Restless night, I think....

 Not sure what it was last night.  We did go to bed about a half hour earlier than lately, I think, but I woke up at 1:55AM.  I got up for a few minutes and it sounded like I heard water running.  Which of course reminded me of the times hubby left the water running in the sink at the other house (with the sink plugged, of course) and water running in to the other bathroom - which was mine.  But it wasn't that.  I remembered that I saw a post that my son was going to go wash his car and had made the comment about it raining for 3 days the last time he washed his car.  So I thought, well, maybe it is rain.  I went back to bed but could not go back to sleep.  I was tossing and turning and finally got up at 3AM and came in here.  I left the light off and tried to sleep, and may have succeeded a bit, but I could hear what sounded like rain pouring down outside my window.  This went on for over a half hour and I was thinking "wow, we are really getting a good rain.  Son was right - he washed his car and it pours!"  Then about 3:30-ish -it shut off.  Just like that.  I guess it was the sprinklers in the courtyard.  But it sounded like a downpour so when hubby brought my coffee in a little after 4AM, I suggested he check outside when it got light to see how much water was in the courtyard - and where was it.  And I also wonder if that is what I heard at 1:55AM thinking it was rain!  Actually, yesterday I had noticed the tree in the corner is turning yellow, as though it has been overwatered, and I wondered about it then.  I'm more concerned if a sprinkler head is broken for it sounded as though it must have been shooting up in the air and then splatting down on the table and chairs.  

So, yeah, I am tired this morning and did try to go back to sleep in my chair earlier, but could not.  For some reason my mind is all over the place.  I am pretty sure I will be ready to sneak in a short nap this afternoon.

Hubby has breakfast with a friend this morning and then goes to have blood drawn for a test, I think.  He's having a test done tomorrow morning for which he must fast.  I've been told I can not talk about it. He was really cranky last night and at dinner he was really rude.  He is a worry wort and gets angry with me because I make it a point not to worry.  Now that doesn't mean I'm not concerned about things, but I choose not to let things - ok, sometimes they do, but I choose not to let things consume me.  Perhpas it is because some of the things he worries about is not about me.  Of course most of the things he worries about is me... but there is no foundation, no basis, for his worry.  He was upset I wasn't verbalizing more that I was worried... so I finally told him that God says to not worry, He's got it!!  No matter what it is, no matter what is happening or what is going on, he or I or anyone else worrying about it is going to change the outcome.  I choose to put things in God's hands and trust Him to bring the right outcome.  If the fear comes true, God still has it.  If not, then why waste all that time and energy on worry?  Where is the trust that God is in control of ALL things?  And when things come back 'ok' or 'normal' I have to remind him all the things he put himself (and me) though because he kept worrying about what result would come back.

All these things were replaying in my mind as I tried to go back to sleep and I would pray and ask myself if I am right..... lack of worry does not mean a lack of concern.    What do you think?  

I also had my middle child on my mind.  Just before I went to bed he had text'd for me to call him this morning after 8AM when I could talk.  It is such an unusual request that I played that in my mind too - what could he be calling about.  I read his blog and he hasn't been feeling good... is he wanting his former doctor's telephone number?  I don't think that doctor is taking 'new' patients anymore... and he hasn't been to him in years.  The dad doctor has retired, which is why I am looking for a doctor.  The son didn't want me as a patient as he could only take so many and seems he was taking only the older, sicker ones his dad had cared for.  Is it about going to lunch soon?   He had mentioned that earlier because I had forgotten to take him something on Saturday.  Could it be hubby sent him a text?  I think that part has me the most concerned about.... hubby always feels if I get to spend time with one of my children and he isn't asked.  Yeah, we had that discussion last night too.  So you see, I had several things playing on my mind and they were not allowing me to go back to sleep.  I wonder if I had actualy gotten up and stayed up if I could have fallen back to sleep in my chair.  Perhaps - or perhaps not.  I'm awake now, anyway.  ADDENDUM:  It was about lunch on Saturday. :-)

Matthew 6:25-27 , 34 (NIV)  "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ........Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I must say that at times I do 'worry' about my children because I love them.  I care about what is going on in their lives and I only want what is best for them.  That is the reason I pray for them.  I want all that God has for them to come about in their lives.  Unfortunately, what I desire and what they get isn't always the same, but that comes from choices.  I cannot make their choices for them (nor they mine!) and I let them live their own lives.  I believe at some point they will realize how much they are loved by God (and by their mother) and they will choose to follow Him.  Little by little they will allow Him to take over.  It won't happen overnight.  I'm believing that before I die, all three of my children will personally know the Lord.

