I don't know what was going on with hubby during the night but from about 12AM on - he kept me awake with his tossing and turning. I finally gave up and arose about 3:30AM and came in here, thinking I might try to go to sleep, but my mind was on the message I'm doing tomorrow and knew it wasn't finished - and that I have a full day of 'stuff' to get done today. So I worked the next couple of hours on it and finished and printed it. I'll go through it and make changes later this afternoon. Hubby got up about 5-ish I think and brought my coffee in. I'm still sipping it as I'm trying to get other things done in here - to the point that I nearly forgot to write in here! Imagine that!
I think I'm the one losing my mind. At this moment I just want to get this room cleared out and the bed cleaned off. I have over-bought, over-given and it's driving me crazy. I am already thinking what I can take back or put back for some so that we don't give just to give. You know what I mean? In never mean to over-give any specific person - but when I have already bought, and then I hear they NEED something, of course - just like you with children - you want to give them what they NEED. So then you have several love of giving gifts - and then you are presented with a 'NEED' - and what do you do? I have to take some things back and just put back for another time. They may get it eventually, but I don't have to be the one who showers any one with gifts. Does any of that make sense?
It's this crazy, cluttered room, I'm telling you! I have no room to sit (well, barely) let alone work! What makes me think that I can give someone something they would really want? Of course my oldest son lets it be known 'beef jerky', Lil' Debbie cakes, and he is happy. LOL (No, I haven't picked up beef jerky yet.) I need to let Christmas go back to being just a fun giving time and not turn it into 'Mama or Grandma or Oma needs to supply it all' thing. Right? I say every year I'm cutting back - and every year I keep repeating it.
Today is Needles of Hope and I'm really entertaining the thought of not going because I have so much to get done. And yet, I need the break of being with friends and just be me. Does that make sense? I really don't have 3-4 hours to let go of today. But I also know with hubby home, I will lose nearly as much time as if I stay home, he will expect (I believe) that I will fix breakfast as I usually do on Saturday mornings, and then of course I have to sit down and eat with him. And he.can.eat.slow if he wants me to sit with him and give him my attention. I'm done and ready to jump on the next project! By the time he takes his last bite I'm scooting back in my chair to get on with my day! Does that make me a bad person? I do try to wait until he is finished.
I want to get some breads made today so that I can get packages in the mail on Monday to my siblings and to my in-laws. I have all this wrapping to do - and I can't even remember who I bought what for! I know I have been able to scratch several off my lists. Trust me, it's another lesson learned - not so much about the money spent, but about the number of gifts - I've got to stop! I forget that I have bought all year long! I'm still taking things down out of the closet! I think I need to lay every thing out at one time - and THEN wrap - and not wrap and forget to write it down and then think I've forgotten someone. These boys though, I am having the most trouble with them. Flannel Shirts and hoodies have been the gifts for several years - I'm wanting to surprise them with something different. I'm thinking perhaps I will fix up a 'goodie bag' for them... but then, would they want it? Are they a snacker? I don't think any of them like anything I bake except maybe cookies - so maybe some cookies? Everyone likes cookies, right? I don't want to bake those until just before they come over though so that they don't get (eaten) stale (right?). I don't generally freeze cookies. I will have salsa for each one - I think most, if not all, like my salsa.
I'm actually glad we are stretching Christmas out. As of right now, my daughter and family will be Christmas Eve. Then the Saturday after Christmas, it will be my oldest son and his family. And then on Sunday, after church, will be my youngest son and his family. I will have time to prepare for each family and then just sit back and enjoy being with them. I don't need anything - seriously - I want to just be with them. If you HAVE to get me something, get me a nice Christmas t-shirt - and I'm going out on a limb. I've always asked for a LARGE size because I'm so self-conscious about my rolls. But I've received a couple medium shirts lately and although they show my rolls, my rolls are going down and the shirt feels comfortable and I feel thinner in them. Does that make sense? I look at photos with me in a large t-shirt and (because I have small shoulders), I look like I'm drowning in the shirt. I noticed it in a Christmas photo last year with my granddaughter, and especially in the photo my brother sent me to paint. I couldn't even bring myself to paint it, I hated the way I looked in the t-shirt so much. I put it away. I need to find a better photo and have it printed to paint. I need to wear clothes that fit me better and not worry about hiding my rolls, right? Life has made me so self-conscious - but hey - at least I'm working on it! Now if I could just watch my eating and eat right. Maybe I need to start doing my glucose testing again - I have the meter and some testing strips - but once these are gone - I won't get any more as I quit the program. Hmmm I wonder if they can be bought outright? I don't know! Maybe if I limit myself to 100 carbs instead of the 30 that Virta was wanting me to stay at? (And my son thought the 60 the hospital was wanting to keep him on was a joke!)
Am I rambling again? I told you I'm losing my mind!
I did have a fun time with my boss at the Christmas Ideas house. I bought too much, but did take care of a couple white elephant gifts I need for a couple parties at the office. If it wasn't that I'd get to see my friends there, I wouldn't bother to go. It took me an hour to get to Mesa yesterday morning in the traffic - and it was a Friday! I stopped at my hairdresser's yesterday on the way back and he trimmed and colored my hair. It's really blond now. More blond than I thought it would be, but he is trying to 'hide' the white. Next time we will try brown streaks to maybe bring color back in it. I'm a mess, I'm telling you!
The message I'm doing tomorrow at the RV Park is on Hope. Lord knows that we all can use Hope - right? We all are hoping for something. Sometimes it is hope for health issues, sometimes it is hope for financial issues, sometimes it is hope just to get through another day. We have this promise in Psalm 145:14 (NLT): The Lord helps the fallen and lifts those beneath their loads.
How many times do we feel that we have just 'fallen and can't get up'? I know I have felt that at times, just not mentally, but physically as well. Life can be crushing at times and the devil will do all he can to load all he can upon us heads and upon our shoulders to weigh us down with the burden we all tend to carry around. As parents we want the best for our children and many times there is nothing we can do but pray for them. We have to cut the apron strings and allow them to fall - brush themselves off - and pick themselves up. Our job is to pray and to be there for them; but also to help in critical needs. We need to model for them (and I obviously did not do it well) that their trust should be in God, not in their jobs, not in financial status. All those things fade away, but trusting in God and leaning into Him, remains forever.
I choose remaining in God forever. I obviously have messed up my life many times - I fall, but I seek God's help in getting back up. And so can you. Health issues? Ask God for healing. Maybe that is what He is waiting for! Seek, Ask, Believe. Financial issues? Stop spending except for necessities. So what if it's Christmas. IF you feel you need to get a gift for someone, make them something - or just give one gift. IT'S THE THOUGHT - NOT THE GIFT! I feel I'm preaching to myself. Sigh.
I need to get off here and see what I can do before heading to Needles. Hope that you have an amazing day. Maybe, just maybe, someday, I will get my mind back; for now, I think it went on vacation.
Blessings!
