It felt good to hear it.

 I took a 'lunch break' yesterday to run over to Big Lots to pick up a baby shower card and wrapping paper - only to find out they don't carry them any more.  Shows you how often I get over to Big Lots.  While I was there, I may as well 'shop' so picked up a few things.  Can you believe that at Big Lots they were asking $4.59 for a small roll of aluminum foil?  Seriously!  I found an off brand for $2.99 and grabbed it!  Good grief!  

But while I was there, I got a phone call from the neighbor across the street.  Ms. Diane.  She told me thank you again for the pie.  She couldn't wait to have a piece the night before and even had a piece for breakfast!  What is funny there, is that she had told me she doesn't like yogurt.  This key lime pie is made up of two containers of key lime yogurt.  Anyway - what really warmed my heart was that she thanked me again and again for the prayer shawl.  Then she told me.  "I have trouble sleeping at night and am usually awake most of the night, tossing and turning.  Last night I was cool so put the prayer shawl over me while I watched TV.  The next thing I knew was that it was 5AM and I was still in my recliner.  I had slept sound all night; best sleep I have gotten in a long, long time."

See how God works sometimes?  I am guessing she felt such peace and comfort just from having the prayer shawl laid across her body, that she fell into a deep sleep.  God is so good.

I had a surprise this morning too.  After Ms, Amy was taken back to the hospital last night (neighbor on the left), I took her daughter to the hospital and stayed with her for while, which made me not only be up late for me, but when I woke this morning, I wanted to sleep a bit longer.  I left about 10PM and it was proably close to 11PM before I made it to bed.  Mentally I woke up about 4:23AM and did not want the body to awaken  cause my mind was wide awake most of the night.  I came in here and sat in my chair, trying to go back to sleep, which did not happen.  An hour later I heard hubby get up and knew he would bring in my coffee so turned the light on.  I decided to glance at my phone to see if Ms. Amy got admitted or if she was sent home.  No message there.

But I did have another surprising text - my oldest son offered to take me to breakfast!  Never mind that he was dropping the son off and then his wife off at work, which is a short distance from us.  He asked to take me to breakfast!  Whoo Hoo!  I do have things I need to do, but they can wait so that I can spend some time with my son.  I always enjoy catching up with him any time that I can.  

Matthew 5:14 (NKJV):  "You are the light of the world.  A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden."

As I read that scripture this morning, I am reminded that who I am in Christ is reflected to others.  I think of Ms. Amy, who says she is a Christian and attends church when she can but has a negative attitude about a lot of things.  And I think of Ms. Diane.  When I met her son the other day, he told me that he was a Christian, from the age of 16.  But, his mother was not.  Interesting that he brought that up in our conversation.  I finally told him that I would be happy to share things with her and help her understand Jesus loves her.  No, I'm not going to 'brow beat' Ms. Diane into submission to Jesus.  I don't have to.  But this verse identifies what I am to be.

My life should be a light to this dark world.  I have a lot of cleaning up to do, don't I?  I know I have attitude problems; I have relationship problems... I have shared my life here.  A steady reader knows me well.  But I also hope that they have read that I love Jesus and all I want is to be wholly surrended to Him and to His will alone.  I fail, time and again.  But I brush myself off, ask forgiveness, and focus again on Jesus.  

What I desire and want is not important; what is important is allowing Jesus to live through me and give others hope in life with Him.  Sometimes that is easy, when one is around other Christians.  But many times - especially right now - around family; around people who don't know me... it is sometimes easy to give in to the emotions they bring out in us.  Does that make sense?

I think of the relationship between my sister and I right now.  I don't understand her - no matter how much I try.  I've always given in to her and tell her she's wonderful - and she is.  But....she is not perfect, and neither am I.  Her words cut deep and wounds are hard to heal.  But by God's grace, this time, He wrapped me in a protective covering and the words did not penetrate.  I have refused to give in and do as demanded.  I have stood up and said no, that is wrong.  My light has not faltered in this situation.  Many years ago my light nearly went out.  But this time...  well, this too shall pass.  My mama always said so.

