It actually was fun and relaxing!

 I really did not expect much when I got down to the office.  As I was walking through the cafeteria to the meeting room, I heard a familiar boss, and looked around.  My (male) boss was finishing a phone call about 30 feet from me.  I stopped; he turned and saw me.  We greet each other then the another person I support came out of the meeting room and told me to grab a sandwich as everyone was finishing up eating.  Oh my goodness. It's from a place called 'Baggins' in Tucson and the sandwich was really good - I could only eat half of it.  Not that it was so big, I just couldn't eat any more of it.  Very good, though. (and of course hubby ate the other half when I got home.).  I didn't participate in the cookie exchange, but did grab something to add to the white elephant exchange.  I wonder how that got it's name?  I ended up bringing home a ... can't think what to call it.  It's a Christmasy container that you put wax candles in and it melts them and gives off an aroma.  I don't know how else to describe it.  I have 3-4 of them, I think. And I don't really use them.  I think I'll give it to our pastor's wife.  Yes, I 're-gift sometimes.  And it wasn't really a gift; I 'won' it.

The reason I thought of her is that I held up one of the shirts I had bought the wrong size ... and realized that as it went all the way to my knees, and was about as wide, it would be a nightgown on my son and he would not want it.... and I remembered our pastor is 'big and tall' and pushing 350 anyway.  I'm SHOULD take them back to Penney's and get my money back.  Still thinking about doing that, if I can find the receipt.  If I can't, I may text our pastor's wife and ask if our pastor can wear them.  He's been trying to lose weight and is working out nearly every morning some with a trainer, so he may not.  Maybe I'll just take off work an hour this morning and run over to Penney's early and hopefully beat the 'crowd'.  My little sister said she took some things back to Penney's where she is and stood in line an hour!  Yipes.  Better before Christmas than after, for sure!   Oh I don't know what I'll do with them.... probaby should just take them back to Penney's.  

Went to the grandson's concert last night - disappointed he didn't play more.  They did open the doors at 6:30PM and although it didn't start until 7:00P, they had different groups on the stage playing.  AND, I did get to see him play in at least one group.  I think he only played one time after that and it was at the end.  It was good to hang out with my son and daughter-in-law; even remembered her birthday gift.  Didn't stay around to see the grandson as it was getting late.  It was a good time, though.  Hubby didn't go... still not sure as to why... but I'm thinking it may be he is afraid of walking any distances.... he tends to lose his balance at times.  He has the 'recliner' look and just doesn't stand up straight any more.  I am sure it frustrates him, his lack of control, but I've told him for years (I TOLD HIM SO!!) that if he didn't stay active he would lose all he had worked for by working out with weights all those years.  And I am, unfortunately, right.  He's lost his strength.  He can't walk for long distances (he blames it on the surgery), he thinks he can't fly and sit for long times.... and yet he can spend all afternoon siting in his recliner.  He brings it on himself.  There is no reason why even now he can't become more active, but he has to want it bad enough.  And he doesn't.  And yes, I'm speaking to the choir here.  I don't work out either.  

But something happened yesterday that I have decided I need to do something.  I know I'm 'chunky'.  I'm 'soft and fluffy'.  Ok, I'm fat. I've worn a size large for years.  Goal is a medium.  But to do that is to quit sneaking the ice cream under my sweatshirt to bring to this back room to eat it, to quit sneaking cookies under my t-shirt, to quit eating all the french fries that I can get my hands on.  And don't get me started on the danish pastry I have in my refrigerator that is quickly shrinking in size.    Ok - I'm off subject. Sorta.  What happened yesterday?   I had sent my little sister a package for Christmas and it arrived yesterday to her.  She called me as she opened it, so I could hear her reaction.  She opens a t-shirt first.... it's an x-large.  She tells me it will be too big; she wears a medium.  (HUH?)  I also gave her a sweatshirt - also x-large.  And she tells me it will be baggy.  I'm dumbfounded.  I asked her how could that be that she wears a medium and I wear a large?  Her boobs alone would throw her out of the medium range! (she always says she got the boobs in the family and I got the butt).  That has bewildered and puzzled me... and kind of knocked the air out of me.  As long as she was bigger, I wasn't so big, right?  But now....  

Maybe she wears a Women's medium.  I wear a Petite Large or a regular large (cause I have no shoulders and am short - although since she shrunk, I'm equal to her).  It anything can motivate me to lose weight is to think I am larger than my little sister.  We've always fought about weight - and my one 'claim to fame' in our weight struggle is I beat her one time - I came in at 113 and she came in at 115.  Both of us were much, much younger and active.  Since then, we both remarried and in our various states of life, continued to indulge way too much in the things we shouldn't, and the weight just began to pile on.  I'll never forget the first time hubby said something to me about my weight.  We had barely been married a year and was sitting at a mall that has since been torn down.  I went to the restroom and when I came back his comment was.... are you ready for this? ... "your hips are as wide as your shoulders."   Trust me, they are much wider than my shoulders now!  And it's my fault.  I sit all day - especially the past two years.  I simply must get my butt (literally!) moving and get walking in.  I must; even 20 minutes a day.  And I need to do it for ME.  I need to set a schedule and stick to it.  And I need to quit eating all this junk food - no matter how good it is!  Can I just finish that danish in the refrigerator before I stop eating it?

I Corinthians 13:4 (NKJV):  "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up."

As I was thinking about what verse to put on here today, the word envy came to mind and I looked it up for what I wanted.   Do you think I am envious of my little sister who says she is smaller than me?  (Yes, I did quickly email my daughter who saw her when I did last June and asked - am I fat?  Rightly so, she responded, "What?  NO!!")   But now I pause.  AM I Jealous of my little sister if she is smaller than me?  Yes, she weighs less.... but only by about 5 pounds or so.  I'm still stuck on how can I wear a large and she wear a medium?  My daughter in law is smaller than me and I buy her a large.... I'm so confused!  Maybe my daughter -in-law wears a small... and in her kindness, don't tell me.  Wow.  guess I need to ask before I buy any more t-shirts for her!

I stopped to look for definitions of envy and jealous.  They are actually two different words with close to the same meaning.  Envy is more of an awareness ... Jealousy is more covetness.   They both could cause problems in life.  IF my sister is smaller than me, I am envious of that... but it's up to me to do something about it, if that is true.  Jealousy though, naw, I'm not jealous of her IF she is smaller than me... I'm happy for her.  It doesn't create anger within me with jealousy.... I'm really happy for her; sad for me.  Does any of that make sense?  NO?  Well, her being smaller than me doesn't make sense to me either, and if I have a problem with it, I need to look at myself and do something about it - myself. Right?

It's kind of like our choices in life.  We have what we have, we do what we do - all because of choices we make.  Or choices we made.  Some are good, some are not so good.  I've made a lot of wrong choices; some because of being naive (deficient in worldly wisdom or informed judgement), some because of just being stupid, some because of wanting more than what I have.  But I have learned many lessons over my 73 years.  Some choices can't be unmade.  But we can learn from them.

So glad it's Friday.  Need to finish up wrapping this weekend and see what I still have left to do.  Want to get my groceries for Christmas weekend so that I don't have it to think about.  Need to get lists made. Need to buy hubby something else... maybe beef jerky - it would be healthier for him than his cashews.  Even though I eat them too.  Hope that you have a good weeked!

Blessings!