Still need to bring the tree down...

 I'm not making much progress on getting our Christmas decorations taken down.  Four trees put away the other day, but still have two more to go.  One is the big one in the front room. AKA living room.  Little by little I'm making progress, but I think I am so used to seeing the trees - I did not even think of taking them down last night.  If I don't do it some time today, I will get it done sometime this weekend.  But then, our house cleaners come in the morning, so I need to get them down and put away and things back in place today.  Guess what I will be doing tonight!

Yesterday was an extremely busy day - trying to get this new board on the calendar for quarterly meetings - and dealing with about 10 admins - well, they are responding as quickly as I like.  I did get the first quarter on the calendar for March and the prep meeting done, so that is a plus.  I've already sent out dates for the 2nd quarter but have only heard back from one or two.  And between that, trying to get Brett's travel arrangements completed for a trip in April - almost had his rooms reserved at the hotel - only had difficulty with his credit card; I may have written a number down wrong and it wouldn't take. By then it was after 4PM so I just let it go until this morning.  Yeah, it and the board meetings are on the agenda to get completed.  I still have board minutes to finish. New PowerPoint slide deck to put together. Need to create a new PowerPoint slide deck for this new board - sigh. Some things are really beyond my knowledge so it takes me a little longer to get them completed.  If I was in the office, I could get it taken care of quickly; it's this working from home - isolated - that makes it difficult. Oh well - part of the job, right?  Oh - we got an email yesterday that says the Corporate office - at least our division of it - is going to move from downtown the 4th quarter of this year.  Too bad it isn't closer to me, I would have attempted going in a couple days a week.  Unfortunately, it is in the 3200 block of EAST Camelback.  Nope. That's even further for me.  Sigh. I would have liked going in to the office a couple days a week!  I hope it has better parking than this one does!

I still would like to move a few miles east of where we are currently living.  One would think we would take advantage of all the activities that go on in this 'community'.  But we don't.  We never come out of our houses.  The HOA is the pits. With working (most of the people in this area are retired), I cannot do some things and hubby would rather stay at home with me. (go ahead, say 'awe'.)  We do plan at some point to go to the rec center and work out.  Yep - haven't been to the gym since Morgan took maternity leave.  I've tried to do a few exercises here at home, but I am afraid I'm going to start losing my muscle strength if I don't get back at it soon!  And she said that she thought I'd be the one to keep going.  I am just too overwhelmed with life at times and that has dropped to a low priority.

I read something in one of my books this morning that has really stuck with me.  It's about a young man by the name of Ben, who has Down Syndrome.  He loved country music. He had every CD of country artists, he had a drum set, his own stage, he had it all.  He's in his teens.  He loves, as most DS individuals do, routine.  (like many of us, actually)  He doesn't like things changed.  When a country music concert/festival came to his area, he wanted to go and $400 tickets were purchased for him.  He and his mom went.  He was very quiet on the way home.  When he got home, he started boxing up all his country CDs.  He put things away.  But listen to this ... this is what struck me....

'The day after the concert, I called Benjamin to see if he had a good time. When he picked up the phone, he said he couldn't talk because he was saying goodbye. And hung up the phone.  Mom picked up the phone and she began to tell me what was going on.  Apparently, after having been at the concert all day, on the drive home Ben looked at Mom and said, "God didn't like some of the stuff that happened at the festival today, did he?"  As Mom and Ben reflected on the behaviors they had seen - the cursing, drinking, suggestive clothing, drugs, etc., -- Ben came to the conclusion that it broke the heart of God. Some of it even happened on stage. To Benjamin, it was simple. What he saw broke the heart of God, so it broke the heart of Benjamin. He decided right then and there that he didn't need to have anything to do with country music.  He put all his country CDs into a box and was getting rid of them.  This was a major sacrifice, probably one of the toughest of his life.  It might sound like legalism, but in the crucible of the choice, Ben followed the Father.  He didn't see the point in offering anything to God that cost him nothing.'

2 Samuel 24:24   But the King said to Aranauh, "No, but I will buy it from you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing." So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen for 50 shekels of silver.