I'm always amazed at what people remember about relationships when people pass away.  I know my older sister and I had a relationship that the others didn't have with her.  And yet, one person seems to think they were so very close, and that she is now missed very much.  It puzzles me.  But let them think it.  I miss my big sister because we did talk 3-4 and sometimes more times a month.  It was very difficult for me to clean out her apartment for I felt I was invading her personal space.  But, it needed to be done, and working in her bedroom, I was in her very space.  Memories of that room still come to me and the work of packing and throwing away of things.  Ah... there I go again.

What I am wanting to share here... is that we are called to be a light in the darkness of this world.  Like a city on top of the hill turns its lights on and the world around it can see them, we, as followers of Jesus Christ, are to keep our lights on so that the world knows we belong to Him.  How are we doing with that?  I know I have work to do... how about you?

Blessings!

Moving on....Flowing Waters

 Let's talk about the 'flowing waters' first this morning.  I get up at 4AM when I awake... and come sit in my chair.  I really want to try to sleep a little...but hear hubby get up so turn my light on and pull out my Bible to start reading.  Then I notice it.  Well, actually, I heard water flowing right after I got up, before I got to my room, but ignored it.  But, as I sat here, I wondered if it was raining outside.  Thought of my cushions on the chairs that didn't get untied and brought under the cover of the porch.  And, as I kept listening, it didn't quite sound like rain...so I went out the front door to check.  Our courtyard had flooded again, water standing in the yard beyond the courtyard, down to the street where it was flowing freely.  I checked our neighbor's courtyard and the entire courtyard was once again under about 4" of water.  I go get hubby and he goes out to turn off the master switch in the middle of the yard, wading through ankle deep water.  This is the 3rd or 4th time it has happened... the main switch doesn't shut off.  He will call the HOA Rep in the office at 8AM.  It will all be soaked in the ground by 8AM... and we don't have to water for several days now.  Ok, maybe 4-5 days.  My guess is that it has been running since about 2:30AM since that is when I was awake a week or so ago and heard it come on. 

That's kind of like life sometimes, isn't it?  Things happen that turn the 'switch' on.  The 'switch' that changes people - some for the good, some for the bad.  Reminds me, I actually have the separate 'light switch' that turns on a light and turns it off that I took from my older sister's apartment.  It can be put on the wall and when you walk into that room at night, you flip the switch and a glow comes from it like a night light.  I wanted it for another reason, but just realized why my sister had it.  Didn't think about it before.   Mine was because of a joke a friend sent me when hubby got after me about leaving the hall light on when going into another room.

Anyway... I am turning that 'switch' off and letting go.  Toxic relationships only hurt you when you let them.  I was awake most of the night last night - for some reason - thinking about my older sister and how she was treated when she was alive by family members.... and although I knew and couldn't do anything about it, I maintained a relationship.  Something the others really didn't.  Only when they 'had to'.  Although my older brother did text her occasionally... she usually didn't answer.... but she was invited to his house for Thanksgiving and to Christmas dinner... and most times went over the years.  I still struggle no one could say anything good about her; it still breaks my heart.  No matter how hard she was, she really wasn't evil as they claimed.  I'm so grateful for the good relationship I had with her for I have no regret, other than she felt such despair that she would end her life.

So, especially since I talked with my mentor a few days ago... and although I didn't share much, but some of what I'm dealing with at the moment, as I mentioned before, I think, I'm moving on.  Moving on past toxic relationships.  No matter how much we love those people, no matter how much they really do NEED us, we have to walk away.  And perhaps God allowed this situation to reveal to me how these toxic people affect me personally when I'm around them.  I've walked on eggshells for years... and now it is time for me to stop.  It doesn't mean I won't pray for them anymore, for I do, and I will continue to do so.  Not for them to see things MY way, but that God will intervene and will help them see things HIS way.  I'm not important.  Obviously.  

So with that dialogue, I hope to put this out of my blogs, out of my mind, and only keep in prayer those things that God brings to my mind.  Please forgive me if I digress and say something.... I've been honest with my feelings and what has happened, although I haven't told it all.  And it doesn't need to be told.  I am not tying my life up in emotions and relationships.  I am going to live my life as I always try to - focused on Jesus alone.  Trials will come up in everyone's life.  It's ok to step aside when others ... well, just enough.

