15AM.  I jumped up and made my way into 'my room'.

I've done my reading and praying, and here I am again on this.  I'm going to miss this routine in a few months.  Things will get more difficult.  Not sure if I've mentioned it before, but it has started weighing heavily upon me.

We will be going back to the office by the first of the year.  But at least I won't have to drive to Mesa, as they are looking to rent a couple floors at Central and Thomas.  I remember writing about this now, but bear with me.  Like I said, it is weighing heavily upon me.  Not the going back to work and the drive and all.  What is weighing heavily is I will be losing my time in the mornings that I have to myself.

Now I can easily spend 2-3 hours in here if I want - and usually it is around 2 hours (if I stop to take Sheeba out for a walk during the week).  I love this time.  This is why I get up at 4AM so that I can have this time.  Hubby gets up shortly after I do and makes me a cup of coffee and brings in to me, and then I am alone for as long as I'm in here.  I have time that I can type in here if I think I have something to say.  Ok, I guess I write in here even when I don't have anything to say.

This morning when I awoke at 5:15AM I about panicked.  Yes, I did.  I came into my room as usual and sat down, got my Bible out and a couple books I like to read in.  I reach over to take my daily pills that I keep in a plastic container by day (see, I AM getting old!)  and I see that Sunday hasn't been opened and emptied yet.  I'm puzzled.  I think to myself 'did I forget to take my pills yesterday?'.  I sit here for a few moments and I realize that I hadn't forgotten to take yesterday's pills - Sunday is today!  WHEW!  But it wasn't so much about missing Sunday's pills.  The anguish I felt in those few seconds before I realized that Sunday is today, is that I only had a short time before I had to start work at 7AM and I had slept too long.

How am I going to do this when I do start work?  I'm so used to having this time to just be with God each morning, and I'm going to lose over an hour of that time.  That is causing me much anguish.  I've gotten used to spending more time with Him and now I'm going to lose it.  My schedule has been 4AM up and into my room.  I come out around 6AM to get dressed and take Sheeba for a quick walk and I'm on the computer by 7AM.  When I go back to work, if I keep my current 4AM get up time, I will again have to stop by 5AM, get ready for work and head out the door by 6AM so that I can get to work by 7AM.  And Sheeba doesn't get to walk.  I don't know why hubby just won't take her for a walk.  She is his dog, he wanted her, and now he leaves the walking to me.  

That is the schedule I had before COVID and I was living on Paradise and wI doorking in Mesa.  Up at 4AM, quiet time until 5AM, get dressed and out the door by 6AM.  Heaven forbid if I was running a little late because hubby would open the door and ask if I was ok because I wasn't out there by 6AM and I as messing up HIS schedule.  That always irritated me.  I would just tell him I was fine and that if I was running a little late it was perfectly ok.  I am salaried, so when I get there, if I'm late, I'll make up my time.  GET OUT OF MY ROOM!  (you can just see that happening, can't you!)

I know hubby doesn't want me to quit work.  He has made it obvious.  He likes the financial freedom he has (especially now since our expenses are way down and money isn't so tight) with me bringing home a paycheck.  He likes that I am stuck in this room working, yet close by where he can interrupt if he wants to ask me something.  Close by enough that he knows what I'm doing and I'm still under his thumb.  I'm home to take care of Sheeba so that he can go places and meet his friends for breakfast or lunch and not worry about Sheeba.  And he doesn't have to walk her.   

And that makes me sad.   Yes, it would be a very financial strain for me to quit my job.  I have a very good job.  And once I'm back in the office I may decide I don't want to quit.  I love the socialization and being home does not allow me the ability to get out alone very often and it doesn't allow me time to make friends or be with friends because if he isn't out, then he doesn't want me to go out.   But the stress of this job and the level it has become is very much out of my skill set.  I'm having to learn new things and my 'don't want to learn it' gets in the way a lot of times.  You've heard of Microsoft Teams?  Yeah, that is a new thing and I'm having to learn it - but I don't want to take the time to learn it.  It's a great tool, don't get me wrong!  I just don't want to learn it.  But I have to.  I know a few basics, but people are creating these Teams and without even checking with me, I will get a notice that I have been designated as the 'owner' of these Teams and most I don't even have anything to do with it.  It's stressful and wearisome.

