Making very little progress

 Yeah, this room doesn't seem to be shrinking any.  At least not in the last couple of days.  I really wanted to get in here yesterday, but did not. The day started out with my going to Needles of Hope, where I stayed until about 11:30AM.  From there I went to pick up the combo box I had ordered.  After that I wanted to go to the dollar store, but I also had to go to the bathroom, but didn't want to go home first.  So, following my mother's instructions, I stopped at Arby's (although any fast food would do) and used it, then purchased a senior drink and a roast beef slider. Mother always said (per Heloise - some of you may remember that name) that if you stop to use the bathroom at a fast food place, you also need to order something.  I've always stuck by that.  But it was 12:15PM and it seemed one after another came in before I got to the register.  Some ordering 2-4 sandwiches, fries, etc.  And.... as to be expected as one front person must have been new as she kept walking back and forth, occasionally shaking the fries, grabbing one or two to eat (in front of us!!) they got way behind.  One guy ahead of me said he was waiting 30 minutes for his sandwiches - and finally requested a refund after several people got their order who had come in after him.  And he only had two sandwiches and two fries!   I waited 20 minutes for a slider.  Seriously.  I paid for it, so was going to get it. And I enjoyed every bite of it when I finally did get it.  I could see things had gotten out of hand; one person came in as I did, and although he took my order, he ended up going to the back to help make sandwiches because they couldn't keep up.  Moral of this entire rambling story?  Be patient; you don't know what has gone on that you don't see.  Perhaps a person didn't show up - or two!  I got my drink and sandwich and I enjoyed it.  And I headed on to the dollar store.

After getting more wrapping paper at the dollar store (the butcher paper doesn't like my scotch tape) and a few other things, I came on home, although I really needed to do some other things.  Hubby was watching football (of course) and I came in and stared at this room, and decided I really didn't feel like attacking it just yet.  I didn't cook dinner; we both fixed a peanut butter sandwich; I finished up a small bowl of chicken noodle soup.  Not sure what hubby had.  I made some protein bars and put in the refrigerator to set.  I should have started baking, but kept talking myself out of it.  And I know I am going to regret that decision for it is going to hit me Tuesday and Wednesday as I head to Mesa on Thursday for a Christmas party with the Network Department.  I don't have to take a potluck food, but I do need to put together my boss's Christmas gift.  And I want to get Morgan's done for Monday if possible.  She is ready to go into labor any time and I won't see her for awhile if she does.  So I figure I'll take her good gifts to her this week.  Hence the protein bars I made yesterday.  But for most of the day, I was able to be alone and doing something outside - and it felt good.

I worked on a blanket for our newest little one and have about 3 rows to go before I'm finished.  It's larger than I usually make, but it is in place of an afghan, like I made already for her brother.  We watched a movie last night while I did that.

Oh - before that, I get a text from a granddaughter that my daughter had fallen on her hip and fractured her pelvis.  She was in so much pain they called an ambulance for her and she is in the hospital. Today she is to have physical therapy - will have to ask my DIL about that - how can they do PT for someone with a broken pelvis?  Anyway - a surgeon is also supposed to stop in and see her and 'consult' - although they say she probably will not need surgery.  So what do they do for a broken pelvis?  Her butt is nothing but bone anyway - which is probably why it fractured.  Now MY butt has enough cushion on it that it would probably just bruise from bouncing on the ground!  Right?  Anyway - this isn't about me.  The granddaughter stayed in the hospital with her mama last night.  I will call her after church this morning to see if she is still there, and we will head over to see her, if so.

I'm speaking at one of the RV parks this morning so have been going through the message a few times.  I'm still not real comfortable with it, but I just give it over to God and ask Him to take it and use it. That's all I can do, for I can not fix it or deliver it without His help.   

I had asked another granddaughter if she wanted to come over and bake this afternoon, but as usual, she has not 'read' nor responded to my text.  Once we get back home I will call her and ask if she wants to bake today.  Otherwise, will need to find another day.  I have blocked December 21 after church for another granddaughter.  I am thinking all my baking should be done by then.  I hope so, anyway! I want to get my siblings packages in the mail this next week, which means I need to get busy and 'do something'.  I may just order something sent to one or two of them. Yeah, you get little product for what you pay for, but it is the thought, right?  I don't have to send anything; I want to. 