I am so ready for the weekend.. and that today is Friday.  Yesterday I only had a few meetings to schedule and was glad when I could turn off the computer.  I found some '6' yarn... and made bowl holders... 3 for me and 2 others I may send to a granddaughter who is getting married later this month.  Hubby's granddaughter, in fact.  I went online yesterday and asked her mother if they were registered anywhere and once getting that information, was able to find a couple things to have sent for their wedding gift.  I also want to make them an afghan and I got their wedding and their apartment colors, so that in the future I can make it, although I l don't think that I'm that good at it.  Something my step-daughter said last night kind of hurt... but I understand where it is coming from.  When I sent her a message that I had ordered a gift and it would be sent to her house, she said "that was a nice gesture'.  Her children have always held a special place in my heart.  Can't tell you why; we haven't been involved in their lives at all except when they have come out here (2-3 times) and stayed and invited us to join them for dinner.  Hubby has 'stood' his daughter up in the past so she's leery of being in his life.   I'm doing the gift on my own, although it's from both of us.  This daughter has always tried to have a relationship with her father....  the other two never acknowledge him... and it's been 40 years this next month.  And it makes me sad.  It's not me  being an 'evil stepmother' as I've tried in different ways to keep relationships open.  This step-daughter I do text occasionally.  And that's a whole nuther long story I am not going to get in to.

Thinking about staying off Facebook for awhile... not that I get on it a lot anymore.  I glanced at it last night and before I knew it, I had lost an hour!  THAT's why I try to stay off it or just check if someone has specifically sent me a message.  Need to stick with that and quit reading what other people write that doesn't even concern me.  Memes and comments ... I don't need to 'like', 'love', or respond to.  I have a life to live, right?

Philippians 3:12-14 (NKJV):  "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.  Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

In Jesus I have everything.  And so do you.  Keep pressing on!

Blessings!

She did call....

 I had not responded by text to my sister, but I had written her an email, in response to the two she had also sent me besides the text.  In my email I told her her I loved her, but that it would take time to rebuild that relationship we had before.  She hadn't seen my email when she called.  She wanted to talk about the funeral, about things we packed, donated, took.... she asked about a basket that was on top of her refrigerator - how did it get there and why did she have it?  I paused.  Then I told her how when my daughter came back from the storage unit with the basket and my daughter said "I found another basket!" that she grabbed it and said "this one is mine!".  She did not remember saying it.  She did not remember the basket.  She did not remember taking it.  Oh my.

I suggested that she write down everything that she takes in medication, its strength, and how often she takes it (whether as prescribed or otherwise), and take it to her pharmacist and ask them to look at it and see what drugs may be interacting with the others.  She does take several pills plus vitamins she thinks she needs, but something must be interacting with something else.  One morning she mentioned that she had taken a water pill.... but then fell asleep 5 times on the way to the apartment!  Now she wonders if she took an extra-strength pain pill by mistake (one she took at night after her shoulder surgery).  I told her that she had acted 'drugged' all week I was there, and marked it up to her being 'drugged' to get through the funeral.  So many things she does not remember (such as verbally beating me up and cutting me out of her life) and the texts bring horror as she reads them.  Yeah, I think she needs to have a talk with her doctor - AND be honest about ALL the pills she takes, including diet pills that could be counter-acting against her medication.  She agreed she needed to do that.  But will she?

She called again later in te morning and told me of another insurance paper she found, plus another insurance policy.  She nearly drew me into it.  Greed.  The one policy already found was made out to our brother to take care of the funeral expenses.  He still gets a good $30K out of it.  I didn't know how much, but was ok with it.  But with two more policies, she wanted to talk about them.... one she doesn't know how much it is for, the other about $30K again, I think.  She didn't say who the beneficiaries are on either... but started talking about how the money should be divided among the siblings... forgetting that our sister had a son who has absolutely nothing and had everything taken away from him within a couple weeks.  I don't need the money... but my sister does... and I was surprised that she was so focused on it.  As long as it was one policy, she was fine with our brother taking it.  But now....  and I nearly fell into the trap of greed.  If he reimburses for airline tickets and car rental, that would be great.  But I will not ask for it, nor will I think ill of him if he doesn't.  He mentioned he would after things settled down, but I also had told him it was ok, that I would always come back for a siblings' funeral, no matter what it cost.  I've asked God's forgiveness for nearly falling into that greed trap and will send my sister an email on it this morning and confront her on what in her need she is doing.  She must not hold any ill feelings against our brother if he chooses to keep all the money that is given by the insurance company.  Of course the other two policies may not be made out to him.  I don't know.  If our older sister wanted us to have any, she should have put it in her directions.  She did not, at least from what we have thus uncovered.