I do need to work as long as I can.  I will admit I like the financial freedom and it allows us to tithe to our church, even during these COVID times, and help others as we can.   Once I quit, our tithe will drop drastically.   And I love being able to give to our church and to help people out.  We have one person in our church (and I need to check on her today) that is really struggling because her husband of 40 years allowed his children from his first marriage talk him into getting an apartment alone.  Leaving her alone with only her social security, which isn't much at all.  Why?  Because they lived all these years in the house she got from her first marriage - and she never added his name to the title (is that what it is called? I can't remember).  The house is paid for (it's an old house) and has been for years - but his kids want it sold .... can you guess what they want to do with the proceeds?  Yeah.  They don't care for her even though she helped raise them.  They are in their 80's for heaven's sake!  No divorce, just separated.  No reason - he says she nagged at him.  She says he won't pick up his clothes but takes them off and lets them fall on the floor.  He leaves his dishes wherever he wants to leave them.  This couple I love dearly and have taken him to task when he stopped coming to church for awhile.  He IS old, and shouldn't be driving, but he does.  Heaven help us, he can hardly walk! And that's with a cane!  

I am just trying to pay it forward just as people as paid it forward for us.  During some of our tough times, people have brought us groceries.  People have slipped money into hubby's hands with the words 'pay it forward'.  People have given us surprise Christmas gifts.  People have loved us and cared for us.  So I pay it forward.  I've been able to do it at times and most people never find out it was me.  And I love that.  Yes, I say me, because I know what I do.  Hubby will do it sometimes, and he makes sure I know about it.  I don't want anyone to know - unless I'm asked, then I will answer.  But I love to give as I can.

My mama was always giving things, giving money when she could.  Not necessarily to me, but she would often tell me when someone took advantage of her.  She gave a niece her credit card one time to go get groceries.  So the niece not only got groceries - and quite a bit - she went and bought spa supplies and clothes and ran up about $500 on the card.  Mother did pitch a fit and made her take everything back except for the groceries.  As she should!

Oh my goodness!  I just looked at the clock and it is 7:15AM and here I sit!  Pastor Jentezen Franklin from Free Chapel has a service that begins at 6AM and 8AM  (he's in Georgia so 3 hour different right now) - and we watch the 8AM service.  I truly love this man who preaches the Word and isn't afraid to say the hard things.  I'm happy I bought the Bibles  in which he added some of his sermons to for each of my children.  My prayer is that some day they will read at least his sermons.  They are powerful and meaningful.    Our church service starts at 10:30AM so have time to have breakfast in between.  Or walk Sheeba today since I didn't get my butt moving early enough.

God is good.  I know that He has me in the palm of His hand, and He also has you there.  Snuggle into His palm and tell him your heart's pain, your heart's secrets, and even your heart's joys.  He loves to hear from you.  He sees you all the time, He already knows.  But He wants you to get it out by sharing it with Him.  Tell him.  You will never regret it because His peace will descend upon you and you will know He alone is God.

Blessings!

Alone ..... with a dog.

 Yes, I am alone for a couple hours this morning - well, except for Sheeba that is.  Hubby had an early meeting wanted to go to so left around 6:30AM I think it was.  I was in my quiet time so I finished up after he left and made ready to take Sheeba for a walk.  That was a struggle, cause I love my alone time here at home, and I really didn't want to take Sheeba for a walk.  But I sucked it up and walked her around the block.  I could have walked more, yes, because I am not on a timeline this morning, but I wanted to get back home.  And, because she did her business before we made the round by the house, I decided to stop after one block.  We were only a half mile short of our usual walk.  I didn't have any more bags with me so didn't want to take a chance on another 'dump'.  I always pick it up.

I guess really that was too much information about Sheeba, but I came home and we sat outside for a few minutes before coming in.  I fixed myself another cup of coffee and a couple eggs for breakfast, and a couple for Sheeba.  Hmmm she didn't eat hers this morning.  Great.  We'll have to dump the food later cause I don't like her eating it later.  Guess she just wasn't hungry yet.  Usually she inhales it when we put eggs in it.  Oh well.  

