What day is this?

 That was my thought when I woke up this morning.  It ended up being a quiet evening after dinner.  I tried to read and couldn't keep my eyes open, so was in bed by 8:15PM.  Even on a Friday night.  I fell asleep within minutes of laying my head down.  Hubby stayed up but I have no idea how long; I slept deep until about 11:37 (I looked at the clock) and had to get up for 'the walk'.  Returning to bed, it took a few minutes to fall back to sleep (praying time), but I finally did.  At 5AM my watch started buzzing about something.  I turned it off. I laid there and tried to figure out what day it was.  Was it a workday and I need to get up and get moving... what day is it?  I was still somewhat puzzled over the day and got up, and soon realized it was Saturday and I didn't HAVE to get up... except I love my time alone in my room with God.  He always starts my day off right.  I think hubby got up about 20-30 minutes later and brought my coffee.  (Yes, I made 'real' coffee and he remembered.)  It's actually pretty good this morning.

So here it is, Saturday, and I'm sitting in my room enjoying my coffee (which is nearly all gone from the cup), and the quiet that pervades the room.  I love the silence (well, minus the 'road traffic'), but I do enjoy soft music sometimes too.  In fact, I have some instrumental music on a CD player I have in here.... need to get a new one; this CD player tends to skip on occasion.  Must be at least 10 years old.  Oh well.  It still plays.  Perhaps I should learn how to download songs on my phone.... except I don't want to run the battery down playing them.  Oh yeah, I think I have iheart. I have heard of spotify, but don't use it.  I'm really never where I need to 'play' music...    Saturday.... and today I have my 'Needles of Hope' to attend in a few hours.  Will need to stop after this and get dressed and put makeup on.  Yeah, I don't want to scare the other women and go without it.  It's a time to just hang out with other women and chat and crochet.  

A story I read in my book this morning is one I have heard before.  It's interesting how the story gets told a bit differently every time I hear it.  But its message is the same.  Don't wait for that 'special event' or that 'special day' to use or wear or do the things you long to do.  I know, a message I should take to heart more.  Here is a short paragraph of the story without their comments.....

"My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package.  "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion."  He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. "Don't ever save anything for a special occasion.  Every day you're alive is a special occasion."

I know I have touched on this subject a few times before over the years.  I am a 'packrat' at heart, thanks to my mother who always saved everything, and probably her mother before her.  I try not to hang on to things and I try to give away things frequently.  But I still have way too much 'stuff'.  And that's all it is.  'Stuff'.  It's material things, and when I die, someone else is going to have to deal with my 'stuff' - and what will they do with it?  Oh some pieces they will keep, I'm sure.  But the majority of this 'stuff' I have managed to hang on to will be thrown away, given away, sold, or just left behind.  I do not plan to 'take it with me'.  And, as I have mentioned before, I certainly do not want my children to have to deal with any of my stuff (which is why I hope I'm not the first to go.... I need the opportunity to get rid of it).  Hubby is more than willing to get rid of 'stuff' - as long as it is MY stuff.  Which is why I hang on to even MORE stuff.  Granted, I have 'stuff' in drawers I have never used, never plan to, have no idea when it could be used... and yet... there it sits in the drawer.  And I have mentioned often that I want to go through drawers and closets... it's just hard to do when hubby is underfoot watching what I do.  Heaven help me if he sees me get rid of anything he remembers giving me!!  LOL  But it is all just stuff.