At one point during the second phone call my little sister asked the question.... "are we still sisters?"  I assured her that yes, we are still sisters, and that I loved her, however, it would take time for the relationship to be healed.  She seemed to accept that.  I can easily forgive her.  I can love her.  But sometimes our words and attitudes can cut someone so deep, it takes time to rebuild that trust you had in them.  

I was reading in I Thessalonians 3 and 4 this morning and underlined several scriptures in my Bible.  

I Thessalonians 4:11--12  (NKJV): "that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, that you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing."

Lead a quiet life, mind your own business.  Do your own work with your own hands.  I think the "mind your own business" part is the hardest part for many of us.  We all think we know better, we have experienced more, and we feel it is our job to 'share' what we know - right?  And sometimes we need to just stay in the 'quiet life' and 'mind our own business', don't you agree?

Sometimes (and me included), we are just too quick to give our own opinion without being asked.  I am learning it is much better for me to be quiet and let them ASK what I thought.  But then, hubby and I got into a 'discussion' about an opinion yesterday.

As I have mentioned before.... we had some shingles blow off the roof during the last windstorm.  Only in one section.  Hubby was calling the insurance company before the wind had stopped blowing.  They sent someone out.  This contractor said $400 and commented that when the roof was originally put on, they used short nails in that area and should have used longer nails.  Now mind you, the roof has been there for 7 years, and has a 10 year warranty.  I asked hubby to take the roof contract to let our daughter read it as she understands that legal jargon.  Heaven forbid that he should let me read it and give my advice on it.  So he did.  Of course my daughter calls and tells me what she told him.  They made a phone call to the original roof company and they want to send someone out to look at it.  In the meantime, another roofer sent looked at it and said $350 and made the same observation; short nails versus long nails in that area.  Ok - we have two opinions on that.  Now the original roof company is sending someone out - today I think - to look at it.  So I gave hubby my opinion.  "If the original roof company does it for free - great.  If they offer to do it for $400, let them do it, although we had an offer of $50 less."  You would have thought I was dictating to him what 'he' should do - and he went off on me.  I just looked at him and said, "All I'm doing is giving you my opinion.  The original roofing company may void the rest of the warranty if we don't have them do it.  Just saying!"  I wasn't meaning to overrule anything he was thinking, I was giving my opinion - and told him if he didn't want my opinion, to quit telling me anything about the house.  After all, the only reason he was telling me was because he wants me to pay for it - or for the rec center mandatory bill of $436 we had gotten earlier.  You know he got angry because he knew I was right. :-)  Yeah, sometimes I think I am....  and yes, I was minding my own business before he pulled me into the conversation of the roof.  Did he ask for my opinion?  Of course not.  But I am compelled to tell him because I can't trust he will do the right thing.  He doesn't think clearly on some things.  Cheaper is not always better. 

Do you ever have conversations like that?  Sometimes some people are just a little bit wiser than we think we are.  Do you agree with that statement?  Especially our spouses.  I have a daughter in law that I think can do anything she sets her mind to - why?  because her dad wired her that way.  He taught her things and she isn't afraid to fix it herself.  I wish I could be given those opportunities to 'do it myself' (no, not the roof!  I don't do heights too well!) but there are other things I have been 'restricted' from doing... which is why I do some things when hubby is out of the house.  Like moving things around.  He doesn't like change at all, in spite of what he says.  So I put up with his fussing when he comes back and sees what I did - without him.  I enjoy cleaning and doing things.  

In fact, I was telling my daughter last night how refreshed I felt when I was cleaning out my sister's apartment.  I am not 'allowed' to clean our house.  (It's still not my home; it's a house to me.  He won't let me 'own' it)  Hubby doesn't either; he has someone come in and clean.  I have to wait until he is out of the house to sweep the floor and mop it even though I feel it needs it.  He isn't doing me any favors.  He just makes me angry - and when he finds I do it, he gets angry because he realizes how lazy he is.  Oops - did I go there?  

I think with that comment I need to hush... need to jump in the shower and get ready for the day ahead of me.  Is it Wednesday already?  The week is flying by!