I started to get up and start bringing boxes in to unpack and throw away and get rid of things but remembered I didn't write in here this morning.  Not that anyone really cares, but I've kind of gotten into the habit of writing nonsense and stuff so want to keep it up, although there are times I make sense. :-)  Maybe.  So here I am, attempting to write something creative before I start on the unpacking.

Hmmm.  A song came on with the lyrics "have you been praying, and you still don't have the answer"... wow, how many of us can say that?  I know I have prayed many times and God doesn't answer.  He doesn't always give me what I ask for.  But sometimes He does answer, but I just haven't seen it yet.  He will do it in His timing, and not mine.

For example, in thinking about that statement, I prayed for years that we could leave our house on Paradise because I felt it was too expensive for us in upkeep, and there were a lot of things that needed to be done and hubby would not even attempt to do it - until something broke and then he would pay someone to fix it.  We couldn't afford that either.  We basically lived from check to check and with little in between.  It was really hard and I poured many tears into my prayers for what we should do.  But, because hubby had always been so hard about moving, I gave up hope.  I thought that would be where we were until I died.

But God.

Boom.  All of a sudden this year hubby decided we ought to move.  Out of the blue, he said it.  And as soon as my daughter and son-in-law heard those words, "I'm ready to move", they acted.  Our son-in-law and grandson started working on the house all the things that needed to be done.  And there was a lot.  Within a couple weeks it was on the market, the house was 90% packed up (thanks to my daughter who took two weeks out of her busy schedule to pack for me), and it was sold.  They had taken us to look at a few houses, but I just didn't feel the peace about living there.  I felt at one it could work, with the changes my son-in-law suggested, but it didn't work out.  

We were shown photos of this duplex.  At first I didn't think it would work because I wanted a yard for Sheeba, and there is none that she can run in (but we have 5 dog parks in this area).  I liked the layout of the duplex, but I didn't know.  So they brought us out here a couple times to let us walk through it and imagine.  And I did imagine, and I saw that it could work.  Painting and new carpeting was done.  We made the move.

Yes, I've had to get rid of a lot of "treasures", but don't ask me to identify what all I let go of because I don't remember!  Yeah, they were treasures all right - I can't even remember what they are.  I still have more things to get rid of and will when I start going through the boxes.  I get it.  I have to let go.

Just as I had let go of my dream of moving out of Paradise and to another place, God answered.  He provided this place for us.  He made it happen. He has given me all I've asked for (except for quitting work, and that will happen in its time) and more.  True, I do have a few more requests out there, but I've learned to put them in His hands and allow Him to make that decision if I need them, or if they are of any value.  Sometimes I just want what I want because I want it.  Know what I mean?  I'm sure you know exactly what I'm saying.  Our kids do it all the time (when mine were smaller, of course!)

I love our new place.  It is perfect for us.  It is roomy, it gives us our own space, and even with working from home, it has worked out.   And as long as hubby lets me make the decisions on where things go (yeah, we fight about some of that - like putting MY books on HIS bookshelves doesn't leave him much room - seriously?),  things go well.  I love being able to go sit on the front porch area and enjoy the sun, or the coolness of the air.  It's fenced in and I let Sheeba walk freely.  I just wish she'd quit eating the bugs that fly around!  All I have to do is ask "Sheeba, do you want to go out front?" and off she runs to the front door.  She's so funny.  

God has truly blessed us with this place.  Financially, we can afford this much easier than the house on Paradise.  Our landscape is done by the HOA - which I didn't want at first, but figuring what we paid for a pool guy and a landscaper every month it pays close to the same.  I love having windows that I can let light in throughout the house.  Every room has windows that we can open the shutters and let the light in and I love it.  

All the time God is good.  And all the time God answers our prayers.  It may be no, yes, or maybe, or even wait.  He had me waiting a long time before He answered my prayers to move, but He did answer and gave me my hearts desire.  A house I can make into a home.