I hear thunder!  Perhaps it WAS rain earlier  - I mean, I definitely know it was the sprinkler shutting off when I was sitting in here, but it could have been raining ealier.   Thanks for washing the car, son... we do need the rain!

I still have time for some solitude this morning and I'm running out of things to ramble about.  Hope you have an amazing day!

Blessings!

I should have known.....

 I had a sleepless night.  We went to bed around 9PM-ish.... and my mind was wide awake.  Not sure why unless it was 1) I slept good the night before; 2) I had green tea late afternoon, which I rarely do.  Whatever it was keeping me awake, the last time I looked at the clock was 10:40PM and I was still wide awake.  Hubby was immediately snoring once we went to bed; He always has to be 'touching' me and his hand was on my neck for awhile and I had to move it cause the weight of it made me feel I couldn't move.  He moved it to my head... and I had already taken an aspirin because I had a headache.  That didn't help any.  I finally moved out of his range.  If he had been awake he would have commented loudly; but he was asleep so other than grunting, he didn't speak.

So what was keeping me awake?  I don't know.  Could be a lot of things.  As mentioned above, it could be I got deep sleep the night before.  It could be too much caffeine in the late afternoon.  It could be I didn't exert myself in the afternoon enough to make my body tired.  Sitting all day and all evening doesn't move the body.  It could be God was keeping me awake to talk with me.  (If it was, I did all the talking!)  Or it could be hubby and I had a discussion earlier after dinner and I spoke my piece and he didn't like it.   A lot of things kept going through my mind and would not settle down.  Whatever it was, when I did get to sleep, I didn't want to get up this morning.

And I have a fun time scheduled for today!  I remembered it last night - I'm meeting my boss and a friend for lunch today at a location between my home and the far office!  My thought earlier in the week was that I'd just not go, I'd cancel.  I was heavily burdened about something and working my way through it and just felt like I wouldn't be 'fun' to be with.  But I'm past that now and am ready to meet my friends and enjoy a nice visit.  And, being with my boss, I don't have to worry about getting back to work on time as she won't be either.  It will be a 30-40 minute drive just to the restaurant for all of us.  I am getting more and more ready to get out in the world again.

Have you ever had a situation where you ask God, and you don't get an answer?  So what do you do?  Do you keep waiting (sometimes you should) or do you just barge on ahead with what you want to do?  Something to think about.

BOO!  5:30AM and I get a text from my boss that she is calling in sick today.  Which means no lunch meeting either.  I will need to jump on the computer right away and start moving her meetings.  I'm glad that on Friday afternoons I generally block her so that she can wind down the week and not have meetings.  But I do have the morning meetings I need to move as well as our lunch.  I'm disappointed, but it is what it is.  At least it isn't her that is sick; her son-in-law was taken to the hospital last night so they have been at their daughter's house all night with the grandchild.  He's doing fine; an allergic reaction to something.  But she's exhausted.  Glad she is taking the time off for herself to rest.  Which means my day today is going to be another long day.  Yesterday I had absolutely nothing on my calendar..... and I wasn't given any meetings to schedule.  Today will be the same.  Oh well!  A quiet day before the weekend is always nice.

Each and every day is in God's hands and He knows best for each of us.  I mentioned earlier that I had thought about cancelling out today's lunch...  and now it is.  I struggle sometimes with going some places that I haven't been before....being directionally challenged CAN be a challenge sometimes.  But I knew where this place was and have even been there before.  Maybe it was I just didn't want to "clean up" cause jeans/shorts and a t-shirt is basically my work attire anymore. Oh - and no makeup.  Well, it looks like I get to 'bum' through another day!

My thoughts are jumping all over the place this morning so I'll quit rambling.  Need to get on the work computer and start moving meetings before the day starts.  

Have a good day - enjoy your life.  It's the only one you have at this moment.  Choose wisely.  

Blessings!