What was that?

 It sounded like a low flying small plane, or it could have been a drone.  I don't know, but at 5:30AM it woke me up out of a sound sleep.  Yep - we stayed up a bit later than usual last night and therefore we slept a bit later this morning.  That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.  It was nice to sleep in some, and although my 'log' says I only slept 5 hours, it must have been deep for I feel rested this morning, for a change.

Hubby is still grumpy and not feeling real well so I told him last night that if he wasn't better before we went to bed, I felt we needed to stay home from church this morning. He reluctantly agreed.  He brought my coffee in, but hasn't said anything, so I am going to assume he still isn't feeling that well. It's not contagious, but just body processes, and I'll leave that there.

I never did make it over to Sam's Club yesterday so will possibly go over after we watch church online.  I did go out and went to Michael's but saw nothing I wanted.  I drove around a for a little bit; finally stopped at Popeye's and picked up some meals for lunch and headed back home.  Hubby didn't feel well enough to eat all of his - which is totally surprising, so you know he is feeling poorly.  Neither of us ate dinner last night as we weren't hungry (but I did get into the cashews).  I guess I do need to pick up some bread today (or make it) cause I heard hubby looking for something this morning and I'm assuming it was something for breakfast - there are ham slices I pulled from the freezer but there is no bread. Oh well. Can't have everything, right?  I have quit buying a lot of things since Virta came on the scene.  And I love my carbs.  Sigh.  

The youngest and his crew should be making the route home today. I wonder if he will swing by with the things he is bringing back for me from my sister and brothers, or will he make me wait until I connect. That answer will remain to be seen, I guess, as the day goes on.  They are probably packed way in the back so will probably need to wait - no rush anyway.  I'm thinking they are just photos.

Interesting, I haven't seen anyone out walking this morning - granted it is about an hour later than I usually get on the computer, but still. There are enough walking in the mornings that I would expect to see them. But maybe they take Sundays off?  

I have about one week to finish a book so that I can be halfway on my Goodreads challenge count.  Surely I can do that - right?  I have several that I have started, but need to finish at least one and then pursue the rest to get my count continuing to climb.  I know, I could read instead of bake, but baking is sometimes much more interesting, right?  

I need a second cup of coffee this morning.  Before I start on my iced coffee.  Yes, I have started drinking at least one glass of iced coffee daily.  And I am enjoying it.  I like the hazelnut powder as it has 10g of protein in it.  But I also like the bottles of liquid coffee - I fill a glass with my premier protein (vanilla) and then add a couple teaspoons of the 'coffee' concentrate - and oh yum.  I get my 30g of protein along with my coffee.  

You can tell I'm searching for something to write about, right?  Hang on - going to get more coffee.

Ok - now let's see if I can get productive juices flowing.  Nope. Ain't happening.  Sorry.  Hubby stopped me when I was out there and shared some scriptures he had read in Jeremiah 31 this morning.  I 'love' Jeremiah as he was called the 'weeping prophet' because of things God told him to say, it made him cry over what would happen to Israel (and did) and if they would do this, God would do that.  

Some things don't change.  If we obey God and stay in His will, He will bless us and our families.  Do you believe that?  I do.  It doesn't mean the devil won't come and shake a family up with problems and issues and even death.... but it is our belief in the promises of God that help us to stand firm that no matter what, we belong to Him.  It isn't always easy.  And many people just give up and blame God for their problems - but many times it is their own decisions, their own waywardness - and they don't want to say they turned away from God, it's much easier to say that I don't believe in God because He didn't answer me or He didn't respond or He let me be hurt and didn't protect me.  Sometimes situations happen so that we can grow stronger.

As I briefly look back over my life, I could have easily turned away from God and did my own thing.  In fact, for a couple years I did.  But it didn't take much for me to go running back. And I've never looked back.  I take that back.  During some tough times I have - I will admit - been tempted to do something wrong, but there was always something in me that said 'that is not the way you want to walk, go this way'... and I knew it was the right way.  I'm not perfect by any means.  I have failed on so many counts.  Grateful for God's forgiveness.  If I hadn't lived my life like I did, would my children and grandchildren live a different life?  Is it my fault?  I can blame no one but myself, if it is.  Until I learned more about God, and had a heart knowledge of who He is, I was a mess and I didn't even know it.  The world drew me in and it was so easy when I didn't 'know' Jesus.  He really does make all the difference.  I would not trade my walk with Jesus for anything in the world.  

