and I know I need to start eating better. Chocolate and other candies, loads of carbs, let alone all the 'other' stuff in food, has and is taking its toll on my head and my body. I've gained weight in the past two weeks! I've got to start being more selective on what I eat, and not eat so much of it! Are you in the same boat as me? My oldest son posted his weight this morning - and I weigh more than he does! That can not remain that way!
Our remaining Christmas celebration was last night and I think (other than my irritation at hubby) all had a good time. Son and DIL helped clean off the table and rinse dishes and it was a great help to finish up later. Yeah - we had the same soups as before - chili, split pea, and potato and ham. And other than keeping a little back for hubby and I to finish, we sent the rest 'home' with the others. They loved having 'Uncle Ralph's' cherry delight too.
I didn't get up at 4AM as I usually do. My head was pounding and I just didn't want to get up. But, by about 4:30AM, hubby was making his grunting noises - or maybe it was I wasn't in a deep sleep as I had been and every noise keeps me awake. Anyway, I finally got up and came in here, hoping to curl up in my chair for a bit more catnap - only our neighbors - not sure which one, possibly the 'new' ones - has a windchime. And, apparently, the wind is blowing where that windchime is. What is really a beautiful sound, is really annoying in the very early morning hours. Yes, I do have a windchime, but I have crochet'd a covering for the 'bell' and it doesn't 'chime'. It just looks pretty. If the wind does hit it, it bangs against the house. If it did make noise, I would take it down for I am that considerate of others. I hope our neighbors are kept awake by their chime and will do the same. :-)
Christmas celebrations are over and the trees are empty underneath. I was going to leave all the decorations up until after our Bible study here on the 7th, but I'm already ready to take it all down, and plan to this weekend. I will possibly start on it Friday morning, when hubby is gone. I honestly do not want his help. I want him to leave me alone and let me sort it all out and put it away. I do not want his intervention, his offers of help, or his suggestions. Leave me alone and let me get the job done - right?! Things get put away haphazardly when he starts giving me his 'suggestions' and his 'help'. He doesn't HELP, he ANNOYS. Sorry, not sorry, but he does. Maybe I'm just still tired and cranky this morning?
The message at the RV park went well yesterday. At one point I mentioned that peace could be had if people would just quit their 'what if' and 'it could happen' comments. Some of you may know what I'm talking about. Hubby is good at that. To the point it drives me to madness. After yet another one of his comments that cracker crumbs can get on the floor.... I turned to him and said "did you not listen at all to the message this morning!? He gave me his 'look' - you don't know the one he saves for me - and I'll leave that there - but I got the 'look' with the loud comment "Don't you start it!" He knew exactly what I was referring to. I told him we still have a sweeper (although it hasn't been used in several years) and I still knew how to use it. He commented back that he did as well! He hasn't used it in a longer time than I have. (erase erase erase) Ok - on to another subject - I'm saying things that are in my head and heart and I shouldn't be saying them at all, let alone on here.
Back to work today but the next couple of days should go fairly smooth and I should be able to get some things done. I'm referring to work things, but I can also start again in this room and get it put away. I've save the Christmas things until Friday morning when hubby is gone. At least most of them. If I get the minutes done today, the new slide decks (powerpoint) get put in the files, a new Teams folder created by the end of the week - I'll be doing good for work.
Please pray for me for patience. It's wearing real thin right now. Although I don't like asking God for patience for that is when life generally throws you all kinds of things to deal with. I'm not too sure I can handle much more right now. I do know, as mentioned many times already, I need to change my diet. I am feeling extremely tired and weary and I'm pretty sure it's food-related. Possibly age related too - but I have only missed a week of the gym - why am I so weary. I've got to find my joy again in living.
I will be needing a second cup of coffee this morning. I would really like to just take the day off and relax but why? It would just give more opportunities for me to be annoyed. (ya think?) Oh Lord Jesus, HELP!!
I've got to find my strength. Ah - and the scripture comes to mind....
Habakkuk 3:18 (ESV): yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
We are often told not to take joy in man or in the things around us. They are there, and then they are not. But the thing that lasts is our salvation in Jesus Christ, and in that we can have joy. I need to find my joy again in living life, but I know I have joy in serving the God of my salvation. He is the only reason I am still here. He is the only reason I am who I am today. My joy is found in Jesus alone. I need to remind myself of that - no matter how often I need to do that!
I need to get alone by myself and re-evaluate my walk with Jesus - am I living the way I know I should live - or have I allowed outside influences to disturb my walk and cause me to turn away from what is right and give in to the influences.... I need to find me again.
Have you ever felt that way? Like you have lost your way? I can speak from experience - I still often feel I am not (and can not be) myself. I am learning that as people age, they get worse. Lord, please help me not to become edgy and irritable around those I love.
Wow - a bunch of what I just wrote has erased itself... I guess that is a sign that I should not say the things I was running through my mind. I know I share more on here than I I should... but it is my personal journal of release. I hope my struggles in this life may help you find your way to Jesus. Yes, I fall down so many times; I let people get to me.
But one thing I do know. Jesus will never fail me. I may not get the prayers answered that I want answered. I may not get responses from people that I want. I may not see where I can live life again, but one thing I know. My life changes, but Jesus never does. He is steadfast. He is true. He is always with me, always there. And He is my best friend. I love Him more than I love myself, or anyone else. And I know He loves me unconditionally, even when I screw up. I can trust Him with my very life.
And so can you. January 1 is coming quickly - I want 2026 to be a better year. I want to find joy again. Join me in this journey?
Blessings!
No comments:
Post a Comment