I have two advent puzzles that I'm putting together.  My daughter gave me the first one, and honestly, I don't remember who gave me the second one last year.  I'm sure it was a Christmas gift.  I enjoy puzzles and this one you have about 24 pieces a day in this one section - like 5" square - to put together each of the 24 days before Christmas - with the puzzle being finished on Christmas Eve.  Good thing for I will have to tear it apart on Christmas Eve as the Christmas gatherings start then.  Or, at least that is the plan - or was the plan - before my daughter fell.  She was to go to New Mexico on Thursday next week - and that is now out of the question.  Not sure what is going to happen there.  She's trying to encourage her husband to still go and take the Christmas gifts - whether he will go or not remains to be seen.  Regardless of how behavior comes across at times, in reality, people are scared they will be left alone and on their own and have no clue how to do that.  I know hubby is that way. And you know what I am meaning without saying anything.  You are probably that way as well, in spite of what you say.

And with that, I need to jump off here and get ready for church. We have to leave around 8AM to get to the RV park early enough to greet our friends.  The choir director always makes me sing in the choir even though I'm speaking too.  He's a hoot.  But I love him dearly.  Years ago I did a healing service there and he says I prayed for and anointed him with oil. When he got back home, his kidney cancer had disappeared.  Not from anything I did, for sure, it was all God. But he always tells me how glad he is to see me every time we go. It's like we have a special bond.  I certainly don't claim any 'credit' - it was all God.  I was just being obedient by changing the service to a healing service and praying over people who wanted prayer.  

Hope that you have an amazing day. Be careful; don't go tripping over things!  It's so easy to do - especially in here!  I've got to clear this out!!  It I fell and hurt myself, Christmas would be canceled at our house!

Blessings!

It was a very good day

 I finally got out of the house around 10AM yesterday morning.  I saw I had several messages on my work computer so skimmed through them and cleaned them up.  (Later I saw I had 129 so cleaned those up when I got home!)  I did not take hubby for breakfast; forgot he had his gym appointment at 8:30AM so I just went through my lists and checked messages and then left once he got back.  Had some things to deliver to my youngest and to the oldest, so dropped off at my youngest first - and then he came with me to my daughter's to drop off what I needed to take there.  Then we grabbed lunch, went to Kohls (got nothing), went to Sam's Club (bought some groceries that will last through the weekend (still need to go to Fry's by Friday to get for the weekend meals), and then took the youngest back home before going to Walgreens and heading back home.  I just didn't want to come home yet, but wasn't in the mood to shop, really, and just didn't know what else to get.  I think I'm at the stage of 'it is what it is' and if everyone gets at least one gift, then I'm done.

Two of the grandsons came over to bake cookies last night - and one wanted to make peanut butter cookies - and wouldn't you know it - I had meant to get peanut butter when I went to Sam's - and forgot it.  I had half a jar.  So he decided on Oh Henry bars - and I was just short of peanut butter for it - but he used it all anyway and you know what - those cookie bars were so good!!  And yes, I sent all but one piece home with him and I ate the one.  The other grandson made snickerdoodles and took those home with him. After we were finished - we headed to Chili's for dinner - and three of us couldn't finish our meals so those came back with us too.  I think the loaded potato soup filled both of the boys up.  Grandpa shared his chips and salsa.  All in all, it was a great evening for me, and I think the boys enjoyed it too.  And, because there wasn't a lot of giggling and screaming, hubby wasn't as grumpy.

So I'm done with the cookie baking (I think) for this season.  I think I'm done with shopping too.  My thoughts have turned to the meals and when do I need to make salsa so it will last longer, need to make things for my favorite boss as I'm meeting her on Friday morning.  Need to do this, and need to do that.  Got things to get done as far as food and food gifts.  Maybe today won't be too bad and I can get some made.  Still got to go to Frys and get stewed tomatoes for the salsa.  Must do it today, I'm thinking.  It's going to be crazy the rest of this week.  But I love every minute of it, because I'm making and giving things to those I care about.  And that makes it all worthwhile.

Oh yeah... just remembered I'm back at work today and glanced at the clock.  Sigh.  Here I have been just dilly-dallying and taking my time with my reading this morning and typing in here.  Guess I need to step it up a bit.

