I did get busy in the kitchen yesterday. First of all, I made the banana pudding. I wish I had gone ahead and fixed it another way, but I didn't. But I was able to give some away last night and I plan to take some over to Ms. Vicky sometime today as well. I made this other dish I had seen - you take a can of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls and quarter each one and put in a bowl. Then you add a can of cherry (or apple or blueberry) pie filling and mix it all together - and then bake it. Once it cools, drizzle the icing over it - and you have your own pastry! Good, but way too sweet for me.
I also made hubby two batches of 'his' peach muffins. I had some blueberries in the refrigerator so also made a batch of blueberry muffins. And I screwed up the recipe on all three. Why? What happened? Hubby got to me. Sigh. Let me explain.
Hubby had already 'annoyed' me with some off the wall stuff and he came into the kitchen. I happened to think about the iron pills that Dr. Mark had told him to start taking about two weeks ago at the last visit. I asked hubby if he had purchased the iron pills. He commented that he was also to drink orange juice with them. Ok... I went and grabbed my notebook in which I wrote the information down. Yes, one 325 mg ferrous suffate (pulling from memory here) with an orange (to keep him from getting constipated) (I know, TMI). Anyway - back to my story... he said "No, because I was waiting for my (SS) check to hit the bank and it hit yesterday." I just looked at him and said "That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard! Why would you wait two weeks from a doctor visit to get something he had told you to purchase at the drug store that is usually less than $5?" His comment back? "That is the second time you have called me stupid this morning!." I lost it.
He left to go to the drugstore (and purchased the wrong one) and got the pills and ORANGE JUICE. I just kept my mouth shut. I'll go to the drug store today and pick up the right one. Or maybe I'll just order it from Amazon. I was so upset (not angry, just frustrated) with him yesterday that I screwed up all three batches of muffins. What did I do? It wasn't intentional; I just couldn't get it together. The first batch of peach muffins - it called for 2/3 cup of sugar; I put in 1/2 cup. The second batch called for a tablespoon of lemon juice and I put in a teaspoon. The batch of blueberry muffins - I poured in 1/2 cup of melted butter. Butter isn't even in the recipe. It said 4 tablespoons of butter to be melted and basted on top of the muffins after baking, and then sprinkle cinnamon and sugar on top of that. I didn't say anything to hubby about my mistakes; he took one muffin and said it was delicious. I messed up on all three recipes and he thinks they are good.
By then I was exhausted. No, actually, it was before the muffins he had started stressing me out and I had to take a nap. I made the muffins after that, and when he followed me into the kitchen and made the comments about the iron pills... that was when I 'lost it'. See, I'm not perfect at all... By last night I was totally wiped out. I don't think it is because I was busy in the kitchen, I think it is more because his words and behavior totally drains me through exasperation.
Going to church this morning so will need to jump in the shower after finishing this, I think. Need to wash my hair and get cleaned up. It will be nice to be around other people. It is even nicer to get to spend time worshipping Jesus. We had a worship service Friday night at church, but we didn't go. Had planned to, then hubby didn't want to go, but did tell me to go ahead. I didn't, and stayed home. As I knew I would, I wish I had gone. But I have already signed up for a ladies night at the church in November. I've got to start getting out more with other women. I have made myself so isolated because of various reasons.... partly I blame covid for we got so used to having to stay home. But I am so isolated, if something happened, I would have very few women I could call to talk to.
Psalm 37:4 (NKJV): Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
That does not mean that every thing your heart desires God will give it to you if you ask Him for it. But when we delight, find joy, and exalt the Lord, we will find the desires of our heart is pleasing Him. Yes, He will also give us desires such as healing someone or bringing reconciliation, or providing something you need. But our greatest desire should be in worshipping Him, and in doing so, our delight is complete. Make sense? When we give ourselves to the Lord, He brings the right desires and the right joys to us because He is our Provider of good things.
Many times we don't have because we don't ask. I know I'm guilty of that. Why don't I ask? Because I usually know that it isn't something He wants for me. I may want reconciliation among family members.... and I some times pray about that.... but that isn't what I really should be praying about. I should be praying that their hearts will be turned to Jesus - and let Him do His work within them. It is more important for hearts to be turned to Jesus and following Him, then it is for me to get my prayers answered in the way and time I think it should happen.
I probably could give you other examples, but I don't want to think this morning. None of my siblings are really doing that well, and there has been a strain since 2013-2014 amongst some of them. And yes, I feel that strain with some, but I push through and still try to be a part of their lives - at least until the next time they think I don't do something the way they think I should. Control and pride are big issues for some. And I speak my mind to each one; but they feel justified in what they do. So be it. All I can do is call out their sin.
Which reminds me, Paul called out Peter (if you read your bible, you will remember the story) when he visited the Christians in Galatians. Peter (and Barnabas) hung out with the Gentiles - until the Jewish leaders came to check on what the church was doing. If you recall, the Jewish leaders were wanting Gentiles to be circumcised when they converted. That's another story. But what happened was that when the Jewish leaders arrived, Peter quit sitting with the Gentiles and instead sat on the 'Jewish side'. Paul called him out as a hypocrite, sitting with Gentiles until the Jewish leaders came and then acting like he always sat separate. And I am sure that stung Peter, for he was called out on his sin. (How often do we pretend to be one thing until others show up and then change to 'be like them'?)
I Peter 1:14, 17: Don't slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn't know any better then ... And remember that the heavenly Father to whom you pray has no favorites. He will judge or reward you according to what you do. So you must live in reverent fear of Him during your time here as "temporary residents".
I kind of think Peter remembered Paul admonishing him for what he had done, and he had lead other Jewish converts to do the same and follow him. We are not to slip back to our old ways of doing things to please people. We are to stand firm in what we believe and live like Jesus. We are new creatures in Him. Our past is forgiven, (thank you, Jesus!!) and He remembers it no more. Why would I want to even think about going back to my 'old ways'?
I am not perfect by any means, as you are very well aware of. I still do stupid things. I still say things I shouldn't. But in spite of all my 'stupidity', I keep my eyes on Jesus. Grateful for His grace. Living in His forgiveness. I am lost without Him. And so are you. What is keeping you from saying 'Yes' to Jesus? Stubbornness? Pride? Don't want to give up the 'old life'? Think about how much joy you can have with a 'new' life! Don't gauge the joy you can have on my life; trust me, each day sometimes is a battleground. But keep your eyes on Jesus, for He is the only One who can save you. Cling to Him; trust Him, love Him, surrender to Him. He is for you.
Blessings!