Don't give up praying.  Don't give up asking for God's intervention into your situations.  Ask Him.  That's what He wants.  Even the simplest things, He is waiting for you just to ask.  True, the answer may be no and most of us know when we do ask for some things that the answer will be no.  But then, there are those that His answer is Yes. Trust Him.  He loves you.

Don't Quit.  Keep Praying. Keep Asking.  He's waiting.

Blessings!

Finally Friday! And it's been a short week!

 I can't believe it was only a 4 day work week and it has been so jam-packed with work that it feels like I've worked a full week!  I had a two hour meeting yesterday and I took minutes.  I wanted to finish them up after the meeting, but when I looked at all the emails I had afterwards, that is what took the rest of my day.  And I'm still not caught up.  Even people I don't support are emailing me to schedule meetings - only because they include one of my bosses.  Now they can do the same thing I do - go to the scheduling assistant in Outlook and put their names in and you can see their calendars.  Duh.  But no, they want ME to find time against THEIR calendar as well as my boss.  I couldn't believe I had an email the other day that was very polite and very nice that said "Mr. XX (whom I currently support) said that I could contact you to schedule an appointment on XXX's calendar (someone who reports up to him).  I wrote her back and told her that I didn't support that person, could not completely see their calendar.  If their meeting was with that one person, contact them and ask what what they had available.  If I had misunderstood, to let me know.  She emailed me back that it was with that one person so she would contact her directly.   GEEZ!   And that takes time away from what I should be doing.  Needless to say, I sent that email to my boss and just commented that this is what takes some of my time.  

I did manage to get Sheeba out for a good walk yesterday morning, and did another short one last night so that I could get my 10,000 steps in.  It's getting harder and harder to go walking - my legs are telling me they don't want to move.  I also went yesterday and got my flu shot.  Now this morning my left arm is hurting.  Hopefully it will go away soon.  Everyone had gotten the email from the CMO of where I work and it said that specific urgent cares could give the shot (and for employees they are free) so instead of waiting until October 5th when they will be at our Mesa office, I opted to just go and get it done.  Took me less than 5 minutes once I got there.  AND they put it in the system I had my shot.  It is mandatory to get one every year - This year we have until November 9th - and if you haven't gotten the flu shot, or have a religious or medical reason on record for not getting one, it is considered voluntarily resigning of your position.,  Yep - that's the medical field, although i work in the office.  We aren't treated any different.

Another thing came out in the meeting I attended yesterday.  Some of us - and that 'some' includes me, will be going back to the office in December or January.  We will not be going back to our Mesa offices, but they are moving us to the Corporate offices in Phoenix.  Ironically, I worked across the street from that office when I worked for another company many years ago.  Yeah, back to Central and Thomas.  It's a nice building, and they are trying to get two floors for us.  Some people who will have to go back into the office are upset.  I had already processed it and although I am settled here in my room and love the extra time I have that I'm not driving, I'm ok with going back.

Not so sure I want to drive back to Central and Thomas.  It's been a long time since I've gone that direction and my recollection is that traffic is usually back to back.  I guess it will depend on how many will be going back to work.  I will start back at an earlier hour to avoid a lot of the traffic, but whether I get off at 4 or 5PM, I am sure to be caught in traffic heading home.  The positive of this is, this location is much closer than the Mesa office (which is 56 miles).  I think this one is about 31 miles.  I forget for sure.  Doesn't matter.

What DOES matter is that I have not 'dressed up' (other than putting on a dress and makeup) since March!  I haven't worn heels since March!  No hose either!  I'm grateful I haven't put on a lot of weight, as some people laughingly have said they have.  And I'm walking now so hopefully that will help my 'spread' of sitting all day.  I will have to go shopping when the time gets closer and see if I can find a couple outfits that look nice.  Why?  Because I won't be in my usual cubby, working with other people who dress more casual than I do.  I work for two executives - and they will now be working in the executive offices with the President of the division.  THAT makes the difference.  I will love I will get to see PEOPLE again and can socialize some.  Hopefully I won't have to go back until January, after the holidays.  To make us go back in December would be cruel.  People who are home for the first time in years can decorate their house - to go back will take that away again.  

