Well, I guess I did. Hubby again pursued about getting away on vacation. I took a deep breath, a deep sigh, and went online to check a hotel we have stayed at in Payson a couple times in the past. They now have a luxury king with a fireplace (and one with an indoor jacuzzi if one is interested) for a reasonable price and it was available the week we were thinking of 'going on vacation'. I went ahead and made the reservations - 8/18-8/21. Hubby is happy. Isn't that what counts? He has the best of both worlds - and I'll leave that right there.
My male boss sent a Teams message to his direct reports and included me yesterday about 12:42PM. In this message he said there was an announcement coming out but it wouldn't affect the team or the way things are done. His direct reports all responded thanks. Now I do not report to him direct, but I support him. So I jumped on our separate Teams link and asked him what was going on. He wouldn't tell me. But I think I have figured it out. Remember a week or so ago he actually called me and shared some confidential things with me? Yeah, I think it is happening. I could be wrong. The email hasn't come out yet (yes, I've already checked) but I think I know what it is. He will become VP of another department - which means he is president or vp of three different areas of our division. I don't have much to do with that area, but if it is going to increase my workload, I'm going to request he and his entire teams be removed from my support! See how that plays out. I don't want more work. But that division does have their own Project Manager who supports the two leaders. This is going to be interesting, for sure. I called my favorite boss (who I do report to) and asked her last night if she knew anything, and she did not. I'm pretty sure I know... but I was asked to keep it confidential so I can't tell even her. But I suspect that is what it is. At least I have proved I can keep confidential things that are to be kept confidential.
The youngest hadn't called me for a couple days and update me on things so I called him yesterday. He did give me an update, but, I don't know, something seemed off and he was in a hurry to get off the phone. From his mother! Well, he can't say I don't call and check on him and his family. The middle child can say that for I know he doesn't like to talk on the phone - but he does fill me in at times via his blog. I don't like to bug any of my children and have made that my lifetime goal since they all moved out. I don't butt in where I'm not wanted. Yes, I have lots of regrets for I don't feel close to some, but it is what it is.
It's hump day and I already have three meetings in my emails to set up. I can hardly wait. Cough cough.
I'm going through a phase, I think. Last night I felt like something heavy was upon me. Haven't figured out what that was all about, but I hope it doesn't weigh me down today. I even left my daughter's early last night - I just wanted to come home, hoping for some time alone, but alas, hubby got home about 5 minutes before I did. For some reason, he was early last night. I think that is what I'm needing - time by myself. But what do I do with it when I get it? I need a week (at least) alone, where I can watch movies and crochet, read, or just sit and talk with God. Throw some baking in there, I'm sure, as well. I am feeling overwhelmed with this prison I am in and I've got to break out. Perhaps a week off work and going on vacation in three weeks will help. O riot. I won't be alone, but at least I won't be cooped up in these four walls. Breathe, breathe....
Matthew 5:14, 16 (NKJV): You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.
Interesting I should have that scripture this morning. In my prayer this morning I was asking God to let me, my life, be an example to others. Not perfect, sometimes failing, but always seeking God and having His grace and forgiveness. I want to be remembered as someone who loves Jesus more than anything else. I often pause and wonder what I put in front of Jesus.... many times my thoughts come to this blog. Because I stop my quiet time to type this, am I putting it in front of having more time with Jesus? Well, yes I am, but I do (as a rule) do my reading and prayers before I get on here. This is usually my last thing before I get on the work computer. So I could say that work is coming before spending more time with Him as well, right? Is that rationalizing? When we go on vacation, and we pause our reading to do something - is that making that 'thing' an idol. I know, I'm stretching it here. I'm struggling emotionally right now; lots of things going on within me and I am in the 'curl up in the corner and close my eyes to the world' mode. So excuse my whining.
But, per the scripture, we are to be the light that shines the love of Jesus to others. Many times we are Jesus to other people, for they don't know Him. Many in the generation after me do not even know who He is. They didn't go to church. And many in the generation after have started coming back to Him and learning of Him. It's a precious sight to see! How I pray for and wish my grandchildren would turn from their own ways and seek Him with all of their hearts! Their lives would be so enriched if they would believe in the One who saves them and loves them more than they can ever remember. I pray for my children and grandchildren to turn their hearts to Him. It's more than believing in Him, it is more than saying 'I love Him'. It's in the obeying and following Him that is the key to living for Jesus. My heart breaks over each one.
And your heart should be breaking for your children and grandchildren who have chosen the world to follow. It doesn't matter what example they had growing up. I failed in so many ways, I admit. But I chose Jesus during that time and I've never looked back. It doesn't mean I was perfect. I struggled then with life, and I struggle even now. Just because the children are on their own doesn't mean life is perfect, for it is not.
I so much miss little ones coming over to bake cookies. And the big ones too. That is how I show my love, I guess.... I want to make memories with them. I know some day I will not be here... will they remember the special things I hold dear.
What memories are you making with your family? Do you need to start making some that will last? You are that light in the world to them; the city set on a hill.
Blessings!
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