God's Word never fails and it never returns void.  Many times we seem to think we know it all and can determine when things happen that it is God punishing us - but it is only us feeling the consequences of what we said, what we did, and our own pride and stubbornness in acknowledging that perhaps - just perhaps - we were wrong.  Life is full of disappointments, but it isn't God who brings them about.  It is our own pride and attitudes... and they filter down the generations.  (erase, erase). 

Well, I'm writing and erasing so think I will just close this off.   I have time left this morning so think I will sit down and read my Bible.... James would be a good book to start.  It's short. It's informative. It's a book that tells you what to do.  Why not join me in reading it today?

James 1:2-3 (NKJV):  My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Counting our trials, our pain, as 'all joy' is very difficult.  I know.  Even this morning my heart is aching for the desires of my heart and yet, I know I must give that pain to the only One who can bring peace.  It's not from anything I've done, but sometimes others perceptions of God or of life issues, alienate themselves from others..... sorry... my mind is going to where my heart is. So with that - I'm going to close this off.

Hope you have an amazing day!   Pause, and give God what is troubling your heart this morning.  It's the hardest at times to relinquish control, and yet, it is the easiest.

Blessings!

I guess it was the younger one....

 that kept me awake throughout the night.  Sigh.  How do I know this?  Because of the text that is on my phone this morning.  Drinking changes nothing; it only makes you do stupid things.  Trust me, I know that for a fact.  Drama has been over the top this year and looks like it may continue for awhile.  Some things are out of one's hands - whether right or wrong - and we need to pray and trust God for the outcome.  Only God can right the wrong, and He will do it in His timeframe, not ours.  Some people grow stronger through trials and challenges.  Some people grow weaker. We don't always get what we want; but God sees the bigger picture and we need to learn to trust Him with everything. Let.It.Go.  There is something to that, don't you think?

Today is going to be a crazy and busy day.  I need to pull together the Christmas gifts for three of those I support.  I will see all three today.  My favorite boss is going in to the office to work this morning so that we can meet up before the Network Christmas Party and exchange gifts.  I was busy last night making cheeseballs, another batch of salsa, cookies.... and I know I still didn't get everything done I wanted to. What is that saying everyone hates but uses?  "It is what it is".  Why do I stress so much about it?  Because I don't want to disappoint them.  I brag too much about all the different things I make.  And this year I am trying to back away from 'having' to make everything for those who make me feel it isn't much. Last year I went overboard for my bosses - this year I'm cutting back.  Maybe I'm feeling guilty about that. Oh well.  

I have for my favorite boss the cheeseball, salsa, pickles, jam, and bread, and a couple small gifts.  As I have shared before, I have given these (most) to her for years and her family looks forward to getting to have some of the fun things I make.  Sue has been so good to me over the years and has helped me grow and is the one who put me in the position I am in now.  As for my male boss, I over did him big time last year.... so he gets cheeseball, salsa, pickles, jam and bread... maybe.  And that's it. I'm still trying to think through how much I want to give him.  And for my other female boss (who reports up to the male boss), she only gets a small cheeseball and bread.  And maybe pickles.  I'm still trying to figure out what to get her.  My other female boss is in Colorado and last year I sent her a gift and she didn't even acknowledge it nor wish me a Merry Christmas... so I'm not sending anything this year.  Not being mean, but somewhere I need to draw lines.  I can wish her a merry Christmas today (as I think she is off as of tomorrow) and I believe she told me she was going to her daughter's for Christmas.  I take too much on, I think.  I love to give, but I want to see they really like it... know what I mean?  I put a lot of time and effort into these homemade gifts.  