Hubby is having breakfast with a friend this morning so that will get him out of my hair for awhile - and he is meeting another friend tonight for Bible study.  I'm thinking I may stay home and work on things I need to get done, rather than girls night out - but then, I cancelled last week.... I'll have to see what I have left to do that I don't get done during the day.

Isaiah 55:7 (CSB)  "Let the wicked one abandon his way and the sinful one his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, so He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will freely forgive."

I must admit that when I first read that verse in my devotional my thoughts turned to my sister.  Not that she is wicked or sinful, but the fact that she won't let go of the past and forgive things.  She just cannot let them go.  And some of us are like that too.  I admit, sometimes I will have thoughts come to my mind that will stir me up, but then I remember that I have forgiven that person and I have given it to God.  The devil likes to remind us of things of the past, things that upset up and we held on to.  We 'hated' this person or that person because of something they said or did.  We 'disliked' (a much nicer word than hated) a person's behavior and hold it against them. (yeah, you know I'm guilty of some of that!) But we are called to let go of the grudges we hold on to.

Why?  Because they are toxic.  When we hang on to grudges, hatred, dislike - whatever that emotion is - it holds us hostage to the person we think we are 'punishing'.  We allow them to keep that anger, hatred, dislike stirred up in us.  And then it makes us irritable, dislikeable and toxic to other people.  Especially to those we love.  And we wonder why some distance themselves from us.  It's hard, sometimes, to let go of what we have hung on to for so long.  Especially when it's directed at God.  We're angry at Him for allowing things to happen.  We're angry at the people who did whatever they did to us.  And then we become toxic, angry people.  But it is when we give it to God, ask His forgiveness, and ask Him to help us forgive that person, that we can be set free from the bondage we place on ourselves.  He will always forgive us, no matter what the sin is - unless it is against the Holy Spirit.  That is the only sin He will never forgive.  Never speak against the Holy Spirit - who is part of the Trinity.

So take a moment and ask yourself if there is anyone you hold a grudge against.  Is it a person?  Is it God Himself?  Take a moment and see if it is even yourself, that you have a hard time forgiving.  We are often our worst enemy.  Forgive yourself, and ask God to help you forgive others.  Be set free from toxic behavior this year.  Let the 'bygones be bygones' and start this season fresh and clean.

Father, thank You for your mercy and forgiveness shown to each of us.  Search our hearts today and show us where we have harbored unforgiveness and bitterness against others.  Help us to walk in Your grace and forgive those who have hurt us or angered us.  Help us to extend that grace given to us, to others, that we may walk freely in true joy.  Thank you Father.  Amen.

Blessings!

Talk about waiting ....

 Remember where I shared about my snarky remark yesterday?  I should have waited without responding.  When my boss and I had our meeting yesterday I mentioned that I had made a snarky remark to one of the people I support... and I told her why.  You know what? She agreed with me - somewhat. Not about my remark, but 'why are you being asked to do something that the employee or her director should be doing?'  EXACTLY!!  My boss did explain that some people have to have special screens and have everything enlarged so that they can continue to work and see.  We have a friend up in Prescott who has the mascular degeneration (?) of the eye  and it got so bad that last year she made the decision to go on disability (she had worked for the company several years) and will eventually retire totally because she can't see.  It makes me wonder if this employee has it as well.  But she is getting cataract surgery so I don't know.  ANYWAY... my boss told me to send the director an email and tell her that the request was not something I should be handling and give it back to her.  I had already sent an email to Benefits but they hadn't responded.  By the time I was working on a 'nice' email to send to the director, I got the response from Benefits. They said to have the employee or director contact our 'HR Partner' who will help or direct the questions.  So - I don't have to do anything.... and I didn't need to do my snarky remark... and I am fortunate I can see fairly well.  I gave it back to the director and now I'm 'out of it'.  YAY! 

My boss and I did have a good conversation during my review yesterday too.  And, yes, she did give me 'exceeds expectations' and told me why.  I do a lot of work for a lot of other people, besides those I support.  I get strange requests (like the one above) and I do attempt to solve the problem.  (I did contact Benefits yesterday before I was told I didn't have to handle it)  I love my boss cause she always builds me up with positive statements and encourages me to do things I may be lazy/afraid to try.  One of the tasks I agreed to take on was becoming more of an expert with Visio.  I loved 'playing' with Visio years ago... but they have changed it so much, and I just have the standard version, not the pro version, and it isn't as much fun - and is a lot of work at times.  But, I needed a focus and I have the Microsoft book so will play with it this year, create more org charts and I will be successful with my goal.