But, back to the story.  How many times do we hold on to things that have a special memory, a special value to us, and then never use them.  It's like putting them in a glass case for all to see... and it is never valued enough to use.  When I read this story years ago, I started digging out my fine china (which is valuable, by the way; it belonged to hubby's parents) and used it for every day.  So what if it gets chipped or broken.  It's just a dish.  It has no value to any of my children and none have expressed an interest in wanting it.  No one needs these dishes of fine china.  So I use them when we have company and I use them occasionally for just hubby and I.  I've learned to let go of material things.  Yes, there are still some things I hold dear, but only because I want someone to say, "I remember that and I'd like to have it when you are finished with it."  I would probably (if not using it on a regular basis), just tell them to take it!  I have way more dishes than I need, glasses I never use (we are still using juice glasses we got 40+ years ago!!) and I still get more if I want them... cause I love pretty things.  I love pretty dishes; I love pretty glasses to drink out of.... and don't get me started on my teacups and teapots!  Of course there is also my books..... some day I hope to put them in author order.... hubby just will not let me touch any of the books to put in any order... "IT IS MY OFFICE!!"  Not worth the fight. He doesn't get it - we have 2 of several books because we forget we have them - or can't find them on the bookshelves... so order another because one of us wants to read it.  But he won't let me touch them while he is home.  Can I send him away for a few days?  But then, I'd want to play and not work. Oh well.

I'm going to challenge you today to sit back and think about the things you have.  What are things that you hold on to for 'that rainy day'?  What dishes are packed away because you have no place to display them - and they aren't getting used because they are not every day dishes, but special dishes?  What dishtowels are too pretty to use?  What items have someone given to you as gifts or as a memory of someone else that you hang on to because you want the memory - and yet it is never being used.  Don't you think that the person who gave it to you - gave it to you to use?  To enjoy?  

Use that special cologne that was given to you!  (providing it smells good on you, that is)  Wear that special shirt that holds a memory for you.  Read that book that brought you so much joy the first time you read it.  Determine within yourself to SHARE the memory of what it is you are holding on to (we all have dustcatchers, don't we?!) and then enjoy it.  If it breaks, hang on to that memory.  It's ok.  Nothing is built to last longer than it's lifetime.  Not even us.

Death comes upon us many times unexpectedly.  Do you have things hidden that you really don't want others to see (I do, sigh), and need to let go of?  Sometimes (I) we need to get over someone looking over our shoulder, or thinking we just don't have time to do that - and just do it.  Right?  Today may not be the day to start, but start planning even 15 minutes a day to start going through those things, those papers, you know you need to throw away... or pack away and label.... or pass on to a loved one.  Sometimes it is hard to decide whom to give to, isn't it?  I have that problem as well.  None of my family ever express they 'want' something I have.... I think they are afraid they will just end up with it!  LOL.

And with that.... I think I am going to close this off.   Got to get my makeup and clothes on before I head out the door... it wouldn't be pretty otherwise.  Maybe, just maybe, when I get back, I will 'do' something.  will see.

Blessings!

Alone..... with music playing in the background....

 and it feels like all is well with the world.  We KNOW that the world is a big mess..... but in MY world, at least, things are at peace for the moment.  I pray that peace lasts!

Today is another workday, oh joy.  I do have things to start on this morning that I just didn't feel like completing yesterday.  Northing critical, of course.  After all, I did get a two hour 'team lunch meeting' yesterday with other executive assistants.  We met up at my favorite deli.  After an hour I was ready to leave, but the 'lead' executive assistant was very talkative and - LOL - she had a photo taken of the five of us EA's having lunch - and she sent it to all our executives to let them know we were having a lunch team meeting (was that to cover for us being gone so long?).  LOL  And now she's talking about doing these once a month.  I'm game.  I love food; I enjoy their company.  Of course I'm the oldest one (and the wisest, of course).... and I do a lot of listening.  One just turned 30; I think she is the youngest... and wild as they come.  LOL

Fun continued when we got a call to join the daughter and family for dinner to celebrate a grandson in law's birthday - I love Abuelo's and so yes, we went.  Enjoyed being out with family and celebrating his birthday.  And I didn't have to cook dinner, although I DO have mahi mahi thawed out to cook - guess what is for dinner tonight?  Oh, I may cook it for lunch..... a late lunch and then snack for dinner.... will see.  I love my air fryer for this reason - just put them in there and 20 minutes later (or less) they are ready and very little mess.