So many times we go to places, to movies, or do things that we know are not pleasing to the Lord.  We hear the cursing, see the drinking, and the behavior and dress of others.  So many times, because we are where we want to be, doing what we want to do, we overlook it.  But you know that is not what God likes.  Hubby mentioned a movie the other night he would like to watch, an actor he would like to see. I told him that if he wanted to watch it, that's fine, but I would not.  He asked me why.  (and this was before I read this chapter!)  I told him that it contained some things that I did not want to hear nor watch. I am sure it is a great movie.  But God turned me off movies many years ago.  For hubby to get me to watch a movie with him I have to be sure it is a movie my ears and mind need to hear, my eyes to see.  That's just me.  Not putting anyone else down.  Yes, I've had my favorites in the past that had language (it still amazes me they would put one cuss word or one scene in a movie just to get it rated R to sell) or a sex scene.... but over the years, I have put those away.  I don't care to watch them any more.  Why?  Because I couldn't ask Jesus to sit and watch them with me.

I'm not judging anyone.  God works in people different ways.  I can still enjoy movies with out the devil being in it, without sex involved, without cursing.  I remember going to a movie with another couple to watch Forgiven with Clint Eastwood, knowing I was a fan.  That movie did it for me.  By the time we got out (I almost got up and left!) our friends were apologizing to me for inviting me to go with them. It was ok for them, but it wasn't ok for me, and they knew I was very uncomfortable.

Anyway - I need to get off here and get on the work computer.  But, maybe, this will give you something to think about.  If you can't invite Jesus to go with you somewhere, to watch something with you.... should you be there?  That's between you and Jesus.

Blessings!

The pounding head is back

 and I know I need to start eating better.  Chocolate and other candies, loads of carbs, let alone all the 'other' stuff in food, has and is taking its toll on my head and my body.  I've gained weight in the past two weeks!  I've got to start being more selective on what I eat, and not eat so much of it!  Are you in the same boat as me?  My oldest son posted his weight this morning - and I weigh more than he does!  That can not remain that way!

Our remaining Christmas celebration was last night and I think (other than my irritation at hubby) all had a good time.  Son and DIL helped clean off the table and rinse dishes and it was a great help to finish up later.  Yeah - we had the same soups as before - chili, split pea, and potato and ham.  And other than keeping a little back for hubby and I to finish, we sent the rest 'home' with the others.  They loved having 'Uncle Ralph's'  cherry delight too.  

I didn't get up at 4AM as I usually do.  My head was pounding and I just didn't want to get up.  But, by about 4:30AM, hubby was making his grunting noises - or maybe it was I wasn't in a deep sleep as I had been and every noise keeps me awake.  Anyway, I finally got up and came in here, hoping to curl up in my chair for a bit more catnap - only our neighbors - not sure which one, possibly the 'new' ones - has a windchime.  And, apparently, the wind is blowing where that windchime is.  What is really a beautiful sound, is really annoying in the very early morning hours.  Yes, I do have a windchime, but I have crochet'd a covering for the 'bell' and it doesn't 'chime'.  It just looks pretty.  If the wind does hit it, it bangs against the house.  If it did make noise, I would take it down for I am that considerate of others.  I hope our neighbors are kept awake by their chime and will do the same.  :-)

Christmas celebrations are over and the trees are empty underneath.  I was going to leave all the decorations up until after our Bible study here on the 7th, but I'm already ready to take it all down, and plan to this weekend.  I will possibly start on it Friday morning, when hubby is gone.  I honestly do not want his help.  I want him to leave me alone and let me sort it all out and put it away.  I do not want his intervention, his offers of help, or his suggestions.  Leave me alone and let me get the job done - right?!  Things get put away haphazardly when he starts giving me his 'suggestions' and his 'help'.  He doesn't HELP, he ANNOYS.  Sorry, not sorry, but he does. Maybe I'm just still tired and cranky this morning?

The message at the RV park went well yesterday.  At one point I mentioned that peace could be had if people would just quit their 'what if' and 'it could happen' comments.  Some of you may know what I'm talking about.  Hubby is good at that.  To the point it drives me to madness.  After yet another one of his comments that cracker crumbs can get on the floor.... I turned to him and said "did you not listen at all to the message this morning!?  He gave me his 'look' - you don't know the one he saves for me - and I'll leave that there - but I got the 'look' with the loud comment "Don't you start it!"    He knew exactly what I was referring to.  I told him we still have a sweeper (although it hasn't been used in several years) and I still knew how to use it.  He commented back that he did as well!  He hasn't used it in a longer time than I have.  (erase erase erase)  Ok - on to another subject - I'm saying things that are in my head and heart and I shouldn't be saying them at all, let alone on here.