We took our grandson out to Denny's last night for dinner and he did order breakfast!  I enjoyed having the time with him and reminded him that he and his brothers can come over any time and bake cookies.  He remembered he hadn't made it for the Christmas baking this year.  (In fact, the only one who did was his sister and niece)  I told him even if it is during the day (if he was out of school) and I was working, it is ok.  They don't need me in the kitchen; I can show them where things are and let them bake.  I still get to go out and visit with them and enjoy their company.  I really do miss the times the grandchildren were younger and could come over occasionally.  Hopefully he will relay the message to his brothers and cookies will be baking here soon.  Best part?  I can eat one (or two or three) and let the rest go home with them.  Win Win

I've asked hubby numerous times not to watch his police/fighting shows in the evening.  He watches them all afternoon.  After dinner and we were back home, on came the TV and one of his Chicago PD shows.  I tried not to watch as I crochet'd, but with hearing it, I would glance up.  So what happened?  As I knew it would, I didn't sleep well last night because scenes from the movie would come to mind.  This one was intense.  Erin had pistol whipped a man who kidnapped and abused boys... she was trying to find one boy... her mother shot her lover, who was a criminal... and the mother stole the drugs he had stolen and got busted by the FBI... the FBI went to Erin and wanted to hire her... and Erin said they had to let her mother go free with no detainment if they were going to get her... yeah... there were a lot of things going on in this movie.  I like Chicago PD... but not just before I go to bed.  So - 2AM I am wide awake and can't get this movie out of my mind.  

And then one of 'those unusual things' happened that scared me wide awake even more!  I wear a rubber band on my left wrist that has the Armor of God on it.  I don't know why I continue to wear it, but have for a couple months now.  Anyway, I hadn't taken it off.  And I sleep with my watch on to monitor my sleep.  What I am guessing happened (I hope), is the the rubber band had been hanging on my watch and as I laid there, it slipped off whatever was holding it... and it rubbed my arm.  I came flying up out of that bed, rubbing my arm, thinking that a bug had fallen from the ceiling onto my arm!  I'm swiping at my arm, swiping at the bed - surprisingly, I don't think hubby even budged!  But my heart was racing and there was no getting back to sleep - so in here I came.  I was not getting back in that bed until it was light enough to see that nothing was on the sheets! And sleep still eluded me in here as well, although I tried.  I tell you what, don't touch me lightly if I'm asleep for I will come up out of that bed swinging!

So glad today is Friday... yesterday was yet another busy day.  Hopefully it won't be bad today as I have some other things to work on.  And I am determined to take a break and walk at least 30 minutes today.  I want to lose minimum of 20 pounds by July - that's about 5 pounds a month and it's doable.  I just have to stay focused and watch what I eat.  (I have two homemade chocolate covered cherries left; I probably should just eat them today and be done with it, ya think?)  And here I was talking about eating cookies....  so I need to exercise too.  

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NKJV):  "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD.  "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

My thoughts and comments are nothing compared to what God has for me.  Nor are your thoughts and comments anything compared to His.  And yet, how often do we think we are so smart with the things we say?  

I guess to really understand those verses I need to also share 6 and 7...

Isaiah 55:6-7 (NKJV):  "Seek the Lord while He may be found.  Call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; Let him return to the LORD, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon."

Now does verses 8-9 become more clear?  To seek the Lord is to look for Him, to call out to Him.  To seek His forgiveness.  God's arm is not short; He is always waiting for each one of us to run back to Him.  He wants to bless us.  He wants to forgive us.  He wants to set our foundation as solid ground.  But we have to come to Him first.  He's close by.  He's waiting.  Today is the day.  Now is the time. Let Him set you free.

Blessings!

I have a lot to get done....

 so I took today off work.  And I'm enjoying my time with God this morning and snuggling and taking naps.  I sure do love these mornings of not having to get on the computer and can just take my time, reading my bible, writing in my journal, taking naps, reading my devotions or other books... and just relaxing with God.  I do so love these moments and that is part of the reason I'm such a whiner about wanting to quit work.  I want this every morning, not just on weekends when nothing is on the agenda.