My legs are telling me this morning that I worked them yesterday.  I actually am glad my muscles hurt after exercise - at least I know I'm working certain parts of the body!  Our trainer got sick after my appointment so cancelled on hubby (he had cancelled the day before as he was sick, but thought he ws better for me).... so hubby will be going over today after his Bible study.  Unless he gets a text the trainer is still sick.  Anyway - my legs are a bit sore this morning - and that's a good thing.  I'll stretch them out today and will work through it.

When you tell someone something..... do you keep your word?  When you say you are going to do something, do you do it, and in the timeframe you say you will?  Integrity.  That is what I am going to throw out as a challenge today.

When we tell our kids we will do something if they do something (or don't do something), do we follow through with the 'threat', or do we just let it fall by the way side?  Sometimes it hurts to do what we say we are going to do - especially if it is a punishment we don't want to dish out.  As I write that this morning I am reminded of when our youngest was in high school.  He couldn't play football anymore because he was so allergic to the grass we'd have to carry him off the field.  He was on all kinds of medication to help him breathe, taken to numerous doctor visits, and sometimes even the ER.  Finally the doctor said he could not play football anymore.  

So he switched to baseball - and loved it.  But, his grades weren't that good.  So, we told him, keep the grades at C or above.... get a D and you give up baseball.  I don't know if he didn't believe we'd do it, or if he really tried to keep his grades up and couldn't.... but he brought home a D, and we pulled him out of baseball.  It brokes our hearts to do that.

And I think he holds it against us to this day.  I sometimes feel that is when he chose the 'dark side' versus following Jesus.  Oh how he hated us, and begged, cried, and pleaded to be allowed to stay on the team.... but we had told him the consequences of bringing home a D, and felt we had to do what we said.   I've regretted pulling him out for years... but as a parent, when we say something, we need to follow through.  Regardless how painful and how hard it is.

I wasn't a perfect parent, unfortunately. Perhaps that is why my children are the way they are.  I was so messed up myself during their teen years.  I look back and see the depression I was living in and how I lost my life during those years.  I blame it on my growing up years.  After all, my mother always told me that 'the husband is head of the house and what he says is law'....  and I wanted to obey Jesus and obey Him.... but life has dealt some hard blows.   I was always protective of my kids and tried to intervene in any issues.

I remember one child wanting to go to a youth function but because of hubby's fear of something happening to him, refused to let him go.  My son was begging to be allowed to go and threatening to run away because he hated us so for not letting him go.... it broke my heart then, and it breaks my heart as I remember it.  Those were tough years.

I wasn't strong enough to do what I should have done.  I had no example to follow.  I had no role model for a wife or a marriage or a family.  Ah.... my mind is wandering down paths and it is nearly time to get to work .... and I need to stop going back... some things I can never change.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV):  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Sometimes we need to let go of the past, learn from it, and trust the Lord to take it and show us the way to walk.  

God is good, and He is always faithful.  In spite of the wrong paths some of us have taken, He will always bring good from it.  I believe that, and am grateful that God took a young woman who allowed life to bury her, and He watered and fed me until I was able to grow again.

Sorry for the ramblings.... 

Blessings!

A new month....two months to go until end of year

 Time feels like it is flying by - and yet - it is going at the same pace as it always has.  We all know that, and yet, we talk about it 'flying by'.  Especially when a holiday like Christmas is coming and we need to purchase gifts.  I'm grateful I started early and other than the men in the my family, I am pretty much done.  Men are always harder to buy for, but when I don't see them (especially the grandsons) frequently, I have no idea of what their wants or needs are.  Especially if they are out of the house and working on their own - I imagine it is even as hard for their parents to know what to get them.  I'm totally at a loss, and I do not like giving gift cards, but it may have to be an option.

I started my baking this weekend and got some things baked and in the freezer.  I want to try some new things this year, and if I at least get started now and get them in the freezer, when I see people early in December that I may not see later, I can give them a 'gift' of whatever I have baked.  They pretty much appreciate it.  I always laugh because my boss always wants my bread, a jar of salsa, and if I make them, bread and butter pickles.  I haven't the past couple of years so maybe I can surprise her this year.  Last year I also made her a cheese ball because she does entertain towards Christmas and it helps give her something to set out.  I love doing this and it is my love gift to others.

