Let's talk about the 'flowing waters' first this morning. I get up at 4AM when I awake... and come sit in my chair. I really want to try to sleep a little...but hear hubby get up so turn my light on and pull out my Bible to start reading. Then I notice it. Well, actually, I heard water flowing right after I got up, before I got to my room, but ignored it. But, as I sat here, I wondered if it was raining outside. Thought of my cushions on the chairs that didn't get untied and brought under the cover of the porch. And, as I kept listening, it didn't quite sound like rain...so I went out the front door to check. Our courtyard had flooded again, water standing in the yard beyond the courtyard, down to the street where it was flowing freely. I checked our neighbor's courtyard and the entire courtyard was once again under about 4" of water. I go get hubby and he goes out to turn off the master switch in the middle of the yard, wading through ankle deep water. This is the 3rd or 4th time it has happened... the main switch doesn't shut off. He will call the HOA Rep in the office at 8AM. It will all be soaked in the ground by 8AM... and we don't have to water for several days now. Ok, maybe 4-5 days. My guess is that it has been running since about 2:30AM since that is when I was awake a week or so ago and heard it come on.
That's kind of like life sometimes, isn't it? Things happen that turn the 'switch' on. The 'switch' that changes people - some for the good, some for the bad. Reminds me, I actually have the separate 'light switch' that turns on a light and turns it off that I took from my older sister's apartment. It can be put on the wall and when you walk into that room at night, you flip the switch and a glow comes from it like a night light. I wanted it for another reason, but just realized why my sister had it. Didn't think about it before. Mine was because of a joke a friend sent me when hubby got after me about leaving the hall light on when going into another room.
Anyway... I am turning that 'switch' off and letting go. Toxic relationships only hurt you when you let them. I was awake most of the night last night - for some reason - thinking about my older sister and how she was treated when she was alive by family members.... and although I knew and couldn't do anything about it, I maintained a relationship. Something the others really didn't. Only when they 'had to'. Although my older brother did text her occasionally... she usually didn't answer.... but she was invited to his house for Thanksgiving and to Christmas dinner... and most times went over the years. I still struggle no one could say anything good about her; it still breaks my heart. No matter how hard she was, she really wasn't evil as they claimed. I'm so grateful for the good relationship I had with her for I have no regret, other than she felt such despair that she would end her life.
So, especially since I talked with my mentor a few days ago... and although I didn't share much, but some of what I'm dealing with at the moment, as I mentioned before, I think, I'm moving on. Moving on past toxic relationships. No matter how much we love those people, no matter how much they really do NEED us, we have to walk away. And perhaps God allowed this situation to reveal to me how these toxic people affect me personally when I'm around them. I've walked on eggshells for years... and now it is time for me to stop. It doesn't mean I won't pray for them anymore, for I do, and I will continue to do so. Not for them to see things MY way, but that God will intervene and will help them see things HIS way. I'm not important. Obviously.
So with that dialogue, I hope to put this out of my blogs, out of my mind, and only keep in prayer those things that God brings to my mind. Please forgive me if I digress and say something.... I've been honest with my feelings and what has happened, although I haven't told it all. And it doesn't need to be told. I am not tying my life up in emotions and relationships. I am going to live my life as I always try to - focused on Jesus alone. Trials will come up in everyone's life. It's ok to step aside when others ... well, just enough.
I am so ready for the weekend.. and that today is Friday. Yesterday I only had a few meetings to schedule and was glad when I could turn off the computer. I found some '6' yarn... and made bowl holders... 3 for me and 2 others I may send to a granddaughter who is getting married later this month. Hubby's granddaughter, in fact. I went online yesterday and asked her mother if they were registered anywhere and once getting that information, was able to find a couple things to have sent for their wedding gift. I also want to make them an afghan and I got their wedding and their apartment colors, so that in the future I can make it, although I l don't think that I'm that good at it. Something my step-daughter said last night kind of hurt... but I understand where it is coming from. When I sent her a message that I had ordered a gift and it would be sent to her house, she said "that was a nice gesture'. Her children have always held a special place in my heart. Can't tell you why; we haven't been involved in their lives at all except when they have come out here (2-3 times) and stayed and invited us to join them for dinner. Hubby has 'stood' his daughter up in the past so she's leery of being in his life. I'm doing the gift on my own, although it's from both of us. This daughter has always tried to have a relationship with her father.... the other two never acknowledge him... and it's been 40 years this next month. And it makes me sad. It's not me being an 'evil stepmother' as I've tried in different ways to keep relationships open. This step-daughter I do text occasionally. And that's a whole nuther long story I am not going to get in to.
Thinking about staying off Facebook for awhile... not that I get on it a lot anymore. I glanced at it last night and before I knew it, I had lost an hour! THAT's why I try to stay off it or just check if someone has specifically sent me a message. Need to stick with that and quit reading what other people write that doesn't even concern me. Memes and comments ... I don't need to 'like', 'love', or respond to. I have a life to live, right?
Philippians 3:12-14 (NKJV): "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
In Jesus I have everything. And so do you. Keep pressing on!
Blessings!