I have already heard some negative remarks about having to go back - and moving to the Phoenix office.  Those people live in the far east area.  I'm in the far west area.  It's about the same challenge.  The difference is that we WERE in the east valley in Mesa and now they have to drive further.  But not all are being made to come back into the office- I heard director level and up is required 3 days a week in the office.  Those under them can continue to work from home.  I'm not at director level, but my job is such that I will need to be in the office nearly every day.  Maybe I can work it out Mon-Thurs in office and Fridays at home.  Or maybe Mondays at home and the rest of the week in the office.  I dunno.  It just means my entire schedule I've gotten used to will go away.

And here I am, rambling this morning about work.  I've grumbled quite a few times (during the tough times) that I want to retire.  And that is still true.  BUT, I also know I will continue to be 'quarantined' if I do not go back to work.  I still have a life to live.  I still want to do things, to go places.  At least at the office I can chat with friends (probably behind masks yet for awhile).  I'm so tired of this quarantine!  I'm sure you are as well.

But, you know what?  None of this surprised God.  He knew we would all react this way.  People in the government have no idea what to do.  Even those with medical degrees have no idea how to deal with this pandemic.  Some have over-guessed it, others haven't as much.  I've heard that states who didn't quarantine had a few cases, but nothing drastic - and those of us who had to wear masks and be quarantined it was spread drastically.  I think of what this nurse said - "You quarantine the sick, you don't quarantine the well."  Makes sense to me!  But I continue to wear my mask outside as required - and once I'm out of the store or that building - off it comes!

In spite of what everyone thinks, God is still alive, and He is still in control.  Nothing is hidden from him.  Even when we sin, He sees it.  Even when we do good, He sees it.  Personally, I'd rather He see me doing good, than bad!  He helps me even in my weaknesses.

My new diet isn't going so well.  How is it that men can lose weight faster than women all the time?  Hubby has lost weight right away, of course.  Blimpy here is still trudging alone.  I have a goal  -  will see how long I can hold on to this one.  God sees me doing this diet too - and is probably laughing.  Oh well.  He loves me no matter what shape I am in.

And He loves you too - no matter where you are, no matter what shape you are in, and no matter whether you think you are His or not.  He loves you more than you can fathom.  Lucky us.

Blessings!

Things don't always go as planned....

 I'm sure many of you will say the same thing.  You want to do something, you plan to do something, and yet, it doesn't happen.  I am thinking about yesterday morning.  I almost went back and put an 'addendum' to my post for I had talked about taking Sheeba for a walk, and I wanted to get out early to do it.  I had it all planned out.  6AM or just before, we would start on the walk and I would get a large amount of my steps in.  It didn't work that way.  

I stop my quiet time and go get dressed.  I'm ready to go, have taken Sheeba out for her morning duty, and am ready to go.  Then hubby is fussing.  We've had a problem occasionally of a breaker shutting off and it affects the bathroom lights and maybe another one or two lights.  Hubby has had to go out and flip the breakers - and usually ends up turning them ALL off (think resetting clocks) and then back on to get the one that was off to work.  Don't know why it keeps shutting off.  Son-in-law is having an electrician come out today to check it out and see why it keeps shutting off.  Anyway, I had to stick around and keep checking to see if the light came on as he flip switches.  It was nearly 6:30AM before I was able to start walking so we didn't get very far.

I had a plan, and it was a good plan.  It just didn't work out the way I had planned.  Dare I plan it again today?  I would like to, and yet, my body is saying 'uh-uh'.  But I must.  I had a full day of work yesterday and didn't get everything done that I should have.  It was a little after 4PM when hubby came in to ask if I was going to stop working.  I was only gone about 45 minutes to get my blood drawn yesterday and that was about the only time during the day that I wasn't working.  I have a two hour meeting this morning so I have another full day ahead of me.  Oh joy.  I ended up taking Sheeba out for another walk last night so that I could get my 10,000 steps in.  I don't care if I am not in first place; I just want to get my 10,000 steps in.  If I can maintain that, I will feel better and strengthen my body.  And, at my age, I definitely need to keep my body strong.  

