erase erase. Yeah. Already started that this morning. I'm shaking inside I'm so furious and so angry - and so disappointed in someone who intentionally has hurt someone I care about. Just for their own feelings that had been hurt. I am so done. I will be kind. But this person has lost all respect and I am washing my hands of them. Let God deal with this person. I cannot. And I cannot tell hubby what happened, for we know how he will react. He will find out soon enough. They just cut the string that held them to me, as far as I am concerned. I have tried to be kind; to overlook things. They have crossed the line. I cannot smoothe this over. You go against family, you go against me. And since I belong to God, it also goes against Him. I'm HIS family. I cannot feed the flames. I must remain silent. Lord, help!
What is it I have been saying this week? "Better to be thought a fool than open the mouth and remove all doubt"?
Whew. You really did not want to read what I wrote before.
I stayed home last night as my daughter had an appointment to do something. As my luck would have it, hubby said he ate something that had made his tummy queasy so he wasn't meeting up with his friend last night for Bible study. Was I upset. Yes. Why? Because in my mind I already had planned what I was going to do - quietly, without interruptions. I never said a word, though, although hubby kept asking if I was upset about something. I wasn't really upset he stayed home.... it's his house. But it was more my space had been invaded that I had blocked out for me. That's the only way I know to explain it. Unless you have walked in my shoes, you will not understand. He finished watching his show and then we watched the news. He asked if I wanted to watch a movie... but I said no. So (thankfully), the TV went off and he was on his phone for the rest of the evening. I read some and then finished a blanket I was making. That was my wonderful evening. At least I didn't have to fix dinner since his tummy was queasy.
Still working on these meetings and struggling to get them done for work. I did check emails last night and at least one has opened up so I can get that meeting scheduled first thing this morning. Still have a couple others that I need to deal with Sure hope I don't get a lot more today to do. We also have our annual trainings we have to complete - I can't remember if there are 22 or 29 of them that we have to complete by June 30th. I'm trying to do at least one a day, and I'm close - I've done two (the one I did yesterday took about an hour!!) and this is day 10, I think. It's mandatory trainings so everyone has to do them - compliance, medicare, health plan stuff - all of that and none of it really applies to me, which makes it all the more frustrating. Plus the fact that I have always stressed over tests - and at the end of the majority of these is a 5-10 question quiz over what you read. Needless to say, I copy and paste in to Word as I go along so that I can refer back to what I read when I get to the end of the training and have to take the quiz. My mind goes totally blank when it comes to tests about things I don't work with and really has nothing to do with my job. But - like I said, it's mandatory so have to do it.
Matthew 5:44 (NKJV): But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you......
Romans 12:20 (NKJV): Therefore "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing so you will heap coals of fire on his head."
Yeah, I'm in the 'heap coals of fire' mode still. Sorry about that. See, you are not alone when you get upset with situations or with people. As much as I try to live a Christ-centered life, the devil will do all he can, especially using others, to create chaos and destroy those who love Jesus. I am still in a state of shock I guess, that this person would do this. Lord, help! I am so done. I can pray for them, and God says I have to love them, but I don't have to be friends with them.
Sometimes you have to separate yourself from those who intentionally wound others. They have shown themselves to be a fool. They get their way in this, but they have lost a lot more. Financially, and other ways as well.
Ok - this isn't going anywhere good today. And I can apologize to you, and I know it is just my protection coming out for other people. I'm done standing up for this person; I'm done helping support the family in little ways that I can. I'm just done.
And with that - I'm just going to shut up. My heart is grieving over this situation and I can not do anything about it. It doesn't involve me. This is strike three. Out.
Hope your day starts out much better!
Blessings!
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