I had not responded by text to my sister, but I had written her an email, in response to the two she had also sent me besides the text. In my email I told her her I loved her, but that it would take time to rebuild that relationship we had before. She hadn't seen my email when she called. She wanted to talk about the funeral, about things we packed, donated, took.... she asked about a basket that was on top of her refrigerator - how did it get there and why did she have it? I paused. Then I told her how when my daughter came back from the storage unit with the basket and my daughter said "I found another basket!" that she grabbed it and said "this one is mine!". She did not remember saying it. She did not remember the basket. She did not remember taking it. Oh my.
I suggested that she write down everything that she takes in medication, its strength, and how often she takes it (whether as prescribed or otherwise), and take it to her pharmacist and ask them to look at it and see what drugs may be interacting with the others. She does take several pills plus vitamins she thinks she needs, but something must be interacting with something else. One morning she mentioned that she had taken a water pill.... but then fell asleep 5 times on the way to the apartment! Now she wonders if she took an extra-strength pain pill by mistake (one she took at night after her shoulder surgery). I told her that she had acted 'drugged' all week I was there, and marked it up to her being 'drugged' to get through the funeral. So many things she does not remember (such as verbally beating me up and cutting me out of her life) and the texts bring horror as she reads them. Yeah, I think she needs to have a talk with her doctor - AND be honest about ALL the pills she takes, including diet pills that could be counter-acting against her medication. She agreed she needed to do that. But will she?
She called again later in te morning and told me of another insurance paper she found, plus another insurance policy. She nearly drew me into it. Greed. The one policy already found was made out to our brother to take care of the funeral expenses. He still gets a good $30K out of it. I didn't know how much, but was ok with it. But with two more policies, she wanted to talk about them.... one she doesn't know how much it is for, the other about $30K again, I think. She didn't say who the beneficiaries are on either... but started talking about how the money should be divided among the siblings... forgetting that our sister had a son who has absolutely nothing and had everything taken away from him within a couple weeks. I don't need the money... but my sister does... and I was surprised that she was so focused on it. As long as it was one policy, she was fine with our brother taking it. But now.... and I nearly fell into the trap of greed. If he reimburses for airline tickets and car rental, that would be great. But I will not ask for it, nor will I think ill of him if he doesn't. He mentioned he would after things settled down, but I also had told him it was ok, that I would always come back for a siblings' funeral, no matter what it cost. I've asked God's forgiveness for nearly falling into that greed trap and will send my sister an email on it this morning and confront her on what in her need she is doing. She must not hold any ill feelings against our brother if he chooses to keep all the money that is given by the insurance company. Of course the other two policies may not be made out to him. I don't know. If our older sister wanted us to have any, she should have put it in her directions. She did not, at least from what we have thus uncovered.
At one point during the second phone call my little sister asked the question.... "are we still sisters?" I assured her that yes, we are still sisters, and that I loved her, however, it would take time for the relationship to be healed. She seemed to accept that. I can easily forgive her. I can love her. But sometimes our words and attitudes can cut someone so deep, it takes time to rebuild that trust you had in them.
I was reading in I Thessalonians 3 and 4 this morning and underlined several scriptures in my Bible.
I Thessalonians 4:11--12 (NKJV): "that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, that you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing."
Lead a quiet life, mind your own business. Do your own work with your own hands. I think the "mind your own business" part is the hardest part for many of us. We all think we know better, we have experienced more, and we feel it is our job to 'share' what we know - right? And sometimes we need to just stay in the 'quiet life' and 'mind our own business', don't you agree?
Sometimes (and me included), we are just too quick to give our own opinion without being asked. I am learning it is much better for me to be quiet and let them ASK what I thought. But then, hubby and I got into a 'discussion' about an opinion yesterday.
As I have mentioned before.... we had some shingles blow off the roof during the last windstorm. Only in one section. Hubby was calling the insurance company before the wind had stopped blowing. They sent someone out. This contractor said $400 and commented that when the roof was originally put on, they used short nails in that area and should have used longer nails. Now mind you, the roof has been there for 7 years, and has a 10 year warranty. I asked hubby to take the roof contract to let our daughter read it as she understands that legal jargon. Heaven forbid that he should let me read it and give my advice on it. So he did. Of course my daughter calls and tells me what she told him. They made a phone call to the original roof company and they want to send someone out to look at it. In the meantime, another roofer sent looked at it and said $350 and made the same observation; short nails versus long nails in that area. Ok - we have two opinions on that. Now the original roof company is sending someone out - today I think - to look at it. So I gave hubby my opinion. "If the original roof company does it for free - great. If they offer to do it for $400, let them do it, although we had an offer of $50 less." You would have thought I was dictating to him what 'he' should do - and he went off on me. I just looked at him and said, "All I'm doing is giving you my opinion. The original roofing company may void the rest of the warranty if we don't have them do it. Just saying!" I wasn't meaning to overrule anything he was thinking, I was giving my opinion - and told him if he didn't want my opinion, to quit telling me anything about the house. After all, the only reason he was telling me was because he wants me to pay for it - or for the rec center mandatory bill of $436 we had gotten earlier. You know he got angry because he knew I was right. :-) Yeah, sometimes I think I am.... and yes, I was minding my own business before he pulled me into the conversation of the roof. Did he ask for my opinion? Of course not. But I am compelled to tell him because I can't trust he will do the right thing. He doesn't think clearly on some things. Cheaper is not always better.
Do you ever have conversations like that? Sometimes some people are just a little bit wiser than we think we are. Do you agree with that statement? Especially our spouses. I have a daughter in law that I think can do anything she sets her mind to - why? because her dad wired her that way. He taught her things and she isn't afraid to fix it herself. I wish I could be given those opportunities to 'do it myself' (no, not the roof! I don't do heights too well!) but there are other things I have been 'restricted' from doing... which is why I do some things when hubby is out of the house. Like moving things around. He doesn't like change at all, in spite of what he says. So I put up with his fussing when he comes back and sees what I did - without him. I enjoy cleaning and doing things.
In fact, I was telling my daughter last night how refreshed I felt when I was cleaning out my sister's apartment. I am not 'allowed' to clean our house. (It's still not my home; it's a house to me. He won't let me 'own' it) Hubby doesn't either; he has someone come in and clean. I have to wait until he is out of the house to sweep the floor and mop it even though I feel it needs it. He isn't doing me any favors. He just makes me angry - and when he finds I do it, he gets angry because he realizes how lazy he is. Oops - did I go there?
I think with that comment I need to hush... need to jump in the shower and get ready for the day ahead of me. Is it Wednesday already? The week is flying by!
Blessings!
