Late yesterday afternoon, after a short 10 minute nap, I did get the hydroponic garden cleaned out, new pods put in, new seeds put in, and vitamins, etc. added - and it's back in place. Let's see if I can get it growing again. The first time I planted, I had cilantro and basil and all everywhere. Then I planted mint and it grew everywhere. Since then, I haven't been able to grow anything in it. Hoping with putting new things in it that things will grow. I did add a couple lavender plants - I love the smell of lavender. My one big problem is... my sister called while I was putting seeds in .... and I didn't label anything and I'm not sure where I put what. I do know what cilantro looks like, what basil looks like... and we can smell the lavender... and I think I planted dill.... guess it will be all mixed together. This should prove interesting - but I just want something to grow!
Yesterday was a quiet day overall. Hubby loves having me to himself and not sharing me. Sigh. Two Saturdays in a row he and I have done things together and he is already commenting that we need to do things together on Saturdays. My one day to myself that I can do what I want to do. Of course. Oh well. He did pay for us to get our mani/pedi on this last Saturday. This coming weekend - what's on the agenda... oh yeah. I want to go to the landscape and garden show (hubby cannot walk that much and if he can't, he doesn't want me to go) - but I want to get some ideas for the courtyard. Then I need to run to a grandson's apartment for a come and go baby shower. I mentioned that last week. I ordered a bassinet and it should arrive today. I will text him shortly and let him know. I hope someone will be there to receive it. That's Saturday. Sunday will be church and then who knows what else. My weekends tend to go by fast.
Escaping your past. That was the heading of a devotional I read this morning. It really does make sense. How many times do we blame our past on our behavior? I'm thinking I'm going to copy this one and give to hubby and send to my sister. I feel that both use the past to account for their behavior. Perhaps I have even at times. What happened in the past - to me and by me - is in the past and that is where it needs to be. My past does not define who I am. Nor does it define you.
The past has been used as an excuse or justification for present behavior. When we make excuses for ourselves by drawing from the past, it is idolatry. An idol is what we give our strength to or draw our strength from. Some people spend themselves in the research of their own pasts, searching for a reason to the riddle of their lives. They may think their past justifies their present, but the truth is that the past will never justify the future. This is deception.
My hubby is a controller. He has blamed it on how his dad raised him. He has blamed it on discipline while in the military. He has blamed it on his time as a police officer. But they are all excuses. And yes, we disagreed a lot on his control. We have talked about his control of me... and I will admit, I am so used to my stepfather controlling everything I did, that sometimes it is easier for me to just let it go rather than raise a question as to why he doesn't want me to something. And that is why frequently I will write in here I feel smothered, and depressed. I don't know my way out of some things.
Sometimes we let our past make us into other people as well. Not that I am a great person or am above my past, I am not. But I know from the years that I grew up, I have learned to let them go. To forgive my siblings, to forgive my parents, and just move on. One person I know, on the other hand, keeps going back to the past and 'why did God let this happen?' 'why did God let my childhood be stolen from me?' and many whys are never answered.
Do not let your past define who you are today, and define your future.
You had a rough childhood? You probably aren't alone and many people would share stories of theirs with you as well, trying to see which one is worse. Our past experiences are just that. They are in the past and the bad stuff we need to let go of.
I will admit that I am envious of those women who say they had loving parents who taught them about life and love and were always there for them. My sister and I were discussing the other day how we both were unprepared for the future when we left home. It was the unspoken rule; when you turned 18, you were to get a job and get out of the house. Only for me, the stepfather wouldn't let me move out (I wanted to) and finally ran away to get married. We didn't know how to balance a checkbook. Mother always took our paychecks when we lived at home. We didn't know it was 'ours', it was always taken from us as our contribution to the household. It was a tough life.
But God got me through it and I am grateful and thankful to Him. He knew what was going on in my life, and He took care of me. Even when I did things I shouldn't have after I was divorced, He protected me and allowed me to learn things on my own. And He brought me back to Him as only He could. Sadly, we were brought up in church, but the church wasn't brought up in us. Kind of like having a head knowledge of Jesus, but never a heart knowledge. If only I knew Him then, like I know Him now, I'm sure my life would have been a lot different.
Do I have regrets of my past? Absolutely. Especially since I see how it has affected my children. Some have never forgiven me for some things. I don't remember a lot about my past anymore. I don't remember much of my childhood. The past does not define who I am now.
And now is what is important. My present, and my future is totally different from my past, and I will not allow my past hurts to define me. Give that some thought. Is your behavior still being defined by how you were treated when you were growing up? Do you still hold grudges against others because they hurt you? That's all in the past.
Just like when I confess my sins to Jesus and ask His forgiveness, He wipes them all away and He doesn't remember them anymore, so why should I? I am so grateful Jesus doesn't bring up a ledger of all my past sins when I come before Him. Oh the devil does though!
The devil will run to God at Judgement and start telling Him all the sins we did over the years. But Jesus will step up and pour His blood over the list and tell His Father that His blood wiped that slate clean. So, so, grateful.
Don't let your past define your behavior, your life, today. You are better than your past. Jesus forgave us by shedding His blood on the cross for our sins. Who are we to hang on to the sins of our past and tell Him that what He did was of no value?
Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV): Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV): Brothers and Sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Blessings!
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