Groan.... it's Monday!

I made the mistake of looking of my work emails over the weekend.  I kept telling myself I "should" jump online Sunday afternoon and weed them down.  But, I did not.  And this morning - I have nearly 175 messages to respond to when I jump online.  Which I will do after I complete this blog.  I want to get an early start because my day is going to be busy with having to do timecards today.  And I saw that a couple people sent me emails that they either worked in another area which requires a special code to be inserted, or they took a day off and I need to change their time card.  Then there is the Sr Director who was showing 0.0 PTO time and I didn't know what to do and couldn't get answers from HR or Benefits or anyone else - so I put her PTO time in.  It comes up 'Regular - non-worked' and I have no clue what that means.  And I saw an email from this Sr. Director yesterday wanting to know what did I do to her timecard!  Lord, please help me, cause I don't know what I do with timecards!  And today starts the new timecard system called MyTime.  It's supposed to be easier.  But isn't that what the companies always say when they switch you to another program?  

But, I'm not going to worry about it...  all those emails will still be there when I get on the computer, and I will respond to each one - one by one.  What answers I don't have, I will seek.  But I must admit..... with having the extra two days off - even though it was for my surgery - and then the weekend, I am sorta wishing I could retire.  But I'm still working for a reason - need to get all my dental work taken care of so that insurance will cover it and I have income coming in that will pay what I have to pay.  Perhaps three years isn't so far away.  That was when my boss and I decided we both will retire.  So I'm thinking January 1, 2025.  Can I dream about it?

 It was truly a restful weekend, although I did get a little snarky last night with hubby.  He bought me lots of pudding, as I've mentioned before.  For two days I ate nothing but pudding - and that was ok.  I'm still eating pudding.  Saturday evening I ate the little bit of chicken (my comfort food).  Yesterday we ended up watching Jentezen Franklin - and he didn't pull any punches!  And the good part is that I understood what he was saying!  He called out Putin and what Russia is doing to the Ukraine.  He called out our weak government.  It was one of those 'wow' services.  Most pastors are afraid of getting political and although he doesn't choose sides, he will call out what is wrong.  

Anyway, after that service it was too late to get ready to go to church so I cooked breakfast.  I knew hubby was expecting it, and it was easier to just do it than wait him out.  So I fixed scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and applesauce with nuts for hubby, and I had scrambled eggs and applesauce.  Of course he thanked me for fixing breakfast.  I do cook breakfast at least a Saturday or Sunday morning every weekend - usually not both.

So the day was quiet and I read a lot, finished a baby blanket for 'TJ' - which is what we are going to call a grandson's baby when he arrives... they say it is a boy and is due August 15th.  Tommy Jr is what the name is to be, so TJ will fit.  The granddaughter wants to have a 'gender reveal' party in a few weeks - she knows but won't tell.  They changed the date to September 4th for her baby, so we will have two infants just weeks apart.  I have kept back some blankets of different colors so whatever gender the baby is, if I don't have the color, I reckon I will make one.

Oh - when I got snarky last night?  Well, because I cooked breakfast late in the morning, I knew hubby could get through without lunch.  After him watching the Suns plan, he wanted to watch a movie, so we did.  By the end of the movie it was 5:30PM so..... and this is where I got snarky..... I stook up and said "Well, I guess if we are going to have dinner I have to be the one to fix it cause it doesn't look like you are going to."  That wasn't too bad, was it?  I mean, he hasn't cooked a meal forever.  But one would think that since I bought chicken he could heat it up and ..... oh well.  I fixed a meal of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and broccoli - and he was very happy and ate it all.  Yes, I ate too - on the right side of the cheek. :-)  

Psalm 139:23-24 (NKJV) "Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

That verse is appropriate, don't you think, with all I've shared this morning?  And that is my prayer.  I often pray that will search my heart, and know what is troubling me, and if I have wrong thoughts, help me process them and release those thoughts to the One who can change my perspective on them.  Yes, I get angry at times, yes, I get discouraged, and yes, I get hurt.  Sometimes I respond back in kind, but when I do, then I have to humble myself and apologize.  UGH no one likes that part.  

But Jesus.  Jesus changes everything.  To follow Jesus means doing things Jesus' way - not my way.  I can't be angry at someone and tell Jesus I will follow Him anywhere.  

Ecclesiastes 7:9 (NKJV) "Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry.  For anger rests in the bosom of fools."

Ephesians 4:26 (NKJV) "Be angry, and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath."

and lastly....

Ephesians 4:6 (NKJV) "Do not be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."

Blessings!

Restless night, I think....