We had a quiet weekend.  Hubby couldn't give blood; his iron level was down, I think for the first time.  I think it was 12.6 or 12.8 and they raised the level for men.  So he sat and ate snacks while he waited on me to finish.  We both were surprised he couldn't give; it has happened to me a couple times.  Guess it is because I eat a lot of chocolate? :-)

Today I am back at work and two of my bosses should be working.  I noticed that I have 22 emails already this morning; hopefully they aren't for me to do a lot of work.  I entertain the thought frequently of retiring.. and yet, what would I do that I can't do now?  I know I am desperately needing some time out of this room - and alone with God.  Yes, I am alone with God in here, but it is over the top cluttered now with things for Christmas all over the bed and stacked in the corner (had to take packages out to the garage as there wasn't enough room in here!, my weight bench, desk, chair, etc.... clutter!  Maybe I will get a chance to take a break later this morning and take a short walk.  I do need to run to the post office this morning.

I didn't sleep well last night and I'm not sure why.  Other than yesterday afternoon and evening we watched movies and I crochet'd.  Sitting. Rare movement.  I don't know.  Went to bed about 8:30PM and I was wide awake at 1PM.  Hubby had left the bed to sleep in his chair; he has been doing that lately and finds he sleeps better in it.  I think I tore the bed up - at least the bedcovers, with all my tossing and turning after that.  I spent time praying, I said the Lord's Prayer, I tried to shut my mind to all other thoughts - and still could not sleep.  I may have to sneak in a short nap this afternoon, but then, will I sleep tonight?

We watched a couple great messages yesterday.  Dr. Mark Rutland spoke for Jentezen Franklin at Free Chapel.  What an awesome message.  And then CCV had a great message too.  It was on 'Simplify'.  Can you even imagine doing something to simplify your life?  It isn't just about being a hoarder, or a saver, or keeper (one of which I am).... but what is most important to you?  We've often heard the question - "if your house is on fire, what is the most valuable thing you will take with you out of the house?"  Besides family.... what would it be?  As I sit here and think about that question, I must admit I have no idea.  Perhaps my cell phone as the case has all my personal information in it, i.e., drivers license, insurance, etc.  But I don't know if I would grab anything.  Do I have things that I have held on to for years?  Oh you know I have!  I have many treasures throughout the house that mean something to me.  Many I have had to let go of for various reasons.  I've learned not to hold on with a tight fist material things.

The pastor who spoke shared a story of working at a church where there were several pastors and one night the offices were broken in to.  Looking at the video, two men ransacked all the other pastors' offices, taking electronic devices, moving things around, etc.  Both men went into this pastor's office - and walked back out again.  He said it was because he is a 'keeper' and his office was already in such a mess (although he knew where everything was), that when they walked in, they thought the other guy had already been in there - so nothing of his things were taken.  

If someone broke into your room; into your house; would you notice if anything was missing?  Would you find anything out of place?  For me, it would depend what room they came in to!  But it is something to think about, for sure.  What am I keeping that I need to let go of.  Someone may be needing the very thing I think I need to hold on to - in case someone needs it.  I need to LET IT GO.

Sometimes it isn't material things we hold on to... but other things... those things that hurt us, destroy us, mess with us.  Why do we hang on to emotions that make us feel bad?  I sometimes fight with depression.... for various reasons.... and I have to literally fight my way out of it.  I can't listen to the devil tell me how to live; what I need to feel; I have a right to be upset or angry; what are my rights?; I am of no value... If I listened to him and let him have a hold on my thinking, it will destroy me.

I choose life.  I choose to live, in spite of the chaos of my life.  I choose to live, in spite of things said or done to me.  I choose to live, because Jesus died for me.  Jesus took every sin away; He took my shame.  He is Whom I choose to walk with daily, because He alone can help me get through life.  And He will help you too.  Struggling today?  Ask for Jesus to help you.  He's waiting for you to ask.

Choose Life; Choose Jesus.