I must admit it really feels odd to think that way.  I have to do things now that I wouldn't have really paid much attention to before.  I have to make sure I am more careful and not fall, or break a bone.  I think I am about due for a bone density scan, but with COVID I don't know if that can happen.  So it tells my bones are getting weaker - then what?  Would all the calcium in the world cause my bones to regrow in strength?  I take my vitamin D every morning.  I admit I don't always take a calcium pill.  I am currently out of them so I rely on the food I eat to supply what I don't take.  I really feel I do not need to take a pill (I hate to take pills!) but by eating foods with that nutrient in it, and exercising and keeping my body healthy and strong, it should be sufficient.   

But again, things do not always go as planned.  But I do think I am in much better shape even now with my haphazard way of getting exercise, than others my age.  My older sister is 6 years older than I am, which makes her 77.  Yes, she does have rheumatoid arthritis and she says she has very slow-growing stomach cancer.  She has refused treatment for the stomach cancer, of which she said she was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago.  They told her then she had 5-10 years without treatment.  Because her RA is very painful, she decided no treatment.  That's fine, but she also doesn't take care of herself.  She rarely will get up out of bed and walk and now falls frequently, even with a walker.  A couple weeks ago she was in the hospital because she had fallen outside - and she also had a UTI so wasn't making any sense.  She is only 77 years old!!  She spent a week in the hospital then they moved her to rehab.  She stayed there a week then went AMA.  She's back home and says she has PT coming out - but she keeps them only a short time and then 'fires' them.  She has a practical nurse who comes out who she can't fire because her PCP sends them to monitor her.  She whines all the time she doesn't want to live; whines about her children and grandchildren who don't want to have anything to do with her because she has a hateful tongue and lashes out. And she forgets NOTHING.  She can bring up something in the past that she did for you, or something you did to her, and she will not let it go.  Which, to me, affects her life.   She is my motivation to move, to walk, to keep living.

Have you ever thought that what you do and what you say can affect others?  I know that I am not perfect by any means.  I have done a lot of stupid things that I regret.  I have been, and am, naive about a lot of things.  I try to do better, but I don't always succeed.  And I'm sure that others are the same way.

This morning I was reading in a book that really hones in on what we think.  Listen to this:

"But you should also ask yourself what would happen if the power of God, able to raise the dead, should rest upon a person whose heart still bears the wounds of the past and has not forgotten how or by whom he was conceived?  The Lord longs to give you a healthy heart, rather than wandering around from place to place with the power of God, yet still bearing the wounds of your past.  He wants to anoint and transform you, but He also wants to heal you and make you whole.  It is time to meditate on this and to understand that God loves you and gave His Son for you, regardless of where you came from or how your were raised or how you were brought into this world.  God has a future for your life... Whatever the case may be you might be questioning the reason for your life or even complaining that you never asked to be born.  All this can easily impede your potential and limit your achievements, but let me clarify here that the circumstances surrounding your birth are irrelevant; what is important is for you to understand that God gave you this life because you are valuable and priceless to Him.  That is why He put His hand inside your mother's womb and with great care and gentleness formed you, regardless of how, when or where you were conceived.  From this day forward, stop complaining.  Appreciate your life, because you are unique.  You cannot do anything about your past, but you can do a whole lot about your future.  You were born on this earth because God has wonderful plans for you."

Wow.  That says a lot, doesn't it?  We're born, some of us have a difficult life.  Some end up abused, some with divorced parents, some orphaned, some left behind to care for themselves.  But do we 'live there' or do we raise ourselves up to make something of ourselves and see the wonderful plans that God has for us?

Something to think about today.  Is where you are at in life today, where you planned to be?  Are you finding the joy in what you do or in your life?  I'm not always, I have to admit.  I never thought I'd be where I am today.  But I can choose how to respond to it.  Sometimes I don't always choose rightly, but it is still my choice.

What are you choosing about your life today?  First step is trusting God in the process.  You can't do it alone.

Blessings!

Wanting to sleep in today.....