Which is what I spent my time doing last night.  I made snickerdoodles for Morgan, as I see her tonight for training.  I kept thinking the dough didn't feel right... and then started second guessing myself did I put 2 3/4 cups of flour in it - or only 1 3/4 cups of flour.  The first batch burned on the bottom so I changed to my pampered chef cookie sheet.  Those didn't seem to cook all the way through, even though they were in longer than the time required.  I finally added a bit of flour to the last of it... but who knows what they taste like.  I finally fixed up a box for Morgan and that's it. Oh - I need to send her a couple other things too, but I had promised her cookies.

And since I struggled so much with the snickerdoodles, I didn't make any other cookies so am not taking to the cookie exchange today at the party.  Yep - doing the drive down to Mesa this morning about 8:30AM I 'm thinking to meet Sue and then the 'party' starts at 11AM.  And I'm still working today too so will need to come straight back home to finish up the day.  My two other bosses will be at this party so that is a win for me - I won't be getting emails to work!

Our neighbor brought over a plate of cookies last night for us.  Just what we needed, right?  Pretty cut out cookies.  Too much work for me when I'm trying to produce as much as I can in a short time. And with working.  I still wonder how in the world did I do so much when I was driving to the office every day.  Of course I was usually up until 11-12AM and got up at 5AM - whereas now I am usually in bed by 8:30PM (last night it was closer to 10PM) and up at 4AM.  Why can't I get my life in order?

I'll be busy still this weekend.  The oldest and her family are coming at noon on Saturday for us to have Christmas together.  Lunchmeat sandwiches and chips; she's bringing the chips for I don't know what her family likes.  I need to make potato salad tomorrow and pick up lunchmeat at Safeway.  The grandson is driving in from NM tomorrow for a few days then heading back on Sunday or Monday, I think, to have Christmas with his wife. She had to work and couldn't take off.  At least we can see him since we didn't go over Thanksgiving.  I do need to do more baking for I want to give to our neighbors. One positive is I baked a lot of my cranberry pumpkin nut bread about a month ago and it is in the freezer - it's depleting fast, but I still have several loaves in there.  My daughter's family is the one who likes it; the others don't seem to and don't ask for it.  Getting stingy with the jam as I haven't made any more.  Pickles - it depends on if they want the 'funny little ones' or the regular ones. Haven't made any more of those either.  Ok - enough of my ramblings on food and what I'm doing.

I think I have finished all my wrapping except for what I will be taking this morning and tonight. What they get is what they get.  Disappointed or not, 'it is what it is' - and I did go way overboard this year. I lost my mind for awhile.  Exhaustion is my only excuse. The brain died.  I don't know if I will ever et it back.  I need to get away and rest; truly rest.  Not just lay around and read, but sleep as often as I choose, walk about in nature, spend time alone where I'm not being watched as to what I'm doing, and just be free.  Does any of that make sense.  I'm not sure if it is just 'old age' or if I am going into another phase of life.  Lord, help, please help.  I am so weary.  I think I'm frightened, too, of the future. Hubby asks questions that make me confused... because he can see what I'm doing, so why ask what I'm doing.... does that make sense? I'm baking cookies.  I'm crocheting a blanket. The same one I was working on for the past week or so, for the same person.  Sometimes I wonder if he is playing 'mind games' with me. I sometimes don't know how to react or what to say.  I don't want to be mean. I think that also makes me weary and tired.

Galatians 6:9 (NKJV):  And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

Don't grow weary for doing good?  I feel I'm already there! I need to work through what it is that is wearing me down.   I know life changes frequently.  Life really changed when I was sent home to work. And I'm glad I'm at home.  It's just hubby thinks I am at his beck and call (in my opinion, he will disagree) and frequently interrupts during the day to chat.  That's why I look forward to his being out with his friends.  I'm ok with being home; I just want to stay focused on what I need to get done.  I find it hard enough to stay focused on work projects and find myself just sitting and staring out the window instead of working.  Lord, help.  Did I tell you my boss Sue decided to retire in August 1, 2026?  I don't think I can mentally last that long.  It would be nice to be able to 'retire' and do things I want to do - like most retired people. and I'm shutting up. I need a nap already.