 Not sure what it was last night.  We did go to bed about a half hour earlier than lately, I think, but I woke up at 1:55AM.  I got up for a few minutes and it sounded like I heard water running.  Which of course reminded me of the times hubby left the water running in the sink at the other house (with the sink plugged, of course) and water running in to the other bathroom - which was mine.  But it wasn't that.  I remembered that I saw a post that my son was going to go wash his car and had made the comment about it raining for 3 days the last time he washed his car.  So I thought, well, maybe it is rain.  I went back to bed but could not go back to sleep.  I was tossing and turning and finally got up at 3AM and came in here.  I left the light off and tried to sleep, and may have succeeded a bit, but I could hear what sounded like rain pouring down outside my window.  This went on for over a half hour and I was thinking "wow, we are really getting a good rain.  Son was right - he washed his car and it pours!"  Then about 3:30-ish -it shut off.  Just like that.  I guess it was the sprinklers in the courtyard.  But it sounded like a downpour so when hubby brought my coffee in a little after 4AM, I suggested he check outside when it got light to see how much water was in the courtyard - and where was it.  And I also wonder if that is what I heard at 1:55AM thinking it was rain!  Actually, yesterday I had noticed the tree in the corner is turning yellow, as though it has been overwatered, and I wondered about it then.  I'm more concerned if a sprinkler head is broken for it sounded as though it must have been shooting up in the air and then splatting down on the table and chairs.  

So, yeah, I am tired this morning and did try to go back to sleep in my chair earlier, but could not.  For some reason my mind is all over the place.  I am pretty sure I will be ready to sneak in a short nap this afternoon.

Hubby has breakfast with a friend this morning and then goes to have blood drawn for a test, I think.  He's having a test done tomorrow morning for which he must fast.  I've been told I can not talk about it. He was really cranky last night and at dinner he was really rude.  He is a worry wort and gets angry with me because I make it a point not to worry.  Now that doesn't mean I'm not concerned about things, but I choose not to let things - ok, sometimes they do, but I choose not to let things consume me.  Perhpas it is because some of the things he worries about is not about me.  Of course most of the things he worries about is me... but there is no foundation, no basis, for his worry.  He was upset I wasn't verbalizing more that I was worried... so I finally told him that God says to not worry, He's got it!!  No matter what it is, no matter what is happening or what is going on, he or I or anyone else worrying about it is going to change the outcome.  I choose to put things in God's hands and trust Him to bring the right outcome.  If the fear comes true, God still has it.  If not, then why waste all that time and energy on worry?  Where is the trust that God is in control of ALL things?  And when things come back 'ok' or 'normal' I have to remind him all the things he put himself (and me) though because he kept worrying about what result would come back.

All these things were replaying in my mind as I tried to go back to sleep and I would pray and ask myself if I am right..... lack of worry does not mean a lack of concern.    What do you think?  

I also had my middle child on my mind.  Just before I went to bed he had text'd for me to call him this morning after 8AM when I could talk.  It is such an unusual request that I played that in my mind too - what could he be calling about.  I read his blog and he hasn't been feeling good... is he wanting his former doctor's telephone number?  I don't think that doctor is taking 'new' patients anymore... and he hasn't been to him in years.  The dad doctor has retired, which is why I am looking for a doctor.  The son didn't want me as a patient as he could only take so many and seems he was taking only the older, sicker ones his dad had cared for.  Is it about going to lunch soon?   He had mentioned that earlier because I had forgotten to take him something on Saturday.  Could it be hubby sent him a text?  I think that part has me the most concerned about.... hubby always feels if I get to spend time with one of my children and he isn't asked.  Yeah, we had that discussion last night too.  So you see, I had several things playing on my mind and they were not allowing me to go back to sleep.  I wonder if I had actualy gotten up and stayed up if I could have fallen back to sleep in my chair.  Perhaps - or perhaps not.  I'm awake now, anyway.  ADDENDUM:  It was about lunch on Saturday. :-)

Matthew 6:25-27 , 34 (NIV)  "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ........Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I must say that at times I do 'worry' about my children because I love them.  I care about what is going on in their lives and I only want what is best for them.  That is the reason I pray for them.  I want all that God has for them to come about in their lives.  Unfortunately, what I desire and what they get isn't always the same, but that comes from choices.  I cannot make their choices for them (nor they mine!) and I let them live their own lives.  I believe at some point they will realize how much they are loved by God (and by their mother) and they will choose to follow Him.  Little by little they will allow Him to take over.  It won't happen overnight.  I'm believing that before I die, all three of my children will personally know the Lord.

I hear thunder!  Perhaps it WAS rain earlier  - I mean, I definitely know it was the sprinkler shutting off when I was sitting in here, but it could have been raining ealier.   Thanks for washing the car, son... we do need the rain!

I still have time for some solitude this morning and I'm running out of things to ramble about.  Hope you have an amazing day!

Blessings!