Back to work today but the next couple of days should go fairly smooth and I should be able to get some things done.  I'm referring to work things, but I can also start again in this room and get it put away.  I've save the Christmas things until Friday morning when hubby is gone. At least most of them. If I get the minutes done today, the new slide decks (powerpoint) get put in the files, a new Teams folder created by the end of the week - I'll be doing good for work.  

Please pray for me for patience. It's wearing real thin right now.  Although I don't like asking God for patience for that is when life generally throws you all kinds of things to deal with.  I'm not too sure I can handle much more right now.  I do know, as mentioned many times already, I need to change my diet.  I am feeling extremely tired and weary and I'm pretty sure it's food-related.  Possibly age related too - but I have only missed a week of the gym - why am I so weary.  I've got to find my joy again in living.

I will be needing a second cup of coffee this morning.  I would really like to just take the day off and relax but why?  It would just give more opportunities for me to be annoyed.  (ya think?) Oh Lord Jesus, HELP!!

I've got to find my strength.  Ah - and the scripture comes to mind....

Habakkuk 3:18 (ESV):  yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

We are often told not to take joy in man or in the things around us.  They are there, and then they are not.  But the thing that lasts is our salvation in Jesus Christ, and in that we can have joy.  I need to find my joy again in living life, but I know I have joy in serving the God of my salvation.  He is the only reason I am still here.  He is the only reason I am who I am today.  My joy is found in Jesus alone.  I need to remind myself of that - no matter how often I need to do that!

I need to get alone by myself and re-evaluate my walk with Jesus - am I living the way I know I should live - or have I allowed outside influences to disturb my walk and cause me to turn away from what is right and give in to the influences.... I need to find me again.  

Have you ever felt that way?  Like you have lost your way?  I can speak from experience - I still often feel I am not (and can not be) myself.  I am learning that as people age, they get worse.  Lord, please help me not to become edgy and irritable around those I love.  

Wow - a bunch of what I just wrote has erased itself... I guess that is a sign that I should not say the things I was running through my mind. I know I share more on here than I I should... but it is my personal journal of release.  I hope my struggles in this life may help you find your way to Jesus.  Yes, I fall down so many times; I let people get to me.  

But one thing I do know.  Jesus will never fail me. I may not get the prayers answered that I want answered.  I may not get responses from people that I want.  I may not see where I can live life again, but one thing I know.  My life changes, but Jesus never does.  He is steadfast.  He is true. He is always with me, always there.  And He is my best friend.  I love Him more than I love myself, or anyone else. And I know He loves me unconditionally, even when I screw up.  I can trust Him with my very life.  

And so can you.  January 1 is coming quickly - I want 2026 to be a better year.  I want to find joy again.  Join me in this journey?  

Blessings!

Holiday over - back to work!

 Yeah - it's that 'dreaded Monday' when I have to face the computer all day again.  I will get a break when I head over to the daughter's to feed their animals this morning.  Yes, I can do that.  They arrive back in town tonight so this will be the last morning I need to go over there.  I don't mind; it's a break in my routine.  I am back to work today and I did not even turn the computer on over the weekend.  I do see on my phone, cause I do get my work emails on it too, that I have about 21 messages.... hopefully they aren't for things for me to do.  I'll eliminate most of them quickly once I get online in about 20 minutes.

We had a good new years day.... was invited over to a granddaughter's to see their new house.  We had a nice visit and lunch and then came home.  We didn't do anything after that; the decorations remained.  BUT, I did get motivated yesterday and got everything taken down and all but the few things I forgot, are put away in the garage.  I even cleaned out some of my dishes, and busted up Amazon boxes of which I had a great collection of.  Recycle won't pick up for another week and a half yet, but they are ready to go.  It felt good to be busy doing something and I felt even better because I had moved my body and done something.  I have gotten so lazy since I've been working from home.  