Blessings!

Relationships are more important ....

 Yes, I know what today is.  I have never forgotten.  And it's also Sheeba's 3rd birthday.  I miss her so much, but it is the best thing for her that we gave her away.  She gets walked every morning, she gets lots of love and attention, and she gets to run free in the fenced back yard.  But I miss her.  But I'm also happy for her.  I could go see her, but I don't want to confuse her, so I don't.  It's best this way.  

Sometimes when we don't know what to say in relationships, we stay away.  We don't say anything.  But I did do 'another' snarky comment yesterday to my male boss.  My favorite boss, a female, checked on me Friday (after the oral surgery on Thursday) via text.  Just a "how are you doing?".  She text'd me again on Sunday with the same question.  I felt loved and cared for.  Not just because she is my boss, and a close friend, but because she cared enough to inquire.  Unlike my male boss.  He didn't say anything to me Wednesday before I took off work.  Nothing from him at all until yesterday afternoon, when I finally sent him a note on Teams, asking him questions about a meeting he wanted me to make.

He had already sent me 7-8 meetings to schedule while I was off work - and I was struggling to get all the leadership in the one he was wanting... so I sent him a Teams message.  And then, when I finished getting the information I needed, I responded back, in all capital letters, "BY THE WAY, I AM DOING VERY WELL, THANK YOU."  He responded back something about did I drool a lot after the visit to the dentist.  That didn't set too well, and I informed him again that I had oral surgery, NOT a dentist visit, and no, I didn't drool.  As I thought about our banter back and forth later last night, I have the urge to send him a note that says

"Relationships are more important than work."

You may, or may not, agree with that statement.  This 'new guy' and I have shared many things, personal family things, thoughts,  as we have gotten to know each other since he started as my boss last August.  But for him not to 'wish me well' on Wednesday, and then not even to send me a text or email (he even has my personal email) to touch base on how I was doing.... and I worked all day yesterday (it was nearly 4PM when we had this conversation)..... without hearing one word from him until I contacted him direct re this meeting, is unacceptable.  I teased that he just had to volunteer me to pull the meeting together (after he told me the big boss was wanting the meeting) and he came back with "better you than me"... and then laughed it off with something about "I better shut up after that comment".  Uh yeah!

But that statement has stayed in my mind during the night and as I was thinking about what to write tis morning, it came back to me.  Relationships are more important than work.  And I'm not just talking about work relationships, although that is where that statement was derived from.  A good working relationship is vital to a positive and creative environment.  You know where you stand.  You know what is expected.  There is freedom in expressing yourself because you know how it will be taken.  Without that relationship build-up, it's "just a job".  In the role that I have as an executive assistant, I have to be personable and friendly.  I deal with way too many people who aren't.  It's easier to send a note back that says "happy to help" and then do it, than it does to ignore the request as it was.

Relationships in family are also important.  I admit, I was happy that all three of my children inquired about me over the weekend.  I didn't ask them to, but I was grateful they did.  Even if it was unintentional as they had other things they wanted to discuss (in some cases), they did stop to ask.  Well, I think all three did... one may not have.... but irrelevant.  They touched base all the same weekend - and it felt good.  Regardless of the reasons they had.

I've tried very hard over the years not to hang over my children's lives as they married and moved on with their lives.  Some of that is to my detriment, I am afraid.  I'm sure their spouses appreciated the fact I wasn't calling all the time.  But I also got left out of a lot of things because I feel we lost what I had hoped we had - that relationship of closeness.   I want to always be there for my children.... in prayer I can be there.  And that is how I stay close.  There are some people that if their child doesn't call them every few days, they are on the phone to them!  I never wanted to be that person.  I want my children to know I'm here... whether it is personally, or I'm touching their lives in prayer.

Proverbs 18:4 (NKJV) "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than brother."

We can have many friends (relationships) in our lives, but our very best Friend, who will never leave us nor forsake us, is Jesus.  He is the ONLY One in whom we can depend to stick with us through good times and bad.  Through the times that we do things our way.  Through the times we fall on our faces.  Through the good times in life when things are going so well.....we even forget about Him.  

But Jesus is always there.  

Right beside us.

Waiting.

For me, for you.

He's the best Friend ever.

Jesus.