Two days of making sure I got my 10,000 steps in (because I'm in a challenge on Fitbit with my kids and grandchildren) has sure made me tired.  Add into that working and sitting at my desk 8 hours.  I enjoy the exercise or I wouldn't do it.  I wish I could - I wish I would - exercise more.  I've just gotten so lazy.  I have to claim responsibility for that.  I blame my hubby, because he likes to tell me what to do and how to do it, and then I quit because I don't want him telling me what to do and how to do it.  But the blame really rests on me.  I could politely listen, and then do what I want to do.

I really wanted to start this new exercise program recently.  It's intense, but I would also get intense results.  I really wanted to do it.  But everything I want to do hubby always wants to do it too and it drives me crazy.  I have been "sneaking" and doing a few of the exercises in my room here in the mornings or if he is gone I will take a break and do a few.  It sounds strange to say it, but I don't feel I have any real support.  Oh yes, hubby supports me exercising, don't get me wrong.  But don't TELL me to go exercise.  Don't keep asking me if I have exercised today, and don't keep asking me what I did.  That annoys me.  

But I can walk, and I did get Sheeba out yesterday and after I finish this, I will get dressed and try to get her out for another walk.  Don't have time to do a long walk because I start work at 7AM.  With being off work 4 days, yesterday was really busy and I was worn out.  Still didn't get everything done because I have to depend on others to give me the information I need, or need to work with on scheduling appointments and they don't get back with me.  UGH.  Even the President's Executive Assistant put me off last night because she had to go pick up her kids and will get back with me this morning on a critical meeting.  But what can I do.  I wait until this morning when she gets the time to get with me.

After work yesterday we took a quick trip to my youngest son's house to see our grandson and great-granddaughter who is in town for a few days.  The baby is getting so big.  Hubby gave the grandson his old fitbit so now we have another one to add to our challenges.  I love challenging the grandchildren - and trying to keep up with them!  Came home and cooked a new recipe - it was different, but it was good.  Trying to stick to this new eating routine and eat better.

But come 8PM I was already yawning and wearing out.  Finally about 8:30PM I think it was we went to bed.  I woke a couple times during the night but slept well, I think, but when it was time to get up this morning, I just didn't want to get up.  It was after 4AM before I got up and curled up in my chair to do my quiet time.  I've gotten to where I bundle up with my prayer shawl and my blanket and just recline back in the chair and close my eyes until I feel totally awake (i.e., mind won't shut off) and then I can do my quiet time.  

Today's quiet time had to do with Proverbs 1:1-7.  Check it out.  Yes, it applied to me.  Yes, when I read the devotional that went with it, yes, I could relate.  I am one who clutters things.  My desk is not cleaned off.  I am not, in my opinion, organized, yet my boss and others at work tell me I am.  I certainly don't know where they get that.  But I try to be.  But I'm not.  Sometimes I just don't want to put things away and other times I can't stand it setting out.

Our God is not a disorganized God, and He does not like chaos.  Sometimes I feel like my life is a chaos, but most of it is my own doing.  I can't blame God for it.  It is the result of choices I have made, choices I make, and choices I will make, and choices made for me.  God is orderly and precise.  He arranges things perfectly.  It's us humans who make a mess of things.

It's nearly 6AM and by the time I get dressed it will be light enough to take Sheeba for her walk so need to shut up and get moving.  This is a short work week - 4 days - and we've only gotten through one day of it.  Seems like it has been a month.  Sigh.  Oh yeah - I have to stop early and get blood drawn today too.  Oh joy.  That means I don't eat all day.  At least all I have had is coffee thus far.  Crossing fingers my results will be good.  

Have a great day - stay organized and focused. :-)  Got to get started on my steps for today!

Blessings!

Interesting read this morning....

In one of the books I'm reading - actually, come to think of it, in two of the books that I am reading in the mornings - the emphasis was on how we spend out time.  Do we spend it in front of the TV - or do we spend it seeking God?

In our time, I guess we often will say "well, I had my time alone with God this morning" or "I do my 'quiet time' before I go to bed" and think that we have done our part.  We have 'shared' part of our day with God.

But is it enough?  The answer to that question ..... is no.