But that is going to change this year.  My mind is constantly going on how I am going to move things around and get rid of things and make that back room my exercise room.  I almost laughed out loud the other day.  I was sharing with someone about my thoughts on making the back room my exercise room, and I overheard hubby telling someone about OUR exercise room.  We both need to use it - and we both need to go to the gym.  Maybe I can get him to go tonight after I get off work.  He always has to decide WHEN we can go, and if I want to go and he doesn't, he grumbles.  So I don't go either.  But I have gained fat, not just weight, and I need to get healthy again.

The fast is going well, I think.  Day one went well, anyway.  I refrained from snacking - afterall, I was busy taking down the tree, putting things away.  I fixed breakfast (late) and dinner and they were in line with our decision.  Hubby frequently asks what he can have, and I tell him that is between him and God.  I am not putting him on a fast; that is his choice.  He has to decide what to give up and what to eat.  He has to choose what God would want him to do.  It isn't my decision for him (good thing, I'd be much more strict, I'm afraid).  He causes me great weariness because he always wants to do what I do, or keep his focus on what I want to focus on (pretty much).  I want to say to him ' Be Yourself'!  If God hasn't called you to fast - then don't!  But if He has, He will show you what He wants you to give up.  And once you say you will give it up - stick to it.  I actually wrote down my decision and his - the other day on what we were giving up for 21 days - AND what is the purpose of the fast.  By that, I mean, why are we fasting?  What is the focus of our prayers?

I am just going to put out here what I am fasting for - the main purpose.  That doesn't mean that I am not praying for other things to happen (healing of Tom's body, etc.), but it means that this is important to me and I want to pray for it.  My main purpose is that we find a church in which we can plug in and become a part of.  Yes, we have said we want to attend a certain church here in the northwest valley, and they do have small groups here in our community that we had hoped to become a part of.  But, we did sign up for one a couple months ago after we made that decision.... I emailed the leader and even the pastor overseeing that group.  No response.  You know how that annoys me.  I emailed a week later, still no response.  I finally went in to check out the group again and it was no longer listed.  It had seemed our best fit.  It's possible the group had disbanded and hadn't been removed from the list yet.  But I have a problem with no responses to my emails.   

And then hubby went into the hospital and the reality that if something happened to him, if I needed someone to walk with me through a serious journey, I had no church family to do so.  That troubled me.  The church is important to me and the people are there to walk with whomever needs it.  So I briefly shared with hubby my feelings on that - perhaps no response is God's way of telling us that is not where He wants us to go.  I don't know.  We still watch messages; except for various reasons, we haven't the past couple of weeks and that troubles me.  We haven't even watched Jentezen Franklin - although I did yesterday when I drove to my daughter's and back - and it was a great message!  I told hubby - and reminded him we could watch it on YouTube, but he chose instead to watch football.  Maybe I can get him to watch it tonight.

Anyway, I had planned for us to attend this other church yesterday that some friends go to that they say is 'on fire for Jesus'.... but hubby started coughing and sounding congested Saturday evening.  He coughed a few times during the night, and was coughing frequently Sunday morning.  I finally told him that we needed to not go; I heard that this new virus is  like a cold - and not knowing where he got it from, we needed to stay home in case it wasn't just a cold.  So I've had him taking Olive Leaf Extract pills and hopefully he will be over it soon - however, I have heard him coughing some this morning as well.  When I got up about 4:20AM to come into my room, he was already up and when he brought my coffee in, he commented that his shoulder kept him awake all night.

I don't understand why he goes to therapy for his shoulder when it is arthritis and there is nothing they can do about that.  I don't understand why they don't just give him a shot of cortisone to help with the pain so that he can sleep.  I get it the cortisone will wear off in a few months and it will require another shot, etc. and that eventually it won't help.  So then what?  He has complained about that shoulder for years and now it is a constant complaint.  He can barely move that shoulder without wincing and yelping even a small amount.  Maybe there isn't anything to help arthritis - but surely there is something that can help with the pain.  Every night it is a cold pack on his shoulder and every morning it is a heating pad.  What really helps and what is just pacifying him into thinking it is helping -when in reality it is not?   Sigh.  Sorry.  Sometimes I feel it is an excuse to not do things... and other times I know it really does hurt.  

I'm back to work today so guess I need to stop and get it turned on.  Just saw it is 6:45AM - I'm usually online much earlier.  Time to start the day.

Hope you had a great new years and are ready to attack this year with a positive outlook.  If your perspective is bad; change it.  It will make all the difference.

Blessings!