I guess in reality I have nothing to share this morning. My mind has left its post and I'm rambling. Think I'll get an early start on work emails and then start pulling things together so that I will be able to leave when I want to. Looking forward to seeing Sue; not so much the party. But it will be fun. Last year I got the cast iron pan in the white elephant exchange.  I need to decide what to take as well.  Busy busy!

Blessings!

I get to 'escape' for a few hours

 Today is the first Saturday in the month so we have Needles of Hope this morning.  We have changed our meeting place to the Panera at Metro Center.... although since they tore - or are tearing down - Metro Center Mall, I don't know if it is still called that.  Hubby was weird last night.  Hubby was weird last night - we had the TV off, and were reading, and he asked me about this morning.  Something like "With you meeting them for Needles of Hope in the morning, that means you won't be cooking and eating breakfast here at home, right?"  Ok, so as a rule, I do cook breakfast for him on Saturday mornings.  We sit down and have breakfast together.  (Sometimes I think he 'lives' for us to have a meal together for he has me right where he wants me - next to him)  I never fix breakfast when I'm going to a place where I can order breakfast with 'the girls'.  And all I could do was look at him and say "you will need to fix your own breakfast'.  He will probably fix a protein shake as that is about all he knows how to do anymore.  Now you will probably think that his original question of my fixing breakfast isn't any big deal, isn't a weird thing at all.  And I get that.  But I live with him.  I hear his questions and I see his confusion on things.  Last night he had me look at his computer because the volume wasn't working.  I brought up a video and looked at the computer volume... he had turned it way down.  So I turned it up and it worked fine.  Then he asked me to show him how (again) to clear his phone.  Which I did.  I'm not saying this to put him down or mock him.  I'm scared of what the future holds.  

It's not that this is a continual thing - it is not.  You ask him something about his Bible studies and he is alert and attentive.  But it is the everyday living stuff that I see him not sure what to do.  I can start a meal, and if he isn't watching TV, he will come sit in the kitchen at the table, waiting for his meal, and going through his phone. He told me last night that he would have to wash the dishes by hand because the dishwasher was full.  I remained quiet.  I wasn't sure if the dishes were clean or dirty in there for he will leave them for 2-3 days before emptying it at times.  When he came in to the front room, he tells me that he washed the dishes we used last night by hand (now mind you, I always wash my pans and those utensils by hand immediately as he will leave them sit so all he had was plates, silverware and glasses) and would start the dishwasher up first thing this morning when it was cooler out.  I hear him out watering the plants now.... and he waters the ones which have a drip directly into the pot.  

Ok - enough about that - I need to finish up in here and get dressed to head out in about an hour.  So what else can I write about.

I was somewhat lazy again yesterday but did get a couple things done.  I really do hate that I wasted a week I could have gotten a lot done - but I really needed the break from the past couple of weeks as well.  I will need to get re-focused on work and get things done next week since all will be back.  I'm taking the 11th off since we will be heading up north for the weekend.  Due to work on the highway, hubby is wanting to take an extended route through some small towns - and leave early on the 11th.  I was thinking closer to leaving around 1-2PM as we can't check in until 3PM ... but he has voiced he wants to leave (and he says he is driving) around 10-11 and go the long way to town.  I won't push the issue on him driving... but I will suggest he let me drive.  If not, I'll be crocheting so that I won't see the road.  And I can pray.  He's been letting me drive more and more to different places so I'm surprised he said he is driving this time.  I've driven the past two years on vacation.  He has newer tires so may as well wear the tread down on them, right?  

My biceps/triceps are hurting today.... I told you my trainer worked them hard!!

I know this is short... but I need to stop and gather things for my morning with the girls.  Ok, I fell back to sleep this morning and lost an hour, ok?  But my time is about gone and I need to get dressed yet.  

Remember to count your blessings today.  Even through the toughest days, God is still there.  Lean into Him and let Him guide you.  All you have to do is ask.

Blessings!