In our loneliness, our boredom, we often turn to computers, to TV - and yes, to crochet/knitting, to reading.  But what are we reading?  Are we reading to learn more about God, or romance novels, or other books?  Now I'm not saying there is anything wrong with romance novels.  I have friends who write romance novels and actually both write two different ways.  One I wouldn't hesitate to recommend even a teenager to read.  It is wholesome, interesting, and enjoyable.  The other I would have to hide (if I ever bought one) because this person lets her imagination 'go wild' with romance.  You'd turn red just reading them.  NOT for casual reading for sure.   I grew up reading Grace Livingston Hill books and they are still a treasured memory.  I've downloaded some on my kindle for reading.  But - there I go - off on another tangent.  It's not about reading.  It's about what we are reading.  What are we watching on TV.  What are we doing with our time.

It really hits home with me because I do my quiet time in the morning, and I must admit that I don't pickup my Bible anymore during the day.  I do have a couple books on my kindle that if the TV stays off I will read and they are good  books to help me look at my life and see where I need to change.

Actually, I was reading in one of my books the other day and although I have read this book before, this time the paragraphs grabbed me.   The book is "In His Face" by Bob Sorge.

"Our problem is, we have a convoluted concept of grace.  We have come to define grace as "the tolerance of God that allows us to live with one foot in the church and one foot in the world."  That's not grace, that's foolishness.  Such a person is neither hot nor cold, and Jesus said, "I will vomit you out of My mouth" (Revelation 3:16). 

Grace is the kindness of God toward mankind, evidenced by sending His Son to die for us and redeem us to Himself, that we might be lifted from the filth of this world and live in the glory of His righteousness.  God forbid that we should exploit His grace in order to return to the filth from which we have been redeemed."

I'm not saying that TV is evil - but what are we watching on it?  Do we watch movies or programs that are full of violence, full of evil, full of language and sex?  Is this what we are allowing our children to watch?  Do we not realize that is what we are feeding them?  No wonder our world is a mess right now.  Children see - and children do.  After all, the person that was shot on TV was in another movie the next night! 

I have to admit some of the movies I have watched have some language in it - and we tend to brush it off because we enjoy the movie.  I have become acutely aware when words are spoken that take away from the entire movie.  WHY do they have to use that language and ruin the movie?  We've gotten to where we are so used to the words that we just let them hang in the air when we hear them now.  I've had people in my life - friends and relatives - who would use words that I would find offensive, and some would apologize because although it is a word for them to use in their daily life, they know I don't care for it.  Others don't even bother to apologize.  The thought occurs to me, if they know it is offensive to others, why would they use it on a daily basis?  They "know" it is a 'bad word', an offensive word to others, so why would you allow that to come out of your mouth?  I've often said to people when they say one particular word, "I wouldn't hold in my hand what you just had in your mouth."   But also, the words are not always offensive to them.  Is it not a descriptive word that means the same thing as another word?  Do we make the word offensive because we know what it implies.  Hmmm, another topic to think about.  I think I just hate to hear words that I don't use and they don't glorify the God I serve. 

Are we all using words that don't glorify the One who made us?  Are we watching things on TV that demean the beauty of life that was freely given to us?  Are we living the life God created us to live - one that gives Him glory and honor and respect and praise?

I seem to be letting my mind run wild this morning with my thoughts.  I guess I need to do some processing of my own.  Each of us are at our own levels of relationship with Jesus.   Sometimes I feel like I'm on an elevator.  You know the feeling, some times I feel so close to Him I could just reach out and touch Him.  Other times I feel like I'm so far away that I have miles to go to get to Him.  But He is always there, it is just the nearness of Him I miss at times.  That's why I love my mornings with Him.  It's just me and Him and I can share my heart with Him and talk with Him like He is sitting right next to me.  And when I finally get my butt moving and take Sheeba for a walk, I continue to be in His Presence.  I talk with Him while I'm walking, and often sing to Him. 

Speaking of.... by the time I stop this, get dressed, and take Sheeba out for her 'morning duty', it may be light enough for me to get a walk in with her.  UGH.  Back to work today so it will be a very busy day!  I must get moving!

Have a great day - take some time and think about your life - what are you doing that glorifies God?

Blessings!