I do have a lot of things I want to get done today, plus I am meeting a co-worker for lunch.  I haven't seen her since we were sent home from the office.  She is also one I had invited for dinner the other week - and then she got the flu and could not come.  It will be fun to catch up.  I need to return items to Kohls, Penney's, and run by the UPS office.... and no, I don't have plans to shop.... I quit. I'm done. If they aren't happy with what they get, then they have the wrong thought of the season.  Right?

Hubby has caught a really bad cold.... and is frequently coming to me with the question "what else can I take?"  Not much help there.... drugstores are out of a lot of things and I haven't gone to see if more has come in.  Maybe I will stop in today and see what they have.  Surely, though, he is slowly getting better.  Still coughing and sneezing a lot... and I'm grateful I'm not.  We're sleeping in separate beds at least through the weekend so hopefully he doesn't give it back to me.

I baked a couple batches of cookies last night and want to get one more done today or tomorrow.  Then I'll box up and send some (not all) to my friend in Georgia.  I don't go crazy with 'Christmas cookies'... I don't do the fancy stuff.  I just bake.  Last night it was oatmeal raisin cookies, and chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies.  No white chocolate chips, just chocolate.  Using up my surplus from last year; haven't needed to buy any new yet - these have been in the freezer so hope they are still ok.  

I was kind of sad last night as I baked, and was grateful I could stay in the kitchen.  I know I need to reach out to a couple grandchildren to see if they are able to come over this year to bake cookies.  Last night I was missing them all.  Missing the laughter, the fun we had in baking.  Oh those were fun times for me, and I hope this time of year brings back good memories for them as well.  That was the entire purpose of doing it all those years; that they would have special memories of baking cookies at Grandma's.  Christmas mice went by the wayside last year; no one wanted to make them of those who were able to come.  And that's ok.  They are too sweet anyway.  I thought about calling my children to see if they wanted to come bake.  But I didn't.  I even gave up Tuesday Girls Night Out... wanted to relax and bake.  It's good therapy for me.

Revelation 21:4 (NKJV):  "And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."

I realize that this season, for a lot of people, is painful.  Memories of those close to us who have passed on pop up on Facebook.  Thoughts of things we did with others jump in to our minds.  Our hearts grow heavy with the memory.  But what do we do with those?  Unfortunately, my youngest tries to drink his pain away.  So much drama in his life and he lives in it constantly; he refuses to get out of it.  My greatest fear is that one of these days he will do something....  I understand depression over things; I go through it at times.  I imagine we all do deal with sadness in various degrees and stages.  Some people it causes them to take to their beds with depression.  For some, they turn to drinking, thinking it will ease the pain of loss, but all it does is compound it.  Some eat their depression.  Some withdraw.  I guess I tend to withdraw somewhat, before I decide to 'get busy' and put other things in my mind.  But this time of year affects me too.  

My big brother died on Christmas Eve, 2002.  It's not easy to forget that date, nor my big brother.  I miss my mama.  I miss my little brother, Buddy, who passed just before Thanksgiving in 1996.  I miss family being family.  I miss my big sister; our chats, my trying to figure out what to send her for Christmas.  I miss living life with them, albeit far away.

But I can hold on to Revelation 21:4 because I know that there will be a time that God will wipe our tears away and we will no longer have to deal with death, nor the pain of loss, nor cry for our sorrow.  He will give us what we need to restore our hearts to wholeness, if we let Him.  And that is what I choose. Even yet today, when my heart is heavy for those passed, I can believe in Jesus and the pain He endured for me, to remove my sins far from me regardless of what they were or are, and He shall restore what the enemy has taken away from me. He has stolen my joy.

He will restore Hope in living.  He will restore Joy in the sorrow.  He will restore Love. Oh Jesus has all the answers for the sadness we feel.  How do you think I get through each day?  Trust me, if it wasn't for Jesus, I shudder to think what my life would be like.  Jesus is my life, and He makes life worth living, for the time I have.

It truly is all about Jesus.  When we turn to Him, He will supply all you need to get through any sadness.  Doesn't mean it will all go away; we will always miss those we love.  But He will give us also the good memories and we can have joy in those.

Blessings!