After I got dressed for church, hubby came to me, still in jammies, and said he wasn't going as he didn't feel well. So I finished getting ready and headed out the door. I had even given a brief thought to not going myself, just wasn't feeling it. But, I was already dressed, so went. Shortly after I arrived, the administrator came to me and asked if I could help pass out the 'new people cards' to those who raise their hand if it is their first time there. I said no. She persisted; they were short people and needed someone to cover the side we sit in. Long story short.... I got handed a stack of cards to pass out. Now I don't know why I was so rude and reluctant to just pass out cards when people are asked to raise their hands if it is their first time visit.... I don't have an answer, because I don't know. But I did it, and it didn't hurt me one bit. I do know that I wrote an apology to the administrator this morning for being such a 'grumpypants' yesterday. That is not who I am, and I want to be involved in doing things at church. All I can think of is that I am mentally tired, I just wanted to sit at Jesus' feet yesterday morning, lost in my thoughts. And I was 'encouraged' to step out of my comfort zone and do something. I think I would have been better off staying home and curling up with my Bible. But, I did go, I did distribute the cards as requested... and I did write an apology note this morning. I also told her that I would prefer being a greeter, but I could pass out the cards occasionally. No excuses. I still don't know why I behaved the way I did.
I can only chalk it up to mental exhaustion. Even this morning, I feel so exhausted. My mind won't let me sleep past 3:30AM. I even tried to sleep in here this morning, and my mind won't shut off. Still beating myself up about my behavior yesterday morning. And you know that is the devil doing that to me. He just won't give me any rest about it. I got news for him. I apologized, and now I'm done with it.
I knew we had leftovers so didn't pick up lunch. But, after I got home, decided to fix TV dinners instead. And then I started reading... and took a nap. Only slept about 30 minutes, but I guess it helped my crankiness. We will eat the leftovers for lunch today; I ended up buying us sugar-free butterfinger shakes from One Nutrition Stop. They are so good and taste just like a butterfinger! That was dinner.
I finished two books yesterday. I think I'm 11 in already for the year. I can beat my goal of 50 if I keep up on it. I just finished Unshakeable Hope by Max Lucado. It was a really good book. I love the way he writes; but haven't read many of his books for awhile. This was his 40th book so I probably haven't read at least 35 of them. New goal? LOL Easy reading, and life encouraging. Lord knows I can use some encouragement - and so can you. I saw a couple of his books at Savers but didn't get them.... now I'm thinking maybe I should go back and get them. LOL I've got too many other books right here I want to read; don't need to run off and get more. I've already read one of the 5 books I picked up on Saturday. I love being able to withdraw inside a book and shut the world out.
Back to work today, and I know I have timecards to start out with. No biggie anymore since all our salaried. But I do still need to fix one guy's card from the previous pay period; he took two days off and didn't report it until I had already approved and he got paid. He'd still get paid; I just need to have the hours deducted from his PTO. I really do need to get it done.
Wednesday I get to have breakfast with my favorite boss and I am looking forward to that. Friday... sigh... is a team building event with my other boss. Quite honestly, I don't want to go, although I know it will be fun. I live the farthest out and I need to drive to Tempe. And I don't want to. Just not in the right frame of mind. Oh - our team building activity? Axe Throwing. Yep. There are places that you can go and throw axes. Just what I want to do for an hour. Then we will have pizza and I'll do the hour drive back home. And you know what? I'll check messages when I get back, but I don't think I will go 'back to work' unless my favorite boss has something for me to do. I am just that tired; mentally and I guess physically. My eyes burn a lot (from reading too much?) and I'm just tired. I want to run away and just be ..... do you ever feel that way? Can I just stay in bed and pull the covers over my head and shut out the world for a few days?
Hubby keeps telling me he likes my hair since I got it cut the other day. And no, not short. It is shorter, but not as short as he likes. I think it is more he likes my bangs. I do too, for that matter. I'm still going to let it grow back out. But I do like my bangs.
Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV): "I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord; the Maker of heaven and earth."
Out here we have a few mountains around us, and whenever I take the time to pause my life and look up at them, I am always reminded of this scripture. I am so dependent upon the Lord just to live through each day, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Him near me. Even today, I feel so worn out and exhausted, so beaten up and weary..... I can go out and look far out, and see the mountains... and I am reminded of how much He loves me and cares for me. He neither slumbers nor sleeps, for He is always watching out for me. And for that, I'm so grateful.
Lamentations 3:21-24 (NIV) "Yet this I call to mind and therefore have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we ae not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait on him."
I am always reminded of His faithfulness to me. I am a mess sometimes (and feel that way right now)... and yet, my hope is in Him alone. I know that 'this too shall pass' - my mama always said so. I think I just need a break from life. And in a couple weeks, we will get away for a couple days and I can spend quality time with Jesus. And I am so looking forward to that. I desperately need to close my mind to work and life and just sit in HIs presence. There isn't any other place I'd rather be.
Blessings!
